leandra Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Hello there everyone I'm having problems with a guy I met a couple of weeks ago at a party and have been seeing ever since. He is really sending out mixed signals. At the party he was the one who had approached me and we eventually exchanged numbers. After a couple of dates we hooked up but he had troubles getting it up. He said that he was just nervous and that it was not because of me, that I'm really beautiful and everything. Then we tried again another night and it wasn't going so well again after which I asked if he just wanted to hang out next time (just to take away the pressure). We then went for a walk in the park on the next date and talked for hours. It was really nice. After this he sent me a really confusing text message however. He asked if I was ok with just a casual relationship. He asked what I was looking for and implied I could not be looking for anything serious since I'm leaving for 4 months this summer anyway (internship oversees). I honestly feel like I'm doing everything wrong? I thought it would be good to do something non sexual on a date so he could relax a bit but apparently he thinks I want a relationship or something? Can someone help me out, I have no clue what he wants from me. Why are guys so confusing??
elaine567 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 How can you have "casual" sex arrangement with a guy who cannot even get it up properly? 7
iphone_user1 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 He already asked you if you are okay with casual, so that's pretty much about it. 1
madyg88 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 elaine567's reply is so hilarious and right:lmao: i think the guy is maybe unexperienced and immature.how old are you?it's not smth wrong with you,it's HIM. 1
Rainah Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I don't understand what you find confusing? He wants a casual relationship? I think your making it confusing for yourself. 1
preraph Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 The answer to the title of your post is: Just assume it's sex and if he wants more he'll let you know. The answer to your question is: It's sex.
TunaCat Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 He wants a casual relationship. That's code for he wants sex without any type of commitment. 6
Amalyn Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 He wants a casual relationship. If this isn't what you are looking for, tell him. It doesn't seem so confusing to me. You should be thankful he was upfront with you about what he wanted.
Shanex Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Basically you agreed to be in a FWB with him because you leave town this summer. What is confusing ? FWB does send mixed signals like everyone. There's a bit of kind words from time to time, sometimes they will be more distant and evasive. You're complicating or overthinking all that. Plus he can't get it up, great catch.
DreamBigg Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 He's embarrassed and feels like you think less of him because of his performance issues so this is his way of trying to regain the balance of power by making you feel like he doesn't really want you or isn't looking for anything serious. By doing that it takes the focus off his shortcomings in the bedroom and makes it look like he wasn't into getting into anything serious with you to begin with. 1
Buddhist Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 He's embarrassed he couldn't get it up twice, took your offer to 'hang out' as a rejection of him based on his inability to perform. He has downgraded the budding relationship in a defensive move to make it all about you and take the focus off the fact he couldn't get it up. Nothing confusing about it. TBH it sounds like he's not the most emotionally mature individual so maybe his mind games are a blessing in disguise. 3
tayriley Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 he sounds really immature. he is trying to make YOU feel bad when it is HE that failed to perform. by telling you he wants a casual relationship after he can't get it up, it's like losing a game and then saying 'well, i wasn't trying to win anyway.' you should dump this loser. unless you want to use him for casual sex...but then, he can't get it up, so what's the point? other choice- use him for the occasional non-sex date. like if you have no plans on a weekend but feel like going out with someone. this is tricky though if you are falling for him. if you are the type of person who can put emotions aside, i'd say go ahead and do this. if not, dont bother with him. 1
Author leandra Posted April 24, 2016 Author Posted April 24, 2016 (edited) Thanks for the replies. They actually make me feel a bit better For the people asking me why I'm confused, let me clarify: The sex thing wasn't working so well (as I explained), so I suggested doing some other stuff to take away the pressure(like going to the park). That's when he told me explicitly that he was not looking for a relationship. I suppose he started thinking I wanted more after we went on these "dates". However I don't really get why he wants a casual relationship when he's having performance problems. As others pointed out this is kinda weird and that's what is confusing me. Why doesn't he just find some other girl, he's actually really good looking, so that wouldn't be so hard. I don't even want a serious relationship either but I would like to be friendly with him and not just hookup. I just felt somewhat devalorized when he told me so abruptly and bluntly that he doesn't want a relationship, since I really put in some effort on making him feel comfortable and on reassuring him that there's nothing wrong with him. After the second time we "slept together" he mentioned that he had a really bad break-up and that the girl must have traumatized him (he said that jokingly). At the time I thought it was just an excuse for feeling embarrassed about not getting a full erection but I guess that might actually be the explanation for everything "confusing". Maybe I will ask him about it if I decide to meet him again. Edited April 24, 2016 by leandra
preraph Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 If he's blaming you for his inadequacy, then there IS something wrong with him, and some of those dudes have really bad tempers, so watch out.
Buddhist Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Walk away, let it go. Easy solution to the whole thing. People project their stuff onto others that's why it makes no sense, because its not about what he thinks about you but what he thinks about himself.
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