Xiomn Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 So I've started dating this new girl and we're both really into each other and seen eachother a few times and at her place a few times hanging out. She really wants to have sex with me because we both find each other very attractive. But I'm having trouble getting an erection despite finding her very attractive and wanting to have sex too. I've attributed this to the fact that I've been single for over 9 months now and haven't had sex in that time at all. Since becoming single I've substituted sex with masturbating over porn twice a day and I think this might have contributed to my problem although I'm not certain. I'm only 20 so feel it's a bit weird for me to be having this sort of issue at such a young age. Anyway I decided to stop masturbating and watching porn altogether in hopes I would gradually start building up my horniness and need to release myself. However, it has been a week and I don't feel any different and don't still don't feel horny at all. Do I just need to wait longer or something?
smackie9 Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 You did the right thing, next you should start working out and eating healthy....that will increase testosterone and give you more energy. BTW it might take longer than a week to decompress from all that stimulation from the porn. Plus having anxiety about it doesn't help....keep positive.
Mjm1014 Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 I've been there and it can be very frustrating for both parties. Lay off the porn perminately, eat healthy, and lift! I found that when I lifted, that would help a lot. Also a simple test booster at gnc should give you a little bit of a kickstart. Lay off caffeine, don't use any tobacco, and do not drink-all those things will hinder you greatly. One thing you NEED to do is have a talk with the person you're seeing. They may become even more frustrated over time if you don't explain this, and think that it is because of them and stress is the last thing you need. If she's right for you, she will understand. Realize this is something that may take a little time. It may take a week up to a few weeks to get back on track. You'll be fine...its normal. I've been in a dry spell myself for awhile and know I'll eventually go through this again fml. Lol
jen1447 Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 You find her attractive and want to have sex but you're not horny? Or is there really some underlying lack of attraction going on? If it's just temporary performance anxiety, let me ask you this - does she have a nice butt?
LoveRefreshed Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Do you have morning wood? If you can have an erection in the morning (or masturbating to orgasm with a full erection) then any trouble you have with the lady is all mental (assuming you're not gay and haven't realized it yet)... I have heard that over use of porn leads to men becoming too focused on the visual and not enough on the sensual and the physical and we become desensitized to real sex. My guess is it's nerves for you. However, just like with other things, if you're dehydrated, stressed, exhausted, or sick, then you'll have a hard time with maintaining an erection. My advise for you is to lay off wankin it to porn, get proper rest, drink water and eat healthy.
egalew Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 This is what's wrong with porn. You need to lay off. Google it. Much has been written about men losing their erections and not being able to perform because of their porn addiction.
SwordofFlame Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Instead of looking at her, try to focus on porn instead? That's like the opposite of guys who can't hold their load, they're told to focus on things like baseball.
joseb Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Sounds like it may be porn induced erectile dysfunction. I never had that myself, but I have noticed that I have a much healthier attitude towards sex and look forward to and enjoy it a lot more since I completely gave up porn 6 months ago. As you are half my age, it's more likely it's a big issue. Give it at least a couple of months. Or consider giving up porn altogether. Personally I wouldn't advocate not masturbating.
Author Xiomn Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 Something else too.. She's been messaging me telling me how she is having fun dating other guys and told me she's just had her first one night stand with a guy.. Which makes me feel bad because I really like her and know I can't give her sex like she wants right now. We've hardly been dating long at all though so I'm just playing it cool like I don't give a **** but in reality I get attached too quickly. Why is she telling me all of this?? Trying to see how I'll react??
MrMeh Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 It's going to take more than a week to get back to "normal". Your brain is conditioned to get the reward ( climax) by masturbating to porn ( routine). There are studies showing that neurological changes do happen when people develop new habits, with watching porn being no different. Just openly discuss your dilemma and tell her that it's not her fault whatsoever. You may feel hopeless at times, but keep believing in the process of getting better through achieving climax with your partner.
smackie9 Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Something else too.. She's been messaging me telling me how she is having fun dating other guys and told me she's just had her first one night stand with a guy.. Which makes me feel bad because I really like her and know I can't give her sex like she wants right now. We've hardly been dating long at all though so I'm just playing it cool like I don't give a **** but in reality I get attached too quickly. Why is she telling me all of this?? Trying to see how I'll react?? You are attached to the wrong girl. It wouldn't have mattered if you F&^%ed her or not. She never cared about you.....if she did she wouldn't be rubbing it in your face she's out boinkin some dude. 6
The_Dork_Lard Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 So I've started dating this new girl and we're both really into each other and seen eachother a few times and at her place a few times hanging out. She really wants to have sex with me because we both find each other very attractive. But I'm having trouble getting an erection despite finding her very attractive and wanting to have sex too. I've attributed this to the fact that I've been single for over 9 months now and haven't had sex in that time at all. Since becoming single I've substituted sex with masturbating over porn twice a day and I think this might have contributed to my problem although I'm not certain. I'm only 20 so feel it's a bit weird for me to be having this sort of issue at such a young age. Anyway I decided to stop masturbating and watching porn altogether in hopes I would gradually start building up my horniness and need to release myself. However, it has been a week and I don't feel any different and don't still don't feel horny at all. Do I just need to wait longer or something? I've been in the exact same position as you, and I completely stopped both looking at porn, and masturbating. This meant my only sexual stimulation came from my ex. I can say with 100% certainty this was definitely the cure. But it took longer than 1 week for me to become sensitised to the real thing again. It took a couple of months I'd say. Oh, and alcohol. I cut out 90% of the alcohol from my life, and this helped me even more. I have no more doubts about my ability to get erections with women now.
kismetkismet Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Give up the porn for a while, but also give up the girl! Her rubbing it in your face about dating other guys and having a one night stand shows that either she doesn't really care about you or she's deeply insecure and not really capable of being in healthy relationship right now. It's possible that something about her attitude in dating made you feel anxious and intimidated in a way and made it hard to get hard so to speak. 1
preraph Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 Yes, you got mired in your habit and now if it doesn't follow the script you're used to, it's messing you up. So yes, quitting porn and masturbation is a must. Tell her to be patient, that you were a porn addict and it ruined you.
TalesoftheWireMonkey Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I was in my 40's, on beta blockers, overweight and sedentary. Drank caffeine and sometimes alcohol and I watched porn like crazy. I never failed to get hard or orgasm with my girlfriend and she was fat and frumpy and not terribly sexy. I would sometimes orgasm to porn in the morning and have two real sessions with my girlfriend in the evening. If you ask me,this porn induced ED concept is thinly-veiled religious intolerance masked as pseudo science. If you aren't getting hard with the girl it's because your body doesn't like her like your mind thinks it does. Probably on some level you could sense she was a player and gonna mess around with other guys. My guess is she was playing you and never really came on to you in a real way? 1
Shanex Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Too much porn : ED. I was wondering for a bit in my younger years why I couldn't get an erection being still pretty young. The porn habit I suffered from has subsided aging. Even if I'm single for a while I won't masturbate more than once a week, keeps me horny and ready 'just in case' If I actually see either a FWB or just a steady relationship I now completely give up the porn. The real deal is infinitely better.
Author Xiomn Posted April 24, 2016 Author Posted April 24, 2016 (edited) Well since we're not exclusive and I'm having trouble in the bedroom we've discussed about her being able to sleep with other guys, I just told her that while I don't mind this (I do really but that's not my concern since we're nowhere near the exclusive talk stage yet by any means so I just have to accept it I know.) that she not tell me about what she is getting up to in that regard because it makes me uncomfortable and I'd rather not know. My only worry is I've been increasingly feeling worse about my inability to get it up and have sex with her. She tells me this gets her sexually frustrated because she finds me really attractive and wants to have sex with me. So she wants to sleep with other guys to fulfil her needs in the meantime. I fear this might end up down an inevitable path eventually where she moves on from me completely because of this in favor of some other guy or she'll just lose interest me leading to me inevitably hurting myself but I do like her and that's the only barrier really. I already think I'm Starting to sense her distancing herself from me. Normally she would snapchat me numerous times throughout the day but she isn't doing it now unless I initiate when she would normally be the one to initiate. I also messed up my no masturbation cycle. Was going strong for maybe a week then I masturbated twice over the course of 2 days so back to square one. I noticed since I didn't masturbate in a week it hardly took any time at all, ( like an embarrassingly quick time) to orgasm as a result. I tried looking at some of her pictures in I guess some effort to train my mind off porn some way but despite touching myself and looking st her nothing was happening. Feel even bad about myself now for breaking the cycle. On the upside I've been going the gym again and eating more healthy. I don't feel any overwhelming desire to have sex with anyone. I've been single most of my life and only ever had 2 sexual partners so maybe that's why, I've subconsciously accepted it I guess. I can kiss her and play with her and go down on her but I don't get horny from this or anything. Edited April 24, 2016 by Xiomn
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