Having Trust Issues -- Where's the line?

April 23, 2016

So, I am still seeing this 27 year old single mother. She is incredibly gorgeous, and I knew going in that there will always be guys surrounding her and wanting her wherever she goes.

We've been on 4 dates in the past 2 1/2 months. Each one of them was amazing, and I could tell her interest is high (may even be higher for me than mine is for her).

This weekend, she's in Pensacola (which many people call Sexsacola). She's partying on a beach with what looks like a bunch of mid-to-older 20 somethings. She went with her friends, mostly girls and a couple of guys, and is renting out a beach house.

I've decided not to message her a whole lot. I want her to have fun. She is Snapchatting quite a bit. I saw her in a bikini, I asked for my own private show, and got it. I told her I wanted to hit up the Grand Canyon in a couple of months and am looking for someone to come with me, she said we'll talk about it when she gets back.

Anyways, today in her Snapchat Story, there is this guy. Looks like a typical white boy (if I were a girl, I know that I, personally, wouldn't be into white men, but I digress), but he is good-looking. Extremely well built, good looking face, I'd guess at least 6'3".

He is ALL OVER HER. In one Snap, he sneaks up to her, gives her a kiss on the cheek, and she giggles.

Now, full disclosure, she and I aren't in an exclusive relationship yet, we haven't had the "exclusive talk," and quite frankly, I had sex with another girl last night. The difference is, I don't leave any fragments or hints about it. To me I see this, and I can't help but feel a LITTLE bit disrespected. I know she, technically, hasn't done anything "wrong," but considering that we are trying to BUILD UP trust, I don't know how she could think sending a Snap of a guy who CLEARLY wants to bone her is helping her cause with me.

As far as she knows, I was home last night.

Thoughts?

April 23, 2016

Being incredibly gorgeous it's no surprise she has always tons of guys around.

Social medias dramas won't help, jealousy and insecurity can drive someone ehh a bit crazy.

It's about exclusivity and trusting each other. Do you have evidence she could cheat on you ? Do you know her dating history. Might be early for so many personal questions though.

Truth be told, it's never easy to keep a relationship with a model. She gets asked out all the time and your odds to stay with her might be slim. I'm not implying she's some libertine.

I've had pretty ladies but never gorgeous really, for that reason, you fall in love and possibly get burned in the end.

April 23, 2016

He probably did bone her. Oh well it doesn't matter....she owes you nothing and you owe her nothing because you are not exclusive so you both can do whatever you want.Carry on.

My thoughts....double standards. You have nothing to complain about.

April 23, 2016

BTW you two are not even dating....you had 4 dates in 2 and a half months?? there is no goal here to "build up trust" or find "exclusivity".

I feel you are quite jealous about all this, so you go out and bang some chick to keep your masculinity/ego in tact.

April 23, 2016

He probably did bone her. Oh well it doesn't matter....she owes you nothing and you owe her nothing because you are not exclusive so you both can do whatever you want.Carry on.

My thoughts....double standards. You have nothing to complain about.

That sucks to hear.

It is a double standard, and I might have even assumed that she was going to have sex this weekend (even though, we've spoken about cheating in general, and she said that when she's with someone they are the only person in the world).

Guys have come up to her while we were on dates and, essentially, tried to hit on her. She's batted them down each time.

If we WERE exclusive, I am almost certain she wouldn't try anything, but on the other hand, posting pics of other guys trying to kiss you isn't exactly helping her on the whole "trust" thing.

With that being said, maybe this is notice for me to say, "hey, she's clearly not the girl for me. She will sleep with other guys. I have no reason to complain because I'm still getting action too."

She is definitely supermodel status. I did sort of tease her though because the beach is so very crowded, and she's the ONLY nonwhite person in sight (she's mixed -- which adds to her attractiveness).

April 23, 2016

BTW you two are not even dating....you had 4 dates in 2 and a half months?? there is no goal here to "build up trust" or find "exclusivity".

I feel you are quite jealous about all this, so you go out and bang some chick to keep your masculinity/ego in tact.

That's not fair. At all.

She's 27 and gorgeous. I think it was fair to assume that she was seeing other guys, and I think it's fair for her to assume the same for me. Oneitis is a disgusting disease.

THAT being said, she has NO idea about the other girls. Out of respect, I wouldn't even give her a HINT that there is another girl. The fact that she's basically ADMITTING to me that there are other guys (and I can even describe them b/c I've seen one of them) is troubling.

It's more disappointment from me than any other emotion -- even jealousy.

Edited April 23, 2016 by lakerman34

April 23, 2016

Sorry but this is a public forum, and you get public perspective. YOU choose to not show you are dating others, she chooses to not hide it. I call it like I see it. IMO she`s the one that is being honest here. I doubt she has any interest in exclusivity....she is choosing to date other guys. I think you are being butt hurt that this is the reality of it.

April 23, 2016

BTW you two are not even dating....you had 4 dates in 2 and a half months?? there is no goal here to "build up trust" or find "exclusivity".

I feel you are quite jealous about all this, so you go out and bang some chick to keep your masculinity/ego in tact.

I was about to comment on this, too.

4 dates in 2.5 months isn't very much. Is there a reason why you see so little of each other? It doesn't sound much like "dating", to be honest.

This could factor in to her flirting with other men. She is either not all that interested in you, or maybe she feels you are not interested in her. Again, if you could clarify why you two haven't spent much time together in nearly 3 months, it might help us understand her mindset.

April 23, 2016

You two are not exclusive.

So who the heck cares if she's having sex all over Pensacola. She is a free woman who is technically single since you two aren't exclusive.

You don't want exclusivity either or else you wouldn't have had sex with someone else.

So either make it official with this girl or stop being so irrationally jealous that she was being flirty with another guy & you saw it on Snapchat.

April 23, 2016

If you want her as your girlfriend and to be exclusive with her, you need to talk to her. You also need to drop other women if you are with her. Why has this remained unsettled? Was it your choice or hers for it to be casual so far? She might be waiting for the exclusive talk, especially if she does have some idea you are seeing other women. Who is going to risk their heart if it seems the other person isn't that committed? I get the impression you would want this to be exclusive but are now fearing that she's not as interested as you. Well, maybe you have to take a risk here and put your cards on the table.

April 23, 2016

Hiding the fact you are sleeping with other women doesn't make you more of a trust worthy person than her.

I find it a bit humorous that you think that it does.

April 23, 2016

Allow me to clarify:

She has half-custody of her 4 yr old daughter. She has her every other week, all week. I, obviously, don't want to infringe on that, so we don't hang out during the week (weekends only).

We see each other so little because she's currently residing in a city 45 minutes away. She tends to stay the night (2 out of 4 times) when she drives to see me. Also, we're both incredibly busy, and some weekends (like this one), she wants to hang out with her friends, and I mine. She's going to be moving much closer in the next couple of months (will only be a 15 minute drive).

I could see her thinking I'm uninterested (a charge I get quite often from girls I'm dating), but not the other way around. She has actually asked me to affirm my interest to her in the past (I think booze may have been involved). Also, she is MUCH more touchy-feely with me than I am her when we are together (but generally, we are constantly laughing having a good time).

I re-watched the Snaps, and I actually think it was a VERY loud scene, and the guy was just whispering something in her ear (not kissing). However, all things being equal, he is oddly prominent in her videos (is always showing up trying to get her attention).

Maybe I shouldn't jump the gun and assume she's doing the dirty with this guy. Maybe at the end of the day, she'll say, "bye, ****boy" and move on.

Edited April 23, 2016 by lakerman34

April 23, 2016

Hiding the fact you are sleeping with other women doesn't make you more of a trust worthy person than her.

I find it a bit humorous that you think that it does.

Do you know how Snapchat works?

If she's publicizing that she's doing something with a guy, it's not "hey, so, just to let you know, full disclosure, I'm keeping my options open." It's more "hey, watch me as I make out with this guy. You can conclude what you need to from this video."

April 23, 2016

Allow me to clarify:

She has half-custody of her 4 yr old daughter. She has her every other week, all week. I, obviously, don't want to infringe on that, so we don't hang out during the week (weekends only).

We see each other so little because she's currently residing in a city 45 minutes away. She tends to stay the night (2 out of 4 times) when she drives to see me. Also, we're both incredibly busy, and some weekends (like this one), she wants to hang out with her friends, and I mine. She's going to be moving much closer in the next couple of months (will only be a 15 minute drive).

I could see her thinking I'm uninterested (a charge I get quite often from girls I'm dating), but not the other way around. She has actually asked me to affirm my interest to her in the past (I think booze may have been involved). Also, she is MUCH more touchy-feely with me than I am her when we are together (but generally, we are constantly laughing having a good time).

I re-watched the Snaps, and I actually think it was a VERY loud scene, and the guy was just whispering something in her ear (not kissing). However, all things being equal, he is oddly prominent in her videos (is always showing up trying to get her attention).

Maybe I shouldn't jump the gun and assume she's doing the dirty with this guy. Maybe at the end of the day, she'll say, "bye, ****boy" and move on.

This could be a big part of the problem. Only 4 dates and she is trying to ascertain whether you're actually interested suggests that she doubts you are. You've said other girls have said the same thing - why? What is it you're doing (or not) that leads them to think this?

Many of us women won't stick around long for a guy who appears lukewarm. If she's questioning whether you're all that into her, she will definitely be keeping her options open. if you are, you need to let her know.

April 23, 2016

This could be a big part of the problem. Only 4 dates and she is trying to ascertain whether you're actually interested suggests that she doubts you are. You've said other girls have said the same thing - why? What is it you're doing (or not) that leads them to think this?

Many of us women won't stick around long for a guy who appears lukewarm. If she's questioning whether you're all that into her, she will definitely be keeping her options open. if you are, you need to let her know.

Because I've been burned one too many times. I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket just to learn that I put it in the wrong basket.

In other words, I need to be more certain that I'm making the right decision and learn more about the basket before I invest and put my eggs in.

April 24, 2016

Because I've been burned one too many times. I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket just to learn that I put it in the wrong basket.

In other words, I need to be more certain that I'm making the right decision and learn more about the basket before I invest and put my eggs in.

It sounds as though you're being too guarded. If she and others have implied that you appear uninterested, you're shooting yourself in the foot. Take time to get to know a woman before investing, but don't hold back too much or you'll just drive them away and make them believe you aren't looking for anything more with them. If that's a risk you're unwilling to take, you can't be too surprised when their attention drifts elsewhere.

2.5 months and so little time spent together isn't enough to build on, really. You're sleeping with others too, so I'm not sure what you're really looking for from this particular woman. You can't exactly be talking about building trust and exclusivity when you're sexually active with another person yourself.

April 24, 2016

typical hypocritical bull****. she doesn't owe you ****. you CHOOSE to keep your other sex partners private. she CHOOSES to be open about it. you aren't exclusive so you have NO cause to complain....and the fact that you just banged someone the night before and STILL feel entitled to feel this way makes you a loser.

you CHOSE this lifestyle of having an open relationship, so you have to live with the consequences of the jealousy that goes along with it. if you can't handle, then find someone to be monogamous with.

April 24, 2016

typical hypocritical bull****. she doesn't owe you ****. you CHOOSE to keep your other sex partners private. she CHOOSES to be open about it. you aren't exclusive so you have NO cause to complain....and the fact that you just banged someone the night before and STILL feel entitled to feel this way makes you a loser.

you CHOSE this lifestyle of having an open relationship, so you have to live with the consequences of the jealousy that goes along with it. if you can't handle, then find someone to be monogamous with.

You must be hard to date. Judgments across the board.

Look, if she sat me down and said explicitly that she was also seeing other people (an assumption that I make when dating), then I understand that kind of openness, and in turn, I'd probably open my book up as well.

But to display who you are, potentially, NAILING on Snapchat? As a man with a newfound sense of self-respect, I don't think that's acceptable. I'm worth more than finding about other sex partners than that way.

NOTE: STILL unsure that she's nailing him. I could draw that conclusion, but she's also a girl that, essentially, flirts with guys and hands out shots for WORK, so for all I know, she's just allowing this guy to stay around her b/c she gets free drinks and maybe food out of it (a phenomenon she and I both talk about, and I explicitly told her that we should BOTH use her abilities to score free drinks from guys who think they have a chance -- I actually got a few shots from guys that bought her shots at a bar haha).

April 24, 2016

It sounds as though you're being too guarded. If she and others have implied that you appear uninterested, you're shooting yourself in the foot. Take time to get to know a woman before investing, but don't hold back too much or you'll just drive them away and make them believe you aren't looking for anything more with them. If that's a risk you're unwilling to take, you can't be too surprised when their attention drifts elsewhere.

2.5 months and so little time spent together isn't enough to build on, really. You're sleeping with others too, so I'm not sure what you're really looking for from this particular woman. You can't exactly be talking about building trust and exclusivity when you're sexually active with another person yourself.

Unlike other posts, this post is COMPLETELY fair.

I usually (and did with her) explain where I'm coming from. When I invest in a girl, I REALLY invest. My life becomes my career, my health, the girl. It used to be MUCH easier for me to open up and give myself to another girl like that, but when I have, I felt betrayal, being used, and in some cases, emotional abuse (girls understanding I've invested and, basically, hold the relationship against me to have their way).

Not saying all girls are like this, but I have to KNOW a girl and understand that she's a decent human being and that there is a lot of compatibility before I take the dive.

I can honestly say, when I'm with this girl, I feel VERY comfortable, as if she's a very good friend, BUT I'm also turned on to how attractive she is. I don't know if that's a good enough mix for a romantic relationship, or if it's just best to remain friends or even just f-buddies.

EVERY date resulted in something physical -- be it something as small as a quick kiss on the lips all the way to sex.

I try not to rush things, I think that's the problem with failed relationships.

April 28, 2016

You must be hard to date. Judgments across the board.

As a man with a newfound sense of self-respect, I don't think that's acceptable. I'm worth more than finding about other sex partners than that way.

No, you aren't. YOU are judging her based on your own ideas of how you'd like to find out about her sex life...but YOU don't get a say because you aren't exclusive. YOU don't get to judge her...it's funny that you think i'm judging you. I dont give a **** about your sex life. Why would I judge you?

The fact that the first thing you out of your mouth is an attack on my character shows all I need to know about yours.

April 28, 2016

So your upset because some guy was hugging her but...you just had sex with another woman the night before???? I think your projecting your insecurites onto her....and they speak volumes.

You also seem very arrogant, claiming all the women youve been with wanted you more than you wanted them. I think you need to work on your confidence which is being masked by your self proclaimed playboy title

Edited April 28, 2016 by Disillusionment373

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