Lovelorn00 Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Due to a few moments of weakness, I decided to dip my toe back into OLD. I’m supposed to be on a break from dating overall, because I’ve had so many back-to-back horrible experiences. But, I met this guy, and we seemed to hit it off. Met up for dinner/drinks recently and had an absolutely wonderful time. We’ve been texting/talking on the phone pretty frequently since we matched. After our date, his interest seemed to increase. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me as a person. He told me he had such a good time and that he definitely wants to see me again. We even planned (tentatively) to go hiking together soon, whenever I can get a day off. This past Sunday, we’re texting each other as usual. Conversation is pleasant, humorous, light. He tells me that he has to go, because he’s about to meet a friend for dinner. I assume he means he’s going on a date with someone else. “That’s fine,” I think to myself. Everybody’s multi-dating/testing the waters. He can do what he wants. We continue texting, but I start to feel a little weird, and I can’t put my finger on why. He continues to text, and I finally ask, “Are you on your date now?” He responds, “Lol, almost.” I respond, “Oh, gotcha. Just wanted to make sure you weren’t texting while dating. Dangerous stuff. ” You know – just a joke. He responds the next day, “Of course not! That would be incredibly rude and the perfect way to lose my chance at a second date!” Ouch. If I’m reading this correctly, he’s basically telling me that he really hopes to land a second date with another woman. I know I’m not justified in feeling this way, but it kinda makes me feel crappy. I know that it’s normal to date around in the beginning stages, but I’m not used to being told so blatantly that some other girl beat me out. I responded with a “yep” and haven’t heard from him since. That was a few days ago. Double ouch. Did I interpret this correctly? He’s basically telling me that he’s no longer interested, right? Even though he told me he wanted to see me again hours earlier? I’m going to retreat back into my cave of solitude now. I’m done with OLD… again.
smackie9 Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Find a date through friends or irl at a cooking class or dance lessons, social event, etc. Plus if the guy (this is just me) makes plans right after the first date to see you again, that's a good sign, or is willing to see you again asap..... I don't put too much weight in texting....to me it shouldn't mean anything....texting is for teenagers (just my 2 cents).
katiegrl Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Due to a few moments of weakness, I decided to dip my toe back into OLD. I’m supposed to be on a break from dating overall, because I’ve had so many back-to-back horrible experiences. But, I met this guy, and we seemed to hit it off. Met up for dinner/drinks recently and had an absolutely wonderful time. We’ve been texting/talking on the phone pretty frequently since we matched. After our date, his interest seemed to increase. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me as a person. He told me he had such a good time and that he definitely wants to see me again. We even planned (tentatively) to go hiking together soon, whenever I can get a day off. This past Sunday, we’re texting each other as usual. Conversation is pleasant, humorous, light. He tells me that he has to go, because he’s about to meet a friend for dinner. I assume he means he’s going on a date with someone else. “That’s fine,” I think to myself. Everybody’s multi-dating/testing the waters. He can do what he wants. We continue texting, but I start to feel a little weird, and I can’t put my finger on why. He continues to text, and I finally ask, “Are you on your date now?” He responds, “Lol, almost.” I respond, “Oh, gotcha. Just wanted to make sure you weren’t texting while dating. Dangerous stuff. ” You know – just a joke. He responds the next day, “Of course not! That would be incredibly rude and the perfect way to lose my chance at a second date!” Ouch. Could it be possible that his response was just a joke as well? Texting can be super ambiguous at times which is why I dislike so much. Except for making plans and such. Anyway, I would have taken it as a joke and bantering (since YOU yourself were joking) and then arranged to meet in person. Just me but I love that sort of banter.... and I would have dished it right back to him as well.... 1
losangelena Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 If I’m reading this correctly, he’s basically telling me that he really hopes to land a second date with another woman. I know I’m not justified in feeling this way, but it kinda makes me feel crappy. I know that it’s normal to date around in the beginning stages, but I’m not used to being told so blatantly that some other girl beat me out. I responded with a “yep” and haven’t heard from him since. That was a few days ago. Double ouch. Just wanna say—you're fully justified in feeling however you feel. They're YOUR feelings, after-all. You don't need to rationalize it and try and be the "cool girl." Yes, it undeniably sucks to be interested in a guy and realize that he's actively going out with someone else. That's a bone-headed move on his part to blab about it, and if that's what he's doing, he's a douchcanoe. I'm not sure I'd go so far as to assume that's what he's intentionally doing, but either way, you're free to feel bad about it. 1
Larryville Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Ok forgive me I’m just analyzing… I’ve had so many back-to-back horrible experiences. But, I met this guy, and we seemed to hit it off. Met up for dinner/drinks recently and had an absolutely wonderful time. Those words again… If you kept having “horrible” experiences before all it did was lower YOUR expectations. I would love to see a thread, that specifically spells out the criteria of an awful date, marginal date, ok date, solid date, good date, great date, amazing date and a I’m gonna marry them date! We’ve been texting/talking on the phone pretty frequently since we matched. This past Sunday, we’re texting each other as usual. We continue texting… You pro texting types (again you know who you are LOL!) don’t get why you folks think doing this in the early stages is acceptable, I don’t get it.. I don't put too much weight in texting....to me it shouldn't mean anything....texting is for teenagers Thank you! If I’m reading this correctly, he’s basically telling me that he really hopes to land a second date with another woman. YES! I know I’m not justified in feeling this way, but it kinda makes me feel crappy. I know that it’s normal to date around in the beginning stages, but I’m not used to being told so blatantly that some other girl beat me out. I responded with a “yep” and haven’t heard from him since. That was a few days ago. Double ouch. Again people take rejection too personally, guys get shot down all the time, so when some get into a situation where they have the upper hand they are going to take it. Did I interpret this correctly? He’s basically telling me that he’s no longer interested, right? Pretty much… Even though he told me he wanted to see me again hours earlier? Guys will say ABSOLUTELY WHATEVER to keep you on the hook… it is your choice whether or not to stay on it, and again people put WAY too much stock on that first encounter. Everyone says “we hit it off” “date was amazing” “instant connection” Did you really? 3
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Find a date through friends or irl at a cooking class or dance lessons, social event, etc. I've had the same experiences with dating IRL. I meet them everywhere. Same results. I clearly need to go back to taking a break from dating overall. Plus if the guy (this is just me) makes plans right after the first date to see you again, that's a good sign, or is willing to see you again asap..... I agree, and it seemed like a good sign to me as well... until he went on a date with someone else. I don't put too much weight in texting....to me it shouldn't mean anything....texting is for teenagers (just my 2 cents). I don't understand the bold. Words are words, no matter how they're communicated. If he's telling me that he's not interested over text (albeit in a roundabout way), it shouldn't mean anything, because of the way it was communicated? Can you elaborate? Texting has its pros and cons, just like talking on the phone has its pros and cons. I don't enjoy talking on the phone when I'm busy doing other things. At the time that he made this comment, talking on the phone wasn't an option for either of us.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Could it be possible that his response was just a joke as well? Texting can be super ambiguous at times which is why I dislike so much. Except for making plans and such. Anyway, I would have taken it as a joke and bantering (since YOU yourself were joking) and then arranged to meet in person. Just me but I love that sort of banter.... and I would have dished it right back to him as well.... Definitely possible, as this guy likes to joke around a LOT. His sense of humor is what I found so attractive in the first place. However, his lack of communication over the past couple of days leads me to believe that perhaps he wasn't joking.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Just wanna say—you're fully justified in feeling however you feel. They're YOUR feelings, after-all. You don't need to rationalize it and try and be the "cool girl." Yes, it undeniably sucks to be interested in a guy and realize that he's actively going out with someone else. That's a bone-headed move on his part to blab about it, and if that's what he's doing, he's a douchcanoe. I'm not sure I'd go so far as to assume that's what he's intentionally doing, but either way, you're free to feel bad about it. Thanks, losangelena. The feeling that I’m getting is something that I really need to pay attention to. It’s not a good feeling, and that isn’t a good thing. I need to tell myself, “He’s not making you feel good. This doesn’t feel good. You need to move on.” Also, I’m officially adding douchecanoe to my vocabulary.
GorillaTheater Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 I read it as him joking around, and talking about ruining a second date with you. Why assume the worst? 8
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Ok forgive me I’m just analyzing… Those words again… If you kept having “horrible” experiences before all it did was lower YOUR expectations. I would love to see a thread, that specifically spells out the criteria of an awful date, marginal date, ok date, solid date, good date, great date, amazing date and a I’m gonna marry them date! I’ve had horrible experiences, not all horrible dates. Most of my dates are okay. It’s the experiences AFTER the dates that become horrible. This wasn’t exactly the best date I’ve ever been on in my life, but it was a refreshing good time compared to some others. Guys will say ABSOLUTELY WHATEVER to keep you on the hook… it is your choice whether or not to stay on it, and again people put WAY too much stock on that first encounter. Everyone says “we hit it off” “date was amazing” “instant connection” Did you really? Yes, I believe we did. The words “fantastic time” and “wonderful time” were words he used, though I agreed with him all the way. I laughed so hard during our date that my cheeks were hurting when I got home. When we hugged goodnight, it lingered, and we both acknowledged the next day how good it felt (him first). Sure, he could’ve just been saying that to keep me “on the hook” but I think we both had a really great time. I’m not putting too much stock into our first encounter. I’m just bummed that he found someone better.
Jejangles Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 I read it as him joking around, and talking about ruining a second date with you. Why assume the worst? Agreed, if he said he had been looking forward to a second date with you, why could he not be referring to losing a chance with you? I multi dated when I was single but I never alluded to other dates when I was talking to guys... That would be rude and also alienating! Are you sure that's what this guy was doing? If so, that is very odd. And you should look at it as dodging a bullet! 3
Larryville Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Could it be possible that his response was just a joke as well? I read it as him joking around, and talking about ruining a second date with you. Am I lacking in a sense of humor? I don’t think joking in the introductory stages is frankly respectful because you don’t know that person. This is a respect thing. 2
kendahke Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Are you on your date now?” He responds, “Lol, almost.” I respond, “Oh, gotcha. Just wanted to make sure you weren’t texting while dating. Dangerous stuff. ” You know – just a joke. There's a saying: "there's truth in jest". He may not have thought that was just a joke. 1
truth_seeker Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Find a date through friends This can result in something great or something terribly gone wrong. If it doesn't work out then it can cause a division between friends. 2
GorillaTheater Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Am I lacking in a sense of humor? I don’t think joking in the introductory stages is frankly respectful because you don’t know that person. This is a respect thing. Well, he responded in kind to an admitted joke by the OP. One of the things I always looked for in a woman was someone on the same page as me, humor-wise. It wasn't happening, otherwise. I think folks are getting twisted up, on this thread and elsewhere, over nothing. 2
dumbass2 Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Could it have been that he was turned off by your assuming and then implying that "he was" on a date? I'm sure you guys don't know each other well enough yet to know. I've gone out to dinner with a friend or friends while dating someone and I'm pretty sure that if after only one date I got some texts like that while I was heading out, that I might think twice about continuing on with that person. It kinda comes of as insecure, but that's me. I'm also not saying that he didn't for sure have a date that night, but you might have been better off just saying goodbye and have a good night and talk to you later after he said he had to go meet his friend. Even if he did go on a date (which is 50/50), without all those texts he may or may not have contacted you again, but then you would at least know that you didn't turn him off with your implying he was on a date with another woman. A part of me wants to say that his final response could have been in regards to a second date with you. Just another way to look at it, since everyone's emotions and ways of interpreting things that are said are different and especially through texting. 3
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Agreed, if he said he had been looking forward to a second date with you, why could he not be referring to losing a chance with you? I multi dated when I was single but I never alluded to other dates when I was talking to guys... That would be rude and also alienating! Are you sure that's what this guy was doing? If so, that is very odd. And you should look at it as dodging a bullet! No, not completely sure. It just seemed that way to me. I thought it was odd, too. I kind of brushed it off until I realized that, days later, he's gone quiet. What an odd way to tell someone you're no longer interested, right?
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Well, he responded in kind to an admitted joke by the OP. One of the things I always looked for in a woman was someone on the same page as me, humor-wise. It wasn't happening, otherwise. I think folks are getting twisted up, on this thread and elsewhere, over nothing. I think the lack of respect comes in when the joke is at the other person's expense. If he was indeed trying to tell me that he'd rather start seeing someone else, that's fine. No need to joke about it in such a harsh way, though. Rejection stings enough on its own. 1
Larryville Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 GT saw your post before I finished typing... maybe you are right.... Yes, I believe we did. The words “fantastic time” and “wonderful time” were words he used, though I agreed with him all the way. I laughed so hard during our date that my cheeks were hurting when I got home. When we hugged goodnight, it lingered, and we both acknowledged the next day how good it felt (him first). Sure, he could’ve just been saying that to keep me “on the hook” but I think we both had a really great time. I’m not putting too much stock into our first encounter. I’m just bummed that he found someone better. LL I’m not nitpicking on those words casually, on many of these threads it is almost always in the first line as this clarifier attempting to give those of us who read some baseline. I’m just saying many individuals baseline is off. Just using myself, no matter what I think of the individual I meet initially, I will try really hard to be friendly, engaging and enjoy the time and the moment, but in many instances I absolutely know either there will be no more contact or a gradual fading. The woman might say she had a wonderful time and you can tell but that does NOT mean anything more is going to happen. The perception of having a “wonderful time” needs to be relevant to your current state. Someone from OLD who generally may have better experiences overall won't make such a big deal out of a "good" date and this has to do with having a good EQ. At times I have been in a “really bad state” at a given moment but I did meet someone from OLD who was great company that day, but I was not attracted to them or knew there was nothing more than that day. This is why I keep harping on that phrase in the first line. Some has disagreed with me but I still firmly believe that if a guy is CLEARLY into you, you will absolutely know, from his actions and he damn well WON’T be “joking with you. Don't know if this is an age thing, or generational thing when you analyze and process
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Could it have been that he was turned off by your assuming and then implying that "he was" on a date? I'm sure you guys don't know each other well enough yet to know. I've gone out to dinner with a friend or friends while dating someone and I'm pretty sure that if after only one date I got some texts like that while I was heading out, that I might think twice about continuing o least know that you didn't turn him off with your implying he was on a date with another woman. Thanks for this perspective. I hadn't thought about that. I suppose he could've read it as insecurity. However, I really just found it odd that he was continuing to communicate with me while he was on his date. The mistake with that thinking was in the fact that he wasn't even on his date yet. I've had guys text me during the weirdest times (while they're hanging out with their kids, during court cases, in the doctor's office). I think it says something about a person when they can't seem to put their phone down when important things are going on in front of them.
GorillaTheater Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 I think the lack of respect comes in when the joke is at the other person's expense. If he was indeed trying to tell me that he'd rather start seeing someone else, that's fine. No need to joke about it in such a harsh way, though. Rejection stings enough on its own. And your joke presupposed that he was out on a date with somebody else in the first place, which he played on. He sent that text just two days ago, right? Why jump to the conclusion or even suppose the likelihood that he was rejecting you? 2
LoveRefreshed Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Yes, it undeniably sucks to be interested in a guy and realize that he's actively going out with someone else. That's a bone-headed move on his part to blab about it, and if that's what he's doing, he's a douchcanoe. Not sure if you're saying that multidating makes him a douchecanoe or if that being honest about multidating makes him a douchecanoe or having a little joke while laying on the usual 'mood killing' multidating truth makes him a douchecanoe. What I can say is that I don't think you know what a douchecanoe means, because it sounds so mean when this guy was being honest upfront AND doing what most women advise men to do- not get too invested after a ONE TIME ... MEET UP. Did you want him to profess his love? Actually act like he's super interested? Because that is the classic highway to the 'over eager' zone. Combined with "Well, I didn't want to date, but I found it hard being lonely", and I can see that most likely OP isn't really in the position to date realistically.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 I think the bottom line is we really have no idea why he has faded away. It could very well be that he was turned off that you asked him about going on a date or maybe he had a great date that night and liked that person better. If a guy is super into you, he's not going to want you thinking that he's dating around. This doesn't say anything about you. If someone prefers someone else to you, it simply means they are a better match for him than you are and now you are free to find someone even better than him for you. It's all about the way you look at it - this doesn't have to be a horrible experience. It can be a learning experience. 2
dumbass2 Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 I see that your final reply to him was "yep". Well, for sure then if his last response was about a second date with you, then your reply, coupled with the implying he was on a date, might have told him that you were serious and not joking about the being a date thing. I would not respond back to you as well. Again, this is only with the possibility that he was telling the truth. I would try contacting him once more, not in a needy way, but just a casual way just seeing how he's doing. He may assume right now that you are done and that you don't want to go out again because you are upset that he went on a "date". How would you feel if you two ended up talking and it was all a misunderstanding? Again, this can happen early on in dating and people might miss out on someone good because they assume. 3
LoveRefreshed Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 There's a saying: "there's truth in jest". He may not have thought that was just a joke. I'm pretty sure that saying goes "in vino veritas"... not "in iocus veritas".
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