knight192 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Hello, Here is my story. I met this girl at work (she was a client's colleague), and when we first talked she seemed really curious about me, asking me personal questions and we had a really good tchat. As I am a bit blind with this things, I did not notice she was interested till my colleague told me but it was too late. So back at the office I asked my client if she could give me her email address, which she did. I then asked her phone number and she gave it to me and dated me (she asked first) the following weekend after few texts. First date, everything went well and we got on really well. When I brought her back she told me that she was really happy that I asked her colleague to get her phone number because she was going to do it as well. So I kissed her and she seemed happy. We texted on our way back and she told me that we will have to meet again. The next week we kept in touch by text, and I started to notice that texting was not her best strength. Sometimes she would not answer for 2 or 3 days! So I asked her when we could meet again and she offered me to meet for a dinner. I was quite happy about it. So we met again, I found her a bit distant at the begining but again it went well and we had a good time and were getting closer sharing food and drinks. On the way back I finally kissed her again and she seemed happy again and she kissed me before she gets in the tram. 10 min later she sent me a text saying she had a really nice evening and hope I am getting back home safe. We kept texting on our way back. I texted her the next day in the morning (which was a friday) and no answer at all. So on the Monday evening I sent her a text to gets some news and to tell her that I started to miss her texts. She answer and spent some time in the evening to text me. Then the next day I asked her if she would be available this week or weekend to meet again. 3 days later still no answers. So I sent a text to say that I appreciate she is busy with work (I know she is working hard) but that I saw a theater play which seems great (she likes theatre) next week and if she would like to see it with me. She answered 3 days later saying that it was a thoughtfull idea but she will not be able to make it. That she feels bad because I am lovely but she just haven't got the time at the moment to spend with me and that she will have to leave it for a couple of months and see where she is in her life. I answered back to say that I had a really good time with her and that I was curious about her and would like to know her more. I said that I understand if she needs time and so to take it and when she I would be more than happy to see her again and spend more time with her. Obviously no answers since one week but I wasn't expecting one. What do you think about it? Do you think she will want to see me again? and why doesn't she want to see me anymore when she seemed to had a good time with me? Do you think there is someone else behind that? like a current boyfriend or an ex or whatever? Or do you think she is honest? I do not understand why she changed her mind this way. I mean why did she send me a text to say she had a nice evening if she did not or if she did not want to see me again? Her birthday is in 1 month, so my plans are to send her a text to get some news and see what she says (if she answers...) Do you think that is a good idea or do you think I am wasting my time?
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 What do you think about it? The phrase 'flogging a dead horse' comes to mind... Do you think she will want to see me again? No. and why doesn't she want to see me anymore when she seemed to had a good time with me? Because she had a good time with you, but she just doesn't want to see you any more. There's no obligation. I guess it just didn't click. Do you think there is someone else behind that? like a current boyfriend or an ex or whatever?No, not necessarily; but she might be multi-dating. Or do you think she is honest?Does it really matter? She's told you 'no'... I do not understand why she changed her mind this way. I mean why did she send me a text to say she had a nice evening if she did not or if she did not want to see me again?Because that's what polite people do! If she had said nothing and just disappeared, you'd still be asking why she flaked and disappeared without so much as a "thanks I had a nice time"...! Her birthday is in 1 month, so my plans are to send her a text to get some news and see what she says (if she answers...)No, don't bother. Waste of breath, time and effort. What part of "just haven't got the time at the moment to spend with me" do you not get? She's trying to let you down gently. What she actually means, in more blunt terms is "I am not into you." Do you think that is a good idea or do you think I am wasting my time?No; yes. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Don't waste your time with her, OP. She's clearly not interested so please don't try to revive it. I think she enjoyed your company but didn't really feel a strong romantic connection. Don't message her on her birthday, there's no point. You gave it a shot. Let this one go. There will be others!
smackie9 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 That was her gentle way of rejecting you. Move on.
Author knight192 Posted April 24, 2016 Author Posted April 24, 2016 No.That's a quite harsh decision, I mean I really enjoy the way we met and the way it happened. I find it a bit expeditious Because she had a good time with you, but she just doesn't want to see you any more. There's no obligation. I guess it just didn't click. She had a good time but she doesn't want to see me anymore? You are right there is no obligation but dating it not for me then. I don't think you can judge or make your mind up about someone in 2 dates. Perhaps people don't mind to get a "no" by a woman but I do. It affects me. That is why I usually let them come to me to pass the exam "do I attract her?", so there is quite less chance that the "no" happens. No, not necessarily; but she might be multi-dating.Well in this case she could be honest and tell me. I wouldn't feel **** about it if I knew she was dating other guys. I would not regret someone who do things this way. Does it really matter? She's told you 'no'...Yes see above, and also I would rather to know what the problem is to know if there is anything I can do about it or not so I can make a fresh start. Because that's what polite people do! If she had said nothing and just disappeared, you'd still be asking why she flaked and disappeared without so much as a "thanks I had a nice time"...!Do you think she kissed me to be polite as well? Always good to feel humiliated. No, don't bother. Waste of breath, time and effort. What part of "just haven't got the time at the moment to spend with me" do you not get? She's trying to let you down gently. What she actually means, in more blunt terms is "I am not into you." I don't know mate I just find it harsh. So basically in a couple of hours she judged me and think she knows me enough to say this guy is just not cut out for me. I don't know much about her, the way she is, the way she thinks, and I am just curious and wanted to know her more to be able to tell that. Then I would be able to tell if I don't want to see her anymore in my life and not even once more. No; yes.What could I lose to send one text? no answers? well it doesn't change anything then.
Zapbasket Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 What part of "just haven't got the time at the moment to spend with me" do you not get? She's trying to let you down gently. What she actually means, in more blunt terms is "I am not into you." Yes and no. I mean, if you are intent on a relationship, then I think you have to take it as her letting you down gently and you should just focus your energies elsewhere. However, I can relate to that feeling of being interested in meeting people and getting to know people, but not feeling ready to get into a steady dating thing. I feel very protective of my time and energies right now as I'm close to making some really key changes in my life, and I feel "my best" at this time is being unattached so that I can focus on growing into this new skin I've constructed for myself. I do feel that I am curious and interested in exploring having a relationship again, but the furthest that can go for me right now is meeting people, enjoying people's company, but being up front at the same time that that's all I can offer at present. For her own reasons that have nothing to do with you, this woman could really mean that she doesn't have time to pursue a relationship right now. She probably finds you very nice and genuinely enjoys your company, but isn't ready or available to take it to the next step, with you or anyone else. True, perhaps if you absolutely blew her mind from the get go she'd override her feeling of not being "ready" (I probably would), but as we know, good relationships don't necessarily have to begin with one or both people having their minds blown by the other. I say that if you are genuinely interested in HER, give her some time, and then reach out to say hi and, if she is receptive to your response, ask her to join in on some easy activity, like a party you're going to, or just going for a walk or such as friends. If she IS interested in you as a person and not just blowing you off, then when the time is right she'll say yes to that. You can then see if there is any chemistry between you, and if so, maybe at that point she might be ready to explore something with you. Sometimes, perhaps, you have to play the long game. After all, if you think a person is really fantastic, isn't she worth not giving up so easily? The trick is to not give up AND respect her wish for space right now.
Author knight192 Posted April 24, 2016 Author Posted April 24, 2016 (edited) Yes and no. I mean, if you are intent on a relationship, then I think you have to take it as her letting you down gently and you should just focus your energies elsewhere. However, I can relate to that feeling of being interested in meeting people and getting to know people, but not feeling ready to get into a steady dating thing. I feel very protective of my time and energies right now as I'm close to making some really key changes in my life, and I feel "my best" at this time is being unattached so that I can focus on growing into this new skin I've constructed for myself. I do feel that I am curious and interested in exploring having a relationship again, but the furthest that can go for me right now is meeting people, enjoying people's company, but being up front at the same time that that's all I can offer at present. For her own reasons that have nothing to do with you, this woman could really mean that she doesn't have time to pursue a relationship right now. She probably finds you very nice and genuinely enjoys your company, but isn't ready or available to take it to the next step, with you or anyone else. True, perhaps if you absolutely blew her mind from the get go she'd override her feeling of not being "ready" (I probably would), but as we know, good relationships don't necessarily have to begin with one or both people having their minds blown by the other. I say that if you are genuinely interested in HER, give her some time, and then reach out to say hi and, if she is receptive to your response, ask her to join in on some easy activity, like a party you're going to, or just going for a walk or such as friends. If she IS interested in you as a person and not just blowing you off, then when the time is right she'll say yes to that. You can then see if there is any chemistry between you, and if so, maybe at that point she might be ready to explore something with you. Sometimes, perhaps, you have to play the long game. After all, if you think a person is really fantastic, isn't she worth not giving up so easily? The trick is to not give up AND respect her wish for space right now. That is exactly why I don't want to give up. I don't know I just found her really nice and she seems to be an honest and a good person. So I just want to believe she says the truth and that she just cannot get more involved with me at the moment. Another thing which makes me think that, is that I know she is a manager and she has got a really time consuming job and she also told me that in a couple of weeks her colleague who has got more responsabilities than her will be off for maternity and she will basically get all her work on top of hers. I know she was really stress about it. Plus she was planing to find a flat so she seemed to be in a busy period. Perhaps I am wrong, but I you said, never give up and I do like and respect her. So maybe it is worth, or maybe not. Will see... Edited April 24, 2016 by knight192
Zapbasket Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 That is exactly why I don't want to give up. I don't know I just find her really nice and she seems to be a honest and good person. So I just want to believe she is saying the truth and it is just cannot get more involved with me at the moment. Another thing which makes me think that is that I know she is a manager and she has got a really time consuming job and she also told me that in a couple of weeks her colleague who has got more responsabilities than her will be off for maternity and she will basically get all her work on top of hers. I know she was really stress about it. Perhaps I am wrong, but I you said, never give up and I do like and respect her. So maybe it is worth, or maybe not. Will see... It's amorphous, and people's desires and impressions change as their awareness grows. It's clear she's not feeling IT with you now, and that may mean that she'll never feel IT with you. If so, she will make that known to you in the future if you play the long game, wait, and try again later. You have to be prepared for that, but if you think there is a chance she's worth it, or you two could have some chemistry, you face possible rejection head-on. Sometimes romantic feelings don't awaken right away. Badgering them by pushing for more than they're willing to give won't awaken those feelings...but a gentle nudge, timed just right, here and there can plant a seed. the problem is, most people don't know how to do a "gentle nudge." That's why I say your best bet is to just lay off for a bit, and then genuinely approach her out of your *genuine* interest in knowing *her,* regardless of outcomes. You can't fake that; anyone will sniff through a case of, "I want what I want when I want it and your feelings don't count as much as mine."
Bluboy Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 It's amorphous, and people's desires and impressions change as their awareness grows. It's clear she's not feeling IT with you now, and that may mean that she'll never feel IT with you. If so, she will make that known to you in the future if you play the long game, wait, and try again later. You have to be prepared for that, but if you think there is a chance she's worth it, or you two could have some chemistry, you face possible rejection head-on. Sometimes romantic feelings don't awaken right away. Badgering them by pushing for more than they're willing to give won't awaken those feelings...but a gentle nudge, timed just right, here and there can plant a seed. the problem is, most people don't know how to do a "gentle nudge." That's why I say your best bet is to just lay off for a bit, and then genuinely approach her out of your *genuine* interest in knowing *her,* regardless of outcomes. You can't fake that; anyone will sniff through a case of, "I want what I want when I want it and your feelings don't count as much as mine." I like the way you think.
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