Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 Conclusion? Slow down on the texting and joking on text. Yes even if it's part of your generation to be texting night and day. Let the man think of you, let him anticipate seeing you, let him wonder about you. Whether this man is 20 or 30 or 40 or 50 + humans nature is what human nature is ! Ah, Gaeta, I apologize - I didn't see your response. I'm re-reading responses on this thread, and I just saw it. I do understand the importance of keeping the texting to a minimum, especially with jokes. So easy to misunderstand and misinterpret over text. However, the facts of the situation remain the same: he's not "really into" me (or the other girl he went out with, for that matter), and he expressed enthusiasm about going on a date with another woman. Joke or no joke, that's just not something you say to a person that you're actually interested in. Ugh. I can't stop thinking about it, which is why I'm re-reading this thread. I don't know why I'm so bothered by someone rejecting me in this way. I've got some self-exploration to do, for sure.
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 (edited) Ah, Gaeta, I apologize - I didn't see your response. I'm re-reading responses on this thread, and I just saw it. I do understand the importance of keeping the texting to a minimum, especially with jokes. So easy to misunderstand and misinterpret over text. However, the facts of the situation remain the same: he's not "really into" me (or the other girl he went out with, for that matter), and he expressed enthusiasm about going on a date with another woman. Joke or no joke, that's just not something you say to a person that you're actually interested in. Ugh. I can't stop thinking about it, which is why I'm re-reading this thread. I don't know why I'm so bothered by someone rejecting me in this way. I've got some self-exploration to do, for sure. My goodness you're a sensitive soul, aren't ya. You also seem to have an awful lot of expectations, IMO unreasonable... sorry. I interpreted his comment “Nah. I’m not ready to be ‘really into’ someone yet” as meaning he's not ready to jump right into anything serious as you only had ONE date! Same with the other chick, if there even was another chick, still not convinced of that (I think he was referring to you re losing chance on second date-trying to be funny, interject some light humor and banter). And if he wasn't into you, as you say, why the hell did he contact you again! More negative assumptions. Ugh. And holy cow... after only one date... why on earth would you say this to him -- "I told him that I thought maybe he was trying to tell me that he was really into the girl he went on a date with on Sunday. " Again you had ONE date for heaven's sake. Any reference to other women, and/or how he feels about other women, or one other woman, is off limits in these early stages. Frankly, and no offense but it's not your business after only one date Okay I am just gonna say it.... lighten up! Have some fun! You come across as super intense.... it is way to early to have (1) assumed when he told you he had dinner plans, he meant he had another date, and then ask him about it -- as a joke (a snarky joke), and then (2) your comment above. Holy Jesus Mary and Joseph slow your roll girl.... come on now. If you continue behaving this way, you are gonna scare off/turn off every man you go out with. I am sorry this was harsh.... but felt it needed to be said. Best of luck. Edited April 22, 2016 by katiegrl 3
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 22, 2016 Author Posted April 22, 2016 My goodness you're a sensitive soul, aren't ya. You also seem to have an awful of expectations, IMO unreasonable... sorry. I interpreted his comment “Nah. I’m not ready to be ‘really into’ someone yet” as meaning he's not ready to jump right into anything serious as you only had ONE date! Same with the other chick, if there even was another chick, still not convinced of that (I think he was referring to you re losing chance on second date). And if he wasn't into you, as you say, why the hell did he contact you again! More negative assumptions. Ugh. And holy cow... after only one date... why on earth would say something like this to him -- "I told him that I thought maybe he was trying to tell me that he was really into the girl he went on a date with on Sunday. " Again you had ONE date for heaven's sake. Okay I am just gonna say it.... lighten up! Have some fun! You come across as super intense.... it is way to early to have (1) assumed when he told you he had dinner plans, he meant he had another date, and then ask him about it -- as a joke (a snarky joke), and then (2) your comment above. Holy Jesus Mary and Joseph slow your roll girl.... come on now. If you continue behaving this way, you are gonna scare/turn off every man you go out with. I am sorry this was harsh.... but felt it needed to be said. Best of luck. I am a sensitive soul. Very much so. I know I probably shouldn't have asked him about his date, but what's done is done. I'm glad that I did, because it lets me know where his head is at. I want a serious relationship. He doesn't. Am I expecting that after one date? Heck no. I think there's a feeling on this thread that I was expecting this guy to get down on one knee after having met me once. That's not the case at all. However, he and I have been getting to know each other for weeks. That's more than enough time to determine if you're "really into" someone or not and to act like it. If not, then goodbye. He's wasting my time. I signed up for a dating site to DATE. I don't need more friends and acquaintances. I'm not dating for sh*ts and giggles. I want to be in a relationship with someone who is really into me. The relationships that I've had that have lasted the longest in my life were with guys who were "really into" me and expressed it pretty early on. They weren't continuing to shop around. I was it for them. I'm not it for this guy, and he makes me feel like crap, so I have to move on. My only dilemma now is figuring out a way to tell him I'm no longer interested without being weird about it.
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 (edited) I am a sensitive soul. Very much so. I know I probably shouldn't have asked him about his date, but what's done is done. I'm glad that I did, because it lets me know where his head is at. I want a serious relationship. He doesn't. Am I expecting that after one date? Heck no. I think there's a feeling on this thread that I was expecting this guy to get down on one knee after having met me once. That's not the case at all. However, he and I have been getting to know each other for weeks. That's more than enough time to determine if you're "really into" someone or not and to act like it. If not, then goodbye. He's wasting my time. I signed up for a dating site to DATE. I don't need more friends and acquaintances. I'm not dating for sh*ts and giggles. I want to be in a relationship with someone who is really into me. The relationships that I've had that have lasted the longest in my life were with guys who were "really into" me and expressed it pretty early on. They weren't continuing to shop around. I was it for them. I'm not it for this guy, and he makes me feel like crap, so I have to move on. My only dilemma now is figuring out a way to tell him I'm no longer interested without being weird about it. Wow, alrighty then. JMO but it sounds very much like this man does want to date you, to see where it will lead, which is why he contacted you again. Maybe it won't lead to anywhere, but it takes more than one date to find out. He's just not ready to get serious yet, and can't say I blame him after only one date. Okay you say you don't expect serious after only one date, but TBH one would never know that by mere virtue of the comments you made re his so-called date and how he felt about her combined with how you are reacting now. Which is how he may be interpreting your comments and reactions as well. But hell, the guy must really like you as he still called, still wants to date you. Doesn't want you as a friend or acquaintance, isn't doing this for ****s and giggles, he obviously likes you and wants to date you, which again is why he called. Why you are assuming otherwise because of a couple of comments he made, that IMO you have completely misinterpreted to mean something they weren't intended to mean, is beyond me. You gotta give a guy a chance to become "really into you," it's just unreasonable to expect that after only one date... it just is. Even if you have been getting to know each other for weeks through texting or whatever other mode of communication you are using. Maybe say after three dates, okay, but not after only one date. Not IMO anyway. I mean that is precisely why we date. To get to know someone, determine how into them we are... and to see where will it will lead... which in most cases takes at least a few dates. Plus you seem to have forgotten what an awesome and wonderful first date you had. All because of some mis-communication/mis-interpretations via text messaging! Ugh. Anyway you have made your decision so that's that. After only one date, he's not into you enough so next. Self-sabotage IMO but whatevs, your choice. Again, wish you the best. Edited April 22, 2016 by katiegrl 2
Gaeta Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I am a sensitive soul. Very much so. I know I probably shouldn't have asked him about his date, but what's done is done. I'm glad that I did, because it lets me know where his head is at. I want a serious relationship. He doesn't. Am I expecting that after one date? Heck no. I think there's a feeling on this thread that I was expecting this guy to get down on one knee after having met me once. That's not the case at all. However, he and I have been getting to know each other for weeks. That's more than enough time to determine if you're "really into" someone or not and to act like it. If not, then goodbye. He's wasting my time. I signed up for a dating site to DATE. I don't need more friends and acquaintances. I'm not dating for sh*ts and giggles. I want to be in a relationship with someone who is really into me. The relationships that I've had that have lasted the longest in my life were with guys who were "really into" me and expressed it pretty early on. They weren't continuing to shop around. I was it for them. I'm not it for this guy, and he makes me feel like crap, so I have to move on. My only dilemma now is figuring out a way to tell him I'm no longer interested without being weird about it. Hon, you can be a sensitive soul all you want but it needs to not cross your lips the way it did at the time it did. Making all those references to 'other women' is picturing you as jealous, insecure, possessive. I am not convinced at all that he meant texting you would risk his chances of a second date with 'her'. First time I read it I comprehended it as he meant a second date with 'you'. Why would he be referring to wishing for a second date with a woman he did not even meat yet? I also don't think for one minute he was on a date with another woman. I think this is all misinterpretation on your part. 5
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 (edited) Another thing to consider. You said you want a man who is *really* into you, apparently after only one date. And act like it. Fair enough. Not sure what you deem *acting like it* as apparently you had an awesome first date, and he has contacted you re a second. Nevermind the miscommunication because you cannot determine anything definitive via text messaging. Texting is extremely ambiguous so it's silly to even try. In any event, IMO he IS acting like it, but you don't okay fair enough. But seriously LL look at your history. And the guys you were sure were *really* into you from the get go. Many if not most of those guys lovebombed you, which apparently you respond to quite positively. Only to find they only wanted sex, were *players* and disappeared. So here comes a guy more normal, behaving like a man who is obviously into you, enough so he has asked for a second date. He has a sense of humor, likes to joke and banter. Essentially have some fun with the new woman he has just met and is attracted to! But unlike the other guys, he is not lovebombing you with talk of the future, lots of sweet talk re how gorgeous you are, making promises, you're the one, etc. And as a result, you can't read him, misinterpret a couple of joking comments and end up convincing yourself that must mean is *not* into you at all, is looking for friends, or ****s and giggles, and rejecting him! Your picker needs some tweaking LL, it is way off. Edited April 22, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 22, 2016 Author Posted April 22, 2016 Another thing to consider. You said you want a man who is *really* into you, apparently after only one date. And act like it. Fair enough. Not sure what you deem *acting like it* as apparently you had an awesome first date, and he has contacted you re a second. Nevermind the miscommunication because you cannot determine anything definitive via text messaging. Texting is extremely ambiguous so it's silly to even try. In any event, IMO he IS acting like it, but you don't okay fair enough. But seriously LL look at your history. And the guys you were sure were *really* into you from the get go. Many if not most of those guys lovebombed you, which apparently you respond to quite positively. Only to find they only wanted sex, were *players* and disappeared. So here comes a guy more normal, behaving like a man who is obviously into you, enough so he has asked for a second date. He has a sense of humor, likes to joke and banter. Essentially have some fun with the new woman he has just met and is attracted to! But unlike the other guys, he is not lovebombing you with talk of the future, lots of sweet talk re how gorgeous you are, making promises, you're the one, etc. And as a result, you can't read him, misinterpret a couple of joking comments and end up convincing yourself that must mean is *not* into you at all, is looking for friends, or ****s and giggles, and rejecting him! Your picker needs some tweaking LL, it is way off. By "acting like it," I mean not straight-up telling me that he went on a date with another woman. I will concede that perhaps he was talking about ME and not her, so I won't count that against him anymore. I've had guys lovebomb me who turned out to be great boyfriends later on. Those guys aren't mentioned in my posts here, because a) one happened long ago and b) the breakup was completely mutual, and didn't cause me any grief. I will admit that MOST (99%) of the guys who do that are not being sincere, but two of my longest relationships were with guys who were very attentive, very complimentary, made future plans (and kept them) from the beginning. That's why it's so difficult for me to tell the difference between a guy who means it and a guy who doesn't (I know, I know - ACTIONS are the key. I know that now). He contacted me again this morning, so I think I'm in the clear now. The lessons I've learned from this are: Joking and sarcasm aren't communicated well via textA negative mindset and a defeatist attitude won't get me anywhere What I've also learned is that filtering myself isn't going to get me anywhere either. This is who I am, take it or leave it. If this guy was scared off by my little dating faux pas, then he isn't the one for me anyway. 1
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 (edited) If this guy was scared off by my little dating faux pas, then he isn't the one for me anyway. I agree.... when a man is truly into you, not much, if anything, will scare him off or turn him off .... my experience. Not in those early stages anyway. Clearly this man must be into you as he wasn't scared off or turned off .... contacted you yet again.... so hope your second date goes as well as the first.... have fun and enjoy the process!! And remember, things are not always how they appear to be. Gotta give people (men and women) a chance. And forget trying to determine anything from text messaging! As I said, it may be the most ambiguous forms of communication that was ever invented. Edited April 22, 2016 by katiegrl 2
Gaeta Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 By "acting like it," I mean not straight-up telling me that he went on a date with another woman. I will concede that perhaps he was talking about ME and not her, so I won't count that against him anymore. before making the faux-pas of joking being on another date YOU made the first faux-pas of suggesting he was on a date. You were the leader here of all this misinterpretation. Can you recognize that? What I've also learned is that filtering myself isn't going to get me anywhere either. This is who I am, take it or leave it. If this guy was scared off by my little dating faux pas, then he isn't the one for me anyway. I don't consider a small dating faux-pas suggesting 1-2-3 times he was on another date. You say to take it or leave it? Learning to filter yourself will help you advance in life not only in dating but in all of your other relationships and in your work. You just don't blur out everything that crosses your mind. When you do that you are picking the easy path. It takes some efforts and introspection to filter ourselves is it why you are not interested in working on yourself? You can let it all out as you wish and call it 'being yourself' sure but you will live with the consequences, which is having a real hard time meeting someone and it sticks.
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