DeeplyMissHer Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 (edited) I've been with my girlfriend for almost five months. Things are going great. She is sweet, a lot of fun, patient and a great person all around. I haven't been this excited and happy with someone since my ex girlfriend and I broke up five years ago. I had one long term relationship afterwards, but I never felt that into her. I know my current girlfriend and I haven't' been going out that long but I can picture a future with her, and if things go well maybe get married one day. But I've come into some conflict. The last month my ex girlfriend has down a one eighty. We used to be able to co-parent efficiently. We were friendly, and very nice to one another. But all that changed when I met my girlfriend. I thought it was because she didn't like her. Well tonight she asked if I would take our daughter for the night. IT isn't my night and especially when we are going through a change in custody, this wouldn't be in her best interest. Because I still care about her I asked her what was up. She didn't say anything at first on the phone, but then just broke down. Her and her fiance broke up. She didn't go into much detail but said a week ago, he called off their engagement, and last night told her he didn't love her anymore and they broke up. So apparently they hadn't been getting along lately. My daughter did hint that they didn't really go out much as a family during her mother's time, much lately. I didn't' think much of it, but now it makes sense. To get to the point, I'm having a conflict. When I heard the news I felt relieved and almost happy. Not happy that she is sad and hurting, but because up until about six months ago I was jealous of the guy. Jealous that he was a part of my daughter's upbringing, jealous that he was with my ex girlfriend in general. I thought I had finally got passed it but a part of me, is thinking about what if. Like is this a sign. I'm not acting on those feelings because I really do like my girlfriend and I don't want to mess things up with her, but the ex's relationship break up, is on my mind. I'm also concerned how this change will affect our daughter. Edited April 21, 2016 by DeeplyMissHer
smackie9 Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 I feel you are just instinctively being protective of your family even tho you are no longer together with your ex....it has nothing to do with romantic feelings at all. Just carry on with raising your daughter, dating your GF...let your ex deal with her own private issues....it other words just stay out of it.
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 I feel you are just instinctively being protective of your family even tho you are no longer together with your ex....it has nothing to do with romantic feelings at all. Ya I kind of felt that way too. Even though I do care about her a lot. Even though I am no longer with her and happy, her feelings still matter to me somewhat. I'll just mind my own business and continue to co-parent and be civil.
butterfly1958 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 Wow.....many thoughts go through my mind as I read your post..... What is the right thing to do? What really matters? What do you really want in your future? Ponder those questions. The answers may help lead you forward. Being honest with both ladies would be the best thing to do. Treating others as you would want to be treated is a great philosophy and so very important in relationships as it shows integrity, honor and a spirit of caring...... You will be in my thoughts......pray all goes well and you will be blessed through your internal search ......
LydiaLong Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 Well, you might want to think about all those reasons that you're not with her anymore. It's not fair to the current girlfriend to be thinking about your ex.
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 Well my ex just text me saying "we" needed to talk. I was about to go out for a walk with my girlfriend. Just leaving it at that. I dropped my daughter off a few hours ago so hoping it has to do with her, but who knows.
LydiaLong Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Hmmmm..."We need to talk" can mean a lot of different things. Looks like she enjoys drama.
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted April 26, 2016 Author Posted April 26, 2016 LydiaLong nailed it. She is full of drama. I called her the morning after. She texted me again while I was out with my girlfriend. I almost forgot we had talked earlier in the day. She just wanted to cry to me about her relationship failing and how our daughter is devastated. My daughter was a little quiet after I seen her but I think she'll adjust fine. I told her that if she starts to act out or she is showing signs of long term affects, we can look into a child therapist. I also said I didn't want to discuss her relationship problems with her. I just shut her down. She got mad and hanged up on me. Once I get my 50-50 custody I will most likely limit my contact with her. I got a good thing going in my relationship and I don't want my ex's drama to ruin it for me. So best to keep our communication to Aaliyah's needs only. 1
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted April 26, 2016 Author Posted April 26, 2016 Well, you might want to think about all those reasons that you're not with her anymore. It's not fair to the current girlfriend to be thinking about your ex. I'm not with her anymore because she dumped me. I used to party a lot while she stayed at home with our daughter. I finally let go of the guilt and forgave myself. I'm not that person anymore and am a great father, and a great partner. I hardly drink anymore. At this point in our lives I think we are too different and she has grown entirely too needy.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 This is exactly why I prefer not to date men with children. They all secretly hope to get back with the ex and most women love competition. The moment he starts getting serious with someone else... 1
butterfly1958 Posted April 28, 2016 Posted April 28, 2016 Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you move forward in life. Change is always hard even good change. Be guided by what is right and really take time to assess all things before you make a decision. Talk it out with yourself and align it with your vision and values in life. Pay close attention to your daughter and make sure she receives lots of time to talk as well. She is processing all of this too and does not know why she is feeling like she is. Express your love in words, actions, hugs, and however you can to your child. Praying for the best for all of you....
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 A few weeks ago I found out her real motive. She asked our daughter how she would feel if we (her parents) got back together. My daughter told her mom that it be nice but not likely. I have a smart daughter and I'm glad she realizes and didn't play into her mom's manipulation. I'm a bit shocked because I never thought of my ex like this. But I'm glad I'm finally at a point where I'm meh with her.
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 My girlfriend and I are coming up to our six month anniversary. It feels weird since we aren't in highschool but I just feel like everything is going so well for us. I want to plan a date: something romantic and cute. She isn't into big fancy, expensive things. She told me this directly and not something I'm guessing at. Any idea. I live in a big city, so secluded areas are far and between.
CarrieT Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 A gourmet picnic in a park can be inexpensive, intimate, and charming...
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