Author marycc Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 My problem now is that I don't want him to stop doing the things he wants to do. I don't want to be the controlling girlfriend, I don't want him to feel suffocated with me or like he's always walking on eggshells. So, if we kept together, I think our relationship wouldn't be that good, he would feel bad. Apparently, there are a lot of people that don't have any problems with this, maybe he can be in a relationship with someone who's not like me. Maybe we are not "compatible" and I have to let him go. This really sucks.. wow
Jabron1 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 He doesn't like her pictures, but yeah, he searches her account "from time to time". That's what he told me. I asked what's the frequency and he says he doesn't know, that sometimes he goes a long time without looking at her profile, but he doesn't know how long... Well, at least he's not interacting. Looking up her account 'from time to time' doesn't sound so bad. Still a bit weird though to be acting this way whilst in a relationship IMO. If you said he was watching porn, I'd tell you to get over it . But to keep checking up on some girls Instagram just doesn't sit well with me. I think you're within your rights to tell him to cut it out.
katiegrl Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) JMO but I don't think *asking* or *telling* him to stop will do any good. He will only try harder to hide it from you, and probably resent you, and yeah accuse you being controlling. He has to want to stop on his own. HIS decision, all by himself. That is why I recommended you talk to him and tell him how all this makes you feel. NOT the looking and liking, you have no problem with that, but his going back and visiting different accounts .... for months. As I said, maybe it is nothing and he will reassure you. Or maybe he *is* a bit obsessed, realize that and choose to stop on his own. Because it is hurting you, the woman he loves. It has to be HIS decision though, otherwise you will most likely still feel insecure about it, and he will think you are a bit controlling. Communicate. Edited April 25, 2016 by katiegrl 2
Larryville Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 If it was a celebrity, I wouldn't mind, I feel so bad, honestly. OP or anyone else in a situation where your partner intentionally OR unintentionally hurts you, check out the following article: 8 Things You Have the Right to Expect From Your Partner https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/constructive-wallowing/201602/8-things-you-have-the-right-expect-your-partner The flip side of this issue is Instagram is now nothing more than a soft porn site. I started an Instagram account to highlight the place where I work more than a year ago, but now I get follows and likes from dozens of porn chicks all the damn time, so anyone who give me that crap about Instagram being “harmless” is full of it. Also take into consideration the subjects on Instagram, full of women in desperate need of attention "living a fake life" promoting the old message that women and girls needed to change their physical appearance to be accepted. Those who post believing that posting pics is necessary to be of value, many obsessing over the comments (from guys maybe like OP’s boyfriend) She did say: I feel so bad, honestly. There you have it, why or how much he is doing it or the reasons don’t matter. OP DON’T compromise your self-respect for any dude. While I agree with KG and yes “communicate” I just personally think that ship has sailed frankly.
Author marycc Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 JMO but I don't think *asking* or *telling* him to stop will do any good. He will only try harder to hide it from you, and probably resent you, and yeah accuse you being controlling. He has to want to stop on his own. HIS decision, all by himself. That is why I recommended you talk to him and tell him how all this makes you feel. NOT the looking and liking, you have no problem with that, but his going back and visiting different accounts .... for months. As I said, maybe it is nothing and he will reassure you. Or maybe he *is* a bit obsessed, realize that and choose to stop on his own. Because it is hurting you, the woman he loves. It has to be HIS decision though, otherwise you will most likely still feel insecure about it, and he will think you are a bit controlling. Communicate. Thank you Katie, seriously. But then how will I know it he really ever stopped? If I ask him, he may not be honest and try to avoid another conflict because of this subject. If I snoop his phone... well, that's just not an option, that's wrong, and even if I had the courage to do it, I could find nothing because he might as well start deleting his history or something like that.
katiegrl Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) Thank you Katie, seriously. But then how will I know it he really ever stopped? If I ask him, he may not be honest and try to avoid another conflict because of this subject. If I snoop his phone... well, that's just not an option, that's wrong, and even if I had the courage to do it, I could find nothing because he might as well start deleting his history or something like that. As I said, don't ask. Just tell him how it makes you feel. No accusations, no asking him to stop, just share your feelings and that it hurts you. Right now he has no idea how hurt you are! Again, not the looking and liking, but the possible obsession he has with visiting the same accounts over and over. If he loves you, trust me he will feel terrible! Especially since you are not demanding he stop, just telling how much it hurts you. My experience ......men in love do not want to hurt their partners!!! That is the last thing they want to do, and once they realize they are, they will make every effort to stop the behavior that is hurting them. Again, my experience. So after you tell him your feelings, hopefully he will tell you how sorry he is, and will stop that behavior. Because he loves you and it hurts you! Realize it has become a bit of an obsession... and that it is unhealthy for the relationship. At that point, it is up to you whether you wish to trust him and believe him. If you cannot, then you move on. hugs Edited April 25, 2016 by katiegrl 1
katiegrl Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 You know in thinking about this further, I am wondering why he felt the need to share SO much info with you. So many details. Especially if it means nothing. It's like when a woman asks her bf do I look fat in this dress? Even if she does he doesn't tell her that for chrissakes. Some things are better left unsaid, especially if innocent and don't mean anything!! He looks and likes, he should have left it at that, since the whole thing is innocent and means nothing. Sharing more info about remembering these girls and visiting their accounts ad nauseum only served to cause you insecurity, and now possibly ending the relationship. Hmmm. This leads me to now conclude perhaps it isn't so innocent, and that he is feeling guilty. About what is anyone's guess at this point.
Author marycc Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 You know in thinking about this further, I am wondering why he felt the need to share SO much info with you. So many details. Especially if it means nothing. It's like when a woman asks her bf do I look fat in this dress? Even if she does he doesn't tell her that for chrissakes. Some things are better left unsaid, especially if innocent and don't mean anything!! He looks and likes, he should have left it at that, since the whole thing is innocent and means nothing. Sharing more info about remembering these girls and visiting their accounts ad nauseum only served to cause you insecurity, and now possibly ending the relationship. Hmmm. This leads me to now conclude perhaps it isn't so innocent, and that he is feeling guilty. About what is anyone's guess at this point. He didn't tell me right away. He said he never done something like that, but I insisted a few times, and he told me about all that. I don't know, maybe he wanted to prove me that he's honest with me... I don't really know
GunslingerRoland Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 The irony of it, is that it sounds like if these were porn star models you'd just chalk it up to being normal perving but because they are regular clothed girls you are more bothered... I don't blame you for being bothered, but I don't think looking at someone's open instagram pictures is in the same ballpark as stalking. If it bothers you, tell him that he bothers you and why. 1
katiegrl Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 He didn't tell me right away. He said he never done something like that, but I insisted a few times, and he told me about all that. I don't know, maybe he wanted to prove me that he's honest with me... I don't really know He may have thought you already knew anyway. So he had no choice but to come totally clean. That is why he prefaced it by saying "Not sure if you noticed or not, but the other day, I *accidentally* liked some girl's pic in Instagram" How does one *accidentally* like someone's pics? lol Regardless, he could have left it at that I guess, but you pushed and he chose to disclose everything! Whatevs. Given his comment "not sure if you noticed or not" he thinks you checked, and already knew. So he had no choice but to come clean. Talk to him!
katiegrl Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 He didn't tell me right away. He said he never done something like that, but I insisted a few times, and he told me about all that. I don't know, maybe he wanted to prove me that he's honest with me... I don't really know OP wondering why didn't you believe him when he told you he never did it? Why did you keep pushing, insisting? *Did* you already know for sure? *Did* you check? Not accusing you or even faulting you if you did ... but frankly what sounded like something completely innocent at first, now sounds a bit shady... From both you and him. Doesn't sound like there is much trust there, despite your saying he is best guy you have ever been with. Perhaps it is best to simply move on. Sorry.
Author marycc Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) OP wondering why didn't you believe him when he told you he never did it? Why did you keep pushing, insisting? *Did* you already know for sure? *Did* you check? Not accusing you or even faulting you if you did ... but frankly what sounded like something completely innocent at first, now sounds a bit shady... From both you and him. Doesn't sound like there is much trust there, despite your saying he is best guy you have ever been with. Perhaps it is best to simply move on. Sorry. I didn't see that he liked her picture. I kept insisting because he was very hesitant. Edited April 25, 2016 by marycc
DreamBigg Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 Based on how your reacting towards this minor social media issue, and how you're contradicting yourself left and right with what would make you feel better about it.... I don't think you are emotionally mature enough at this point in your life to have any kind of BF/serious relationship. Any couple that wants to last, needs to learn how to let the little things go, and remind yourself why you fee he's the best guy you've ever been with. Just to show the contradictory mindset you're holding about this .... You say you would have 0 problem if he was stalking or following/liking celebrity photos or bikini models because you know deep down that he has no shot of ever getting together with or meeting them. The fact that the random girl here and there who's profile he opened for 10 seconds.... Once every 3-5 weeks, or months... Was a normal girl like you... Makes you think there's a better chance he could end up booking up with them. But wait.... They don't even live in the same country!!! .... And even the 1 girl that does.... Just because she lives in NY and you live in FL... That is the same thing as living in another country. Because it's crazy to think that your BF... Is going to leave you... To go meet some random girl who looks normal and cute. Oh...and you didn't say he ever talked to any of them either. You then somehow say that you don't know how you can forget about this going forward. Meanwhile... You admitted insisting over and over that he tell you about liking a meaningless pic months ago. So on one hand your mad and freaked out because your BF told you the truth after you annoyed him into doing it. At this rate, you might as well ask him or your next BF to tell You about the sexual partners and ex's they've had before you as well. That will go over just as wrll
Author marycc Posted April 26, 2016 Author Posted April 26, 2016 Based on how your reacting towards this minor social media issue, and how you're contradicting yourself left and right with what would make you feel better about it.... I don't think you are emotionally mature enough at this point in your life to have any kind of BF/serious relationship. Any couple that wants to last, needs to learn how to let the little things go, and remind yourself why you fee he's the best guy you've ever been with. Just to show the contradictory mindset you're holding about this .... You say you would have 0 problem if he was stalking or following/liking celebrity photos or bikini models because you know deep down that he has no shot of ever getting together with or meeting them. The fact that the random girl here and there who's profile he opened for 10 seconds.... Once every 3-5 weeks, or months... Was a normal girl like you... Makes you think there's a better chance he could end up booking up with them. But wait.... They don't even live in the same country!!! .... And even the 1 girl that does.... Just because she lives in NY and you live in FL... That is the same thing as living in another country. Because it's crazy to think that your BF... Is going to leave you... To go meet some random girl who looks normal and cute. Oh...and you didn't say he ever talked to any of them either. You then somehow say that you don't know how you can forget about this going forward. Meanwhile... You admitted insisting over and over that he tell you about liking a meaningless pic months ago. So on one hand your mad and freaked out because your BF told you the truth after you annoyed him into doing it. At this rate, you might as well ask him or your next BF to tell You about the sexual partners and ex's they've had before you as well. That will go over just as wrll He didn't open her profile for 10 seconds. He said that the photo he liked (2 or 3 weeks ago) was from December, which means that he went through all the pictures she posted since December. Also, he couldn't find her profile so he went through all of his pictures until he found the one she liked, back in August, so he could see her profile. How would he remember her from such a long time ago? I don't understand.
Author marycc Posted April 26, 2016 Author Posted April 26, 2016 I forgot to mention that when I asked him why she attracted him so much that he still remembers her after so much time, and he said "Oh, I noticed that in her description she was talking about something called "DeRose Method", I never heard about it and I did a research about it..." That's not even an explanation and that is so freaking weird...that he noticed her description and got curious about that name. This is all so awkward
katiegrl Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 Stop torturing yourself, and probably him, and just end this. Don't bother even talking to him like I advised earlier, it's clear you won't believe him anyway. No matter what he says. There is no trust. Good luck moving forward.
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