confuseddddgirl Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 (edited) so one of my friend is mutual friends with my ex, and she's been telling me all these things that he does. i know that it's better for me to not know about him but this is a way of me getting over someone. anyways ! so she's been telling me how he got this girls number, let's just say this girl is way older than him, he's in his mid 20s and she's well... over that. but anyways ya, he got her number or whatever, and hearing that didn't even make me sad, it just made me laugh, i thought it was pretty funny. so then i heard another thing that my friend told me how he messaged this girl that i know, they had a thing before and this girl also dated my brother before, but now she has bf and when i was still with my ex I've seen her contacting my bf though social media (snapchat) and i asked him why and he told me that its nothing and that she send him pics of her bf and her dog, but i didn't care i just wanted to know. but my friend told me that that girl feels weird that he even messaged her, so nothing is going to happen there lol... i feel like my ex does this cause he knows for sure that my friend would tell me, do you think he's trying to get a reaction out of me? like why would he try and ask this girl to go for lunch when he knows she has a bf and especially when i asked about her before... so that was that... so my ex contacted me today after going nc on him right after we broke up, its been a month or so. he texted me about my personal items that he still has at his place and that he asked if he could drop it off, i said he can this weekend. i felt like he was trying to have small talk with me. he told me to not be too shocked about the way he looked since he came back from a vacation in mexico. (like why would i care) but i was being nice so i just said that it was okay lol. anywho ! my emotions got the best of me and i asked him if he wanted to get back together (biggest mistake i ever made). he said "dont you think you're was way happier without me" and then he went on about how he thinks i deserve better and he wants me to see me happy with someone else who can give me what he couldn't. and i asked him if he was happy without me and he's said yes and that he hope his honesty didn't hurt me but he said that he still loves and care for me but he can only do it from a distance. i said if he's happy then i am happy. and then he went trying to act smart with me talking about soul mates and life partners saying that soul mates are people who are meant to be in your life to teach you lessons but are not meant to be together for life....(i honestly dont know why he would tell me this when i already told him that i get the point that he doesn't want to get back together, like no need to explain yourself) but anyways i told him that if thats what he thinks then I'm all for it and I'm not gonna try and change his mind. and i told him that from now on we should just be strangers and i told him to please not come and talk to me or my family and friends when he sees me or them out... is there a hidden message behind this whole message or am i just thinking things? my friends tells me that he's trying to get me chase after him like all those other times i did...definitely not gonna happen this time and they think he's trying to mess with my head and that he has mix feelings Edited April 22, 2016 by confuseddddgirl
basil67 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 The only messing with minds being done is what you're doing to yourself. He's in the process of moving on and you should too. Tell your friend to stop updating you and make sure to delete him from your social media. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 You don't get over someone by constantly having updates on all their activities. They're not designed to hurt you or keep you stuck. He's moving on. He's doing whatever he wants to do. And it's his right to contact who he wants, when he wants, and why he wants. It has nothing to do with you. He's your ex. If you're reading things into whatever he's doing, that's your problem. If you're hurt and stuck, it's your doing, not his. Advise your friend(s) you don't ever want to hear another word about him, whatever happens, ever again. Go No Contact, stay No Contact (read the Guide in my signature) and quit having any interest in him whatsoever. Whatever is happening in his life, is not yours to have a right to know about, or influence. The same of course, goes with his attitude to you..... 1
MsJayne Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 Sounds like he's just a friendly guy who doesn't want any hard feelings. When someone tells you they want to break up it usually means.... they want to break up. Your mutual friend probably talks about you to him as well, you need to stop feeding her need to gossip. 1
elaine567 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 Sounds like a guy who knows what he wants and what he doesn't want, and a guy who is moving on with his life. YOU are the one stuck in the past, just let him go. Stop analysing his every move as if it is all about you, it isn't. He has made it very clear where he stands here. 1
mightycpa Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 If you were a psychic, I'd counsel you to get another job. Look, you're taking what he says, and twisting the meaning of it until you can find a message in it that you want to hear. That's not how it works. If I tell you the color of the car is red, you don't go home and throw some chicken bones and figure out that when I said red, it was a subtle clue to spell it r-e-a-d, which means that I'm talking about reading something, a newspaper maybe, or a book, but either way, that's black and white, so "car" must really mean "zebra". That's exactly what you're doing. I read what you wrote and I get the clear picture that he's done and you wish he wasn't. 1
4giveme Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I know what it's like to have your mind messed with. My ex would tell me we were broken up, and then the next day call me his girlfriend....all while denying he said we were broken up. THEN, the next week he'd deny I was his girlfriend and make me look like the clingy freak to all of our friends. It was humiliating to say the least and I don't bother going anywhere I might see someone we both know. Because of his mind games, I became where I couldn't believe him if he told me he was done or if he wasn't done. He was also a chronic liar so I honestly could not believe anything he said. I believe he is suffering from some pretty severe mental illness because I have never met anyone like that before. So what I went through may distort my views a little so take what I have to say with a grain of salt. Now your guy is most likely just trying to move on, but he also seems to be keeping a doorway open for communication even though he doesn't want you. He's holding onto a few threads just in case. He is also most likely aware your friend is going to tell him what you are doing. You need to block him, tell your friend to stop informing you or cut off that friendship, and avoid places he may be. It is for the best and it also shows you aren't going to be played. He does sound like he is respectful, but some people like to know they are secretly desired by their exes still. My situation was so bad that I changed my number. He changed his number as well I was told, but I changed my first, ha. I cut out all of our mutual friends and I do not go to the places I think he might be. I also deleted facebook awhile back when he first started humiliating me. Just do what it takes to cut him out of your life. I am even moving 3 hours away in 2 weeks and I've never moved my entire life. (and I am in my 30s!) Good luck. Give him the dropkick. You have value and worth and there is someone who will adore you and commit to you. It isn't him. You may wish it was, I still wish it had been my ex, but it won't ever be. Sucks!
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 You two have been on this sick on again off again merry go round for years. So yeah, probably he's expecting that you will act as you have in the past & chase after him now that he's dumped you & tried to get with somebody else because that is what YOU always do. If you want this unhealthy cycle to stop, you have to stop chasing him. Your relationship is dysfunctional. Leave this break up to be the final one. Get your stuff exchanged. Stay away from each other & tell your friend to stop talking to you about him. 1
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