Optimistic84 Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 (edited) Hi everyone, its nice to have an outlet at this hour when I cant sleep. I have been dumped two days ago. I was with my boyfriend for 14 months. He had worked on and off while back home but unfortunately was unable to gain anything permanent. So, he just moved 16 days ago to a different country but its only an how flight. First of all, youll need to hear about our relationship. From the get go we were mutually interested in one another. Our relationship was very loving and we both were very intimate with one another emotionally. We enjoyed spending the time together when it all started and continued throughout the duration of the relationship. We both have had bad relationships in the past but truly connected with talking and we both affectionate. We gradually involved each other in our friends and family lives. Neither of us had children or have been married, 30 year olds. He told me over the course of the relationship that I intrigued him by my kind nature and how I revealed myself to him bit by bit. He also did the same. He said he has never felt more supported by anyone and not judged. He always said that. He said I made him feel special and cared for. He also made me feel loved and wanted. He was always affectionate and caring and mentioned about how he cared for me, etc. etc. and how you do things when you love someone. He said he wanted to explore his new opportunity which I supported and encouraged him to do as the line of work he is in is difficult to get started in. He moved two weeks ago. The night after he found out he got the contract, he said this doesn.t change anything between us, I wouldnt of got here without you. The rest of that week on various night he told me I was his drive to build a better life for us. He said "I love you", he said it first. and I said it back. He spoke about how he wants to be with me forever and have kids and get married. We joked about it over the year but he always said he never felt pressured bu me. On his birthday I mad e a jar of the things I love about you. He loved it. I also gave him occasional cards when he was feeling stressed or when he was laid off work.Also he drew a picture of us for our anniversary and brought flowers, often did loving gestures and we both showed our love. Our friends and families commented on how you were both crazy about each other. He said in 3 months ago about moving in together. Due to his new job that couldn't happen. But it would. When he moved he said he would like me to move over with him as I can travel anywhere with my job. I agreed and the pan was after 6 months once he was permanent I'd move. He broke up with me 2 nights ago by skype. Last thursday he was fine everything was great. He went out friday and saturday and said he ended up speaking to a girl (who was in the large group) who lives near his friend who he was staying with temporarily. He said he felt a spark which he had said before he didnt beleive in. He said it made him realise that he was wrong for being with me as he shouldnt be feeling that. He should only be thinking about me. A few days ago it was us moving into a place with his friend and his gf who was also moving over having bbq's! Tonight he said he didnt love me, he loves me as a friend, I suggested space in which I would give, but I couldnt wait forever. He said its best to not take it and give me false hope. To be clear nothing happened with this girl and I trust that as I know him. He did say that he cant promise nothig will. As far as he wanted to be alone. But I;m questioning is it over. He told me he loved me. He said at the time 1 week ago he meant it and now I.m only a friend. I'm so confused I;m going to give him space but I dont know if he means it or is it that hes freaking out over the forever part. He said he didnt know what was going on his head. Is it over or is there hope. He always was loving in the right way but now he says that he was maybe forcing it as he wanted to love me as much as I loved him. And he doesnt know if he can. Am I crazy to feel so confused as he never gave me an inkling. He said when he left he was thinking clearly and realised how much he wanted me now he doesnt. Edited April 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs ~6
Author Optimistic84 Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 I'm just what you think would be the best to do. He seems adamant. But never for one second was it forced, people always commented. And I always felt he felt the same. Should mention he does have a habit of smoking weed. He stopped before and when he moved away and said he was thinking clearly. Now he's back in it. Am I crazy for hoping he'll change his mind. I haven't slept in 2 days I don't know what to think.
PegNosePete Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 To be clear nothing happened with this girl and I trust that as I know him. Do you know how many people who come here with a story like yours, say that? All of them. And do you know how many find out that they were being cheated on and lied to all along? All of them. We all think we are the exception to the rule. We all think "no not my partner, he/she is different". But ultimately they're not. The writing is on the wall here. "Something" has almost certainly happened between him and the other girl. You need to wake up and smell the coffee. Unfortunately he has met someone else and made it quite clear to you that your relationship is over. The best thing you can do is to believe him. Am I clinging onto hope? Sorry to be the "doom prophet", but yes, you are. 1
Author Optimistic84 Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 Thank you for your reply. I know plenty of people believe that. But I honestly believe that nothing happened. We always said we would be honest with each other. He has an addiction so I'm wondering is he freaking out about the future. He told me he meant everything when he said it. When he is smoking weed he's irrational and says he feels clouded. He has said to me and a family member he feels I'm too good for him, my heart is pure is how he put it. He always was so loving and our relationship was always very intimidate and we both said we have a connection.
PegNosePete Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 We always said we would be honest with each other. Again. They all say that. Sorry but you need to wake up! I would bet my bottom dollar that he has done "something" with the other girl. He has said to me and a family member he feels I'm too good for him, my heart is pure is how he put it. When someone says that, you should believe them. If your heart is pure then what is his? He's telling you something here. He's telling you that he is not a good guy and has done bad things that you probably don't know about. 1
elaine567 Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 He always was so loving and our relationship was always very intimidate and we both said we have a connection. And... He meets another girl feels a spark, and now you are all over? The connection YOU feel is no longer reciprocated by him. I guess he did sleep with her or wanted so much to sleep with her, he felt guilty and he had to end it there and then with you, so he could pursue it with her without the guilt. He is now away from your relationship, he has another job and is in another place with new people, he sees things from a different prospective, he liked it and has ended stuff with you. It is very sad for you but it happens and you now have to move on to pastures new.
Author Optimistic84 Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 I know I won't contact him as chasing is not my style. I'm just so lost as he has done a compete 360. He's spoke to his mother about how he wanted to be with me forever. But he also said he felt I was too good for him. Why did he fill my head with all these wonderful things and now nothing.
katiegrl Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 I know I won't contact him as chasing is not my style. I'm just so lost as he has done a compete 360. He's spoke to his mother about how he wanted to be with me forever. But he also said he felt I was too good for him. Why did he fill my head with all these wonderful things and now nothing. There are several threads currently running in this section regarding men who fear commitment (i.e commitment phobes) who behaved the SAME way -- exactly! Ending their relationships suddenly, without warning leaving their girlfriends confused and devastated as well. One day, madly in love, you're "the one", planning the future, etc ...... next day a complete 180 ... sorry not feeling it anymore, bye. Read those threads, I am sure you will find them very helpful. Sadly, it's not that uncommon.
Author Optimistic84 Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 Thank you I will read them. Just curious, I'm not contacting him. But can men come back from this freak out?
PegNosePete Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 But can men come back from this freak out? Even if he did, would you take him back, after being unceremoniously dumped for another girl? It's not a "freak out", it's a conscious decision. Being in another country, he could quite easily have said nothing o you and kept up the pretence while dating this other girl. To actually take the time out of his day to dump you, it is not a simple freak out, but a decision he has made. No way in hell I would take him back!
ExpatInItaly Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Thank you I will read them. Just curious, I'm not contacting him. But can men come back from this freak out? Why would you want him back? He blindsided you and could very well do it again. He's shown you he's not transparent and likely to act on impulse with your heart. I never believed my ex was capable of cheating either. Not for one second would I have believed it. Until he did. Sorry, but I think you're in denial that zero has happened between him and this new girl. If nothing had transpired, I very highly doubt he'd have decided overnight to break up.
katiegrl Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 (edited) Thank you I will read them. Just curious, I'm not contacting him. But can men come back from this freak out? Possibly, only to rinse and repeat so I would not go back!! He will only do it again... over and over leaving you on a high when he returns, and then the lowest of low when he ends it again. Which he WILL. It is viscious cycle -- move on. It's over. He will never change. Value yourself....and take care of YOU. You deserve better than this crap, don't you think? Edited April 21, 2016 by katiegrl
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