She says I want to merry you. I eventually ask. Now she needs to think about things?

[Davoman]

Ok here goes. Iv probably already lost the girl at this point but oh well. This might be long. Excuse the spelling.

 

 

I met this girl at work and we hit it off from the start of things real quick.

She basicly started to live with me cuz it was closer to her work. This was at my parents house after a week togeather. The relationship became pretty heavy and heated fast. I did all kinds of things for her, you know the

usual bf things, got her car fixed for her. Got her little gifts, flowers , wrote notes while she was at work andleft them for her to find while i was at work. Got us a hotel room on our aniverserys and a cabin one time. Been there for her when her grandpa died, and been there for her when her dad wouldnt be there for her. She wasnt getting to see much her fam, we would go once a week or two days a week if that.

 

 

We have been togeather for a year and 4 months now. Everything was going great. It was either three or six months into the relationship she started talking about marrage, well i didnt want to loose her so i said i would think about it, she kept saying things about it over and over and finally i ask her to merry me and promised her i would when i got enough nerve to tell my parents about it. I have never got an official ring though. But a ring I gave her it was 39 bucks from Fashion Bug or something. I told her i wanted to get her agood ring. Well i was unsure about things, but I know i wanted to be with her. She has been prerssuring more and more. The sex is great, and she says so.

 

 

 

We talked about getting an apartment a around April cuz we needed to get out my parents house. She wanted to rush right in and I said no we need to save money first. So we asked the guy to hold it a month. Well I decided we might had enough afterall so I told her to go talk to the guy about getting it. When she did she found out he gave to someone she was kinda mad i think.

 

 

Here lately I have been playing video games, while she would sit on the bed and watch tv, id try to get her to play video games she would everynow and then. But we do things on and off for each other, then other times i wont do things she asks me to do at all. Like i will sometimes go start her car for work in the mornings or fix her lunch, but sometimes i dont feel like doing it so i wont. Sometimes she will give me massages and sometimes she wont.

 

 

Well anyhow the day i get some money a guy owes me i have decided im going to go and buy the actual ring and i was going to ask. She goes to her cousins graduation and comes back and says something about quiting her job and so she can go to FL on monday with her cousins and stay there for a couple weeks. I told her something about how i would miss her, and like to go, but she said her family wouldnt like it since we wasnt married. I told her I was afriad to loose her cuz something that happened similar in my past. She told me she was afriad she would loose me to one of my freinds. A girl who was my ex. Suggested getting married before we went and i didnt do it.

 

 

Well she went down there and the first week things were great. She would call and talk about how she missed me wanted to kiss me and loved me and id reply with similar things. Then this week she talked about how she was thinking of living down there , i thought she ment us, and i said well i took it kinda hard, big decision afterall. I told her I would think about it but she had to come back first so we could plan. Well I talked to her mom about how I felt cuz i was going to do that anyway cuz she needed to know the truth it thought. Her mom suggested me going down there with her other cousin who was going down there and getting married on the beach like she had always wanted. Well I asked her if she wanted to do that. And BOOM she says she needs time and space to think about things. And how she doesnt feel like she knows herself.

Totally out of char. I mean she suggested it to me

 

 

Well I bassicly told her I would give her that time and space and she could contact me when she felt like it. The next morning she writes me a poem. Is imming me but im in the other room talking to my mom so she calls me. And we talk I dont recall what was said, we talked about the idea of moving down there or something. And i might have been clingy again cuz i do love her and want her to be with me. But i basicly continue to say she can contact me when she wants to. The next night while Im at work she messages me saying she loves me and i say similar stuff. So then the next night she gets on and we she talks and these are some the things she says.

 

 

so i have a question if in the end of all this i choose not to be with you are we still gonna be friends?

 

im kinda in the position where i can see myself being with you but not right now meaning i want to kinda want to make sure that i couldnt feel the same way with any other guy than what i do with you because if we get married i dont wanna wonder remember when i talked to yuo about jeremy (A guy she was in a relationship with who was suppose to get married to another girl. He led her on and finally broke it off with her.) awhile back well its kinda like that situation and i also want to get all that teen spirit out of me before i settle down can you understand that i mean lucky you you already found out about how you and mel (EX NET GF) definitely wont work right?

 

 

i love you too much to ever cheat on you but i know that what i did with jeremy will always linger not jeremy persay but just what we did i mean see mom dont know about that and she definitely dont know everything about me but if she said that i would marry you because i love you so much then she was right

 

I of course tell her i love her and that id like to be freinds but it would be hard, and try to make it clear i understand where she is comming from but it would be hard. And that the way she was acting is baffleing cuz she was so sure before. And her mom was too. She says something about her mom not knowing about the ex and i never had a question in my mind before but i was never really by myself to think about what IIIIIII wanted to do. everything seems so twisted and is driving me crazy. talking to you about it cause it makes me nervous thinking about me and you maybe just end up being friends. I ask why. She says

cause i love you so much and i wonder if we would be able toactually still be friends even if we both say that we could be. i just need to think period like i said not just about us but about myself as well.

There is more but you get the jist of things.

T

he next night i think its ok to talk to her and get things off my mind. So i call and ask her to get on the net, she does. I ask her if she relized how hard it really could be to be freinds. And talk about things thats going on in my life some. Like my best freinds mom dieing. Well i probably say i love you to much in the conversation and she of course replys with I love you too. Well she says im pushing things cuz i ask her if she talked to her mom about things? and if we could sit and talk about our relationship when she gets back and she says there is no problems there the problems with her. And other stuff so I tell her, ok I need to be there for my freind, Im going to not contact you for a couple days. and it didnt mean i didnt love or care about her any less. Well then I say she can contact me when she feels like it. FOllowed by I love you and she of course says i love you too. Other lovy dovey stuff.

So i go a day with not contacting her, and she dont contact me. Today when I call her mom (i feel like i can talk to her) about my freind and other things. Her mom asks if i talk to her, and I say some. She says what she say. I say she needs to talk about things, so we get to talking about her, but then other stuff too like how her grandma is and how her sister has been crying cuz she misses my gf. Well My GF calls when we are talking and I let her mom go. Then 15 mins later my gf calls. And I say whos this and she says its me your gf. I was like Oh. What do you want? She said I just want to hear your voice. I was like oh, thats sweet. And we talked about what she had been up to like she barrowed her cousin SUV the other night. I asked what she did. She said went to the beach. I asked what you do there. She said we hung out. And she said she is suppose to get her ticket today for her bus, so she would know when she was comming back soon. I asked her if she called cuz i was talking to her mom and she said no. I never mentioned anything about when she thought she would be back our relationship. When she said she had to go I said I love you. And she said I love you too. And then goodbye.

 

 

So then I talked to her mom and we talked about relationships in general and I think i made a misstake is saying Im scared ill loose her daughter. I should have said I was scared she would leave me and find herself in a bad relationship, and be treated bad, because thats really what i ment. Well i bassicly have decided im not going to contact her she can contact me. Im trying to decide if i should be there when she gets back or give her time with her fam and let her contact me. I know I want to merry her. But im thinking she is probably going to break things off with me when she gets back. But im trying to be supportive and give her her space. I still want to ask her and tell her if she needs time im cool with that and I will give her time. I already have a ring, I got that when she went on the trip. She is 19 and im 25. She says she dont want to wait till she is to old to merry, but she has had somewhat a sheltered life. Homeshcooled for one. But im not sure if I should? I think she may be trying to let me down easy or something. Im almost positive she is going to break it off. But little things like why she called me today gives me some hope. Anyone want to throw in some advice on balancing things? or ideas of what they think of this situation? Im pretty confused.

 

Sorry this was long. I thought the situation needed a good explaining.

[whichwayisup]

so i have a question if in the end of all this i choose not to be with you are we still gonna be friends?

 

im kinda in the position where i can see myself being with you but not right now meaning i want to kinda want to make sure that i couldnt feel the same way with any other guy than what i do with you because if we get married i dont wanna wonder remember when i talked to yuo about jeremy (A guy she was in a relationship with who was suppose to get married to another girl. He led her on and finally broke it off with her.) awhile back well its kinda like that situation and i also want to get all that teen spirit out of me before i settle down can you understand that i mean lucky you you already found out about how you and mel (EX NET GF) definitely wont work right?

 

This is the issue at hand right now.

 

She's been very honest with you by saying more or less that she isn't ready to get married, wants to play the field and see what else is out there - Then make her way back to you.

 

That sounds wonderful on paper, but with matters of the heart - Who knows in 2-5 years she will come back. Are you going to wait for her to decide if you're the one? Let's put it this way, life is crazy, there's always a chance! Timing could be right, hook up again, who knows.

 

The best thing right now you can do for YOU is to break it off with her, let her experience life. I don't know how old you both are, but neither of you really sound old enough to settle down. This day in age, both people have to be working to afford a house, a baby etc... It's not like 20-30 years ago when one salary was enough.

 

The other thing is, with her telling you "can we still be friends..." is her leaving the door open, but not for a romantic relationship, just friendship - an emotional friendship. It won't work and it's not fair to you. She gets to explore and KEEP you in her life. Uh no. She has to let go you too, allow you to see other woman, and not keep intouch. I hate to say it but No contact is the only way to go.

 

 

OK, the other thing is, knowing how she feels now, do you still want to try to get her to commit to you? Even if you get engaged, it won't promise you her.

 

Sorry if I upset you, not my intention, I just see this as something that really is going to hurt if this relationship continues right now.

[lilmoma1973]

hey Davo,

You think her ex came to florida and they met back up and something happened and she wants to be with him .. you need to let her go and if it was meant to be she will be back if not then it never was!! you are young sow your oats don't be tied down .. think about it.. she must not be over this guy to mention him!!! good luck