GR4 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 Given that it's almost accepted that if you're single you're going to be or should be dating how many people have actually thrown in the towel, either permenently or for the time being, and are not actively dating in any form? I'm one of those people and I just find he whole concept of dating weird. Living your life and maybe going on the odd date with someone you happen to bump into one night seem fine to me but so many people seem to be on this endless carousel of dating. That seems bizarre and very desperate to me. It would be interesting to know how many of you guys think the same way or are in a similar position.
Mjm1014 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I've thought about throwing in the towel a few times, but it never lasts. I usually go a week or two and say "wow this is boring" and I start looking but I'm not sure if it's due to plain loneliness. Thing is, I've only gone on a few dates in the past 6 months because of my work schedule. It's difficult to date when you're traveling so much. I'm kind of at the point in my life where if I meet someone, great, if not I'll just wait until I bump into the right one. I'm not stressing about it anymore. I do think casually dating is a waste of time though-like going on multiple dates a week with different people...I agree that comes off as desperate and if I hear someone I'm interested in that's like that, it's an immediate turn off
Author GR4 Posted April 22, 2016 Author Posted April 22, 2016 Couldn't agree more. There was a girl I went to school with who I last saw ten years before i bumped into her in town. We hot it off, had a few kisses and exchanged numbers. She messed me around and we never met and since then I've seen her out in town on dates with different guys and it turned me right off her. She went from being a cute girl who seemed like fun to the desperate to be with anyone girl. Felt like I had dodged a bullet.
darkbloom Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I've been single for a year and a half and have been on the one off odd date. But I find that I don't really understand dating so I don't do it. At my age, people see you as diseased if you aren't in a relationship or trying to get in one. I really don't understand it.
candie13 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I was a serial dater - and didn't really even realize it. I think I had become a bit addicted to it. I think I had ODed on it. It was hard to let go - dated 2 dudes and been on 4 dates until Feb. I decided to not see anyone and started to work on myself seriously. Not a date since then. Doing great, deleted OLD profiles, it's cool. I still meet new people when I go out, I go dancing, I meet friends, I'm simply not actively trying to meet men or giving my number around. I want to be more fit, personally, spiritually and then maybe try again. But I'm pretty much dead set against OLD. We'll see how that goes - I'll report back. cheers PS I'm not judging anyone who's dating or even who's a serial dater. I've done it, it just didn't work for me, but it may work for other people. Whatever makes one happy. I tried that stuff and it didn't work on me, so it's only natural that I try a new approach. 2
lilmissjava Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I'm on another hiatus. Just hid my profile this morning Summer is near and I won't have any time to meet anyone new anyway. I'll be busy meeting people IRL without the hassle of logging on to do so. 1
ASG Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I've done the OLD thing a couple of times, gone on a couple of dates, but usually, after a week or two, I just get bored and stop. So no, I don't really date. If I meet someone and we hit it off, great! If not, I'm not too bothered. I have my source of regular sex, so that's not a great worry for now. But I do wish I could meet that one person. But it's not gonna happen on OLD, I don't think... it's just not for me...
Author GR4 Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 That's the only thing I miss, regular sex. The rest I couldn't care less about to be honest. If I could have a long term FWB type thing I'd be happy. No chit chat, no dates, no emotions, just sex and nothing more. 1
deckard11 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I'm not dating and it sure as hell isn't by choice. I've basically given up. I'm 41 years old and have never been on a date or been in a relationship. Sooner or later the never ending rejection gets tiresome. 2
JewelD Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I've been single for a year now and no actual dates. I've had some texting flings if those count, but I haven't actually met anyone face to face. I'm still on OKcupid, but I'm mostly just chatting with people for fun. It's slim pickings for lesbians and I'm away at school or another year anyway which makes it damn near impossible to date. I have pretty much settled into the idea that I probably won't have a significant relationship or date until after I graduate next year. After my relationship ended, I really wanted to replace that person but now I've gotten used to being single and I appreciate a lot of the aspects of it. For example, I love not having to share my space. I enjoy not having to call/text someone all the time about how their goddamned day was. I like spending my money on me and not gifts and dates. and I really love not having to focus on someone else's happiness or having to endure lovers quarrels. 2
todreaminblue Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I date when i meet someone or feel something for someone and they ask me out...I havent given up at all..i just wont date for the fun of it.....so my dates just happen and they are not frequent i think dating is a serious thing.....not really to be taken lightly....and really only steps you take to meeting a partner...... i think hanging out has become the rage...... but i believe dating has a beauty and a purpose...yep...im a dinosaur...deb
truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I'm not dating and it sure as hell isn't by choice. I've basically given up. I'm 41 years old and have never been on a date or been in a relationship. Sooner or later the never ending rejection gets tiresome. Damn. That's sad.
truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 That's the only thing I miss, regular sex. The rest I couldn't care less about to be honest. If I could have a long term FWB type thing I'd be happy. No chit chat, no dates, no emotions, just sex and nothing more. Some days I feel like this, too. When I'm horny, hit up a girl, get down, get out. Problem is even the FWB catch feelings and the arrangement goes to hell.
truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 For example, I love not having to share my space. I enjoy not having to call/text someone all the time about how their goddamned day was. I like spending my money on me and not gifts and dates. and I really love not having to focus on someone else's happiness or having to endure lovers quarrels. This made me laugh. Last woman I dated seriously... I was so burnt out from the constant texting and phone calls... when I ended it, I felt like I just got out of prison. Some men are so pathetic and desperate, they will doing anything for p-ssy.
katiegrl Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I am not dating right now, by choice. After my LTR ended in December, I did start dating someone new a couple months later. He wanted a RL.... it was then I realized I didn't. I really just want to be alone for awhile. Not sure when that will change, but for right now I am REALLY enjoying it!! 2
KatZee Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Me. I'm over it. I've been single for 4 years now I haven't had a real relationship in that time but I have been on countless dates all of which have gone nowhere. The dating atmosphere these days is God awful. I don't know when it became like this but it's the most frustrating and annoying thing I have to deal with in my life. I shut my online dating profile down about a month ago and I have no intention of going back. At this point I don't see myself meeting anyone and thats sad but what else can I do? I've done online dating I go out with my friends I'm out in the world and literally nothing has happened for me. I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that I'm going to be single and that's not going to change anytime soon. I find dating to be very awkward and most guys want to rush just to get laid. No one wants to just hangout and get to know each other anymore. I'm really not a fan so I removed myself from dating altogether. 2
Space Ritual Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I'm currently single and have been for about a year. I turned 51 this year and my last GF was 28 when we broke up last year. I have been fairly lucky being able to date women who are much younger than me(still having a full head of hair at my age and staying in relatively good physical shape has been key to that...lol ) but I am also realistic about it in that it will really not lead to much down the road. Not having a lot intellectually in common due to the age difference usually is what has ended them. Don't give up. I actually hit a real rough patch in my late 20's and I thought about throwing in the towel but I didn't and I have had more fun over the last 20 years in short term relationships than I ever did in anything committed. Having said that I did one round of online dating back in 2006 and I actually got catfished so I never did it after that. I'd much rather take the leap of faith in person. I never feel bad if I get shot down by a female. I am pretty extroverted so if I do get shot down I just move on to the next one. Life is too short when you hit middle age to sit around and regret not getting out there. When you realize you have more days behind you than ahead of you it makes for a good incentive
insert_name Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I've pretty much given up due to my personal circumstances and the area where I live. I've been on around 15 first dates, mostly through OLD, over the last couple of years and only a few have made it as far as a 2nd date, the ones that made it further than that turned out to be mental/game players. Dating is just so competitive these days, I find myself feeling like I am jumping through hoops to try and connect with people and essentially doing the 'pick me dance' from the off- there is no smooth and natural progression to a relationship like there was in my youth. Everyone is looking for someone better and it wears me out, erodes my dignity and leaves me feeling that the juice ain't worth the squeeze. Honestly, at this point in time I really can't even understand why I see attractive girls with average looking guys (and vice versa but mainly the former because women hold all the power in the initial dating stages), I wonder what makes a popular girl stop looking and go for these guys because all I have experienced where I live is girls who are dating everyone and content with no-one. Such is life.
Larryville Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Ok as I post this on a Saturday morning my attitude now is similar to: I've thought about throwing in the towel a few times, but it never lasts. I usually go a week or two and say "wow this is boring" and I start looking but I'm not sure if it's due to plain loneliness. I will absolutely admit, I met wife #2 via OLD, would late marry her. While things were rocky at the end (mostly because of outside issues) we ended it, but the hardest thing for me is in now the search for “the one” is about comparing them to her. I get that is fundamentally jacked up and likely the reason why I seriously doubt I will ever be in a quality lasting relationship again. Truth be told not one of the woman I have met since her have come close. I try to take a break, pull profiles go cold turkey… at my last break I sat down to see if I could remember everyone I have met in my 6 plus years now since divorce. It took days, I remembered actually meeting 65 or so, did a spreadsheet (yes the OCD in me) all it did was highlight what I deemed as the impossibility of dating. A friend sent me an article some time ago, several things that changed my perception after reading: *One-third of people who have used online dating have never actually gone on a date with someone they met on these sites. *On free dating sites, at least 10% of new accounts are from scammers *51% percent of online dating singles are already in a relationship, yet are putting themselves out there as being single. *More than 53% of Americans fabricate parts or all of their dating profile details. They go on to say “Most of these are lies their dates can spot in the first few seconds of seeing them. In fact, a third of those surveyed said they falsified their information so much that it prevented them from getting a second date.” *More than 40% of men try to swoon women by lying about their jobs, trying to make their career sound more prestigious. (This affects all of us dudes, the more women encounter deception the more hardened she will be with the next dude) The outright deception from both sides coupled with the fact that most women frankly are not on OLD to actually meet anyone. On Monday morning my attitude might be different. But with each passing day I do feel that dating really is seriously an utter complete waste of time, money and mental energy. 1
Emilia Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I'm not dating but I'm open to it. I don't use OLD, only the old fashioned way. So I go out and meet people, talk etc and let the chips fall where they might.
trippi1432 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Ok as I post this on a Saturday morning my attitude now is similar to: I will absolutely admit, I met wife #2 via OLD, would late marry her. While things were rocky at the end (mostly because of outside issues) we ended it, but the hardest thing for me is in now the search for “the one” is about comparing them to her. I get that is fundamentally jacked up and likely the reason why I seriously doubt I will ever be in a quality lasting relationship again. Truth be told not one of the woman I have met since her have come close. I try to take a break, pull profiles go cold turkey… at my last break I sat down to see if I could remember everyone I have met in my 6 plus years now since divorce. It took days, I remembered actually meeting 65 or so, did a spreadsheet (yes the OCD in me) all it did was highlight what I deemed as the impossibility of dating. A friend sent me an article some time ago, several things that changed my perception after reading: *One-third of people who have used online dating have never actually gone on a date with someone they met on these sites. *On free dating sites, at least 10% of new accounts are from scammers *51% percent of online dating singles are already in a relationship, yet are putting themselves out there as being single. *More than 53% of Americans fabricate parts or all of their dating profile details. They go on to say “Most of these are lies their dates can spot in the first few seconds of seeing them. In fact, a third of those surveyed said they falsified their information so much that it prevented them from getting a second date.” *More than 40% of men try to swoon women by lying about their jobs, trying to make their career sound more prestigious. (This affects all of us dudes, the more women encounter deception the more hardened she will be with the next dude) The outright deception from both sides coupled with the fact that most women frankly are not on OLD to actually meet anyone. On Monday morning my attitude might be different. But with each passing day I do feel that dating really is seriously an utter complete waste of time, money and mental energy. Meeting someone on OLD is a 1 in a 1000 chance. In the past six years, I've only had two LTR's with someone from Match. They weren't bad relationships but they didn't grow to anything more. At least they had paid subscriptions and were trying. There are plenty of OLD sites where you really don't take anything seriously because they are free. Let's be honest here, if you are on a free site and a first date is meeting a woman in a parking lot and driving around..............loser. That guy got dealt with appropriately. My advice to anyone on dating sites and you do meet someone, hide your profile and opt out of everything from the dating site if you are really serious about a relationship, because God Knows...you get a tit shot from one of those that you conferred with later and are still opening your emails which updates your activity, because you were "curious", will nullify your dating card immediately. If you want to keep your options open, well, don't complain. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. 1
ltjg45 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I hasn't dated at all yet and I am sure once I get far away from my immediate family that I will be way too happy to think about adding anyone to my life. The only thing I need is at least 2 years of complete silence to myself. Not a single soul to pester me. I can't wait.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I have disabled all my profiles. I got burnt out and exhausted by the endless string of dates and didn't feel like I was connecting to anyone. I have a lot of non-dating commitments coming up in the next 6 months so I will be too busy anyway. To be honest I don't think I will go back to OLD again. The whole concept doesn't work for me. It's only been a week since I disabled the profiles but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders
LookAtThisPOst Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Given that it's almost accepted that if you're single you're going to be or should be dating how many people have actually thrown in the towel, either permenently or for the time being, and are not actively dating in any form? I'm one of those people and I just find he whole concept of dating weird. Living your life and maybe going on the odd date with someone you happen to bump into one night seem fine to me but so many people seem to be on this endless carousel of dating. That seems bizarre and very desperate to me. It would be interesting to know how many of you guys think the same way or are in a similar position. There should be a follow-up question, "How many are being turned down as a result of not dating?" :-)
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