Bandon1111 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Hi there - long time reader, first time poster. Been seeing this girl for a few weeks now, having been on about four dates, mixed in and around a few weeks when she was overseas and interstate with work and holiday. All going well and regular contact, whether via sms or phone calls. And a fair bit of pashing the past few dates, which is great . Had dinner with her mid last week and unfortunately as we were both a bit tired (she noticeably), there were a few moments of awkwardness with the conversation, which hadn't been the issue at all up until then. She sms'd me following day saying she had a great night and was so sorry she was so tired. She was then away over the end of the week and weekend, but since the date, the sms' have slowed up quite a bit (she said she was away from phone all weekend as was with family - but I did see her log onto whatsapp), and today she asked for a rain check on planned date today because she needed some time to herself. I knew this was a possibility as she is going away again tmrw for work for the week and has not stopped, so I previously told her just to see how she is going. She didn't mention about next time to catch up, which normally would be a bad sign, but she has seemed like a mature person thus far. Question is, do you think any of this is early stages of the infamous slow fade? Her sms' continue to be detailed and tell me what she has been up to, and asks how I'm going, and she had previously invited me to an event in a few weeks time (which is obviously good). But she has not been replying as much to my responses with follow up comments, which was not previously the case. But my gut is a bit worried about the date last week and the fact she has previously sms'd me multiple times per day, and particularly when she was at the airport. I've also been the one to pick up the phone so far, but understand sms a bit easier given how hectic she is. I'm going to let her contact me next, and let her suggest the next date, as only fair, but hopefully my gut feel is wrong for once?
Author Bandon1111 Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Just re-read this with a clearer mind. Apologies as it was a complete rambling mess! So no wonder the lack of replies.....
Jejangles Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 It's tough to know, time always tells if it's a slow fade or not! If your last date was lukewarm it is possible she is feeling unsure about her interest and pulling back. If you like this girl, I would say now is not the time to pull back yourself. If she's feeling unsure anyway and you pull back, it definitely will fizzle. Take a chance, try to set up one more date and if she still is lukewarm or delays it, let her go. If you have the date, plan a fun activity or something different from what you have done before so you can see each other in a different light and see how it goes. Sometimes a new venue and experience brings a new perspective. Good luck!
Author Bandon1111 Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Thanks v/much. Good advice. Past few days I've let her be the one to get in touch, and to her credit, she has dropped me a couple of sms', one of which thanked her for postponing the date so she could have a bit of down time to herself after a busy couple of weeks. She's away again this week. Only thing is the lack of a bit of back and forth with each sms has disappeared so it's more a case of 'checking in' at present (ie she sms' and I respond). Previously she was very chatty and cracking jokes etc. She's also not been making reference to any of my news, which is also odd. I've kept my responses upbeat as usual but not over the top. I quietly wonder whether she has been testing me a bit, but I suspect your theory has some merit. Anyway, unlikely I can see her until next Sunday at earliest as she is away until then. In meantime, do you think I should send occasional sms to see how she is going, and maybe throw in a few laughs? Or should I let her get in touch. To be honest, finding this all very frustrating as its been out of left field, but will see how it goes.
Urban_decay Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 I have been out of the dating world for quite a while but as a woman I will give you my take on things. If she is still texting you everyday and communicating with you then no, I don't think she is doing a slow fade. Maybe she really is busy with work and if she is like me she craves alone time especially if she has to leave out of town for work again. If I were going to slow fade a guy, I wouldn't be contacting him first, he would be doing all of the contacting. Ask her out one more time, contact her and tell her that you know she has been busy lately but that you would love to take hers someplace special so that she can relax and enjoy herself. Don't worry too much just yet.
joseb Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Time for you to explore other options I think. That way you are not stressing so much about this one she sounds lukewarm at best. What are you saying in your smses?
Author Bandon1111 Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Thanks to you both for your thoughts. In my sms', I've not been pushing or anything. When she canned the date, I just said to let me know when she's got some time next. Other than that, just been myself really. Not made reference to her taking long to reply or the like, just so it doesn't look like I'm getting worried and am just respecting her space. Hopefully that is coming across in the right way. She knows I'm interested, but as she's slowed down the comms a bit, I've not pushed. I was thinking of calling her over the weekend, as prefer to chat on the phone, but thought it would be better to respect her wish for some peace and quiet. I guess her comment thanking me for doing that means I've done something right! Am heading away on holiday shortly myself for a few weeks anyhow, so that's the other thing which will allow me to gauge her real interest. In meantime, question is, should I wait for her to contact again? Am thinking I'll let her suggest best time to catch up again, which will also tell me what I need to know.
Shanex Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 Let her initiate at this point. She doesn't seem too interested. If she is, she knows how to contact you.
Author Bandon1111 Posted April 26, 2016 Author Posted April 26, 2016 Yes, thank you, that seems like a sensible approach. Guess it's the best way to find out what her true interest is. And also demonstrates me continuing to respect her space and not come across as a desperate fool! After all, she is the one who toned things down. There was an event she previously invited me to, which is mid next week, so will see whether that is the next opportunity for a catch up.
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