AVeryConfusedGuy Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 (edited) I met this girl a couple of weeks back and we've been keeping in contact. We hungout once and the hangout went great, we were laughing and having fun the entire time and really enjoyed each other's company. She even held my hand the entire night. She told me she liked me and felt comfortable with me a few days later, but apparently she got grounded from her parents for a month after an argument with them (she's got very strict step-parents) and all we can do is text for now. The problem I have is that she's absolutely horrible with texting. The thing is she will always reply within literally seconds to only a few minutes to a text, but the problem is that it's ALWAYS short replies or 1 word responses. I thought that that is usually a sign that girls aren't interested, but the weird thing is that she's been mainly the one to text me first asking how my day is or will send me random goodnight or good morning texts. She even sent me a cute pic of her too. It's really annoying trying to keep a conversation going when she just replies with "oh" "lol" "hah" "cool" "yeah" etc, really frustrating. Like I'll ask her questions or make jokes or flirt with her or something, and she'll ask about me or something but it's always a short response. So I've started doing short responses back. How do you deal with that, what does it mean? Edited April 24, 2016 by AVeryConfusedGuy edit
smackie9 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 I have a feeling her parents have restricted her phone use and this has nothing to do with her.
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Some people are just horrible texters. It's really that simple. I mean, in your particular case, she not only responds quickly but initiates! That's already leaps and bounds better than most scenarios. As for trying to carry a convo over text, it can def be challenging with bad texters so just wait until you're face to face. And try to be grateful for what you do have with her rather than look for things to pick on unnecessarily. Good luck. 2
GR4 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 The last girl I was seeing was a horrendous texter. I'd wait days for replies at times or shed forget to reply at all. I was persistent but distant at the same time and it seemed to work. Actions speak louder than words so be blunt, ask her out and cut the chit chat. The phone should be used to organise dates not replace them. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 She's a horrible texter...? THANK GOODNESS!! This means - *gasp!!* you'll actually have to resort to ACTUALLY speaking with her!! I know it's radical, but give it a try....! Maybe there's hope for the evolutionary process of vocal cords yet!! 6
tayriley Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 lol any number of guys i've just met could've written this post about me. i abhor texting and i dont have strict parents to blame it on. i miss the days when a guy would call you and you could talk for hours. just call her to talk and make specific plans with her in texts instead of trying to have a full on conversation. some dating experts even tell couples that live together not to text all day so they have stuff to talk about when they finally see each other at night. i know you dont' live together, but the concept still holds true- you will have much more to talk about if you arent constantly in contact with each other.
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 The problem I have is that she's absolutely horrible with texting. The thing is she will always reply within literally seconds to only a few minutes to a text, but the problem is that it's ALWAYS short replies or 1 word responses. I thought that that is usually a sign that girls aren't interested, It's really annoying trying to keep a conversation going when she just replies with "oh" "lol" "hah" "cool" "yeah" etc, really frustrating. How do you deal with that, what does it mean? It means she is sensible. Texting is NOT FOR HAVING A CONVERSATION!!!! If you want to have a conversation & get to know her pick up the phone & talk to her or make arrangements to see her in person. Texting should be reserved for "please bring home milk" or some other quick interchange that can be completed within 2 back & forths and no more than 2 complete sentences. One from the sender & a yes, no or OK from the recipient. You can not tell ANYTHING about how much a person likes you through texting so stop trying. 3
Arieswoman Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Hey confused guy, I agree with others who say - how about you stop this texting and actually pick up a 'phone? How can you actually get to know someone when the conversation is ; "How r u wot do u think about xyz?" - It's impersonal, it's sterile, it's open to loads of misinterpretations. So start talking, it's what your vocal chords are for !! 2
abby_tx Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 This topic pops up all the time on here. In fact, I made the same thread a couple months ago because I was dating a really boring texter like yours sounds. I'm now dating a guy who's great at texting. Here's what I learned through advice and experience. Texting doesn't matter IF they are good in person. Do they give you what you need in real life? And do you see them enough to not require good communication when you don't? If so, let it go. Some people don't value text. Some people are better verbally.
preraph Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Jeez, what is wrong with you people that think texting is all you do in a relationship? She doesn't like to text. Texting is a hassle and the coldest form of communication there is. If you spend all your time texting, what on earth are you going to have left to talk about when you're face to face. You'll be repeating stuff and the other person will start yawning. Use texting to make plans, see if someone got home okay, but wait until you have something to say and then call or see the person. 2
Author AVeryConfusedGuy Posted April 24, 2016 Author Posted April 24, 2016 Texting is easier because I'm usually busy with either working or running errands and stuff, it's alot easier to have small talk through text and honestly, I feel with texting you can express how you feel and what you think alot easier than saying it. I WANT to talk in person, I hate talking on the phone because I feel like their's alot of awkward silences because you can't physically see the person and how they're reacting to what you're saying. Facial expressions and movements can be a funnier and more entertaining way of conversing with people rather than only voice. I just don't want to be boring over the phone because I don't know what to say, I mean I guess I could offer to talk on the phone, I just don't like it lol.
abby_tx Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Texting is easier because I'm usually busy with either working or running errands and stuff, it's alot easier to have small talk through text and honestly, I feel with texting you can express how you feel and what you think alot easier than saying it. I WANT to talk in person, I hate talking on the phone because I feel like their's alot of awkward silences because you can't physically see the person and how they're reacting to what you're saying. Facial expressions and movements can be a funnier and more entertaining way of conversing with people rather than only voice. I just don't want to be boring over the phone because I don't know what to say, I mean I guess I could offer to talk on the phone, I just don't like it lol. I hate the phone but love the text too. I get this. What I'd suggest if you need stimulating texts is to get this through a friend and leave texting with the girl for plan-making. Exchanging witty/flirty texts with a crush is pretty fun but you can't always have it all.
Author AVeryConfusedGuy Posted April 24, 2016 Author Posted April 24, 2016 lol any number of guys i've just met could've written this post about me. i abhor texting and i dont have strict parents to blame it on. i miss the days when a guy would call you and you could talk for hours. just call her to talk and make specific plans with her in texts instead of trying to have a full on conversation. some dating experts even tell couples that live together not to text all day so they have stuff to talk about when they finally see each other at night. i know you dont' live together, but the concept still holds true- you will have much more to talk about if you arent constantly in contact with each other. I agree with this. I don't want us texting all day but like if I haven't heard from her for like 2 days and I text her/she texts me asking how's it going, and she gives 1 word answers it's annoying lol. I agree with the boring and not knowing what to say part, my ex and I had a problem with that towards the end of our relationship. We talked on the phone daily, and alot of times we never knew what to say. Half of our conversation would just be silence because we were in contact and seeing each other way too much to where we had nothing new to talk about. It's a shame.
Author AVeryConfusedGuy Posted April 24, 2016 Author Posted April 24, 2016 I hate the phone but love the text too. I get this. What I'd suggest if you need stimulating texts is to get this through a friend and leave texting with the girl for plan-making. Exchanging witty/flirty texts with a crush is pretty fun but you can't always have it all. Well she's grounded for about more 20 days, so we don't really have a choice but to resort to texting or other small ways of communication since we can't see each other in person. It's not like I'm hiding behind a phone, I WANT to see her in person but can't at the moment. I'm going to offer to talk on the phone though, because the way these 1 word answers are going we'll get bored pretty quick.
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 I just don't want to be boring over the phone because I don't know what to say, I mean I guess I could offer to talk on the phone, I just don't like it lol. You don't like talking on the phone so you want her to do something she doesn't like -- text. Where is that fair to her? In a relationship there is give & take. As for being busy & squeezing a text in while you are running around, therein lies your problem. Slow down. Take 20 minutes out of your day to focus on her & have a call. Since you are such a big texter addicted to his phone, download a notepad app. Make some notes when you would otherwise write a text. Use those notes to have a conversation.
carhill Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Since she's grounded, if you're interested, keep up your communication as you see fit and accept the results and focus on when you can press flesh again, which is where the meat of dating occurs. Deal with the texting stuff later. Since 'grounding' leads me to believe you're young, I'd also suggest dating other girls. This is normal for both boys and girls. No need to be serious at your age. Dating around is how you find out who and what you like in social partners, texting included.
Blanco Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 I dislike texting in most instances, even though I'm young enough that it's the preferred method of communication among people my age. It's nice to get a text or two throughout the day from your significant other. But I can tell you that I absolutely loved having the occasional unplanned mid-day phone call with my ex. I loved hearing her voice and the nuances that might have been lost in written form. Honestly, I think constant texting is almost an invasion of privacy. It's as though the other person isn't permitted to carry on with their day without regularly "checking in" with their partner because they're being bombarded with texts. 2
Author AVeryConfusedGuy Posted April 24, 2016 Author Posted April 24, 2016 Well I just offered the idea of talking on the phone and she replied with "lol idk not really sure". So that's that, I tried. Yeah she is a little younger than what I've dated before, she's 17 which isn't the worst but I am used to dating someone closer to my age which is 21. 4 years isn't that bad though. I'm not looking for anything too serious anyway, more so interested in where it goes and letting things fall into place if they decide to. Guess I'll have to settle for boring texting and wait and see if 20 days from now she'll be able to hang, smh.
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 4 years isn't that bad when you are at the same life stage. 4 years from 17 to 21 is a problem. You can't exactly attend her high school prom & you certainly can't take her to a bar. She's too young for you right now. 1
Zapbasket Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 She's a horrible texter...? THANK GOODNESS!! This means - *gasp!!* you'll actually have to resort to ACTUALLY speaking with her!! I know it's radical, but give it a try....! Maybe there's hope for the evolutionary process of vocal cords yet!! TaraMaiden2 beat me to the punch! Maybe this is an ASSET that she's a terrible texter. What kind of "conversations" can you actually have via text, anyway? Enjoy this new freedom and get to know her the good old-fashioned way.
preraph Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Texting is easier because I'm usually busy with either working or running errands and stuff, it's alot easier to have small talk through text and honestly, I feel with texting you can express how you feel and what you think alot easier than saying it. I WANT to talk in person, I hate talking on the phone because I feel like their's alot of awkward silences because you can't physically see the person and how they're reacting to what you're saying. Facial expressions and movements can be a funnier and more entertaining way of conversing with people rather than only voice. I just don't want to be boring over the phone because I don't know what to say, I mean I guess I could offer to talk on the phone, I just don't like it lol. So this is actually you who has the restriction, not her? Not everyone wants their day interrupted with small talk through texting. Again, text to make plans and then ask her out and then talk about things in person. It's the ONLY way you will form a relationship, in person. At some point you have to see if you have good communication in person face to face.
Author AVeryConfusedGuy Posted April 24, 2016 Author Posted April 24, 2016 4 years isn't that bad when you are at the same life stage. 4 years from 17 to 21 is a problem. You can't exactly attend her high school prom & you certainly can't take her to a bar. She's too young for you right now. Like I said, I'm not looking for anything too deep or too serious right now. 17 is the absolute limit until I turn 22 just because 17 is the legal age where I'm at, but I mainly just want to have fun and someone to hang around and whatever happens. She'll be 18 in a couple months, which means we can go to clubs and stuff on the weekends. So what she can't go to bars, drink in public or go to a casino; that would be the only difference with being 21 anyway. We can still drink at my house or something if we wanted to. I honestly don't even think this will go anywhere anyway with her being a bad texter, not wanting to talk on the phone and having strict parents that ground her. It was worth a shot though.
Author AVeryConfusedGuy Posted April 24, 2016 Author Posted April 24, 2016 So this is actually you who has the restriction, not her? Not everyone wants their day interrupted with small talk through texting. Again, text to make plans and then ask her out and then talk about things in person. It's the ONLY way you will form a relationship, in person. At some point you have to see if you have good communication in person face to face. No it's not me with the restriction, I already tried offering and she wasn't too interested. And we can't do anything face to face because she's grounded for a month as I said in the original post. We've also already hungout and spoken face to face in which it went very well.
smackie9 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Her parents are strict, she ain't going to any club, or date some 21 year old if she remains living under their roof. Like I said, this is most likely her limited texting because of her parents. She`s too young if she is still under parents thumb. Come on, there has to be other girls you could date isn't there?
Blanco Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 It's been a solid decade since I was your age, but I still vividly recall not understanding even at that age how anyone would date someone still in high school. 17 to 21 isn't like 35 to 39. They're miles apart. There's so much that happens to the average person in the four-year span from 17 to 21. Let go of this one. 1
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