Gregjackson Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 Hey! I've been off and on with this girl, and lately I've been the only one iniatiating contact. So I decided "Ok, I'll stop, it's time for her to step up and contact if she wants to talk to me" So three days go by and nothing, until today while I was working out she sends me "What are you upto?" And I didnt reply because I was busy, so after 30 minutes she sends "Ok then." where another 30min later after that I reply "Hey you;O Just got done working out, it took some time because we ended up doing some spontanous yoga after haha. What are you upto??" and she doesnt reply to me for the rest of the evening. What the hell is going on??
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 She wanted instant gratification but when she didn't get it she pouted 1
GR4 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 She's playing games. You gave her a taste of her own medicine and she clearly doesn't like it. Funny that. 1
smudge21 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I'd say she's not that interested, maybe has some other options so instead of just blanking you completely, wants to make sure you're still around in case she changes her mind. She got used to you initiating all the time and just expected it to keep going that way. When you didn't, it threw her but she clearly has no idea how to initiate herself, hence the "what you upto?" bland text. You reply with a larger text (rather than something in kind, like "nothing much, you?") and her ego is fed enough for now, so she can carry on with her life. It sucks (and as you can tell, I've been there) but it comes down to a line I repeat to myself a lot - interested people act interested. Would you say she's been any way close to 50/50 on that interest level? I wouldn't reach out again now though. If she comes to you and asks why you've gone quiet, just tell her exactly how you feel. 1
CarrieT Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 Bottom line: You are both too reliant on texting as a form of communication and getting to know someone to the extent that you interpret a person's intention by how long they take to respond to a text. If you are into someone, learn to communicate with your voices as voice inflection and body language will tell you so much more. 2
LostOnes05 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 She is a child and didn't get her toy with her Happy Meal...her response tells you what life will be like today, tomorrow, and years from now.
JewelD Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I think she's into you, but she's a nut. People have lives and 30mins isn't that long. I get annoyed at people taking too long to text back but it's usually at least a day or two. You're both playing texting games but I think anyone who truly likes you is going to make moves to connect with you on a consistent basis.
katiegrl Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 (edited) Hey! I've been off and on with this girl, and lately I've been the only one iniatiating contact. So I decided "Ok, I'll stop, it's time for her to step up and contact if she wants to talk to me" That's a great strategy, except often times it backfires cuz the girl may end up feeling like you've just lost interest. I mean she had no idea it bothered you that you were doing all the initiating.... fact is many guys enjoy doing all or most of the initiating. Since you were doing it and NOT complaining, she may have thought you enjoyed being the pursuer as well. Then suddenly you just stop. No explanation, no telling her you would like her to step up, you just STOP. What the hell is she supposed to think? Why didn't you just communicate with her that you would like her to step up once in awhile.... why play the pull back game? Anyway, I don't know this chick or what she's like or what she's thinking. But it's quite possible she is very confused by your actions here.... and hurt. She finally stepped up after three days and texted you. She may have been hoping you would reply back giving her some sort of explanation for your disappearing act. When you didn't ..... she's back to being hurt and confused again.... which is why she hasn't replied. If you want this to work out, I would suggest you start being honest, communicate with her what you need (i.e.her to initiate once in a while and be an equal participant) and stop playing these silly pull back games.... or any other games. IMO, you are the one who did the manipulating here, not her. Gawd, I hate games. ETA: Why are you "off and on"? Sounds like you're both unhappy. Course we're only hearing your side of things.... I am sure she has her own side too. Edited April 23, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Buddhist Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 You are dating a really immature person. Stop that.
Shanex Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Her snarky 'ok then' after barely 30 minutes without a reply would be a red flag. I agree on your part OP though. Men dont want to always initiate. If the lady does after a bit then its pretty good news.
katiegrl Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Her snarky 'ok then' after barely 30 minutes without a reply would be a red flag. I agree on your part OP though. Men dont want to always initiate. If the lady does after a bit then its pretty good news. I get that men don't always want to initiate, but let's face it, even today women have become conditioned to expect it, and many men still enjoy that role too. That said, he wanted her to start initiating, fair enough, so why didn't he just communicate that .... instead of playing games, like pulling back to see if she would step up? If a woman had done that, men here would have lambasted her for playing such games. He asks if she was (is) manipulating him, what about how he was manipulating her by playing the pull back game? He wants or needs her to step up and take some initiative, he needs to tell her that, not stop pursuing and then expect her to read his mind. What happened to good old communication? Must everything be a game now? With everyone expecting everyone else to be mind readers? I don't get it. End of rant. And JMO.
smudge21 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I agree Katie, but in this situation I picked up that he said "lately I've been the only one initiating" which told me that in the past, she's been happy to initiate but has now faded off. Either way, totally agree on the game playing and the way we all expect others to read our minds from time to time, rather than just blurting stuff out and being honest. I guess in ways we feel it may be worse if we express how we feel, either anger or love. It's similar to when people ghost on others, doing so to avoid having to say anything, as they feel that would be harder. In regards here though, I feel she's backed off and that single text was just to test the water. The fact she didn't reply after his long text also says a lot. But you're right again, texting is no way to maintain a relationship - I'm old school enough to remember making phone calls and, shock horror, talking in person.
Rainah Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 If a guy did this to me I would loose interest because its just playing mind games, honesty is the best thing if you both want to be on the same page. 1
GR4 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 One side of me likes the fact you gave her a taste of her own medicine the other side of me agrees with some of the others here in that you should have just been open and honest with her. If you didn't like the fact that she never initiated conversation then you need to tell her that. Also, if this relationship is on and off, as you describe it, it's clearly not working. I'd get rid of her if I were you. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 She was bored but then found something else to do.
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