Jayquet Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 hello all, I have recently been left by the love of my life, we dated strong for 4 years and everything seemed fine, then she broke it off and said it was because she felt distant, and didn't feel the same way about me that she used to feel. But when I asked what caused the distance she couldn't think of anything. I know its hard to come up with actual things that happened that caused the distance but I feel like I have no closure at all and she just wants to say 'bye' and get out ASAP and she's moving on fine, and I am left here wondering why, and how i couldn't have changed to fix it. she keeps giving me the old line, its not you, its me, I've just changed. But i can't stop thinking about why she wouldn't want to try and fix it. She says she doesn't want to have to leave but the feeling of distance is so strong that she can't fake it anymore. how could someone just change and not want to save such an amazing strong relationship? How could she not want to keep me, she says I'm amazing and theres nothing wrong with me but why not want to stay and fix it? and how do I cope with no closure ?
Silver_star Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Hi Jayquet, Sorry you are going through this hard time. Don't be hard on yourself. In my experience I feel like when people don't give a reason for breaking up with you or keep it vague like "Im just feeling distant and I've changed" there are actually personal reasons for them wanting the space from you. They are choosing this behavior to be distant from you. They are choosing to break up with you, and there usually is an underlying reason why that is. It doesn't mean you weren't a great boyfriend. Hard thing is, as the dumpee, we don't always get to know what that reason is. They might feel ashamed, or guilty by whatever that reason is. Maybe there is someone else they are more interested in, maybe they have become distracted by something going on in their life that they are shifting focus onto that one thing and don't feel their time investment in you is worth it anymore. No matter what the reason is...rest assured it is about them if they didn't give you the reason. And after 4 years if they can't even take some self reflection and be honest about why they are breaking up with you, they are not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship anyways in my opinion.
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