Dating after divorce , and over 50 difficult to find a date if not impossible

[Michaelroyale]

I've been separated nearly 3years and divorced in January this year...decided I'd wait until I was divorced and properly single and available and start looking I must mention I'd lost 2st of weight through the divorce process and had a new wardrobe..jeans shirts nice look...now I'm 54 and it's been 33years since I last dated okay I'm older cut my hair short and I'm just not quite 5.8 tall I suppose an average guy...now full of excitement I joined a dating site got loads of views and I means hundreds, I didn't realise there were so many 40 something women available and like me divorced, got a few winks but in reality nothing really happened....okay my pride was hurt those who did email me were a lot older...I'm just thinking what am I doing wrong..It seems so hard to meet woman I got so frustrated I've decided to not bother...is there others my age that can give some advice I never thought it would be so difficult...are older divorced woman more picky or as the world changed since I was last dating....any thoughts?

[Toodaloo]

Enroll in dance lessons.

 

There is a 53yr old at my class and the things I could do to that guy given half the chance are unspeakable... even in private!!!

 

Seriously go to dance lessons. You will meet loads of people, keep fit, learn a new (rather sexy) skill, even if the women there are already in relationships they will love to set you up with their friends who are not!

 

AND there are usually more women than men so your chances are high!

[PegNosePete]

More than likely your profile and/or pics are not good. That is almost always the problem with online dating. Guys think it's like Amazon, you just write a description, click "add to cart" and it rains hotties. But no, it takes effort and time to create a profile that women find attractive, and it is a skill that must be learned and honed. Even if the profile isn't terrible, chances are it's boring and generic, and doesn't stand out from the crowd of other men on there. I haven't seen your profile of course but that is the usual reason. 99% of guys think their profile is better than average........ they can't all be right.

 

I'd recommend a visit to the "profile reviews" forum of your chosen dating site, since we can't review profiles here due to privacy rules.

 

Incidentally if you're 54 why are you looking for 40-somethings? Online dating, every man and his dog is looking for a younger woman. f you look closer to your own age then you'll probably have more success.

[introverted1]

I've been separated nearly 3years and divorced in January this year...decided I'd wait until I was divorced and properly single and available and start looking I must mention I'd lost 2st of weight through the divorce process and had a new wardrobe..jeans shirts nice look...now I'm 54 and it's been 33years since I last dated okay I'm older cut my hair short and I'm just not quite 5.8 tall I suppose an average guy...now full of excitement I joined a dating site got loads of views and I means hundreds, I didn't realise there were so many 40 something women available and like me divorced, got a few winks but in reality nothing really happened....okay my pride was hurt those who did email me were a lot older...I'm just thinking what am I doing wrong..It seems so hard to meet woman I got so frustrated I've decided to not bother...is there others my age that can give some advice I never thought it would be so difficult...are older divorced woman more picky or as the world changed since I was last dating....any thoughts?

 

What is "a lot older" OP? Seems to me that if you are 54, women from 48-58 would be a suitable target range.

[Larryville]

As a 50 something dude, who has been doing OLD for a time, all I can tell you is be patient, women even in their 50’s if they have decided that “men” are not their priority are doing so many other things.

 

Whether that is volunteering, expanding or changing their careers, continuing their education, maintaining an active circle of friends. Don’t know where you live but a surprising number are still raising kids because if they were career oriented they had kids late and if they are teens or nearing college those kids are their priority NOT guys. I’ve run into a couple of cases where women my age because they have deadbeat kids are not raising or helping to raise grandchildren. I recently stopped seeing a woman who was semi-retired, no kids, active, time to see each other and all of a sudden because of a major family issue now must be significantly involved with her grandkids (5) my point life happens.

 

Much more to convey, but the other thing to consider a significant number of the women online are necessarily “looking” OLD is frankly just a form of interactive entertainment, so unless your profile is “spectacular” in the sense that you don’t have a bunch of tired clichés “I love movies and long walks” BS. You are just another tired dude and another thing women in the 50’s range don’t want to be is your activity chick. Meaning if you were in a long marriage and now you are single the last thing a woman wants is to set up dates, and entertain you. Older guys don’t take initiative, because they never had to.

 

Also with OLD don’t send out a bunch of emails to random women, be more selective and be patient and don’t assume all of these women who “view” you want you. Also when things don't work out don't take it personally.

 

The other fallacy of OLD is in particular men assume that ALL of the women in their dating range is “available” to them, their not and YOU much be worthy of a response from a woman, being average won’t cut it.

 

Good luck

[Michaelroyale]

That's all really good advice thankyou all so much I've been in one relationship so long I had no idea how much competition I've got out there...The dance lessons are a brilliant idea something I have thought about doing...yes I will differently put more thought in to attracting the opposite sex..

Thankyou all..

[Alamo657]

YOU much be worthy of a response from a woman, being average won’t cut it.

 

Good luck

 

Yeah when you're " normal average" person, you simply can't get dates on OLD beyond a certain age.

 

Women want adventurers, even for one night, rather than average guy for months.

[Alamo657]

That's all really good advice thankyou all so much I've been in one relationship so long I had no idea how much competition I've got out there...The dance lessons are a brilliant idea something I have thought about doing...yes I will differently put more thought in to attracting the opposite sex..

Thankyou all..

Dance lessons are good, but even there, i advice that you DO NOT try to seduce/date any woman until you've built a circle of friends there (men and women alike).

 

There is nothing worse for a man in the dancing community than to date a woman for months, break up, then be single without a circle built up. Because then you'll remain single, and have a "label".

[Toodaloo]

That's all really good advice thankyou all so much I've been in one relationship so long I had no idea how much competition I've got out there...The dance lessons are a brilliant idea something I have thought about doing...yes I will differently put more thought in to attracting the opposite sex..

Thankyou all..

 

Its a heck of a lot easier to meet people by doing fun things, both new friends and lovers than it is on line. The new friend swill introduce you to a wider circle of people and new experiences.

 

OLD is hard work regardless of your age. People do strike it lucky but then people also win the lotto too...

 

Go out, kick up your heals, have some fun.

 

A guy laughing and having fun in real life is a damn site lot more attractive than one on a computer screen saying he is looking for his "partner in crime".

 

Speaking of which its my dance lessons tonight... I am hoping hot guy will be back again this week so I can oggle his buns!

[preraph]

If older ones are who's interested, I think you have your answer. Not that 40 is a big maturity gap, but it can be a big looks gap. And they do speak a different language because they are from a younger generation than you. You shouldn't have any trouble dating within your own age range, though.

[smackie9]

If you want young, you have to act young, look young and have young interests simple as that.

 

It's true women are looking for someone who can think and do things outside the box. Being current, tending, active is key....get a gym membership, join a running group, get a new hobby, listen to new music....broaden your horizons.

[Larryville]

Yeah when you're “normal average" person, you simply can't get dates on OLD beyond a certain age.

 

If older ones are who's interested, I think you have your answer. Not that 40 is a big maturity gap, but it can be a big looks gap.

 

He says:

 

54 and it's been 33 years since I last dated

 

People pay way too much attention to age, yes it matters mentally with a lot of people but me being 52 I’m in decent shape, have all my hair, no belly, I can run a little ball on the court on occasion.

 

But a lot of the more active 50 plus women (those not still raising kids, the more successful women) work out, are active many look really good because they have to particularly if they are in high status jobs and they don’t want to go out with a dude is does not shave, wrinkled, tired because if you go out to high profile events they don’t want to be embarrassed.

 

They are not at home, gardening and knitting being old cat ladies.

 

This is why I said in first response be selective but you can’t do the “I’ve been out of the dating game for 33 years vibe” because the quality women will run like hell.

[Lady2163]

I'm on Zoosk and one thing I hate is I don't feel like I have the chance to NOT look at someone.

 

Make sure not all of your interests are male related. I realize you're across the pond from me, but I see a lot of profiles where they spend all their free time, fishing, hunting, camping, watching NASCAR, watching or engaged in only make centric sports YET they want a girly girl. Huh?

 

You're the perfect age for me. Too old to want more kids, but not so old that you don't have any energy left. If you've kept yourself in shape, bonus! Sadly, I'm a touch out of shape.

 

One other thing I'd advise, is don't be afraid of improving cosmetic looks. I'm not talking plastic surgery, I'm talking about skin care and teeth work (if needed). There's nothing wrong with a man using a cleanser and moisturizer. Men of my age/this age were probably not brought up to take care of their skin.

[PegNosePete]

Yeah when you're " normal average" person, you simply can't get dates on OLD beyond a certain age.

That's simply not true. Almost everyone in the world is "normal average". Yet plenty of people get dates, and plenty of people "beyond a certain age" use OLD successfully. The M/F ratio gets better the older you get after all. After a certain age, the women even outnumber the men in most locales.

 

The trick is not to sell yourself as "normal average". Sell yourself as someone awesome. Don't lie or say you're superman or anything. Just advertise your best points. Think of it like making an ad rather than a resume. Ads aren't allowed to lie, but they sure make their product sound as awesome as they can.

[kendahke]

I've been separated nearly 3years and divorced in January this year...decided I'd wait until I was divorced and properly single and available and start looking I must mention I'd lost 2st of weight through the divorce process and had a new wardrobe..jeans shirts nice look...now I'm 54 and it's been 33years since I last dated okay I'm older cut my hair short and I'm just not quite 5.8 tall I suppose an average guy...now full of excitement I joined a dating site got loads of views and I means hundreds, I didn't realise there were so many 40 something women available and like me divorced, got a few winks but in reality nothing really happened....okay my pride was hurt those who did email me were a lot older...I'm just thinking what am I doing wrong..It seems so hard to meet woman I got so frustrated I've decided to not bother...is there others my age that can give some advice I never thought it would be so difficult...are older divorced woman more picky or as the world changed since I was last dating....any thoughts?

 

Best advice I can give you is to beware on OLD--romance scammers pick on people in their 50's to lure into their scams. They are men posing as women to separate you from your money. I, like you, was on OLD when I was 54 and I learned my lesson rather quickly to beware. Learn how to do image searches and profile searches on google--copy and paste their profile into a google search to make sure that same profile isn't on 10 other sites using different pictures. Beware of those who want you to immediately go off site, saying they're closing down their account. No--they're trying to get personal information by getting your email address.

 

There are plenty of nice women out there, but you must also have a fulfilling life in place already--where they're the icing on the cake, not the cake. At our age (I'm 56), thankfully pretense is no longer a high commodity. I find that the men I meet aren't looking for super models or someone young enough to make babies--they're done with that. I"m sure you will find that women in our age bracket aren't grappling with baby fever.

Edited April 21, 2016 by kendahke

[egalew]

That's really good advice, Larryville.

[Michaelroyale]

Thanks every one for the advice...especially toodaloo...just come back from my first dance lesson HO MY GOODNESS it was an amazing night lovely people and great social life...I danced with some really nice woman Wow it was just brilliant I've joined up and going again next week....I know how a fat kid feels in a sweet shop lol thanks toodaloo

Michael