Gia41373 Posted June 19, 2005 Posted June 19, 2005 My boyfriend broke up w/me about 4 weeks ago, because he says I'm constantly living in the past. We have been on and off for about 12 years now. He ended up calling me last week and wanted to see me. We had lunch together and then went our separate ways. I haven't heard from him since. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? I don't think he wanted just one thing, because he didn't try to do anything with me and it would have been pretty low of him after all he has done to me in the past. He told me he wants to remain friends with me for the rest of our lives and who knows what will happen with us in the future. He doesn't want me to throw away 12 years of history. We have been down this road too many times and I can't continue this vicious cycle. What do I do? Should I be patient and give me him some time and space or should I cut my losses and move on with my life. Remember, I'm talking about 12 years not just a few. Is it fate that keeps bringing us back together or is something telling us we're not meant to be together at all??
smile95 Posted June 19, 2005 Posted June 19, 2005 going thru the same thing, but only 3 yrs. Do you think that you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Are you wanting to move on? Have you broken up before? In my situation, I am breaking the cycle. We get back and break up and it is nuts. 12 yrs is a long time. Do you have any idea why you broke up? You will always have love for him becasue he was a major part of your life. But you can love him forever, what matters is are you in love with him. Can you imagine your life w/out him? Do you want to? If it is meant to be, it will be. He will come back or fate will bring you back. You should try and be ok being alone and enjoy. What does he mean about living in the past? Do you bring up old fights? Or "I liked it when you used to.....and you never do anymore" I think you should try and move on. He could come back. Once he sees what he lost. Give him some room to breathe. How old are you guys? Children?
Author Gia41373 Posted June 19, 2005 Author Posted June 19, 2005 Beth, thank you for your response. It's such a long complicated story I'm sure I can write it all down. I'm 32 years old and we first got together when I was 24. We were together for 3 years and it was the most unhealthy relationship ever! He cheated on me many times and I was in denial for a long time, because I loved him so much and didn't want to be without him. I lost all self respect. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and we ended up having a really bad break-up. I found out shortly after we broke up, he was with one of the girls he cheated on me with. It took me a very long time to get over him. Long nights of sobbing, endless days of feeling totally worthless, but I finally got over him and moved on with my life and was actually happy. I never thought I'd see that day. 3 years later, while he was still with this girl, I ran into him. I was over everything, so I could actually be civil to him. He ended up calling me and wanted to get together. He told me, he never stopped loving me and he admitted to me that he treated me like crap. He said he wanted to be with me and that he was going to have this girl move out. Like an idiot, I believed him and waited around for about 4 months. He never asked her to leave, so we ended up getting into another fight and didn't speak for 2 years. Once again, I ran into him after 2 years, while he was STILL with this girl and I was able to forgive him (but not forget) and we became friends. We actually stayed friends for about a year. He would always confide in me about this girl and how he wasn't really happy with her. It was hard for me to hear him talk about her, but I was okay with it, because I had gotten over him once again. She ended up moving out after 5 years because he wouldn't marry her. He said he was happy to see her leave. We ended up back together and in the beginning we had a pretty good relationship. We talked about all the crap we have gone through and fate kept bringing us back together. He would always say we were soul mates. A couple of months into the relationship, I started to really fall back in love with him and become very insecure. I felt as though I was just a filler until he was ready to move on. I had a hard time dealing with the fact that he basically left me for her, and ended up being with her for 5 years. I constantly saw things of hers that were left in his house and it bugged the crap out me!!! He just got out of a 5 year relationship and acted like it didn't bother him at all. That's what he meant, by saying I keep living in the past and not the present. I told him, I just needed him to help me deal with all of this and that I'm really trying hard, but he said he needs his life to be easy and doesn't want to deal it, so he ended up leaving me once again. I know you can't live in the past, but I had a lot of issues I needed to deal with and he knew that going into the relationship. Usually, I would stay clear of relationships like this, because I really have grown and realized that everyone deserves to have a healthy relationship. There is just something about him that keeps me going back and I kick myself every time!! The problem is, when I am with him, 98 percent of the time we are happy. We have so much fun together and I've never loved anyone as much as him. There is something that just won't let me completely let go of him. It's sad, because as I read what I'm write, I think to myself, you are such a fool!! So, here I am now on the Love Shack!
smile95 Posted June 19, 2005 Posted June 19, 2005 I can relate. Totally. Esp about the part when you said you read what you wrote and could not believe it. Well, considering that my ex of 3 yrs just called me after he just stopped talking ot me for a month, I am not sure what to say. It souinds like you should not wait any longer. Look at how much time you have spent on him. I know you love him, but look at what you wrote to me. he cheated on you and you do not deserve that. You can survive alone, you have. If you truly feel he could change for you, let him prove it and he will come back. If it is not meant to be, then you both will move on. I know you invested so much time, so it is hard. But it sounds like a relationship that has a lot of past issues-and it seems like he did not change when he came back both times. Just try and move on and if things change for the better with him, then he will realize what he has lost and come back to you a changed man.
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