J.Kustom Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 (edited) So this is a bit of a story, but I'd like to get all the info in there, if anyone could shed some light I'd really appreciate it: So I work in the film industry, it's a very 'spontaneous' life style, all sorts of working hours and travelling, people come and go, it's hard to settle and very hard to meet women. Over the years I've had lots of little flings but never a proper relationship, to be honest I'm cool with that, but I am hopeful I will meet someone eventually that I can start a relationship with. Anyway, I was working on a film for 6 weeks and hit it off with one of the actresses, it's the most I've ever been attracted to someone and are really similar people and there seemed to be an obvious spark between us. I was so busy I found she was making more of an effort to be around me and get my attention, I thought about asking her out but with my busy days I just didn't have time and if she said no I didn't want to make it awkward as we were working together for 6 straight weeks. Other people mentioned they thought she was into me. Once we finished the film we had a party for all the cast and crew, I spent the whole night with this girl, at each others side all night, no one else could get our attention, I told her I thought about asking her out and she said she would have loved that. The next day she went back to her home city which is about 3 hours from where I live. We spent the whole next week texting, all day and night, it's the most interest I've ever had from a girl before. I suggested meeting up and she said she'd like that. I went to visit her the following weekend. We had a really great time, it went so well, if felt easy and natural to be around her and she felt comfortable with me, I spent one night with her and we decided I'd stay another night and spoke about meeting up again very soon, she was going to come and visit me in my city. I felt like things were moving very quickly and I was maybe coming on a bit strong but she was giving off the same vibe and it felt right, she didn't seem at all 'freaked out' by it. She even said how happy she was she had met me. This is where the cracks start to show. On the second evening of staying with her she got a text, her demeanour changed and she awkwardly asked me if I was ok going home that night. I said that wouldn't be a problem but asked her if everything was ok. She seemed distant and reluctant to talk but told me she wanted to be honest and said she'd forgotten she had arranged to meet her ex to 'sort some stuff out'. I was a bit taken aback but said I was ok with that, but I did ask what she meant by 'sort some stuff' and she explained there was nothing still going on between them, it was more work related and that she honestly did want me to stay another night but just thought this would be easier to get it out the way. I appreciated her honesty and said I was fine with it and that it was none of my business really. The strange thing is she changed her clothes, she put on the baggiest jumper she could find and a woolly hat (gave the vibe of I don't want to look at all hot for you any more). The following week we spoke a bit over text, I suggested meeting up again and setting a date as we live so far apart but she said things were very busy for her at the moment and maybe we could look at it in a week or two. I said I was fine with that. Over the next 4 days she stopped texting me, took days to respond to anything and every response basically said she was really busy. I wanted to believe this but something inside me thought she was losing interest or perhaps got scared by how quickly things were moving. I know I should probably have given her some space but I did keep trying to contact her at this point which might have turned her off me slightly. One thing she mentioned to me was she was meeting with an actor (from the film we worked on) as he had got her some free tickets to a play and he lives in the same city. In the days that followed this I noticed they were online on whatsapp at exactly the same time throughout the day and into the night suggesting they were chatting a lot... all the while she was ignoring me. I may be paranoid but I have the feeling it was maybe him she went to meet the night she asked me to leave and not an ex (I guess I'll never know). Eventually we managed to have a conversation where she brought up how she didn't think she was 'girlfriend material', and told me how things were way to hectic for her at the minute, but would really like to 'hang out' again in the near future. I gave her a bit of an ultimatum saying I can't keep holding on to vague promises and I could tell what she was hinting at, feeling like I wanted to walk away with some pride I told her to call me if she ever wanted a 'hook up' (probably not the best thing to have done). If she did really like me this might have put her off. After a couple of days we spoke again and I probably gave off a bit of a 'needy' vibe, I gave it one last shot and just said how much I liked her and would like to meet up when things calm down... she said she'd like to meet up again, but said at the moment her life is very busy and she doesn't think she can pursue anything other than friendship... she then gave me the 'don't beat yourself up' speech which annoyed me a bit. I found it a bit patronising, as she seemed really into me and suddenly lost all interest at the drop of a hat, with the thought she might be hooking up with the other guy I felt like she had lead me on a bit, but I thought to be the bigger man and just walk away and not let if faze me, plus I might be wrong about the other guy thing. The problem is it has fazed me, I'm really keen on this girl. I spoke to a mutual friend we both have about this and they said they thought she did really like me and that she genuinely was really busy, and that if I maybe give her some space she might come back round when things calm down, I mentioned I had the feeling there might be another guy, and the friend said they didn't think she was like that... but then this is just confusing me, I don't know what's going on, what to believe or whether I should just quit and forget about it all. I found it all very frustrating. Did I blow it by being to 'needy'? Is there a chance she might actually come back around and she is just busy? Or has she actually just used me all the while being interested in the other guy? If anyone has any thoughts on this I would love to hear them. Edited April 21, 2016 by J.Kustom 1
CarrieT Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 You didn't blow anything - she was simply unavailable yet. She's got a handful of guys on various burners; moving them around the way a chef moves pots and pans on a stove. At one point, you were on the front burner but when she got the text, she moved you to a back burner. Move on - she is a player. 7
Satu Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 She likes you, but you're a low priority. Might be friend material, but not girlfriend material. Don't expect much from her. Take care. 3
Author J.Kustom Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 Thanks. I'm not completely inexperienced with women but still have a lot to learn. I find I do pretty well at initially attracting women but after that I always seem to fall flat on my face. Give it a week or two and I'm sure I'll forget about it and her but just to help me understand... When you say 'she was simply unavailable yet' - I'm not really following what you mean. And when you say 'she likes you but you're a low priority' - in your experience would or could that ever change'? I'm wondering if I'd done things a little different, played it more cool for instance, it might have 'kept me on the front burner'. ? 1
CarrieT Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 You are asking if she would ever change; i.e. make YOU a priority versus these other guys? This would beg the question, why would you even want a girl that juggles guys like this? Why not find a girl that is into you instead of someone who jumps around from guy to guy, depending on her mood? 1
Author J.Kustom Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 That's a very good point and ultimately what I'm looking for... But it was my understanding a lot of people date / see multiple people these days and then naturally gravitate to certain ones and form a relationship, I'm probably a bit more traditional than that. BUT being single at the minute if she had told me she was seeing multiple people but still wanted to see me and knowing it wouldn't become anything more I may have been ok with that... I mean we live 3 hours away from each other, so it would be a case of seeing her once in a while until it fazes out or I found someone else.... but then maybe that would have ended up painful and messy 1
O'Malley Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Sure, she might reach out to you out of the blue in a few months, or if you work together on another project, but it'll likely be more of the same. Her mindset and intentions about your time together were more casual and transitory than yours. It was in the moment, nothing more, and it ended when she received that text. It's easy to get emotionally attached when someone turns the full force of their charm on you. If you feel that much chemistry and attraction towards her at this point, you're not going to do yourself any favors by settling for crumbs from someone who clearly gave you the busy signal and doesn't reciprocate your level of interest. 3
smackie9 Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Celebrities/actors staying in stable relationships is rare, so why venture in that direction? We have seen out fair share of messy affairs/breakups on ET lol. Those people play by their own rules. 2
Author J.Kustom Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 Hearing it back and with your input has definitely helped clear some things up. Thank you. I think I can take solace that she did like me on some level, and even if I was looking for something more than she was - hey, hooking up with an actress isn't such a bad thing, I'll just try to take it as a confidence boost. And if she does get back in touch in the future, at least I know where I stand. It is a shame as I would have liked to stay friends, but I think the needy texts have really scared her off now, she hasn't replied much to me at all recently. 1
Satu Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Snip Thanks. And when you say 'she likes you but you're a low priority' - in your experience would or could that ever change'? *I'm wondering if I'd done things a little different, played it more cool for instance, it might have 'kept me on the front burner'. *I don't think so, and I don't think its about you. Its about her. She's not interested in anything serious. An occasional NSA thing might interest her, but I think thats about it. 1
Author J.Kustom Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 In some ways I just feel embarrassed for thinking their could be more when the signs were clearly there... I guess all I can do is laugh about it. 1
Satu Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 In some ways I just feel embarrassed for thinking their could be more when the signs were clearly there... I guess all I can do is laugh about it. No need to feel embarrassed. You read the signals you saw. Maybe there's some strong chemistry, but only on a fairly superficial level. Enough to bring you together, but not enough to bond. 2
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