Is there a connection between the size of a wedding and the success of a marriage?

[cocorico]

A marriage license is simply a way of the state recognizing that a couple has the right to marry and also of recording and recognizing the marriage once a certificate of marriage has been granted by the state.

 

For example, first cousins would not be allowed to marry, and if they applied or a license, they would not be granted one. Neither would someone who is committing bigamy, etc.

 

It also prevent people form engaging in fraud by getting married solely for the purposes of immigration. Mind you, it doesn't always work too well in doing so.

 

OK, so it's not a "competence based" licence, like a driver's licence or a gun licence, more a kind of clearance certificate? Hmm, I can see the point of that - where I've married, that step has been incorporated into the actual marriage process, but it might make sense to streamline it into a separate process.

 

I had no idea this was an odd or humorous thing. They did eliminate the blood testing. They require prooof of any prior divorces, and they're covering some other bases, as another poster pointed out.

 

 

"The Recorder of Deeds Office issues marriage licenses. Both of you must be present to apply for a marriage license. A blood test is not required in Missouri. Both of you must be at least 18 years of age to apply. You must have a driver’s license and a Social Security card. A birth certificate is not required to obtain a marriage license, however, it is required to change your last name.

 

If either of you are divorced, you must have been divorced for more than 30 days. You will need to provide your divorce date. If you plan to change your name, ask for a copy of your license to be mailed to you when you apply.

 

There is no longer a 3 day waiting period. You can take you license the same day you apply or either one of you may pick up your license at any time for up to one year.

 

Once picked up, the license must be used within 30 days and is only valid if the ceremony is performed in the State of Missouri. A Missouri marriage license is valid anywhere in Missouri. Your Officiant will mail your license to the Recorder of Deeds or Vital Records and give your Marriage Certificate to you. Both must be signed by your witnesses. Your witnesses must be at least 18 years of age."

 

So you can't get married if you don't drive? That would prevent about half he population of London from marrying...

 

Sorry for the t/j - i seriously did not know that a marriage licence was a real thing, or what it involved (though I do still think that adding a "competency testing" dimension, to verify that both parties are equipped for marriage, wouldn't be a bad idea!)

[Shining One]

So you can't get married if you don't drive? That would prevent about half he population of London from marrying...

The specific requirement is "valid identification", so a State ID would be acceptable in lieu of a driver's license.

[MidwestUSA]

The specific requirement is "valid identification", so a State ID would be acceptable in lieu of a driver's license.

 

Yes, that ^^^. Thanks SO.

[serial muse]

OK, so it's not a "competence based" licence, like a driver's licence or a gun licence, more a kind of clearance certificate? Hmm, I can see the point of that - where I've married, that step has been incorporated into the actual marriage process, but it might make sense to streamline it into a separate process.

 

 

 

So you can't get married if you don't drive? That would prevent about half he population of London from marrying...

 

Sorry for the t/j - i seriously did not know that a marriage licence was a real thing, or what it involved (though I do still think that adding a "competency testing" dimension, to verify that both parties are equipped for marriage, wouldn't be a bad idea!)

 

Huh, not sure whether you're in the UK, coco, but if so don't you also have to register ahead of time, a month or so prior to the actual ceremony? It's the same exact thing, really, you still need ID and proof that you're not already married to do the registration.

[MidwestUSA]

Huh, not sure whether you're in the UK, coco, but if so don't you also have to register ahead of time, a month or so prior to the actual ceremony? It's the same exact thing, really, you still need ID and proof that you're not already married to do the registration.

 

If my quick browsing of requirements in the UK is correct, it would seem there's simply a misunderstanding of the use of the work 'license' versus 'registry'. 'Registry' here implies toasters and blenders, oh my! New fluffy bath towels! Cuisinart! Kitchen Aide!

 

I don't recall having to list my occupation on our application tho. Or specify a venue.

[Gloria25]

A marriage license is simply a way of the state recognizing that a couple has the right to marry and also of recording and recognizing the marriage once a certificate of marriage has been granted by the state.

 

For example, first cousins would not be allowed to marry, and if they applied or a license, they would not be granted one. Neither would someone who is committing bigamy, etc.

 

It also prevent people form engaging in fraud by getting married solely for the purposes of immigration. Mind you, it doesn't always work too well in doing so.

 

Exactly, it blows my mind where people see a "marriage license" as some form of "government control". Geesh, believe it or not there are rules when it comes to marriage that exists in your country, state, nation. How else is your community supposed to know if people are following those rules? Some of those rules have a religious base (i.e. homosexual marriages were banned for years).

 

There's also some benefits to being able to be forced to get a marriage license, cuz hopefully they're checking to see if your SO is already married (i.e. to prevent bigamy).

 

And yes, while some of those rules are religiously based (even though people claim there's a separation of church and state in the United States), again, as a person who believes in God, I believe some of those rules have benefit for us. For example, cousins marrying each other might have you birthing kids that have birth defects...I've seen it happen with inbreds.

[Gloria25]

The dowry from the bride's parents should be enough to cover all of this.

 

And that's sorta the "gift" that is given to the young couple to celebrate their union....it's not an "entitlement" where if they wanna have some all decked out lavish wedding it's to be granted. Now yes, people with more money and/or stupidity to put themselves in debt are gonna throw a flashier and/or more expensive party is still gonna take place - but, some families will only give dowry as they can afford.

 

In the Western world I believe we have similar customs. Like the groom's family pays for the ceremony and some stuff and the bride's pays for reception or something.

 

But, we're not talking about engagement rings and/or the groom's responsibility to be "able" to take on a family here....dowries and ceremonies are a different animal.

[Gloria25]

You know, I'm reading the responses since my post last nite and IMO, it is sad that this is what our society has been reduced to.

 

Women talk about all this independence and "partnership" and stuff and all they're being made out to be is fools. There was a time where a man could not marry - much less ask a woman out on a date if he didn't have the capacity to care for a woman and a child. Now, women are "prepared" to go to work and dump off their kids in daycare, nannies, relatives - because the allege they "need" the money and/or their job is so important.

 

Iman said it clearly the other day - you can't "have it all". If you wanna be a worker bee, then go do that. If you wanna be a wife and mother, then do that. Can't call yourself a "wife" and "mother" if you're not around and/or too tired to handle it all.

 

That's why I cannot marry - especially now a days. If some guy told me I had to pay half of my ring and/or for our ceremony I'd tell him to get lost. If he told me I better go and put OUR child in daycare (to some minimum wage person with ten other screaming babies - who would neglect our child) cuz he needs my money, I'd slap him in the face and tell him to get lost.

 

IMO, that's why so many marriages are failing now a days - not cuz the size of the ceremony, because people wanna do what they want - like it's Burger King. They don't realize that "traditions" were in place for a reason.

 

You can't have a wedding and say "vows" when you don't believe in God. That is just stupid. Then who are you making the "vows" to? Then go do a civil ceremony in front a justice of the peace.

 

You can't have kids and then say - well, "I" brought you into this world, so "I" get to decide what's best for "me", and what's best for "me" and my career is dumping you off in daycare.

 

No...marriage and kids is you having to sacrifice "yourself" - not the other way around. You are supposed to sacrifice for your SO and your kids. But no, everyone wants to reinvent "marriage" and "raising a family" to suit their own selfish and self-centered whims. Good luck with that...

 

That's why our children now a days are so depressed, have anxiety, etc. But hey, just medicate them cuz parents don't wanna be bothered.

 

Look at LS, we have so many threads on infidelity. Ummm....maybe it's cuz you have people marrying who don't have time for God, tradition, etc? Well, maybe if you took marriage a bit more seriously than something you "wanna" do, then your marriage might be stronger and/or last a little longer.

[RecentChange]

I do not think there is any correlation.

 

My brother and his wife have a wonderful marriage - it will be 20 years soon here. They had a HUGE wedding, beautiful location, tons of guests, the big gown, the whole deal.....

 

My sister and her husband also have a wonderful marriage - 16 years now for them. The two of them ran off to Vegas - Elvis married them, and a hula dancer was the witness.

[Got it]

You know, I'm reading the responses since my post last nite and IMO, it is sad that this is what our society has been reduced to.

 

Women talk about all this independence and "partnership" and stuff and all they're being made out to be is fools. There was a time where a man could not marry - much less ask a woman out on a date if he didn't have the capacity to care for a woman and a child. Now, women are "prepared" to go to work and dump off their kids in daycare, nannies, relatives - because the allege they "need" the money and/or their job is so important.

 

Iman said it clearly the other day - you can't "have it all". If you wanna be a worker bee, then go do that. If you wanna be a wife and mother, then do that. Can't call yourself a "wife" and "mother" if you're not around and/or too tired to handle it all.

 

That's why I cannot marry - especially now a days. If some guy told me I had to pay half of my ring and/or for our ceremony I'd tell him to get lost. If he told me I better go and put OUR child in daycare (to some minimum wage person with ten other screaming babies - who would neglect our child) cuz he needs my money, I'd slap him in the face and tell him to get lost.

 

IMO, that's why so many marriages are failing now a days - not cuz the size of the ceremony, because people wanna do what they want - like it's Burger King. They don't realize that "traditions" were in place for a reason.

 

You can't have a wedding and say "vows" when you don't believe in God. That is just stupid. Then who are you making the "vows" to? Then go do a civil ceremony in front a justice of the peace.

 

You can't have kids and then say - well, "I" brought you into this world, so "I" get to decide what's best for "me", and what's best for "me" and my career is dumping you off in daycare.

 

No...marriage and kids is you having to sacrifice "yourself" - not the other way around. You are supposed to sacrifice for your SO and your kids. But no, everyone wants to reinvent "marriage" and "raising a family" to suit their own selfish and self-centered whims. Good luck with that...

 

That's why our children now a days are so depressed, have anxiety, etc. But hey, just medicate them cuz parents don't wanna be bothered.

 

Look at LS, we have so many threads on infidelity. Ummm....maybe it's cuz you have people marrying who don't have time for God, tradition, etc? Well, maybe if you took marriage a bit more seriously than something you "wanna" do, then your marriage might be stronger and/or last a little longer.

 

Gloria, There are some things that it actually takes doing to be about to espouse to others how it should be "properly" done.

 

And I guess I am going to blow your mind with the fact that we are trying to actually have my husband be a stay at home.

 

Oh the humanity.

 

And for the record, affairs have always happened and were QUITE prominent during more "traditional" times. There is nothing new to wanting a little strange.

[lana-banana]

You know, I'm reading the responses since my post last nite and IMO, it is sad that this is what our society has been reduced to.

 

Women talk about all this independence and "partnership" and stuff and all they're being made out to be is fools. There was a time where a man could not marry - much less ask a woman out on a date if he didn't have the capacity to care for a woman and a child. Now, women are "prepared" to go to work and dump off their kids in daycare, nannies, relatives - because the allege they "need" the money and/or their job is so important.

 

You have a problem with women in the workforce? Take it up with the Nazis. No, really. Women have been a regular part of the workforce since World War II and the mass globalization and economic developments that followed. If you would like to see a relatively modernized society where women are still not going off to work and staying at home with their children, you're welcome to visit Saudi Arabia.

 

Iman said it clearly the other day - you can't "have it all". If you wanna be a worker bee, then go do that. If you wanna be a wife and mother, then do that. Can't call yourself a "wife" and "mother" if you're not around and/or too tired to handle it all.

 

One really awesome thing about modern society is that no one, especially not strangers on the Internet, can tell anyone else what they can and cannot do. It's almost like people are finally being empowered to make their own decisions!

 

That's why I cannot marry - especially now a days. If some guy told me I had to pay half of my ring and/or for our ceremony I'd tell him to get lost. If he told me I better go and put OUR child in daycare (to some minimum wage person with ten other screaming babies - who would neglect our child) cuz he needs my money, I'd slap him in the face and tell him to get lost.

 

Because you're surrounded by men lining up to marry you, right? I have no idea why you think daycare and/or nannies are a modern innovation. The idyllic past you describe (which never existed, by the way) was built upon millions of underpaid or even unpaid laborers. Wet nurses were indispensable as far back as ancient Greece. Even when they weren't working, many (white) women relied on servants or hired help to raise their children up until the industrial revolution.

 

IMO, that's why so many marriages are failing now a days - not cuz the size of the ceremony, because people wanna do what they want - like it's Burger King. They don't realize that "traditions" were in place for a reason.

 

Truly all traditions are in place for a reason, like circumcision and ritual sacrifice. How do you explain the fact that divorces have been steadily down since the early 90s, and they're actually very low among couples with similar backgrounds?

 

You can't have a wedding and say "vows" when you don't believe in God. That is just stupid. Then who are you making the "vows" to? Then go do a civil ceremony in front a justice of the peace.

 

What does this even mean? Marriage is inherently a civil institution with optional religious meaning, not the other way around. It's just one of the many, many social ceremonies that requires making a vow (see also oaths of citizenship, oaths of office, oaths of military service, oaths to tell the truth in front of a judge...).

 

You can't have kids and then say - well, "I" brought you into this world, so "I" get to decide what's best for "me", and what's best for "me" and my career is dumping you off in daycare.

 

I thought this is what men do all the time---and by your own account it's what they're expected to do. Why is it not okay for a woman to be the breadwinner again?

 

No...marriage and kids is you having to sacrifice "yourself" - not the other way around. You are supposed to sacrifice for your SO and your kids. But no, everyone wants to reinvent "marriage" and "raising a family" to suit their own selfish and self-centered whims. Good luck with that...

 

Thanks! Good luck to you too!

 

Look at LS, we have so many threads on infidelity. Ummm....maybe it's cuz you have people marrying who don't have time for God, tradition, etc? Well, maybe if you took marriage a bit more seriously than something you "wanna" do, then your marriage might be stronger and/or last a little longer.

 

I actually agree with this last part. People should take marriage seriously! The good news is that they are increasingly taking it seriously. The average age of first marriage has increased steadily over the past twenty years. In the old days, marriage was something you did right out of high school or military service; now, it's seen as the capstone of achievements---something that comes after you've gotten a degree, paid your debts, and possibly bought a home. People are marrying later and later, but they're also starting families with more money and resources. It's not a bad thing.

 

Cheer up, Gloria. The world's a lovely place, full of happy couples and great fortune. I hope you find yours.

[Got it]

lana-banana - I think I may love you.

 

Brilliant last post and such a wealth of history. It isn't even deep diving the socio-economic impacts over the centuries and how so many of these "modern" complaints were present centuries ago. I agree, Saudia Arabia and is perfect example of traditional values.

 

Ultimately marriage is hard and marriage with kids (especially young kids) is brutal hard. The rewards are amazing but the work is far harder than most can imagine. And one can never know, until they are in the middle of it, if they can stand up to the test. It takes the two, acting as partner, defining what works best for them (and their family). Ultimately if both partners are content and feeling valued as a team then the family thrives.

 

And I am blessed to have a husband that is absolutely amazing with our baby. Since he has raised three other children, from his previous marriage, he is an old hand at this and truly truly a partner. Working as a team, we have hammered out where our strengths lie and how we can compliment each other to the benefit of our daughter. Nothing has tested me, or prepared me, for a baby and it has been an amazingly hard but rewarding adventure. It also allows me to see where my husband success and where I may struggle and vice versa and how I don't have to know how to do it all or question myself if I don't innately have all the answers. There is little that comes with having a vagina that makes me the only expert on our baby.

 

One area we are blessed on, and hasn't been discussed yet here, is the ability to have generational support and assistance that traditional has been in place. It used to truly be a village that helped raise children and support young mothers that we lost in the turn of the last century. Since I have gone back to work, my mom has retired and is now our "nanny". So my daughter gets the wonderful experience of her nana helping care for her. I am so blessed to be able to have this opportunity, able to financially support my mom in her retirement, and to have the freedom to also develop me, it is the best solution outside of daddy staying home.

 

It is a lot of juggling and no one can "have it all" but you can have a lot of a lot of things.

[Woggle]

The success of a marriage depends on the people in it. If you have two people who are serious about commitment and fidelity then you are more likely to have a successful marriage. Most people these days don't the meaning of those words.