I made it a week, now what?

[Bliss09]

Well, long story very short. My girlfriend and I have been together 2 years. I am 24, and she is 22. Recently she has grown distant from me, and I continued to push her to tell me what was going on. She did. She explained to me she feels she doesn't feel the same out me anymore, and she wants to be 22, and not have to answer to anyone. She explaine she still loves me, but feels suffocated by our relationship. I'll admit, we spend a ton of time together, but up until about a month ago, I thought that's what she wanted.

 

After her telling me this last Friday, we tried to make things work. Until a large blow up fight on Monday, where she told me she doesn't want to be in this relationship. (I unintentionally caught her being untruthful about where she was that night, and asked her about it when she came home.)

 

I moved out today. I found a smaller apartment near my work in a town about 25 minutes away from our apartment. We recently did talk, and she told me she does not want to lose me forever, however she wants to experience life without me.

 

I told her I can give her 30 days. But in this 30 days, I do not want to talk, see eachother, anything. She agreed, and stated she feels this is enough time for her to sort out her confusion, and back and fourth feelings about us. We plan to meet up next month, regardless of either one of our decisions at this point, and either work things out, or end them completely.

 

I honestly feel horrible. I miss her deeply, and this break up was not what I wanted. I was always told if you love someone, you work on the relationship. i understand she is going through some stuff right now, which is why I'm giving her a month to herself.

 

Does this sound like the worst idea in the world? I'm just feeling absolutely horrible about the whole situation. And sitting in a new apartment by myself isn't helping the problem much. Does anyone have any thoughts on the situation?

[Miss.A]

I think the 30 days will help. Either in 30 days you realized you dont need her anymore and you can move on, or the 30 days will help you both realize you never wanted to split. But either way, with these 30 days use the time for YOURSELF! Its gonna be really hard, but use the 30 days to improve and do everything you've always wanted to do! Don't just sit around a sulk about her, and definitely don't wait around for her. Hope is both a great thing and a bad, so try not to let your emotions get to you. If you need to block her on social media to help you not think about it, do it.

 

Most people here will tell you to move on completely and cut her out. But every relationship is different. Ultimately no one knows your ex like you do, and ultimately the choice is yours on what you do. You dont here about success stories on here because most people that have been successful in reconciliation dont come online to tell you because they're out there living their life.

 

Best of luck.

[mightycpa]

Well, long story very short. My girlfriend and I have been together 2 years. I am 24, and she is 22. Recently she has grown distant from me, and I continued to push her to tell me what was going on. She did. She explained to me she feels she doesn't feel the same out me anymore, and she wants to be 22, and not have to answer to anyone. She explaine she still loves me, but feels suffocated by our relationship. I'll admit, we spend a ton of time together, but up until about a month ago, I thought that's what she wanted.

 

After her telling me this last Friday, we tried to make things work. Until a large blow up fight on Monday, where she told me she doesn't want to be in this relationship. (I unintentionally caught her being untruthful about where she was that night, and asked her about it when she came home.)

 

I moved out today. I found a smaller apartment near my work in a town about 25 minutes away from our apartment. We recently did talk, and she told me she does not want to lose me forever, however she wants to experience life without me.

 

I told her I can give her 30 days. But in this 30 days, I do not want to talk, see each other, anything. She agreed, and stated she feels this is enough time for her to sort out her confusion, and back and fourth feelings about us. We plan to meet up next month, regardless of either one of our decisions at this point, and either work things out, or end them completely.

 

I honestly feel horrible. I miss her deeply, and this break up was not what I wanted. I was always told if you love someone, you work on the relationship. i understand she is going through some stuff right now, which is why I'm giving her a month to herself.

 

Does this sound like the worst idea in the world? I'm just feeling absolutely horrible about the whole situation. And sitting in a new apartment by myself isn't helping the problem much. Does anyone have any thoughts on the situation?

The thing that seems to loom largest in my mind is that you're going to sit alone in the dark in that apartment and count down the thirty days, as if you really need to in order to get an answer. She's already given you the answer. She's suffocating. She doesn't feel the same about you. She wants to be free. She's lying to you about where she's been. You just don't want to hear it.

 

As a result, she's given you some sugar to help the news go down better, that BS about how she doesn't want to lose you forever. That doesn't mean what you hope it means. What it actually means is that she's used to knowing you, and doesn't hate you enough to wish you were completely out of her life. That's all it means, no more.

 

However, you, you do need her out of your life. Your 30-day plan to wait to hear the awful truth once again is a horrible plan. A much better plan would be to cut off all lines of communication immediately, and skip the 30 day temperature-taking, and get down to the business of looking reality square in the eye right now. Trust me when I say if she realizes she's made this huge mistake, she'll find you - in person. But that is highly doubtful. She might get angry that you don't show, and she might be hurt that you "don't care enough" to revisit things, but that doesn't mean she wants what you want.

 

If you show up at the thirty day mark, you're going to be sorely disappointed. Save yourself from this hurtful indignity.

[Honourably honest]

30 days! If she is perhaps contemplating someone else this is her hall pass. If it's genuine then be strong as I'm sure it will drag.

[Bliss09]

I'll try and sum this up the best I can.

 

I was with a girl for about 2 years. We moved in together after 1, and everything was great. We got along well, or families loved eachother, and we were overall best friends. Flash forward to two weeks ago, and something completely changed with her. She was hanging out with friends, ignoring me, and not coming home. She tells me she needs space right now, and I try to go along with it. Space is hard to come by when sharing a 500 square foot apartment, and I guess my request of letting me know when she was coming home was too much for her.

 

We end up getting into a fight about my not giving her space. I try and convince her that we need to communicate about what is going on with her if we want to work things out. She again does not want to talk, and I push it. She yells at me to move out, and that she just wants to do her own thing, and that the relationship is taking too much effort, and she wants out. I sit crying in our apartment while she leaves for a friends for the night.

 

Flash forward a few days, and we talk..kinda. She tells me she's confused, she loves me, but she can't be with me until she sorts herself out. I am 25 with a full time career and bills. She is 22 finishing school with her parents still paying for everything. She explained she doesn't know what she wants, but doesn't want to lose me.

 

I decide to move out, and try no contact. I cave after 3 days, and invite her over. It was a horrible idea. It was awkward. And it was miserable. I wanted so bad to act normal, and show her love. She resisted, and became annoyed when I tried to talk about us. Bottom line, I ended up sad, upset, and did the dreaded begging. She left me crying now in my new apartment, alone. I texted and apologized for pushing her to talk to me, and explained I know she can't comfort me. She texted back saying she is sorry for hurting me, but she doesn't have any answers.

 

She doesn't want to talk about anything serious, ever. I am a talker. I talk out my problems, and I work on fixing them. She doesn't tell me how she's feeling, and she gets angry when I get upset or cry, and ignores me completely.

 

I love this girl, so much. I genuinely thought we would be together forever. My whole life has changed in the matter of a week, and I'm left with me head spinning.

 

What do I do? Do I reach out again? Do I move on? I'm so lost and confused. One week and I went from sharing an apartment with the love of my life, to being alone in a new apartment, in a new town, with no friends or family in sight.

[LD1990]

She has decided she doesn't want a relationship anymore. Don't believe her when she says she needs to "sort herself out" or that she "doesn't want to lose you." No one sorts themselves out by partying with friends at all hours of the night. If she was so worried about losing you, she'd put effort into keeping you around.

 

Go NC and move on. It's gonna hurt a lot at first, but it's a whole lot better than being the guy crying to her while she looks on with disgust and annoyance. I've been there too, it absolutely sucks and I'm sorry it happened to you, but trust me when I say that the sooner you cut off contact, the better. Don't be that pathetic guy who tries to keep hanging on to the girl that dumped him. She wants space, give her all the space in the world.

[mightycpa]

She's so full of **** that her eyes are brown. She has answers, she just doesn't have the courage to tell them to you, unvarnished, to your face.

 

Deep down inside, I'm betting that you don't need to be told, but I understand that you want to be told.

 

It's not good news. So here's what you do:

 

You invite her somewhere, some place neutral and in public. You tell her that you talked to some friends and that you understand. You don't like it, but you understand. Then you tell her that you want her to know that she's never going to lose you, but for right now, this is goodbye. Offer your hand in friendship. Then leave.

 

Don't cry, don't kiss, don't hug, don't give a ****ing speech, don't do any of that **** that your heart wants to do. It won't feel good, and it won't make you feel good. It will not soothe any regrets you may have later. All it will do is make her feel sorry for you. I think that you want her to feel some emotion, but pity is not one of the emotions on that list. So don't do it.

 

Now, it is possible that because of your previous actions, she won't go to the place you invite her. In that case, then text her one word in reply. Goodbye.

 

Either way it goes, mean it. Don't look back if she calls your name. Don't text her back. Don't return her calls. Don't cave. It's the hardest frigging thing you'll ever do in your life, but do it. Cut yourself off from her, and off of everywhere she might contact you. Your phone, your FB, twitter, IG, snapchat, whatever. Everything. Block her, be obvious and bold about it, and then get on with the business of healing. Your goal is not to need her anymore.

 

That's what you do here on Loveshack.

[Marc878]

Crying, begging????? Best way to lose 100% respect that I know of.

 

She's found someone new. You need to do the same. You can never make some one want or love you.

 

Go dark, block everything and hopefully learn a good lesson for the rest of your life.

[Satu]

Begging only ever pushes the other person away.

 

It's ok to be vulnerable, but begging is an absolute no no.

 

Never do that.

Edited April 20, 2016 by Satu

[Bliss09]

Hi guys,

 

I've posted a few times on here over the past two weeks concerning my girlfriend and I's break up. As the dumpee, I have still been struggling to cope. I'm now in a constant battle with my mind. I have had limited contact with her for 2 weeks, and NC for one. I have had a lot of time on my own to evaluate, and look at the relationship for what it was, not what I believed it to be.

 

That aside, the relationship ended in an odd fashion. She explained she needed space, and that it was space she could have with me living there. I moved out last weekend. I have seen her once sense, and it did not go well. Here I am, 7 days no contact and still confused as ever.

 

I wait for my phone to ring, I cling to the hope she may come back. I go back and forth between calling, texting, and then nothing. From my point of view, and how I was raised, when something is broken, and you care for the person, you fix it. I feel like nothing is being accomplished by just sitting here. I have started working out again, focusing on work and friends, but she always come back into my mind at the slightest reminder.

 

I have contemplated calling her and asking her to meet. Asking her to tell me it's completely over so I can move on. Just giving me any way to destroy this false hope as I obviously can't do it on my own. However, I haven't. For fear that she won't talk to me, and fear of being ignored, and losing any progress made over the past week.

 

I guess my question is, has anyone ever been stuck in this same situation?

 

Should I ask her to meet up and talk?

 

Is a month too long to wait for someone, who may never come back?

[William]

Moderation bump since we merged three threads on a similar topic. There may be some duplication of content. Please continue the discussion of this breakup in this thread. Thanks!

[sowhynot]

I made it a week, now what?

 

Repeat as necessary !

 

 

Seriously - you need to accept that it's virtually 100% certain she's moved on for good otherwise SHE would have contacted YOU.

 

It's finished, ended, finito, it is an ex. parrot.

 

There. I'm telling you now.

 

Time to take a deep breath, go hard NC and start the healing.

[Hoosfoos]

A break almost always means breakup.

[LD1990]

I guess my question is, has anyone ever been stuck in this same situation?

 

My ex moved out and gave me false hope until I decided to cowboy up and live my life as if she wasn't coming back.

 

Should I ask her to meet up and talk?

 

No. You already know the truth here. She dumped you. Nothing she tells you now is going to help you heal, it will only make you feel worse or give you false hope again.

 

Is a month too long to wait for someone, who may never come back?

 

A day is too long to wait for someone. Waiting around just shows that you value the person who dumped you more than you value yourself. You're waiting around for someone who definitely isn't waiting for you.

[Simon Phoenix]

Hi guys,

 

I've posted a few times on here over the past two weeks concerning my girlfriend and I's break up. As the dumpee, I have still been struggling to cope. I'm now in a constant battle with my mind. I have had limited contact with her for 2 weeks, and NC for one. I have had a lot of time on my own to evaluate, and look at the relationship for what it was, not what I believed it to be.

 

That aside, the relationship ended in an odd fashion. She explained she needed space, and that it was space she could have with me living there. I moved out last weekend. I have seen her once sense, and it did not go well. Here I am, 7 days no contact and still confused as ever.

 

I wait for my phone to ring, I cling to the hope she may come back. I go back and forth between calling, texting, and then nothing. From my point of view, and how I was raised, when something is broken, and you care for the person, you fix it. I feel like nothing is being accomplished by just sitting here. I have started working out again, focusing on work and friends, but she always come back into my mind at the slightest reminder.

 

I have contemplated calling her and asking her to meet. Asking her to tell me it's completely over so I can move on. Just giving me any way to destroy this false hope as I obviously can't do it on my own. However, I haven't. For fear that she won't talk to me, and fear of being ignored, and losing any progress made over the past week.

 

I guess my question is, has anyone ever been stuck in this same situation?

 

Should I ask her to meet up and talk?

 

Is a month too long to wait for someone, who may never come back?

 

Please don't call her to meet. She doesn't want to meet and talk about your breakup. You might want to, but she doesn't, so stop trying to push it. It takes two for a relationship to work, and she doesn't want it to work, so stop trying to push for it -- or fantasize pushing for it.