He broke up with me because I'm not a Christian. But i still have to see him everyday

[TaraMaiden2]

I talked to him today.... I told him "I don't know how to act around you. I don't know if i should keep talking to you like friends or not talking to you at all." And he said "we can still talk like normal, just can't have the intimacy relationship. However much you can handle." Deep down inside me, i was still clinging on to the hope that one day we eould get back together, and his reaction hurts me so much.... He just doesn't seem like he cares at all. And it makes me angry too. I'm over here, broken, sad, grieving and he just doesn't show a tiny bit of emotion. I'm about to unfriend him on Facebook.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a mourning/grieving process.

 

If you read the NC Guide in my signature, there's a paragraph near the bottom, giving support in how to handle things when you have no choice but to be in touch with someone you've broken up with.

Read that, but be sure to read the whole Guide.

 

Keep posting.

 

((hugs))

[KatieNguyen91]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a mourning/grieving process.

 

If you read the NC Guide in my signature, there's a paragraph near the bottom, giving support in how to handle things when you have no choice but to be in touch with someone you've broken up with.

Read that, but be sure to read the whole Guide.

 

Keep posting.

 

((hugs))

 

Hey, i don't se a signature on your post...

Thank you for all the support!

[TaraMaiden2]

Hey, i don't se a signature on your post...

Thank you for all the support!

 

See 1st page, post #6....

 

Keep on keeping on, hun.....

[PogoStick]

You should consider this the end. Final. Never getting back together. That will be best for you.

 

If you work directly together then obviously you have to speak. Keep all conversation 100% business. Don't even ask, "how's your day"? Avoid all talking unless absolutely necessary.

 

Find friends for support.

[BC1980]

I talked to him today.... I told him "I don't know how to act around you. I don't know if i should keep talking to you like friends or not talking to you at all." And he said "we can still talk like normal, just can't have the intimacy relationship. However much you can handle." Deep down inside me, i was still clinging on to the hope that one day we eould get back together, and his reaction hurts me so much.... He just doesn't seem like he cares at all. And it makes me angry too. I'm over here, broken, sad, grieving and he just doesn't show a tiny bit of emotion. I'm about to unfriend him on Facebook.

 

It's difficult when you are the one doing the heavy grieving, and the other person has mostly moved on. I know that feeling well, and, yes, I was angry about that for some time. How often do you see him at work? How often are you forced to interact with him on work related issues? I work at the same hospital as my ex, so I might be able to offer some advice or insight on how to handle your situation.

[bathtub-row]

I guess God told this guy to act like a cold ass, too.

 

Sorry, I know you're still hurting but I really hate people like him. And I rarely use the word "hate". There's no excuse for this kind of behavior. Hiding behind the "God told me" crap just makes me sick. What a total coward!!

[KatieNguyen91]

I guess God told this guy to act like a cold ass, too.

 

Sorry, I know you're still hurting but I really hate people like him. And I rarely use the word "hate". There's no excuse for this kind of behavior. Hiding behind the "God told me" crap just makes me sick. What a total coward!!

 

It's difficult when you are the one doing the heavy grieving, and the other person has mostly moved on. I know that feeling well, and, yes, I was angry about that for some time. How often do you see him at work? How often are you forced to interact with him on work related issues? I work at the same hospital as my ex, so I might be able to offer some advice or insight on how to handle your situation.

 

We're in the same department. Worst yet, he is my partner so i'll have to talk to him pretty much everyday. I've been keeping the conversation to a professional level but it's still hurt seeing him acting so normal everyday. Of course i put on a front face too, talking, laughing to everybody else. But seeing him everyday is like rubbing on the fresh wound, I know it would take me so much longer to get over him.

We've only been in the same department for 3 weeks before he dumped me. When we first got the job, we were both so excited. The first few weeks were awesome, he would knock once on my cubicle everytime he walks by just to let me know that he's thinking about me but couldn't stop to chit chat. And now this happened and I miss all of our little gestures so much

[bathtub-row]

Ugh. That's really horrible. I don't know what to tell you except that I'm just so sorry. I'm pretty sure if I were you, I'd be looking for a new job.

[BC1980]

We're in the same department. Worst yet, he is my partner so i'll have to talk to him pretty much everyday. I've been keeping the conversation to a professional level but it's still hurt seeing him acting so normal everyday. Of course i put on a front face too, talking, laughing to everybody else. But seeing him everyday is like rubbing on the fresh wound, I know it would take me so much longer to get over him.

We've only been in the same department for 3 weeks before he dumped me. When we first got the job, we were both so excited. The first few weeks were awesome, he would knock once on my cubicle everytime he walks by just to let me know that he's thinking about me but couldn't stop to chit chat. And now this happened and I miss all of our little gestures so much

 

Well, that's about as bad as it gets. Time to get a new job. You will never move on if you are working with him daily. I might pass my ex in the hall every few months or so. I've had to talk to him about work related stuff twice in 2 years. So my situation is doable. Your situation is not good. You will never move on if you don't find a new job. Is it possible to start looking now?

[KatieNguyen91]

Well, that's about as bad as it gets. Time to get a new job. You will never move on if you are working with him daily. I might pass my ex in the hall every few months or so. I've had to talk to him about work related stuff twice in 2 years. So my situation is doable. Your situation is not good. You will never move on if you don't find a new job. Is it possible to start looking now?

 

Unfortunately not.. You have to stay in your position for a year before you can transfer. So neither of us can go anywhere for another year. And my company is paying for my school so it's impossible for me to look for another company

[BC1980]

Unfortunately not.. You have to stay in your position for a year before you can transfer. So neither of us can go anywhere for another year. And my company is paying for my school so it's impossible for me to look for another company

 

Oh wow, I'm really sorry about that. I can't even imagine. TaraMaiden mentioned the NC Guide in her link that tells you how to deal with an ex at work. I would read that and apply it immediately.

[KatieNguyen91]

Want to give everyone an update…

So today I went to his house to pick up some stuff and he has his Facebook message open. I know I shouldn’t have snoop on his personal stuff but I did. (I know! I know! I was wrong! I’m horrible) the thing I found in his account hurts me more than anything.

Apparently, he’s been messaging girls all over since the day we broke up. Asking for their numbers , asking them out, asking if they have single friends, calling them sweetheart, and baby and stuff. He started doing that on the day we break up too, no less. And he has done this before. Before we started dating, it was the same pattern, but he stopped when we actually started dating.

It hurts me so much to see those. Beyond anything else. It feels like a betrayal, even though I know he’s entitled. We’re not together anymore so he has the right to do whatever he wants I guess. It just feels like our relationship meant nothing to him.

I’m still trying to make excuse for him though. Maybe that’s how he’s coping with the breakup. Don’t know why I’m still trying to defend him, maybe if I keep telling myself that’s how he’s dealing with it, it would hurt me less.

[bathtub-row]

The sooner you realize what he's made of, the faster you'll get past this. I'm guessing his Facebook account was open on purpose.

[BC1980]

Want to give everyone an update…

So today I went to his house to pick up some stuff and he has his Facebook message open. I know I shouldn’t have snoop on his personal stuff but I did. (I know! I know! I was wrong! I’m horrible) the thing I found in his account hurts me more than anything.

Apparently, he’s been messaging girls all over since the day we broke up. Asking for their numbers , asking them out, asking if they have single friends, calling them sweetheart, and baby and stuff. He started doing that on the day we break up too, no less. And he has done this before. Before we started dating, it was the same pattern, but he stopped when we actually started dating.

It hurts me so much to see those. Beyond anything else. It feels like a betrayal, even though I know he’s entitled. We’re not together anymore so he has the right to do whatever he wants I guess. It just feels like our relationship meant nothing to him.

I’m still trying to make excuse for him though. Maybe that’s how he’s coping with the breakup. Don’t know why I’m still trying to defend him, maybe if I keep telling myself that’s how he’s dealing with it, it would hurt me less.

 

That's tough to see. I remember my ex telling me that I was probably better off with someone else, and that hurt because I knew he meant that he was better off with someone else. He just seemed so unfazed by it, and I was reeling with grief. It's hard to watch your ex become ambivalent about you. It might be his way to cope, but it doesn't really matter as far as you are concerned. I think the fact that he can still talk to you at work is indicative of him being checked out emotionally. Working with you doesn't affect him the way it's affecting you because his feelings have changed. I worry about you at work because you are going to have to relive that truth everyday. I'm so sorry. I feel for you because I've been there.

[lana-banana]

I assume your HR department was OK with your dating, so maybe they would assist you here? Please reach out to see what your options are. There has to be a solution; it's not in anyone's interest for you to struggle at work, and HR will keep it in confidence.

 

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Now you know the religion excuse was a lie, and a cowardly one at that. Don't make excuses for him anymore. In the meantime, try to abstract the way you see him at work. He's not a person, he's just a cipher for work-related tasks and responsibilities. Anything about him that doesn't directly relate to work should be ignored.

[KatieNguyen91]

So I've been doing the NC (or LC) for about a week and a half now. He messaged me a few times. 3 text messages when I was moving my stuff out of his house asking if I had gotten everything (he wasn't home when I did it). And then yesterday, we have a training session for the whole department together. I didn't show up because I have a doctor appointment to go to, he IM'ed me asking "are you coming to the training?" I replied "No". Just a simple question but it stirred up all kind of emotions inside me. I asked myself why did he ask? why did he care? was it just because of work? I don't want to read anything into it, but i couldn't help myself.

I also talked to my therapist yesterday, she advised it's a good idea for me to come say goodbye to his daughter. His daughter is 5 years old and we have a very close bond. I love her as my own and she loves me too. That's why I want to say goodbye instead of just disappear on her. He said I could come over to see her tomorrow. And I'm so nervous. I don't know what to expect, what should I say to her? Any advice? I don't have much experiences with dealing with young kid.

 

Thanks

[Methodical]

Just a suggestion:

 

Tell her that you and her father have different goals that are leading you down different paths but that that in no way means you don't love/care about her. Tell her that she's special and will always have a special place in your heart.

 

Whatever you say though, don't throw off on her father. She doesn't deserve that.

[KatieNguyen91]

I'm not sure if anyone will read this but... I feel like I need to talk to someone...

 

On Wednesday, he wasn't at work, I was, although I didn't log in so my status appeared as "offline" for him. He texted me asking "You ok?" and I didn't reply. Later he texted "are you still coming over today" to which I replied "yes, I will" because I was supposed to come over to say goodbye to his daughter. He confused me with his messages. Why ask if I'm ok? I tried to tell myself not get my hope up, thinking that he cares. I kept telling myself he only ask so he can make other plans with her if I'm not coming. But part of me is still hoping beyond all logical reasons I'm trying to tell myself.

 

I went over to his house, played with her for a while. She's the sweetest girl ever and wants to play with me more than her dad. He took pictures of us while we played. When it's time to leave, I sat her down and had a talk with her. I told her "Daddy and I are not together anymore, so I can't come see you anymore. But I will always love you. You will always have a special place in my heart". She kept asking me why, what did daddy do? I told her "Daddy didn't do anything wrong baby, it just didn't work out" And then there are lots of hugs and kisses and "I love you" between me and her. She was holding onto me and wouldn't let me go. That was the hardest thing ever.

 

I also give him his house key back. It feels like letting go of a part of myself. I've had that key since the day he bought that house. It was home to me.

 

So the past couple of days, I'm back to square one with my heart ache. I kept going over all the memories, what his text means, etc...

[TaraMaiden2]

"What did daddy do?" That's very revealing.

She immediately assumed her father did something, not you.

That's a very telling remark.

 

I feel for both you - and her.

[bathtub-row]

I'm sorry you went through that. I knew it was going to set you back emotionally. Who knows what he means by his stupid texts. I think he does it to toy with you. I admire you for not answering him until he asked a question that deserved a response.

[BC1980]

You need to let him know you will only be talking to him with regards to work when it's absolutely necessary. Otherwise, any contact just breaks your heart and makes you relive the breakup over and over again. I'd also recommend that you don't let him text you with work stuff. Keep it to a land line phone or email.

[KatieNguyen91]

I'm having the urge to contact him, so I figured I would write on here instead. I haven't counted how many days I've been in no contact, but we've been broken up for a month now. Last Wednesday when I went over to his house to say goodbye to his daughter, I didn't even speak a word to him.

However, today, he left with his daughter for a week long family vacation. And my heartache seems a little bit intense today. I was supposed to go with them, I was supposed to be a part of his family. His whole family will be there, and I wonder are they going to ask about me? what's he going to tell them? are they going to tell him that's he an idiot for letting me go.

I wanted to text him "have a safe trip", but I didn't. I'm not sure if that would even mean anything to him anymore. But I so want to...

We had a team building day out today, and I caught him staring at me several times... It's been a month and I still have some hope lingering inside me that we will get back together. I keep thinking maybe this week long vacation will make him miss me more since he wouldn't see me at work. Stupid me!

 

And thanks for anybody who's reading this. I feel guilty keep whining here. I'm sure other people have it worse than me. I just feel like I need to let it out, instead of keeping it bottle up by myself

Edited May 21, 2016 by KatieNguyen91

[Giggles666]

So this guy tells you he is following his God's wishes, then you find out he's talking to other women, and you want him back? It's messed up, isn't it? Not judging you, I had my ex and friend of 15 years lie to me, and then rip me to shreds when I brought it up. It's hard to realize but I think you should, you're better off and maybe you might start thinking you deserve better than a guy who uses his religion as an excuse rather than be honest with you and treat you with respect.

 

Hang in there, your situation sounds tough to move on from, just remember you deserve better.

 

Try and follow the head and not the heart, it's hard but it might make you realize you shouldn't settle for this guy, nor does he deserve you IMO.

[bathtub-row]

I'm really glad you didn't text anything to him. Please don't do things like that. You'll so much regret it. What you're wanting back is the old relationship; the one you thought you had. But don't ever forget that while you thought things were humming along just fine, he was dreaming of being with someone new and devising some BS story about a conversation with God. And you'll never forget the way he has treated you, no matter what, and he has eroded your trust. You don't know that yet but he has.

 

Surely you must know that the cold way he has treated you is not something you'll ever be able to overlook or forget. I know you think you're still crazy about him and that you'd take him back in a heartbeat but, the truth is, you would start to really resent him for what he did and how he did it. You did everything in your power to make things right but he rejected everything you offered. Believe me when I tell you that that is not something easily overlooked.

 

Please, please no matter how much you're hurting, don't give this self-righteous jerk the satisfaction of hearing from you and knowing how much he has hurt you. If you want him to reflect on things, there is nothing like complete and utter silence to do the trick.

[BC1980]

I'm glad you didn't contact him. Nothing good will come of that. I know it's tough thinking of him going on vacation without you. That kind of stuff will be difficult for awhile, but, eventually, it won't be so hurtful because you will start making new memories. How is the work situation going?