Every guy I'm coming across loses interests. Something I'm doing wrong?

[Jc396]

I don't get it so far this has happened with 6 guys most met through OLD. The last guy went as far as to ask me out on a date and texted me consistently every morning even asked me if I want to meet him there or have him pick me up. Only for me to not hear from him on the day of the date.

 

I am new to dating so idk how to stop this from happening. All it's doing is wasting my time right now. The moment I decide "well he seems persistent, maybe I'll give this guy a chance" and put more effort into talking to him is the moment the guy fades off. It's getting really frustrating. Anyone have advice to help me out ?

[Satu]

I've never done OLD, but from what I've read here it seems to be fairly common.

 

Don't give up.

[Bluboy]

You are playing hard to get with these guys. That is why they lose interest. I am currently facing one right now and I would have moved on even though I like her but I get to see her so often I am going to chase her one more time and I am done.

 

What does a date mean to you? Go out with your best foot and talk to the person and see if there's a connection?

[lilmissjava]

You meet online - exchange a few messages - decide to meet within a few days. No texting for hours or days before you meet. The faster you meet, the faster you will know if you jive well with each other.

 

There are many time wasters on OLD - both men and women. Some just don't ever intend to meet OR they have found someone "better" because that's what OLD is - a big old marketplace for window shopping.

 

Just keep going as frustrating as it is.

[Toodaloo]

It happens, don't worry about it.

 

There are a lot of flakey people on OLD.

 

Just roll with the punches and develop your own set of rules and boundaries then stick to them.

[Jc396]

You are playing hard to get with these guys. That is why they lose interest. I am currently facing one right now and I would have moved on even though I like her but I get to see her so often I am going to chase her one more time and I am done.

 

What does a date mean to you? Go out with your best foot and talk to the person and see if there's a connection?

 

 

I am far from playing hard to get with this guy or any guys, once I decide I'll give this person a chance, I will initiate more conversations with them and be more quick to respond to texts. At first with this guy who asked me out I wouldn't respond to texts for a few hours if at all and he would always texts me again. Since I decided he seemed interested i have initiated a few conversations with him and even snapchatted him a photo of me out with friends. Only for date night to come and not hear from him.

[Jc396]

You meet online - exchange a few messages - decide to meet within a few days. No texting for hours or days before you meet. The faster you meet, the faster you will know if you jive well with each other.

 

There are many time wasters on OLD - both men and women. Some just don't ever intend to meet OR they have found someone "better" because that's what OLD is - a big old marketplace for window shopping.

 

Just keep going as frustrating as it is.

 

We exchanged numbers last Saturday. sunday he asked me out. Date should have happened yesterday.

[Shining One]

I am far from playing hard to get with this guy or any guys, once I decide I'll give this person a chance, I will initiate more conversations with them and be more quick to respond to texts. At first with this guy who asked me out I wouldn't respond to texts for a few hours if at all and he would always texts me again. Since I decided he seemed interested i have initiated a few conversations with him and even snapchatted him a photo of me out with friends. Only for date night to come and not hear from him.

Consider the possibility that he's communicating with multiple women. You are slow to respond and another woman is responding in a timely fashion. Speaking from experience, I favor the woman who is being responsive.

[Emilia]

By losing interest you mean they drop off and stop responding? That's very common in OLD. You need to talk to a lot of people.

[Jc396]

Consider the possibility that he's communicating with multiple women. You are slow to respond and another woman is responding in a timely fashion. Speaking from experience, I favor the woman who is being responsive.

 

But I feel like interest fades once I start becoming more responsive. I was only slow on this guy for 2 days, once I picked things up, his response times got slower and less to where once date night comes I don't even hear from him. I don't get it. I don't understand how I literally ignored the guy and he made more effort than when I show interest.

 

Yet there is another guy who I was interested in from the start and I would respond to his messages almost immediately which I think turned him off. I don't get why is there a science behind this. I see plenty guys complaining about never getting a response or a text back. My experience seems to be once I start responding they are no longer interested.

[SwordofFlame]

Try to keep the OLD messaging and texting after exchanging numbers to a minimum. Aim to meet as soon as possible.

[Emilia]

But I feel like interest fades once I start becoming more responsive. I was only slow on this guy for 2 days, once I picked things up, his response times got slower and less to where once date night comes I don't even hear from him. I don't get it. I don't understand how I literally ignored the guy and he made more effort than when I show interest.

 

Yet there is another guy who I was interested in from the start and I would respond to his messages almost immediately which I think turned him off. I don't get why is there a science behind this. I see plenty guys complaining about never getting a response or a text back. My experience seems to be once I start responding they are no longer interested.

A lot of people on OLD are time wasters, especially the younger ones, not sure how old you are.

 

You are assuming everyone is on there for a date but they are not.

 

Perhaps they are interested in meeting up but only if sex is on the table and they can tell that they wouldn't get that from you? Many of those guys are not even single.

 

You are much better off talking to and meeting people in real life. Or try both, don't just rely on OLD.

[Larryville]

Every guy I'm coming across loses interests. Something I'm doing wrong?

 

I don't get it so far this has happened with 6 guys most met through OLD.

 

Only for me to not hear from him on the day of the date.

 

The moment I decide "well he seems persistent, maybe I'll give this guy a chance"

 

So his persistence I guess is seen as an attractive trait? Really?

 

Your past:

 

*Why do guys show interest then stop?

*He kissed me, now what?

*He is hot and cold. He kissed me now he won't talk to me.

*Is it a good idea to hookup with my friend?

 

You thought that was a good idea?

 

Then these...

 

*Tomorrow marks month since the breakup.

 

Who does this?

 

*How much flirting is too much AFTER a breakup?

 

*I feel so bored and lonely. I want to contact him

 

*Today is my ex boyfriends birthday

 

That is NOT cool at all...

 

Gonna be blunt, you have issues going on that nothing that will be conveyed to you on this site can help with. This apparently is not new and if you don’t seriously and honestly address you will post another thread recycling the misery.

 

Question for you is (considering we can’t see you or don’t know you only what you post here) when you look in the mirror do you like what you see?

 

When it is just you (alone), is your own company ok with you?

 

Question for you or any person who "get rejected" I keep saying this but what makes you a great catch? I guess folks don't or won't process the fact that if you are having issues maintaining a relationship or guys or girls are not sticking around what qualities do you lack? If you are a hot woman but toil in the OLD black hole then maybe your looks are not the issue. Being hot might get a dude to reach out but if he is a decent dude and bails on you then you were not all that.

 

The issue is you, not the dudes who lose interest in you and YOU need to figure that out. Don’t know how old you are but either fix it, with either therapy or some deep soul searching or I guess just keep posting threads and keep “wondering.” Also this has NOTHING to do with OLD, as frustrating as it can be at times.

[salparadise]

I am far from playing hard to get with this guy or any guys, once I decide I'll give this person a chance...

 

At first with this guy who asked me out I wouldn't respond to texts for a few hours if at all and he would always texts me again.

 

Do you seriously not see the irony between these two sentences? My goodness, all you're doing is filtering by making them jump through hoops, but by the time you decide "you're going to give him a chance" he's feeling like, $hit I'm done with her crap. Just quit the debutante routine and meet the guy for heaven's sake!

 

Here's how my girlfriend and I got together... she liked my profile. I messaged her and asked her out in the very first message. She immediately messaged me back and accepted. We set the time and place and then didn't communicate again until an hour before when I sent her my number and confirmed the date. Since that day we've been thick as thieves and I can't begin to tell you how nice it is to date a no bull$hit kind of woman. (apologies to those who've heard this too many times before)

[katiegrl]

Do you seriously not see the irony between these two sentences? My goodness, all you're doing is filtering by making them jump through hoops, but by the time you decide "you're going to give him a chance" he's feeling like, $hit I'm done with her crap. Just quit the debutante routine and meet the guy for heaven's sake!

 

 

sal, please explain to me how not responding to a freakin text message for a couple of hours constitutes making him jump through hoops.

 

I mean they haven't even met yet for chrissakes.... what do these guys expect anyway... sheesh.

 

It is very clear, at least to me, that this particular guy enjoyed the chase, and once she starting showing more interest, he lost interest..

 

As evidenced by, in the beginning when they first started communicating, when she didn't jump like a puppy whenever HE texted, he continued to text her anyway (chased her).

 

Then when she became more sure of his interest, and became more responsive, he fades out, never even meeting her!

 

I respect that you and Shining One do not behave like this, you do not enjoy the chase, and prefer and respond to women who display a very high interest level from the get go. Regardless of whether you have met in person or not.

 

Fair enough!

 

But please understand that there are many many guys, especially those on-line who do enjoy the chase, they thrive on it.... and once a woman begins to display a high level of interest, the chase is over and they're on to the next.

 

This is all happening BEFORE even meeting, which is nuts IMO.

 

OP, try to shrug it off... from what I understand OLD is a crapshoot.

Edited April 22, 2016 by katiegrl

[Larryville]

My goodness, all you're doing is filtering by making them jump through hoops

please understand that there are many guys, especially those on-line who do enjoy the chase, they thrive on it.... and once a woman begins to display a high level of interest, the chase is over and they're on to the next.

 

KG I absolutely don’t understand this quote, please elaborate because unless I’m missing something if a dude is “into the chase” what would be his goal? You chase with a specific goal in mind, do you not? Either sex or a relationship? The guy must have a goal in mind otherwise what is the point of the chase?

 

Sals’ first quote was dead on, and if you read her past posts it is exactly what she engaged in before.

 

It is very clear, at least to me, that this particular guy enjoyed the chase, and once she starting showing more interest, he lost interest..

 

What exactly do you mean he enjoyed the chase?

[Shining One]

But please understand that there are many many guys, especially those on-line who do enjoy the chase, they thrive on it.... and once a woman begins to display a high level of interest, the chase is over and they're on to the next.

I agree that many men thrive on the chase. I know quite a few personally. However, they tend to move on after sex, not before. They call it "catch and release".

[katiegrl]

KG I absolutely don’t understand this quote, please elaborate because unless I’m missing something if a dude is “into the chase” what would be his goal? You chase with a specific goal in mind, do you not? Either sex or a relationship? The guy must have a goal in mind otherwise what is the point of the chase?

 

Sals’ first quote was dead on, and if you read her past posts it is exactly what she engaged in before.

 

 

 

What exactly do you mean he enjoyed the chase?

 

By chase I mean there are men who enjoy the challenge of getting a woman who isn't quite so responsive... to become more responsive.

 

Then once she becomes more responsive, he isn't quite as enthralled anymore.

 

In this case, IMO OP was correct in holding back a bit, she had NOT even met him in person yet.

 

But yet because she waited a bit to respond to a freakin text message, sal accuses her of acting like a debutante and making the guy jump through hoops.

 

Please explain that one to me cuz frankly I don't get it, it makes no sense to me.

 

She has a life for crying out loud, and she did reply back eventually just not immediately... so what? Again they have not even met in person yet!

 

With respect to what his goal was.... I don't think even HE knows. He is on line, has many options, and at this point, before even having met, having fun.... chatting with different women and hell maybe even eventually meeting one or two.

 

Or maybe not.

[Space Ritual]

OP, try to shrug it off... from what I understand OLD is a crapshoot.

 

 

You can say that again, Katie. LOL. I had my one and only experience with it in 2006 and I ended up having to find out the hard way that it was not for me.

 

I've had much better luck meeting people in the flesh. Maybe I would be of a different opinion had i not had such an awful experience getting catfished back then. It was enough to never do it again though.

[Shining One]

But yet because she waited a bit to respond to a freakin text message, sal accuses her of acting like a debutante and making the guy jump through hoops.

 

Please explain that one to me cuz frankly I don't get it, it makes no sense to me.

 

She has a life for crying out loud, and she did reply back eventually just not immediately... so what?

There's a difference between delaying a text response because you're busy and delaying a text response to test someone's persistence level.

[katiegrl]

There's a difference between delaying a text response because you're busy and delaying a text response to test someone's persistence level.

 

Is that what she was doing? Testing his persistence level?

 

Where did you get that?

 

I didn't interpret her post that way at all!

 

Sounds like you may be projecting a bit based on your own experience.

 

That said, if, in fact, she did delay responding back as some sort of a test, than I agree with you... that is wrong.

 

But I see no evidence of that. Pure speculation on your part.... IMO.

[Ami1uwant]

I am far from playing hard to get with this guy or any guys, once I decide I'll give this person a chance, I will initiate more conversations with them and be more quick to respond to texts. At first with this guy who asked me out I wouldn't respond to texts for a few hours if at all and he would always texts me again. Since I decided he seemed interested i have initiated a few conversations with him and even snapchatted him a photo of me out with friends. Only for date night to come and not hear from him.

 

By you doing 5hat and waiting to respond is playing games.

 

You want to be c9nsistant in your communication habits with someone. If it takes you hours yo reply then you fo it in minutes it's easily noticeable and read.

 

With online dating you want to do some short conversations 9f the dating site then service up a date. After setting up the date you want to limit talking and save it for meeting.

 

My experience...conversation matters on a first dste. You talk a ton prior to the date you have nothing left to talk about.

[Shining One]

Is that what she was doing? Testing his persistence level?

 

Where did you get that?

 

I didn't interpret her post that way at all!

 

Sounds like you may be projecting a bit based on your own experience.

 

That said, if, in fact, she did delay responding back as some sort of a test, than I agree with you... that is wrong.

She's changing her response behavior in direct response to him displaying persistence. See below.

The moment I decide "well he seems persistent, maybe I'll give this guy a chance"

I am far from playing hard to get with this guy or any guys, once I decide I'll give this person a chance, I will initiate more conversations with them and be more quick to respond to texts. At first with this guy who asked me out I wouldn't respond to texts for a few hours if at all and he would always texts me again. Since I decided he seemed interested i have initiated a few conversations with him and even snapchatted him a photo of me out with friends. Only for date night to come and not hear from him.

 

 

But I see no evidence of that. Pure speculation on your part.... IMO.

I'm going based on what the OP has posted. At least two others have come to this conclusion as well. I hope the irony isn't lost on you that you're calling me out on speculation.

[katiegrl]

To add.... I don't do OLD, but if I did.... I would be in big trouble if a man expected an immediate response to a text message ....and if I waited (intentionally or NOT) a couple of hours to reply, he accused me of being some sort of debutante.... making him jump through hoops.

 

Nope he wouldn't be around very long... what a turn off (needy/demanding).... great big NEXT!

 

First of all, I hate text messaging and often times, when I am working, or out with friends, or just busy, my phone is in my purse and I don't even check it until later.

 

JMO but some of you guys needs to chill out. Especially before ever even meeting in person!

 

Women have lives, it is completely unreasonable to expect her to drop whatever she is doing to reply to a text message she may not even heard come in.... lest you deem her a debutante who is playing games, making you jump through hoops or whatevs.

 

Sorry but that is ridiculous.

Edited April 22, 2016 by katiegrl

[truth_seeker]

I believe all women play games... some are worse than others.