Terrorblade Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Hey everyone! I have been seeing this girl for the past 6 weeks now. We used to work at the same place, where she used to keep looking at me and I used to look back. This back and forth game continued for around 3 months before we finally spoke and went on our first date. (I'm 24, she is 26) The first date is great, and then the second, and then the third and so on. We meet almost every other day - we go out for dinner, movies, plays (the usual). As we speak more, we mutually agree on our similarities - such as same life goals, introvert personality traits and our distaste for money and not to run after it. She confided me in me that she had a distant father when growing up, and that has possibly affected her growth as a person. Most of the times the dates are initiated by her. I am a loving/caring person by default, but that has the potential to be seen as too soon or too eager, so I am almost always careful about my availability. But this one actually tells me she wants to meet me and see me and text me, therefore my reservations about my availability go and I actually start being more and more comfortable around her as time goes by. It's been a while since I dated in earnest - and seeing how kind and affectionate she is towards me I myself start losing some of my inhibitions about intimacy and start opening up more of myself. Our discussion about exclusivity was initiated by her as well. She went on to tell me that she had never connected with another person as she did with me, and that my presence in her life made her happy and she liked how uncomplicated things were between us. Now, throwback to a couple of days back. She was at my home, and was acting a little distant. Upon me asking, she told me that she felt things were moving too fast, and how she thinks we are too different as people. She told me today that because of her relationship with her father, she has always sought out emotionally unavailable men who present more of a challenge. She also told me that no one had treated her as nicely as I had done, and that she did have strong feelings for me. However, she said that she was unsure of what would happen in the future as she is used to seeing one kind of guy. She went on to say that she wanted both love and care, as well as a continuous challenge from a relationship. This puts me in a rather tricky spot - because she is doing a 180 from what I have seen her to be. The very qualities in me that she likes are the ones she feels she will not be able to relate to in the future - my loving and caring nature will be seen as not being a challenge, and my introversion will be seen as a lack of assertiveness. And I am wondering right now if the last one month was a lie that I was living, or if it was just the chase that excited her and not the catch. This really sucks, because only a while back we had spoken about how human connections should be simple and how glad she was that I was not playing mind games with her. Advise, people? Should I work on this one or should I just let her go and minimise my losses? Need help
Rainah Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 It sounds like she has issues getting emotionally attached there for the relationship is going to be a push pull thing thats why she is attracted to emotionally unavailable guys. Sounds a bit like because of her issues with her father which has caused her greif and pain she subconsciously seems to beleive a relationship is supposed to be an emotional roller coaster. I could be wrong though but I think if you continue a relationship with her you better get ready for that roller coaster ride. 1
RedPurpleOrange Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I'm a softy, man. Prepare yourself to get very well-versed in the geography and topography of a whole world of hurt.
truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 She's got daddy issues? Tell her thank you for letting you know and thanks for the three months. See ya! This girl is now showing you the real her. She's got problems and this is her warning you. You had your honeymoon with her and it's all downhill from here on out. I would walk away from this right now. 1
Author Terrorblade Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 It sounds like she has issues getting emotionally attached there for the relationship is going to be a push pull thing thats why she is attracted to emotionally unavailable guys. Sounds a bit like because of her issues with her father which has caused her greif and pain she subconsciously seems to beleive a relationship is supposed to be an emotional roller coaster. I could be wrong though but I think if you continue a relationship with her you better get ready for that roller coaster ride. I think so too, sometimes it seems like she is deliberately sabotaging the relationship so that the emotional attachment is broken off. Sucks because only a week back she was mentioning some of my qualities which she did want in a prospective partner. *Sigh* spending my weekend watching LOTR now 1
Author Terrorblade Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 She's got daddy issues? Tell her thank you for letting you know and thanks for the three months. See ya! This girl is now showing you the real her. She's got problems and this is her warning you. You had your honeymoon with her and it's all downhill from here on out. I would walk away from this right now. I don't think that after all she said I could trust her anyway. Either she completely gamed me, or she doesn't know what she wants herself. Either way to me it does seem like this is going downhill. Sucks because the 6 weeks we spent together have been quite intense and I was actually beginning to open up to her
RedPurpleOrange Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Six weeks is recoverable from. I'd say cut your losses now. Getting hurt sucks man.
truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I don't think that after all she said I could trust her anyway. Either she completely gamed me, or she doesn't know what she wants herself. Either way to me it does seem like this is going downhill. Sucks because the 6 weeks we spent together have been quite intense and I was actually beginning to open up to her When things move fast from the get-go, they usually fade fast. Some people I know talk about "the mystery" of getting to know a person. I think they're crazy. I rather know up front who I'm dealing with... if I know in the very beginning a woman has daddy issues, I'm gone. I don't want to fall for a fake then months later I'm told: "Oh, BTW, I have serious emotional issues and am not sure I can commit to anyone." Chalk this up to a lesson learned. Don't get too lost with the next girl you date. Do some investigating in the beginning. Usually, women with issues, baggage, try to hide it then later on when they're comfortable will reveal these things... if they feel you're on to them early on, they'll vanish. Personally, I do a background check online and go from there.
RedPurpleOrange Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 It's like having a dog that nips a little kid. You know it's gonna nip again, it's gonna bite, there will be blood. I keep making dog comparisons of late. I hope it's not Freudian.
Author Terrorblade Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 When things move fast from the get-go, they usually fade fast. Some people I know talk about "the mystery" of getting to know a person. I think they're crazy. I rather know up front who I'm dealing with... if I know in the very beginning a woman has daddy issues, I'm gone. I don't want to fall for a fake then months later I'm told: "Oh, BTW, I have serious emotional issues and am not sure I can commit to anyone." Chalk this up to a lesson learned. Don't get too lost with the next girl you date. Do some investigating in the beginning. Usually, women with issues, baggage, try to hide it then later on when they're comfortable will reveal these things... if they feel you're on to them early on, they'll vanish. Personally, I do a background check online and go from there. Thanks a lot interesting thing is, she did reveal this to me (about issues with her dad) but then she said she was over it. Turns out she isn't. In hindsight, it did look like the chase was what attracted her in the first place. I usually never get caught up with the women I date, but with her I chose to open up because of how affectionate she was. I guess I got to know early on - god knows what would have happened if I would have been more emotionally invested
Alamo657 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Hey everyone! I have been seeing this girl for the past 6 weeks now. We used to work at the same place, where she used to keep looking at me and I used to look back. This back and forth game continued for around 3 months before we finally spoke and went on our first date. (I'm 24, she is 26) The first date is great, and then the second, and then the third and so on. We meet almost every other day - we go out for dinner, movies, plays (the usual). As we speak more, we mutually agree on our similarities - such as same life goals, introvert personality traits and our distaste for money and not to run after it. She confided me in me that she had a distant father when growing up, and that has possibly affected her growth as a person. Most of the times the dates are initiated by her. I am a loving/caring person by default, but that has the potential to be seen as too soon or too eager, so I am almost always careful about my availability. But this one actually tells me she wants to meet me and see me and text me, therefore my reservations about my availability go and I actually start being more and more comfortable around her as time goes by. It's been a while since I dated in earnest - and seeing how kind and affectionate she is towards me I myself start losing some of my inhibitions about intimacy and start opening up more of myself. Our discussion about exclusivity was initiated by her as well. She went on to tell me that she had never connected with another person as she did with me, and that my presence in her life made her happy and she liked how uncomplicated things were between us. Now, throwback to a couple of days back. She was at my home, and was acting a little distant. Upon me asking, she told me that she felt things were moving too fast, and how she thinks we are too different as people. She told me today that because of her relationship with her father, she has always sought out emotionally unavailable men who present more of a challenge. She also told me that no one had treated her as nicely as I had done, and that she did have strong feelings for me. However, she said that she was unsure of what would happen in the future as she is used to seeing one kind of guy. She went on to say that she wanted both love and care, as well as a continuous challenge from a relationship. This puts me in a rather tricky spot - because she is doing a 180 from what I have seen her to be. The very qualities in me that she likes are the ones she feels she will not be able to relate to in the future - my loving and caring nature will be seen as not being a challenge, and my introversion will be seen as a lack of assertiveness. And I am wondering right now if the last one month was a lie that I was living, or if it was just the chase that excited her and not the catch. This really sucks, because only a while back we had spoken about how human connections should be simple and how glad she was that I was not playing mind games with her. Advise, people? Should I work on this one or should I just let her go and minimise my losses? Need help Sounds like my ex. Enjoys the attention (everyone does) but gets bored with "regular" men and eventualky cheats.
Author Terrorblade Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 It's like having a dog that nips a little kid. You know it's gonna nip again, it's gonna bite, there will be blood. I keep making dog comparisons of late. I hope it's not Freudian. Haha dude to each his own I guess
fitnessfan365 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Man she sounds REALLY high maintenance. If a woman can never let her guard down and accept a normal, loving relationship she is too much trouble. I mean don't get me wrong. An initial challenge and chase are fun. But keeping that up forever is exhausting. Meet a woman that actually appreciates what you have to offer. 2
Author Terrorblade Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 I know man, unless your brain is wired that way you can't consciously keep on being a challenge to someone. I honestly thought all these dating mind games were a part of teenage, or early 20s vocab. Turns out I was wrong.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 She is emotionally unavailable herself. It's not going to be worth the hurt. Thank her for being honest and move along.
Rainah Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 *Sigh* spending my weekend watching LOTR now Can't go wrong with that
Mjm1014 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Forgive me, but I read up until the "daddy issues" came up and stopped. In my experience any girl that gave me the same excuse that I wasn't enough of a challenge was straight up not taking me serious (excuse when they weren't interested) or was not a good person to be with...they love the games. Sounds like she has issues to sort out, something that will end up giving you a headache long term. If she is claiming these things, she's looking for a true badboy, most likely the kind that will end up abusive and controlling. Shes basically telling you that she doesn't want you to act like you care. If you truly care about someone, what's the point of saying that when you show her the "love?" This will be a never ending issue if you date her long term. Don't walk, run!
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