missmysticfalls Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I've been with my boyfriend for over two and a half years now. He was my first real relationship and is two years older than me. I adore him as a person, we get along wonderfully and we rarely argue. He is my best friend in the world, he's got a great family who love me and he treats me like a princess. The only problem is i feel like we have no sexual chemistry. Right from the beginning I wondered if I was supposed to be feeling something more when we kissed (butterflies? sparks?) but having nothing to base off of since this was my first relationship I just didn't know what to think. This wasn't really an issue for awhile and things were going well but once we started having sex everything slowly went downhill. The sex was uncomfortable, enjoyable, and i spend every time wishing it would end. I get nothing out of it and I wouldn't mind never doing it again. I didn't let this get to me for years now but lately I've been feeling like something is wrong. I don't know how things are supposed to feel but I worry that I'm wasting time in an otherwise wonderful but passionless relationship when there could be something out there i don't even know about yet. I'm so stressed about the possibility of ending things with him and over thinking everything that I don't even want to kiss him lately for fear or not feeling anything and taking it as a sign we should end things. I really do love him and I'm terrified of losing him and hurting him but I just don't know what to do. Can this be fixed or am I fighting a losing battle. I just don't know what to do!
MsJayne Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 It's not often that great friendship and great chemistry exist in one relationship, and that's why divorce is rampant. People stay together for the wrong reasons, misguided loyalty, fear of being alone, fear of dealing with the fallout from rejection. They think that because they love their partner, (in a friend way), that hurting them is out of the question. If they thought it through a bit more they'd realise that staying in the relationship is actually dishonest and not fair on their partner. If you aren't enjoying being intimate with your boyfriend and you decide to stay with him you're going to regret it later on, probably after you've had three kids and bought a family dog. If you end it, he'll eventually get over it and you may get the friendship back, but if you drag it out he could end up being far more hurt than if you speak up now. Think of it this way, by sticking with someone who you know isn't really right for you, you're stopping both of you from meeting someone who is right.
smackie9 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I think you are in love with the idea of being in a relationship but not him. You just wasted two years of your life. Please gather the strength to end it and find that person who will give you the emotional sexual connection that is needed for a true relationship.
tayriley Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 is it possible you are asexual? do you watch porn and masturbate? do you have a vibrator? ...if the answers to those questions are no, then you should really start exploring. good sex is rarely gotten by letting the guy do what he will with you...you have to communicate what you like in bed. i know this is hard to do when you are new to it and have no idea what you like...but that's why getting yourself some sex toys and exploring yourself is so important. after you've done this, you will be better able to tell him what you like. also, sex shouldn't hurt or be uncomfortable- do you get regular checkups at the gyno? you should do that because it's possible you have something going on down there that is making it uncomfortable. and if not, some women really need lube to get started because they don't get wet enough at first...have you tried this? ...if after experimenting, sex just doesnt mean anything to you and you find it repulsive, then you may just be asexual. there's nothing wrong with it, but it does mean yuo should not lead anyone on. it's never the right thing to stay with a person just because you want to be in a relationship. you are being cruel to them because they could be using this time to find their soul mate and instead you are making them live a lie as they believe you to be the exact right person for them.
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