katiegrl Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 She's changing her response behavior in direct response to him displaying persistence. See below. I'm going based on what the OP has posted. At least two others have come to this conclusion as well. I hope the irony isn't lost on you that you're calling me out on speculation. SW...why don't we ask the OP. OP were you testing him? Testing to see how hard he would chase you? Is that why you waiting a bit to reply back? If so, then perhaps this guy sensed that.... I dunno hard to say.... since after you eventually DID start displaying high interest, HE then started to fade out. If he were into you, I would think he would be very happy you started displaying high interest... NOT start to fade out. But who knows.
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I believe all women play games... some are worse than others. Well I don't.... so don't say "all." Most, okay I might buy that. But NOT all. 1
Mjm1014 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I'm not sure I can really give you much advice but you aren't alone. 28 male, in good shape, on OLD myself.. It seems like I am seeing more and more OLD posts with the same questions (people fading/losing interest all of a sudden) and I've had quite a bit of the same trouble recently on those sites. I attribute it to the sheer number of people on these sites anymore. There are SO many options out there, people get bored quickly and move onto the next person. I read a statistic that over 1/3 of the people polled on those sites never plan on meeting anyone-so what does that say? It means a lot of people are only on there for an ego boost, or to "see what they can get." One thing you can do so you aren't wasting much time, limit your interaction with them until they go on a date with you. Give them 10 messages max and if they don't ask you out, ask them! If they are even slightly interested in actually meeting you then they will supply a time and date. Again, I don't have much to say about this since the same thing happened to me countless times in the past few months (it really bothers me to think how much time I wasted on people), but this is my new strategy and it seems to work a little better. Good luck on the hunt!
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I'm not sure I can really give you much advice but you aren't alone. 28 male, in good shape, on OLD myself.. It seems like I am seeing more and more OLD posts with the same questions (people fading/losing interest all of a sudden) and I've had quite a bit of the same trouble recently on those sites. I attribute it to the sheer number of people on these sites anymore. There are SO many options out there, people get bored quickly and move onto the next person. I read a statistic that over 1/3 of the people polled on those sites never plan on meeting anyone-so what does that say? It means a lot of people are only on there for an ego boost, or to "see what they can get." One thing you can do so you aren't wasting much time, limit your interaction with them until they go on a date with you. Give them 10 messages max and if they don't ask you out, ask them! If they are even slightly interested in actually meeting you then they will supply a time and date. Again, I don't have much to say about this since the same thing happened to me countless times in the past few months (it really bothers me to think how much time I wasted on people), but this is my new strategy and it seems to work a little better. Good luck on the hunt! Bolded -- exactly! Thank you for that... in reading some of these responses, I thought I might be going crazy.
Larryville Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 This is another example of why reading past post is relevant, and necessary to respond properly. I responded the way I did based on her past. NOT women in general.
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 This is another example of why reading past post is relevant, and necessary to respond properly. I responded the way I did based on her past. NOT women in general. Are you saying her previous threads suggest she plays games and makes men jump through hoops? I just went by what was posted in this thread. I don't have time to search and read previous threads.
Larryville Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I just went by what was posted in this thread. I don't have time to search and read previous threads. Well KG that is your decision and the decision of everyone who decides to post. If you are going to get into philosophical debates here about an OP's post should you not know the history of the person posting? A very nice person clued me on this when I first started posting check the history! You don't have to read the entire threads but are their behaviors consistent? I have already found that people will post about the same exact crap every time and people will respond to them as if they know absolutely nothing about their history. Why I posted the way I did early on here. To me many times the OP will thrown a mental smoke bomb onto the thread and stand back and watch and folks get personally bent out of shape when if you were to check the history (assuming there is one) it is the same old misery, same ole story and I have said before are they really soliciting input and want honest heart felt input or are they just bored and want attention. I see some threads here and I know almost instantly that the thread and the issue is a fraud. But if folks want to just read post # 1 in the thread and respond accordingly then cool. Just an observation.
Bluboy Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 As soon as I read her post, I knew she was playing games with these guys. I just went and glanced through her past threads and I confirmed my suspicion. It's the same old story. Playing hard to get is not for everybody... and personally I don't like it.
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 (edited) Well KG that is your decision and the decision of everyone who decides to post. If you are going to get into philosophical debates here about an OP's post should you not know the history of the person posting? A very nice person clued me on this when I first started posting check the history! You don't have to read the entire threads but are their behaviors consistent? I have already found that people will post about the same exact crap every time and people will respond to them as if they know absolutely nothing about their history. Why I posted the way I did early on here. To me many times the OP will thrown a mental smoke bomb onto the thread and stand back and watch and folks get personally bent out of shape when if you were to check the history (assuming there is one) it is the same old misery, same ole story and I have said before are they really soliciting input and want honest heart felt input or are they just bored and want attention. I see some threads here and I know almost instantly that the thread and the issue is a fraud. But if folks want to just read post # 1 in the thread and respond accordingly then cool. Just an observation. I dunno I get what you're saying Larry.... but I guess, for me, I prefer to judge each situation separately.... because, while in the past, it may have appeared she was playing games with regards to that particular situation, that doesn't necessarily mean she is playing games with respect to the current situation. Every situation is different... as the people involved in each situation are different. Oh the OP is the same, but the person she is posting about is different from the last person she posted about.... and, as such, behaves differently. And thus her response to the last person will be different from her response to the current person. But again I do get your point.... seems exhausting though to have to trudge through a poster's history to determine what's going on re a situation she/he has just created a thread about. Edited April 22, 2016 by katiegrl
Author Jc396 Posted April 22, 2016 Author Posted April 22, 2016 SW...why don't we ask the OP. OP were you testing him? Testing to see how hard he would chase you? Is that why you waiting a bit to reply back? If so, then perhaps this guy sensed that.... I dunno hard to say.... since after you eventually DID start displaying high interest, HE then started to fade out. If he were into you, I would think he would be very happy you started displaying high interest... NOT start to fade out. But who knows. I wasn't testing him, I was not responding to his text at first was because I was busy those two days and Its not like I completely left the guy hanging, if it was a good morning text that I didn't respond to, I would text him that evening when I was free. Or if it was an evening text I didn't respond to, I would text him that morning after I wake up. I never completely just ignored the guy.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I didn't read the whole thread, but I think their loss of interest could be due to a couple of things: If you start out one way, letting them pursue you, and then you start initiating contact more, it could start to feel like you are pursuing them now, which can be a turn off to a lot of men. If you're suddenly overly available to talk, especially before meeting, it can seem desperate and like you have no other options and no life. It's more intriguing when someone doesn't respond right away all the time because they are busy doing other things. My advice: get busy so you're not so focused on messaging with these guys and in turn you'll build attraction and also a fuller life.
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I wasn't testing him, I was not responding to his text at first was because I was busy those two days and Its not like I completely left the guy hanging, if it was a good morning text that I didn't respond to, I would text him that evening when I was free. Or if it was an evening text I didn't respond to, I would text him that morning after I wake up. I never completely just ignored the guy. Thanks for clarifying.... yeah I didn't get that you were testing him either Jc. Sorry things have been so tough.... like I said from what I understand OLD can be brutal! Do you have an opportunity to meet many guys in real life?
salparadise Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 once I decide I'll give this person a chance, I will initiate more conversations with them and be more quick to respond to texts. At first with this guy who asked me out I wouldn't respond to texts for a few hours if at all... But yet because she waited a bit to respond to a freakin text message, sal accuses her of acting like a debutante and making the guy jump through hoops. Please explain that one to me cuz frankly I don't get it, it makes no sense to me. There it is katiegrl––she says it in so many words. I'd say behaving like a debutante, making them jump through hoops is apropos and not overstating it in the least. I like the word debutante. How about you? 1
salparadise Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 The other thing I find endearing about our young debutante is when she talks about "once I've decided to give him a chance," implying that she's the one holding the cards and he should be grateful for her responding promptly and giving him that chance after he's jumped through the hoops... and then when the guy ghosts her she's bewildered, as if this just isn't fair, not supposed to happen. I love it. 1
Larryville Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 seems exhausting though to have to trudge through a poster's history to determine what's going on re a situation she/he has just created a thread about. I prefer to judge each situation separately.... because, while in the past, it may have appeared she was playing games with regards to that particular situation, that doesn't necessarily mean she is playing games with respect to the current situation. OK KG, but I'm just saying and I have been here long enough and gone back thru a boatload of threads and if you do go back with some folks here THEY are the problem NOT the issue in the current thread they started that day because they keep posting about the same crap they are fundamentally the same and unless they address their personal mental issues they will keep posting about the same $#it. This is NOT a court of law, where past behavior can't be admitted into evidence, you can't judge a person's guilt by past behavior... even though this is why career criminals are just that.... but I digress... On this site their is a unique ability to go back and actually see if the behavior is consistent and some of the folks I read who do actually know the posters past history and temper the advice they post taking that into consideration. This comes down to, do some of us just post a response just to join the crowd for fun regardless of if the advice is sound and useful? Or are we truly trying to give honest, heart felt advice because we might actually give a crap about the person we are responding too? All I'm saying...
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 (edited) I didn't read the whole thread, but I think their loss of interest could be due to a couple of things: If you start out one way, letting them pursue you, and then you start initiating contact more, it could start to feel like you are pursuing them now, which can be a turn off to a lot of men. If you're suddenly overly available to talk, especially before meeting, it can seem desperate and like you have no other options and no life. It's more intriguing when someone doesn't respond right away all the time because they are busy doing other things. My advice: get busy so you're not so focused on messaging with these guys and in turn you'll build attraction and also a fuller life. It's so interesting how men and women differ on this. The guys are saying he stopped pursuing her because she wasn't showing enough interest, and the women are saying he stopped pursuing because she started showing too much interest! And that showing too much may have turned him off! Who's right? Both the men and the women are going by their own experiences. Bottom line, we will NEVER know why he stopped pursuing unless we are mind readers. Again, everyone is different but I will say this. Common sense should tell ya that had he been truly into her, he would have been happy she started to show high interest.... that his efforts were having a positive impact, and thus would have wanted to meet. NOT blown her off. Edited April 22, 2016 by katiegrl
fitnessfan365 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 OP my advice would be to change your mindset. I mean it'd be one thing if these were guys you'd actually spent time with and they faded after 1-2 months of actual dating. But these are all guys you never even met in person. They were simply texting buddies. So you can't really take their loss of interest as something personal against you. Unfortunately with OLD people are usually talking to multiple people and have short attention spans. So the best advice I can give is don't get invested whatsoever in the pre-meet process. If a guy asks you out, cool. If he doesn't bring uo plans within a week at the most, talk to someone else. Once you realize it's all just words on a screen until you actually go on some dates, it'll get a lot easier on you and seem like less of a deal when some random stranger from the internet fades. 1
strawberryshortstack Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I believe all women play games... some are worse than others. You're entitled to believe whatever you like, but you would be dead wrong.
dispatch3d Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 not sure how this hasnt been asked and we're on page 3, but what was in your texts?
Shanex Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Ive done OLD for a number of years. Although it was already bad because of people flakiness I can tell it has worsened. Talking for an evening with a woman, get on well only to have her stop communicating and barely respond substancial texts the following days. It has become even more tiresome and random that going back to real life dating would feel much better. People get distracted a lot nowadays or as said before there is a bigger fish around, and assume that you have been abandonned for a better catch.
Buzzkillington Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 As people have mentioned, lots of people on OLD are time sinks who sometimes don't even plan to actually meet. What you're experiencing is genuinely very common (and annoying). I was texting a girl for about two days a few months ago and said we should meet up and her response was that she 'doesn't necessarily want to meet people, just chat' as she has social anxiety. Now social anxiety must suck, but I told her she had a novel take on OLD and left it at that!
Zippy2000 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 "Every guy I'm coming across loses interests. Something I'm doing wrong?"No, its nothing you are doing. I have the same issue with girls on OLD.The last 3 girls I spoke to all faded on me. Im amazed why some people are on here are attacking the poster.I dont delay my texts and I do show interest. People just have too many options these days.
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