t8er Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Hi all, First time poster here. Looks like a great forum! I think most will agree the "dating game' is really tough at times. Would love some input on a recent encounter. I've dealt with mixed signals before but this takes it to another level. Will "try" to keep it short and to the relevant details.... Hanging out at a bar and look up and girl is smiling directly at me. I smile back and curious where the night goes from there. It doesn't take long for her to head over to the jukebox, put some money in and come over to the table where my brother and I are sitting and mention we're free to put in a few songs since she didn't use all her credits. The three of us chat for a bit and part ways. She catches me later sitting alone watching the pool table and approaches me asking if I have a girlfriend and says I must have 10,000 girlfriends..."you're the best looking guy in the bar". Really laying it on. I say nah I'm single at the moment what about you. She hesitates just a bit and says no so I said let's hang out sometime. I didn't have my phone so put my number in her phone. She accidentally dials me that night so I text her the next night saying great to meet you, etc. She responds two days later and I ask if I can call sometime. She mentions the best time is during her hour long commute to or from work. A couple days later she say's "i'm driving home! Took that as a hint she wants me to call now and did. Great hour long conversation. She texts back a couple hours later saying how great a chat it was and lets definitely make plans this weekend. The next morning I say absolutely what about saturday? Whole weekend passes and nothing. I wait until late Sunday morning to just say hey where are you? missed you over the weekend. She responds immediately and apologizes saying she had a bunch of work to do and "maybe coffee?" .. "I'm headed to Starbucks and you're free to join me". My response is "no problem, I understand!".. im headed to the park for a few hours so if today doesn't work out lets make it happen another time. She doesn't really confirm that statement (ie. yes lets make it happen later this week ) and has now avoided my last request to have a phone chat if around this evening. Sooo.. my gut says cut your losses and the other voice says be a bit more persistent one last time and ask for a specific date. I really like this one but just seems something going else going on and not really buying the work thing over the weekend. Ah the highs and lows of being single. .. and no that wasn't exactly to the point. hahaa.. any feedback greatly appreciated.
Author t8er Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 She hesitates just a bit and says no so I said let's hang out sometime. Correction: should say "says yes"
Mjm1014 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Sounds fishy. I'd say she has a boyfriend. Just my personal opinion. 1
TXGuy Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 I think she has been throwing herself at you. You have responded with and indifference and indecisiveness. At any point during this slow motion train wreck, you should have said something along the lines of: "Lets do (activity) this Saturday at 7pm." I think she would have jumped on that. But, your timidness and half measures have been frustrating her. I'm sure her initial enthusiasm has waned. This might or might not be salvageable at this point. If you want to try to save this. . .Ask her out for a specific activity on a specific day at a specific time. 3
itstoni Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Hi all, First time poster here. Looks like a great forum! I think most will agree the "dating game' is really tough at times. Would love some input on a recent encounter. I've dealt with mixed signals before but this takes it to another level. Will "try" to keep it short and to the relevant details.... Hanging out at a bar and look up and girl is smiling directly at me. I smile back and curious where the night goes from there. It doesn't take long for her to head over to the jukebox, put some money in and come over to the table where my brother and I are sitting and mention we're free to put in a few songs since she didn't use all her credits. The three of us chat for a bit and part ways. She catches me later sitting alone watching the pool table and approaches me asking if I have a girlfriend and says I must have 10,000 girlfriends..."you're the best looking guy in the bar". Really laying it on. I say nah I'm single at the moment what about you. She hesitates just a bit and says no so I said let's hang out sometime. I didn't have my phone so put my number in her phone. She accidentally dials me that night so I text her the next night saying great to meet you, etc. She responds two days later and I ask if I can call sometime. She mentions the best time is during her hour long commute to or from work. A couple days later she say's "i'm driving home! Took that as a hint she wants me to call now and did. Great hour long conversation. She texts back a couple hours later saying how great a chat it was and lets definitely make plans this weekend. The next morning I say absolutely what about saturday? Whole weekend passes and nothing. I wait until late Sunday morning to just say hey where are you? missed you over the weekend. She responds immediately and apologizes saying she had a bunch of work to do and "maybe coffee?" .. "I'm headed to Starbucks and you're free to join me". My response is "no problem, I understand!".. im headed to the park for a few hours so if today doesn't work out lets make it happen another time. She doesn't really confirm that statement (ie. yes lets make it happen later this week ) and has now avoided my last request to have a phone chat if around this evening. Sooo.. my gut says cut your losses and the other voice says be a bit more persistent one last time and ask for a specific date. I really like this one but just seems something going else going on and not really buying the work thing over the weekend. Ah the highs and lows of being single. .. and no that wasn't exactly to the point. hahaa.. any feedback greatly appreciated. You did many wrong things since the start. Study your lessons and improve. Learn to lead. If I were you I would stop. She's not interested anymore. But that's no fun. This can be saved still. Ghost for a couple weeks. Hit her up with a date. Be direct, and do NOT ask. 1
Author t8er Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Thanks guys for the candid feedback. Totally agree should have had clear cut date plan and time and set it firm on the call. She did text back and then said lets definitely make plans for the weekend. Instead of then asking if Sat works should have said lets do Sat. It was early before work and just quickly replying. I suppose that's the frustrating part at times.. feeling like walking on eggshells .. say the right thing, do the right thing at the right time all the time. I could have been more to the point quicker, but as first reply said something doesn't smell right either. Great conversation then not even a quick text to say can't hang on the weekend due to work. Completely blowing me off. Oh well. I'll take some lessons away. Not sure a single mother who commutes over 2 hours a day for work would have any time at all for dating anyway.
Handsome Librarian Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 You shouldn't have to walk on egg shells or play games but what do I know. If she was that into you or stable herself or not caught up in a hectic life or who knows what then it would have worked out however you said it. I'd keep some distance don't fall in love but if she wants to hang out and be casual I'd give her s chance before expecting too much commitment. I do hate to be ignored though, for a whole weekend. I wouldn't hold my breath
Versacehottie Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 I didn't have my phone so put my number in her phone. She accidentally dials me that night so I text her the next night saying great to meet you, etc. She responds two days later and I ask if I can call sometime. She mentions the best time is during her hour long commute to or from work. A couple days later she say's "i'm driving home! Took that as a hint she wants me to call now and did. Great hour long conversation. She texts back a couple hours later saying how great a chat it was and lets definitely make plans this weekend. The next morning I say absolutely what about saturday? Whole weekend passes and nothing. I wait until late Sunday morning to just say hey where are you? missed you over the weekend. She responds immediately and apologizes saying she had a bunch of work to do and "maybe coffee?" .. "I'm headed to Starbucks and you're free to join me". My response is "no problem, I understand!".. im headed to the park for a few hours so if today doesn't work out lets make it happen another time. She doesn't really confirm that statement (ie. yes lets make it happen later this week ) and has now avoided my last request to have a phone chat if around this evening. Sooo.. my gut says cut your losses and the other voice says be a bit more persistent one last time and ask for a specific date. I really like this one but just seems something going else going on and not really buying the work thing over the weekend. Ah the highs and lows of being single. .. and no that wasn't exactly to the point. hahaa.. any feedback greatly appreciated. OMG, you sound like someone I've know!! It's so frustrating! You asked her out and then expected her to call you to set the plans on saturday???? That was your mistake. Essentially by you not getting in touch on friday or saturday to say what the plans are, YOU BLEW HER OFF. When you contacted her on Sunday, she was either covering her disappointment/confusion by just moving forward positively and not making a big deal OR was actually not that bothered and moving forward positively. None of this indicates non-interest on her part! Actually what you did was much more indicative of non-interest, ie you threw out the mixed signal. Hers have been clear. Ask her out for specific date/time and follow thru like a gentleman and a grown man. Good luck.
Author t8er Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 agreed HL, shouldn't be this hard to get a first date even with a possible misstep or two on my part .. a simple Sat works great from her would have set everything in motion. My plan, some fun and who knows what next. Definitely not even close to any love .. just wanted to hang the funk out for a bit. I need to get back out and travel again. Far easier meeting and dating women outside the US. An entire subsection of the forum could be dedicated to that topic
Author t8er Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Not at all VersaceHottie! After she texted to say lets definitely make plans I said absolutely would love to see you will saturday work (she's got a child and quite busy). Now while I hadn't spelled out exactly what we'd do at that point (which in hindsight I should have done), I did imply lets do Saturday if that works for her. A simple reply saying yes Sat is good would have done wonders
Versacehottie Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Not at all VersaceHottie! After she texted to say lets definitely make plans I said absolutely would love to see you will saturday work (she's got a child and quite busy). Now while I hadn't spelled out exactly what we'd do at that point (which in hindsight I should have done), I did imply lets do Saturday if that works for her. A simple reply saying yes Sat is good would have done wonders Hmmm, I def misunderstood that part. So basically you are saying she just didn't reply to confirm that saturday would work, right? So you can't really change her end of it--maybe she is interested, maybe not so much. Hard to tell. The rest of what you wrote, sounds like she is very interested. That said, the only part you can really control and don't want to look back and have any regrets is that on your end (as others have said) the invite was too vague, too ambiguous. Also since you essentially "waited" all day saturday or at least that's what your sunday am message would indicate, why not be bold guy and follow up at some point on that same saturday if you hadn't heard from her? Even if just to say that: it looks like saturday may not work now, but what about wednesday night? Or something like that. Recover. Just like she did on Sunday am in response to your text. You are both still mostly strangers to each other. So the priority level is not super high thus more flexible in a lot of ways. Also since you are both strangers essentially, you are learning what each other's schedules are like and communicating styles (and other priorities like a child). I mean, maybe she didn't want to tell you that she had some priority for her kid because she is worried about scaring you off. Not saying it was but there are a lot of possible scenarios when you don't know someone well-enough. Good luck, keep us updated. 1
Author t8er Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Correct Versace... and you're right I was so close to texting Sat to see if we were still on and should have done that. We had such a great phone conversation so wanted to talk last night to clear the air and have another great chat and set a firm plan for a day this week or weekend. Ignored again. I think i'll let it rest for a few days and ask for a specific date that's a simple get to know each other like coffee or walk along the pier. Thanks for your reply. Always good to get a woman's perspective on things! Will update for sure.
Versacehottie Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Correct Versace... and you're right I was so close to texting Sat to see if we were still on and should have done that. We had such a great phone conversation so wanted to talk last night to clear the air and have another great chat and set a firm plan for a day this week or weekend. Ignored again. I think i'll let it rest for a few days and ask for a specific date that's a simple get to know each other like coffee or walk along the pier. Thanks for your reply. Always good to get a woman's perspective on things! Will update for sure. hmmm, so she ignored you? In a text or a phone call? I think if you texted her last night, she may get back to you today--if not, that is not great on her part. I think if you called, she may not have answered due to being in the middle of something else (i do that all the time), but also would expect some contact back from her today, otherwise is is not great on her part. I think the mixed messages on both ends can end up being a power struggle where each tries to prove that they are not needy or "that into you" so that it doesn't scare the other away. And communication really breaks down. I've been there and Good luck
Author t8er Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 It was a text yesterday afternoon after I got back from my hike (which is why I didn't join her for coffee). I texted her a pic of the beautiful surroundings and said lets plan something another time since didn't look like i'd be back in time Honestly hate texting because it's tough to convey emotion which can lead to all this.. as you say "a breakdown" That's why I asked if she was around last night for a call. To clear the air and talk like real human beings. So yeah if nothing again for a day or two probably best I let this one go and take some lessons away for things on my end for next time around. Interesting site here .. like a virtual zoo for the delicate social dance of dating!
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