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Didn't have the courage

JustSomeGuy001

By JustSomeGuy001
in General Relationship Discussion

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JustSomeGuy001 Member

JustSomeGuy001

Posted
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I always act weird and don't know why..

 

So, I liked this girl and I think she liked me back. There was another guy that was hitting on her and she seemed to enjoy it, but every time he wasn't around anymore she kept telling me she hates him.

I won't go into details about why I think she liked me, but I do. Let's assume it is this way.

 

The problem: I was too afraid to tell her how I feel. I admit I haven't asked many girls out in my life and most of the time I wasn't sure about the answer I'll get. This time I was so sure she'll say yes that it scared me, don't know why...

 

So, day by day she told me less about how she hates that guy and day by day she started ignoring me in favor of the guy she 'hated'. After a month or so she told me he's actually a good guy. Another month and now she's with him.

 

I want to feel mad at her because she ran to that guy instead of waiting a little more because I want to believe I was going to tell her eventually.. but my rational brain tells me that it's normal that she preferred a guy who didn't second guess the way he felt about her. So I feel mad at me and today I feel really depressed.

 

Now I don't even see her very often.. I'm here alone and like a fool I miss the days when I know she liked me more.. I've known her way before he knew her, not that it matters.. Maybe I'm wrong but I do think that she actually never 'hated' him, but she was telling me that because she didn't want me to worry that she prefers him. Or maybe I'm wrong.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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See it as a learning experience and do things differently next time.

 

Fortune favours the bold.

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JustSomeGuy001 Member

JustSomeGuy001

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Thanks for the advice and for your answers.

Fortune favors the bold.

I know you're right. And this guy was way bolder than me. I remember when I first saw them talking, this guy was talking so much and so fast to her that I almost didn't even have a chance to say anything. But then he left and when I was alone with her she told me for the first time that it's so obvious for her that he's hitting on her and she hates him and she'll never ever be with him. I guess he kept trying until he succeeded :)

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
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I think you already know the problem is with your fearfulness. You need to work on yourself or you're going to keep losing interest over and over and over. No woman wants someone that fearful and hesitant.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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She couldn't have made it any easier for you....she was literally serving herself to you on a silver platter. Confidence wins the girl.

 

BTW you don't have to wait and see for sure a girl likes you in order to ask them out. If you like them or just find them attractive you ask them out simple as that. So what if they say no...nobody dies, the sun still comes up, etc. life goes on.

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JustSomeGuy001 Member

JustSomeGuy001

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@preraph

I know my fearfulness was the problem.

To my defense, I want to say it's not something general for me, this fearfulness.

To elaborate a little bit more, I met this girl a little after asking another girl out and being rejected. That girl was very shy actually and I'm not a dating expert, so things got a little awkward back then. Then I met this girl, the one I wrote above, which was so outgoing, open, always said exactly what she felt. It's more like she got to know me than the opposite :) She always made fun of me for every imaginable reason. And so I started playing her game, to say so, and acted a little bit different than my usual way. She even told me once that she thinks I'm good with girls or something like that and another time we were talking about cars and she asked me if I ever horn after girls (which is far from my style). So I always thought she got the wrong impression about me and I think this fearfulness came from me being afraid of disappointing her if I got to be with her.

But I think this is a whole different discussion, if it's normal to act different than your usual when you want to impress someone...

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JustSomeGuy001 Member

JustSomeGuy001

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@smackie9

I know and that hurts a lot. She actually had a boyfriend before and when he dumped her, she told me that out of nowhere, in the middle of an exam (we are masters colleagues). Maybe it's all in my mind, but a clearer sign than that I don't think there could be...

hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

Posted
Posted
@smackie9

I know and that hurts a lot. She actually had a boyfriend before and when he dumped her, she told me that out of nowhere, in the middle of an exam (we are masters colleagues). Maybe it's all in my mind, but a clearer sign than that I don't think there could be...

 

I'd hope you have more reason to think she was interested than that.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted
@smackie9

I know and that hurts a lot. She actually had a boyfriend before and when he dumped her, she told me that out of nowhere, in the middle of an exam (we are masters colleagues). Maybe it's all in my mind, but a clearer sign than that I don't think there could be...

omg so you are saying she has done it more than once....

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JustSomeGuy001 Member

JustSomeGuy001

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I'd hope you have more reason to think she was interested than that.

 

Agree, reading again what I wrote, out of context, means almost nothing.

 

Let me tell you of how I met her - and I think I'm just writing it for the sake of letting it out even if I know I should just write it on a paper and not here.

One of the first days of the masters program I attend and I saw this very beautiful girl. I'm thinking of ways to get to know her (I'm not very good at it and there are about 50 girls in this program). Some days after, I was talking to a guy and someone enters the conversation. Yes, it was the girl I liked. She asked me one thing and then another. The next day I sit next to her in class, start thinking of what to say to her, but she starts talking first and she talks and talks and by the time the teacher comes I know about every exam she's taken in college, every teacher she had etc So I add her on Facebook and the next day she knows everything there is on my Facebook.

Yeah, I know, maybe she was just friendly, that's what I thought, but to this day I'm still one of the very few persons that she actually talks to from the whole 80 or so people attending that masters program. Should I add that she was single by that time and actually one of the few things she told me, laughing, I guess she was joking, is that she's looking for hot guys :)

I'll most probably never again meet someone that I like who actually gets to know me and not the opposite. But I agree we were totally opposite characters, so maybe we were never a very good match anyway.

 

What I think I hate about the whole thing now is that I haven't tried. Maybe she never actually liked me, but like smackie9 said, I totally agree that I shouldn't wait to see for sure if she liked me or not.. I should have said something.

 

I don't want to prolong this discussion too much. Btw, sorry for my English, if there any misspellings or grammar mistakes.. it's not my first language.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Not just you but many of the men on here just need to stop thinking of asking a girl out as if it's a proposal. It's ridiculous to have to wait until you are sure she likes you to ask a girl out. If she is at least willing to have a conversation with you, the way to find out and stop all the angst is to just ask her out. If she says no, who cares. You don't know her anyway. No reason to place value on her. Dating is to get to know someone. You should never go into it already committed and requiring the other person to already be committed. It's just a date! Anyway, just because someone finds you okay looking enough to go on a date with doesn't mean either of you will like the other. Just ask a woman out and then move on if the answer is no. At least you don't waste time that way.

Edited by preraph
TooLegitToQuit Member

TooLegitToQuit

Posted
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You already know how you screwed up OP so no need to belabour the point.

 

I'd talk w her again though, as in now. Go sit next to her in class. A bold move on your part just might win the girl back. I've seen stranger things happen before.

Edited by TooLegitToQuit
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
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you know courage is when you are scared but you act anyway.....next time remember that...and act no matter how scared you are...fortune favors the bold...its so true....what i would like to add...

 

 

is that the most courageous and note worthy men ....are men who act in spite of fear...there are good hearted women who are also courageous in spirit who will recognize that courage you show...and respect you and want to date you...and ultimately...those are the women who will rock your world...who you will love to date..so next time ask.....and i wish you well........deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

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Don't live in the past, holding on to regret. I can't count the amount of times I've screwed up and missed out on something good. Only recently I had a sure thing for a night of messy fun and instead chose the other path for various reasons. How do I deal with that? I just think that although I thought something was there, and although I turned it down, and I now regret it... there's the fact that it wasn't just me involved. There was two people, both capable of making choices. So as much as I missed out, who's the say it was ever going that way in her mind. Plus, it would've been very easy for her to move things forward. So in your situation, as much as you think it was YOU who messed up, what's the say she may have never got with you. She said she hated this other guy yet ends up with him. I'd put money on the fact she may not have hated him at all. With that in mind, there's a chance that even if you had have made a move, she may have turned you down in favour of him. Plus, if she had wanted you, she'd have not let you go and surely not chosen someone she hated. Do you get what I'm saying? Don't beat yourself up thinking that this was all down to you. You can only control your own actions, thoughts and feelings, not those of others. Oh and you will meet someone else who makes you feel this way again...

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GravityMan Established Member

GravityMan

Posted
Posted (edited)

Like others said, fortune favors the bold. One minor cautionary note about "bold" though...don't get the wrong idea about what "bold" means. Some guys overdo it and try to transform into some boastful jerk or some fake-sounding smooth talker or something. It is not necessary to make a big spectacle out of it or misrepresent your genuine self. You can still be yourself and simultaneously be courageous. Just gotta get over your fear enough to have a normal relaxing conversation with a girl and take the initiative in asking her out. Don't put her on a pedestal. Plenty of humble guys, awkward guys, soft-spoken guys, mildly shy guys, etc have mustered up the courage to talk to women and make a move.

 

Also, I agree with smudge21...don't take this so personally OP, and learn not to interpret things so literally. Attraction tends to be based on one's raw feelings, not rationality.

 

Treat this situation as a learning experience...nearly everyone goes through it. You're young, so chances are you'll be fine in the long run.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T
  • Like 6
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted (edited)
Like others said, fortune favors the bold. One minor cautionary note about "bold" though...don't get the wrong idea about what "bold" means. Some guys overdo it and try to transform into some boastful jerk or some fake-sounding smooth talker or something. It is not necessary to make a big spectacle out of it or misrepresent your genuine self. You can still be yourself and simultaneously be courageous. Just gotta get over your fear enough to have a normal relaxing conversation with a girl and take the initiative in asking her out. Don't put her on a pedestal. Plenty of humble guys, awkward guys, soft-spoken guys, mildly shy guys, etc have mustered up the courage to talk to women and make a move.

 

Also, I agree with smudge21...don't take this so personally OP, and learn not to interpret things so literally. Attraction tends to be based on one's raw feelings, not rationality.

 

Treat this situation as a learning experience...nearly everyone goes through it. You're young, so chances are you'll be fine in the long run.

 

excellent post... on repeat for emphasis.....deb

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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