Aroo Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 (edited) Warning- drama ahead. So I'm in this awful limbo of trying to recover from an extremely emotionally abusive situation. I dated my boyfriend about 8 months. In the first few months I noticed something felt off. He did and said many things to disrespect me, lied about something super important, even made offhanded remarks about my appearance (more on this later). He apologized profusely to get me back. Along all this, he would drink a little too much and sometimes said mean stuff. Looking back on this, it's like duh- why stay with him? But I was so deep into this negative loop and it was like his nasty behavior was a drug. Don't get me wrong, there was plenty of good stuff too- which made the bad times all the more confusing. He could be the nicest guy ever, cooked me dinner often, gave me massages, etc. So anyway.. This all brings me to my point.. So yesterday he calls me asking to come over and see me. He comes over and I was actually happy to see him! Yeah sure, he can be a real **** show, but sometimes we get along so well and I feel loved. So we are just cuddling and I hit him with my nose accidentally as I'm getting up, and he says "ah your Jew nose hit me" and starts laughing. I get SO PISSED that I can't contain my rage and slap him across the face as hard as I can. I just couldn't believe, after ALL THE **** HE HAS PUT ME THROUGH, that he could diss my appearance when we are just having a nice time. I completely just lost it, yelled at him, called him ugly and started listing his physical flaws and made him leave. I think part of the reason I'm SO PISSED is that I expressed interest once in a nose job. HOW HEARTLESS DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO USE THAT AGAINST ME?? CLEARLY I TOLD YOU I WAS INSECURE ABOUT NOSE!!! AND HE JUSTIFIED IT BY SAYING I MAKE "NOSE JOKES" WTF?? IVE NEVER ONCE JOKED ABOUT MY NOSE. THIS WAS MY ABSOLUTE BREAKING POINT.. After months of random offhand remarks about stuff about my looks (peppered with compliments, of course, to keep me coming back). I just can't believe it. I can't stop crying. Why the **** did I let this piece of **** back? And worst of all I lost my temper and smacked him. But honestly I don't care. I don't. He is a heartless, emotionally damaging person and he deserved to be hit. Of all the awful emotional **** he's put me through, a slap that hurts temporarily should be the least of his problems. I'm not sorry that I slapped him. I'm sorry I stayed with this piece of **** so ****ing long. Edited April 22, 2016 by Aroo
stillafool Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 Why do you stay with a guy who has treated you like $*** for 8 months and is still doing it? There are lots of men out there, throw this one back and go get one. This one is not going to change.
Author Aroo Posted April 22, 2016 Author Posted April 22, 2016 Why do you stay with a guy who has treated you like $*** for 8 months and is still doing it? There are lots of men out there, throw this one back and go get one. This one is not going to change. I don't know, I never saw myself as the type to put up with this type of ridiculous bull****. I guess I put up with it because I grew an emotional attachment to him. Plus the apologizing made me weak for him because I saw the good in him. But overall I realize in hindsight (20/20) that he is simply a broken person.
Zahara Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I don't know, I never saw myself as the type to put up with this type of ridiculous bull****. I guess I put up with it because I grew an emotional attachment to him. Plus the apologizing made me weak for him because I saw the good in him. But overall I realize in hindsight (20/20) that he is simply a broken person. Now you learn from this and you move on. Luckily you didn't drag yourself through this for another 8 months or even years because there have been worse stories on LS. So don't beat yourself up so much. We've all tolerated more than we should have -- this is a lesson to you in that when you start seeing red flags -- get out. It doesn't change. 1
SammySammy Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 It took me a long time to learn to set standards in my relationships. To set and reinforce boundaries early. Like ... make things clear and straighten them out the FIRST time they step over the line with me. A person in my life has two choices: Treat me well or get out of my life. That's it. Be good or be gone. Period. But, like I said, it took me a long time to learn that. I think the sooner we learn that lesson, the better off we are in our relationships. 2
MightyPen Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I'm sorry he was a jerk, but you probably emboldened his behavior by taking it for so long. One of those "reap what you sow" things. At least you're ready to make better decisions in the future. That being said, you slapping him was incredibly inappropriate. Neither being a woman nor being emotional justify hitting a man. If the genders were reversed and an emotional man had slapped his girlfriend because she "said something mean," this thread would have 19 pages of "You are scum!" posts. People say mean things all the time. That doesn't justify an escalation to physical violence. This is 2016. 3
keiji Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 Making fun of someone's physical traits is simply pathetic. Had he truly loved you, he would have tried to help you overcome your insecurities, not strengthen them. If he said it in the heat of the moment, he's even more pathetic for aiming straight at your weaknesses to make sure it really hurt. My ex-g once called me an ass****. I very calmly asked her to call a taxi and go back to hers. That was the first and only time that there was a show of disrespect in our 2-year relationship. Perhaps you tolerated too much. As others have already said, that doesn't justify your hitting him nor listing his physical imperfections. You say you don't regret it? Well, I think that puts you on the same level as him. 5
Author Aroo Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 (edited) Making fun of someone's physical traits is simply pathetic. Had he truly loved you, he would have tried to help you overcome your insecurities, not strengthen them. If he said it in the heat of the moment, he's even more pathetic for aiming straight at your weaknesses to make sure it really hurt. My ex-g once called me an ass****. I very calmly asked her to call a taxi and go back to hers. That was the first and only time that there was a show of disrespect in our 2-year relationship. Perhaps you tolerated too much. As others have already said, that doesn't justify your hitting him nor listing his physical imperfections. You say you don't regret it? Well, I think that puts you on the same level as him. Why would I regret slapping someone ONE TIME who has emotionally abused me for months? He left permanent emotional damage, whereas a slap hurts for less than a minute. I'm not sorry he deserved it after months of breaking me down and then profusely apologizing as a way to manipulate me back into his mental abuse . He's a classic manipulative abuser. I'm nowhere near his level. Losing your temper after someone has been a terrible person to you for months is only human. Why should I feel bad? If I was "on his level" I would have lied and left the slap out of the story just to gain even more sympathy from others . I am NOT on his level. Nope. Edited April 23, 2016 by Aroo
bubbaganoosh Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Why would I regret slapping someone ONE TIME who has emotionally abused me for months? He left permanent emotional damage, whereas a slap hurts for less than a minute. I'm not sorry he deserved it after months of breaking me down and then profusely apologizing as a way to manipulate me back into his mental abuse . He's a classic manipulative abuser. I'm nowhere near his level. Losing your temper after someone has been a terrible person to you for months is only human. Why should I feel bad? If I was "on his level" I would have lied and left the slap out of the story just to gain even more sympathy from others . I am NOT on his level. Nope. Because hitting someone is not the answer. Look I can understand that you hit your limit and finally were able to tell him to hit the bricks and for good reason but hitting him is just as bad as he hitting you. It doesn't solve anything. You learned a lesson and now you know that you deserve better. Just don't make the same mistake twice and settle for what ever comes along and be satisfied. 2
katiegrl Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I dated my boyfriend about 8 months. In the first few months I noticed something felt off. He did and said many things to disrespect me. Next time this happens.... you leave immediately. Block delete next. The end. If you choose to stay after that, sorry that's on you. I am sorry you're hurting though ...... big lesson learned.
mrs rubble Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Why would I regret slapping someone ONE TIME who has emotionally abused me for months? He left permanent emotional damage, whereas a slap hurts for less than a minute. I'm not sorry he deserved it after months of breaking me down and then profusely apologizing as a way to manipulate me back into his mental abuse . He's a classic manipulative abuser. I'm nowhere near his level. Losing your temper after someone has been a terrible person to you for months is only human. Why should I feel bad? If I was "on his level" I would have lied and left the slap out of the story just to gain even more sympathy from others . I am NOT on his level. Nope. Quite right. He verbally abused you. You physically assaulted him. One is illegal and the other is not. What he did is awful and horrible, but you need to learn to keep your anger in check- he'd be quite within his rights to have you charged with assault. In future, walk away from verbal abuse and don't be so quick give them another chance to do it again. 2
keiji Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Why would I regret slapping someone ONE TIME who has emotionally abused me for months? He left permanent emotional damage, whereas a slap hurts for less than a minute. I'm not sorry he deserved it after months of breaking me down and then profusely apologizing as a way to manipulate me back into his mental abuse . He's a classic manipulative abuser. I'm nowhere near his level. Losing your temper after someone has been a terrible person to you for months is only human. Why should I feel bad? If I was "on his level" I would have lied and left the slap out of the story just to gain even more sympathy from others . I am NOT on his level. Nope. Well, it's obvious that we have conflicting views on this. I doubt you'll find someone here who approves your behaviour. To me, emotionally abusing someone is wrong. Tolerating emotional abuse for months is wrong. Hitting someone in retaliation is wrong. If you think it's justifiable, you should probably reevaluate your scale of values. 3
todreaminblue Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 i would like to add that you have anger issues that also would contribute to problems in any relationship...you couldnt control your rage....is a problem.....you need to be able to control rage..if a guy had come on here stating what you had that he slapped his girl silly because she laughed and joked about his nose and that he couldnt control do you think he would have supportive responses...behaviour such as this,it cant be supported its domestic abuse doesnt matter if its a woman or man who hits...its still domestic abuse.....and you can be charged with your anger....do you feel you bottle things up till you explode.....this is where you might be able to change your reactions by communicating how you feel more often in a relationship when things upset you..... and understanding what type of relationship is actually toxic to you and your personality.....deb 1
elaine567 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Quite right. He verbally abused you. You physically assaulted him. One is illegal and the other is not. . Both are now illegal in the UK. 1
Rachel39 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I do not agree with hitting some one male or female and been a female doesn't give you any rights, he could of easily hit you back , what could of become of that then? The best thing is for you both not to be together, it's sounds as though your personalities don't match! I have been in these types of relationships and been on the other end of the violence they do not work and will not last. 1
elaine567 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Unfortunately abusive men* can make the victim so messed up that they do stuff that is quite out of character, and the abuser then turns round and says, "I told you she was a mad, crazy woman." It is not unknown for the women to be labelled "nightmares" by all and sundry when behind the scenes the Puppet-master is pulling her strings, messing with her head, whilst he is considered such a charming man... Here, under pressure you snapped, fortunately you didn't have a knife in your hand at the time. Keep well away, be aware that you could easily be drawn back into this toxic mix and be strong, as nothing good will come of this. Next time he may be ready for you and punch you back. STAY AWAY. The anger you feel is normal, you may need some help with that, contact an agency or organisation that works with sufferers of Domestic Abuse. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging or in some cases more damaging than physical abuse. You may bring this experience into your next relationship, so best to nip any issues in the bud. *Abusive women also exist and can employ similar tactics.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 You have a right to be angry. You have the right not to be disrespected, insulted, lied to etc. You have the right to break-up with someone. You DON'T have the right to hit someone because they said something you don't approve of. Even if it is rude, insulting etc. The fact that you are acting as though "he made you do it by upsetting you so much" speaks volumes. And you guys should definitely be broken up. And you need to seriously examine your own screening and boundaries. And your anger issues. 1
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