Juic Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 So there was this guy that I met my freshman year of college. The first time I saw him I thought that there was something special about him and that he was worth getting to know. Fast forward about 3 years later and we started doing our homework together and started talking. Honestly I was so scared and anxious throughout the whole thing. This was my first time seriously talking to someone that I really liked. Anyways, when we first started talking everything was fresh! But it was also weird. We would take turns planning the dates. Which my dates were more fun than his. He was an introvert and I am an extrovert. So I would always start the communication aspect while we were talking. Once the summer came he went on a three week trip to Asia for a class. We tried our best to keep up but it was kinda hard since he was traveling which I completely understand. Once he came back he came to pick up his car and visit me. When he came his car wasn't working and we spent most of the time fixing it and then we went out to eat for like 30 minutes. I was hoping to spend more one on one time with him. But he kept on complaining about how he wasn't going to be able to hangout with his friends if he couldn't fix his car today. So I was kinda turned off about that. I wanted him to be excited that we were spending time together. Eventually, towards the end he finally was getting excited. He stayed for about 5 hours because he was having issues with his flight. The first part of the summer we only texted each other which was kinda weird for me. I wanted to take the lead and make me feel like he wanted me and call me. But that never happened. So I called him and asked if we could talk over the phone he agreed. So we talked almost every night. But, throughout the whole time I was doubtful. It wasn't that I didn't like him but I didn't know how he felt about me. You see he has a hard time expressing his emotions and showing that he cares. So I tried my best to be patient with him and let him express himself when he was ready. Fast forward to the end of the summer. I was wrapping up my classes and he just got done taking the MCAT. Around that time I got bad news about my dad and I was super sad and bummed out so I kinda kept to myself. I didn't know that he was coming into town until I saw a post on Facebook. When he came into town I kinda upset at him because he didn't tell me that he was coming in and he was more worried about partying and drinking. Honestly, I just wanted to go out to lunch with him and enjoy his company for like a hour. The summer was so stressful with classes and work that I wanted to be with someone that made me smile. *Okay this is something important but he has a problem with the herb. This made me very apprehensive because I have a brother he smokes and he is schizophrenic. When he told me he had a problem with it I was extremely scared because I didn't want anything bad to happen to him and I also didn't want him to have an unhealthy attachment for me. Also, I heard that when he stopped smoking that he started to drink a lot.* Any who two nights when he came into town I was still taking classes and waiting for him to make plans to hangout. Eventually, we went out with a couple of friends but during this time he was high like a kite. I was upset because I just wanted to spend some alone time with him. I didn't want to seem "needy". So after we got done going out to eat I took him to the park to talk and we eventually apologized to one another for how we were acting and as the night progressed he started to tell me that he really didn't want a relationship and that he didn't like me enough to give up weed. I never wanted him to give up weed for me because I didn't want him to start to developing an healthy attachment for me. I like really cared about him a lot so I said okay lets call things quits if you want. He hugged each other and walk to the car and while I was driving back to my place I asked him if he was sure and he was like 100% (he was still high). When I arrived to my place he asked if he could stay(he was lowkey homeless). I said yes. He slept in my bed with his friend for that night. I was so crushed for like 6 months. During those six months I felt super guilt that it didn't work out. The thought that ran through my head were:I could have communicated better, it was my fault I should have never said anything about his smoking, and I made a big deal out of nothing. After those 6 months were done I went over to his house to play Catan with his roommates(I didn't know he was home). Long story short we finally talked about that night. A couple weeks later tried things out again. While we started talking again things were different for the better. Our communication was better and he started to put more work in. I know it would take hard work and time to get things back to the way they were before the summer had started I was willing to do the work. A couple weeks had past and he went on a trip to Colorado with his buds which I think was a great time for him to relax. When he came back he started to act cold and distant so I had texted him "Do you want to end things with me?". He had came over and asked why I sent him that text and I said when you act this way you usually end things (We ended things twice up until that point,once I did and the over time he did). He had confessed that he was ready to take things long term until he went on his trip to Colorado. He said his feeling towards me was indifferent, I am a good girl, he doesn't feel right that I am doing all of the work, and that he didn't see anything special about me. I told him that it felt like we had a connection and he told me that it was a friendly connection. .He told me that if he made the wrong decision that he would not tell me because he was too stubborn. It hurt to hear those things but I eventually expected it and we ended up laughing and talking in my room for 3 addition hours about his life he started crying we prayed and read the Bible. We decided that we would decide in a couple days if we could be friends. It was the weirdest break up. I honestly care about him and his well being. A couple day had passed and I felt nothing. In fact I felt happy life was okay. So I talked with him and told him that I didn't feel like I wanted a relationship with him and I am not sad. Little does he and I know that I had a delay reaction time. It took me a while to realize that we were really done. A couple weeks passed and I told him that maybe it wasn't a good idea that we should be friends and he was kinda upset at me (he had every right to because I was being very wishy washy). I started to get really depressed and asked if we could talk about a couple things. We met up and I started to talk about school and etc. I know that this was a mistake but he is really easy to talk with and at that time I didn't want anything from him. While we were talking about our problems he looked up our horoscope compatibility (Women Libra and Male Pisces). We started to laugh about how true some of the things were. When I went back home I started to think to myself why would he look that up. A week later I started to have these thoughts that it was my fault things ended because of this and that. But one thing I had doubts about was if he honestly liked me. So I asked him and he said at one point he did. I asked him when did he stopped liking me and he said during the summer. I thought to myself maybe it was something that I said or did. He also told me that I laughed too much and I wasn't that funny (which I know lol). As we were talking he told me that I gave out a lot of mix signals but yet again so did he. We started talking about how I was doing and I confused that I was depressed because I kinda felt internally lost. I didn't have a since of who I was anymore. He told me that he was kinda depressed too (I think it about family things). He later confessed that he felt that he might have made the wrong decision of ending things because I prayed with him. I told him that I cared about him and he said he cared about me to and we said our goodbyes. As the days pass by I start to notice weird thing about our interaction. I noticed that he acted like a child a lot and I unknowingly would treat like a child. I think he liked the attention and affection. I also so realize that we weren't ready to embark on a relationship because we weren't really ready. I started to notice that I need to take care of myself more and get to know myself better. I noticed that he was extremely selfish and my friends thought he was an *******. Call me a fool but I care about him and saw some of the good. But as time passes I start to see that this break up was a blessing for me in disguise. We later talk to each other and he told me he have gave up weed so he could find a job. He told me that it was easy for him to give it up. It was nice to hear that. Later my roommate told me that he pops pills now and drinks. She told me that he is irritable and that he was lying, it wasn't easy for him. The things that I don't understand is that why does he make himself better than what he is to me? Why can't I stop the contact? I feel like each time I contact him that I start to realize that maybe that we better off as friends. I feel like I am moving on but part of me can't help but think what if we were ready, would that changed anything? If you are meant to be with someone will you be together?
Author Juic Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Also, he said that he felt that he was using me to find happiness or that I made him happy so he was using that....
DevotedBaker54 Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 You definitely have a complicated past! It's hard figuring out if you're dating the right person. I personally think that you should be with someone you KNOW you want to be with and someone who makes you a priority. He keeps telling you that he's not good for you, but you keep wondering if things will work out. I think you're right when you say you need some time to figure out who you are. Spend this time on yourself! Best of luck
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