Dating as a divorced virgin (yes, you read that right)

[dreamingoftigers]

This sooo much reminds me my earlier self.... With the distinction that I was younger (27), not married but infatuated with another scientist and his research, and my research... However, he got tired of it and got someone pregnant. And I left for my dream university to finish my PhD with a summer-long internship... And then I met an uneducated, street-smart, very intense man... The virginity was soon history.

 

...Just one thing to add... My pure desire for basic research soon went to history as well. I did a postdoc in a great university but I was not motivated anymore, too distracted with the external world, sex, money, power... So I switched careers. I'm going to ask myself for the rest of my life - was it worth it...

 

I was a very focused young person as well. I was actually engaged to someone with Aspberger's and then he practically vanished six weeks before our wedding.

 

After that, and during the shock phase, I started an almost inexplicable relationship with a homeless man.

 

We married a year later, I am still so drawn to him.

 

It's been 11 years together and 10 married as of May 28th. Our second child (a son) is due any day now.

 

Sometimes our choices might not make complete rational sense, but we can sense that they will work for US.

[Country_Girl]

Sorry, didn't read thru the whole thread. Did you both at least have oral sex?

[ezhikvtumane]

Sorry, didn't read thru the whole thread. Did you both at least have oral sex?

 

We did not have oral sex. Most of our sexual contact (pardon the weird imagery) me masturbating after foreplay while laying on top of her--which she seemed to enjoy as much as I did. I don't think I ever helped her achieve orgasm, but she was never interested...

[ezhikvtumane]

 

Are you good at reading social cues despite the Aspberger's?

 

 

I am completely inept at reading social ques. This has given me great anxiety and caused problems in every aspect of my life (including research collaborations, which in my field are nurtured primarily through schmoozing).

Edited April 26, 2016 by ezhikvtumane

[dreamingoftigers]

I am completely inept at reading social ques. This has given me great anxiety and caused problems in every aspect of my life (including research collaborations, which in my field are nurtured primarily through schmoozing).

 

Ouch. I hear you.

 

I do much better through the written word.

 

I think even my husband struggles to understand my perspective. I struggle to understand the more, for lack of a better term, "clotted" emotional arguments. Like the kind of thing where people say "oh I know this is a REALLY REALLY awful thing I am doing to myself and others, but I can't 'help it' because feelings I have right now. I just can't do anything different or show people basic respect. And it's everyone else's fault."

 

Ugh.

[No_Go]

I love it that it worked for you regardless of the unconventionality. A lot of stories for your kids one day. I hope you meet your son very soon, I'm excited for you, I saw your thread.

 

I always thought I will end up with a scientist but... after this first real relationship of mine (the guy was 19 years older, immigrated illegaly... I was attracted to him but social pressure etc said its word), I dated an Asperger's guy (ha!), with a heavy addiction... I still wonder is it just luck, the social anxiety of a late bloomer, or an effect of traumatic childhood, but I think the combination of above tends to draw me / people to unusual types. My current BF btw is also Asperger's - yet almost 'too normal' to my liking.

 

I was a very focused young person as well. I was actually engaged to someone with Aspberger's and then he practically vanished six weeks before our wedding.

 

After that, and during the shock phase, I started an almost inexplicable relationship with a homeless man.

 

We married a year later, I am still so drawn to him.

 

It's been 11 years together and 10 married as of May 28th. Our second child (a son) is due any day now.

 

Sometimes our choices might not make complete rational sense, but we can sense that they will work for US.

[Popsicle]

Well geez, even Stephen Hawking wanted to get busy...

[TaraMaiden2]

I was a very focused young person as well. I was actually engaged to someone with Aspberger's and then he practically vanished six weeks before our wedding.

 

After that, and during the shock phase, I started an almost inexplicable relationship with a homeless man.

 

We married a year later, I am still so drawn to him.

 

It's been 11 years together and 10 married as of May 28th. Our second child (a son) is due any day now.

 

Sometimes our choices might not make complete rational sense, but we can sense that they will work for US.

 

Either that, or we make a pretty good job of convincing ourselves they will...

[LookAtThisPOst]

Well geez, even Stephen Hawking wanted to get busy...

 

yeah, I think there's a movie coming out based on the story about him.

[Popsicle]

yeah, I think there's a movie coming out based on the story about him.

 

There's already a movie!

 

[Miss Peach]

OP - If these are things you are wanting and open to then I think you'll have a lot more chances to find someone compatible than your wife will.

 

The things your brought up I don't think will make a woman who is crazy about you leave. They are things I would disclose by a few months in though. FWIW pretty much everyone who is dating (whether previously or never married) has been involved with a relationship of some sort. As long as you can take away from it the lessons you needed to learn and can communicate what you want going forward than you can find someone. There's a lid for every pot they say.

 

IMO the life you had married will work for only a small subset of women. But if you are open to other things then you will have more choices. IME every relationship is different and they bring out different sides of us. Just because that was your relationship with your wife doesn't mean the next woman will be the same.