gluttonForPunishment Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Hi, It's been a very long time since I posted here. I think its been 6 years in fact.(after my divorce) I have been dating for about 5 years now and have never been able to find someone that I connect with and also share the same morals, values, etc... UNTIL RECENTLY Almost 3 months ago I met someone and we hit it off right away. We started off great and actually continued great for quite awhile. The woman I met has a very busy schedule along with two children and I knew from the beginning it would not be easy to get time with her. She is actually one of those rare women who make men wait to meet her children. In fact, she has been divorced for two years and no one she has dated has met them. At the beginning, it was easy to see she was making a real effort to see me. We live an hour apart and she would take time to meet me even if it was just for coffee. She keeps saying all the right things. She keeps saying that she wants to see me more, that she could spend everyday with me and never get tired of me but her actions aren't matching her words. I know she is busy and I know she has children but she does not go out of her way to make sure she sees me. The last two weeks she has only seen me once a week and it's been at her house for dinner and then just falling asleep together on the couch. She doesn't have her children every other Friday night and tonight she chose to spend the evening with some old work colleagues that she hasn't seen in about 6 weeks instead of me. I understand that we have our own lives and we have to keep our friends and all but when you aren't able to see the guy you keep saying is "what you have been looking for your whole life" but once a week wouldn't you make the decision to at least bring him to this night of dinner and drinks? Or at least ask him to meet up with you afterwards? Like I said she keeps saying all the right things but I am not seeing a real effort to make time for me. She has told me she wants me to move closer and I have told her I would. In fact, I have started making plans to do so. She has no plans to introduce me to her kids. She has never even introduced me to one of her friends or family members. When I brought that point up the other night she did say that she does want me to meet her brother and best friend, but she only said it after I brought it up and hasn't said anything about it since then. She keeps saying she is not letting herself go all in with me because she is afraid of getting hurt. Her husband cheated on her and ultimately left her for another woman. She says she feels like I am too good to be true. That usually in life when something seems too good it usually is. She keeps saying she is afraid I will break her heart even though I know i am doing nothing that would suggest that I am anything like her ex or that I would break her heart. Heck I am making plans to move near her!!!! We do text all the time. We talk every night before bed for about an hour and like I said she "says" all the right things. Am I getting played here? Is she not ready to date? Is she ready to date, but just not as into me as she would like to be? I feel like something is not right here and I guess in my life when something doesn't seem right then it usually isn't. We should be in the honeymoon phase where she would do anything to see me, but she isn't. She will send me pics when she is with her kids and tell me what they are doing and tell me she wishes I was there, but doesn't invite me. It sucks because I genuinely like this woman. We have so much fun just laughing and talking. We can literally get lost talking too each other. I'm afraid that is the only part about me she likes and doesn't want to give that part up but also doesn't want to date me.(even though she says different) That's something else that is curious to me. We are both conservative christians, but that does not mean we should not be making out and we haven't . 3 months of dating and we have not made out once. I pick her up all the time when i say goodbye. She is short and I am a bodybuilder so it's pretty natural. 4 weeks ago I picked her up one night and she wrapped her legs around me and acted like she did not want me to leave.(she actually seemed like she was into me romantically) Since then she has never wrapped her legs around me again and also never kissed me that way again. I don't get it. Like I said I have dated quite a bit and usually when I'm dating someone they are all over me. The don't take their hands off me and are always trying to make out. I get nothing from this woman. At the beginning it seemed normal like we were just going slow. Now she is telling me that it's because she just hasn't gone all in with me yet. That when she does it will be completely different. I just am not sure I believe she ever plans to do it. I don't know why she keeps me around to be honest. She doesn't seem to be into me physically and she is not having me take her out and spend money on her. Although she keeps telling me that she is very attracted to me and really wants to be with me longterm. Supposedly she is just afraid. Am I stupid or what? Should I be running from this? I don't need my heart broke like it was 6 years ago. If it's going to end I would rather just end it now. Thanks for any help!
JewelD Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I think you should slow down and just give her time. It's only been 3 months. Being a working single parent is really hard. I don't have kids, but my mother was a single parent. she worked all day, went to night school and then had to take care of me and my sister. Looking back, I have no idea how she had time to do anything! She most likely is not inviting you around her kids because she wants to protect them. She doesn't want to to introduce you into their lives and then have things potentially end a short time later. She sounds like a good mom in that sense. I think you're expecting a lot from her just after 3 months. She wants to protect herself so it may take some time before she truly trusts you. It doesn't sound like you're getting played, just that she's a very busy woman with some complex feelings. 6
Damaged217 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 (edited) I feel like this women either is still emotionally scarred from her divorce and is deathly afraid of any intimacy OR she is just using you for companionship. 3 months and no making out is not normal. If I were you, I'd move on. She is clearly not ready to open up and make you a real part of her life. She needs to go to counseling or just take more time to work on herself. You shouldn't be waiting around for her to be ready because you have no idea if/when that is going to happen. Edited April 23, 2016 by Damaged217 2
Author gluttonForPunishment Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 Hey, Thanks for you replies. I agree with both posts actually. I totally understand her being busy and I agree that she is protecting her kids which I totally admire and part of the reason I have liked her so much. My problem is that she keeps saying she wants to do things, but then doesn't and keeps using the excuse that she is afraid I'm going to break her heart. Just today we had plans and she canceled at the last minute. So she went out with friends last night and then canceled on me today. So she isn't making an effort to see me. She does not have her kids today. That's why we made plans. At 3 months you should be in the honeymoon phase and making excuses to see each other. Not going a whole week without seeing each other. I can't agree more that no making out is not normal. I am 44 and never been in a healthy relationship where we were not all over each other at this point.(and I don't mean having sex) I am talking we should be enamored with each other. I think she likes me and wishes she liked me more, because she sees I am a great guy and that we get along so well. I have never been able to talk to someone and laugh so much with another person like I have with her. Or she does really like me, but is just not ready to date. I would be fine with going slow. I really would, but i need something that shows me that it will actually go someplace someday and words just don't do it for me. Thanks again for the replies!!
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 At 3 months it's way to early for you to meet the kids. Don't even go there. I think it would be good for you to meet the best friend. You mention that she is a conservative Christian. While you are OK with making out, maybe she is not. Do you know where she draws those lines? I think talking is in order her not jumping to conclusions. This is a conversation that must occur in person. Also have the settings been conducive to making out? The car isn't all that much fun post high school 1
smackie9 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 IMO you both have very different expectations, so that means you are not compatible. By 3 months you should by now see results of your time invested which is where you assess and make the decision to pursue this further or not. Dude it is what it is. She does want things to happen, but she just isn't ready or needs A LOT more time. You can't force her to change. IMO you should move on if this is killin ya. 1
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