Author witchypoo31 Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 Ok. Doing it now. Did not break contact. Went to dinner with my daughter. You're right. He is trying all sorts of different ways to get me to respond. It's so hard to not defend myself when he says something untrue but it really doesn't matter. I just hope he doesn't show up at my house. He's done that before but I would hope he'd stay away not knowing what my kids know about it all. ( they know nothing and won't until I decide to tell them we broke up) I'm currently feeling stronger again but earlier it was like a cross between anger and loneliness and just wanting to engage out of habit and bc I miss him. I do start to get sucked in when he starts talking about how much he loves me etc but I can tell his biggest worry is me thinking he's a monster. He says we need to talk so we can both have closure and every time I hear that I think "hey dickweed, I got all the closure I needed when you said half breed" This just totally sucks. I did tell my running girlfriend what happened and she was disgusted by it. I'm going to block the gmail chat. He can't leave anymore msgs on my phone because he has flooded my voicemail box and it's now full. I'm just going to leave it full for awhile. He's blocked on my cell but he keeps blocking his number when he calls. He says I'm being immature and trying to be in control by not talking to him. Ugh. Ok then I guess I'll just continue to be immature and controlling. Thank you again Zahara. Your words seem to resonate with me. I need to keep you in my pocket for my weak moments. 1
Zahara Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Ok. Doing it now. Did not break contact. Went to dinner with my daughter. You're right. He is trying all sorts of different ways to get me to respond. It's so hard to not defend myself when he says something untrue but it really doesn't matter. He's going to go from nice to mean to sad to nice again -- he'll cycle that way because the more you ignore the more he's going to get desperate -- that will make him go up and down in his messages to you. Even if you were able to defend yourself, would your words mean anything to someone like him? Do you actually think it's going to make him step back and introspect or even have any type of self-reflection? Would he even be able to embrace what you're saying and actually digest it in a positive manner? Nope. I know you want to defend yourself and check his line of thought but it's futile. I just hope he doesn't show up at my house. He's done that before but I would hope he'd stay away not knowing what my kids know about it all. ( they know nothing and won't until I decide to tell them we broke up) I'm currently feeling stronger again but earlier it was like a cross between anger and loneliness and just wanting to engage out of habit and bc I miss him. I do start to get sucked in when he starts talking about how much he loves me etc but I can tell his biggest worry is me thinking he's a monster. He says we need to talk so we can both have closure and every time I hear that I think "hey dickweed, I got all the closure I needed when you said half breed" If he shows up, do not open the door. If things start to get out of hand, take it to the police. Maybe then he'll get the idea. Yes, closure happened when he insulted your children. He doesn't get to dictate what he needs -- if anything it shows how obtuse and entitled he is to even think that he's deserving of closure after speaking about your children in such a horrible manner. This just totally sucks. I did tell my running girlfriend what happened and she was disgusted by it. I'm going to block the gmail chat. He can't leave anymore msgs on my phone because he has flooded my voicemail box and it's now full. I'm just going to leave it full for awhile. He's blocked on my cell but he keeps blocking his number when he calls. He says I'm being immature and trying to be in control by not talking to him. Ugh. Ok then I guess I'll just continue to be immature and controlling. Thank you again Zahara. Your words seem to resonate with me. I need to keep you in my pocket for my weak moments. If you see a number you do not recognize, DO NOT pick it up. Just make sure other people can get hold of you and leave a message if there is an emergency since your inbox is full. You're being smart and strong for not speaking to him. He just can't stand it that he has no control over you anymore. He's going to say all kinds of things to trigger you. Don't let him trigger you. You should start deleting these messages rather than listening to them. 1
Author witchypoo31 Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) Help!!!! How do you maintain NC when the other person won't stop trying to contact you? I have him blocked on my phone, my email, gmail chat, Facebook, Instagram... Yet he continues to find ways around them to send me msgs. Or communicate with me in some cryptic way like suddenly making all of his fb posts public so I can see him that he's out on his motorcycle enjoying life or posting songs meant for me and then deleting them. One of my friends is fb friends with him and told me over the wknd all the weird things he's been posting then deleting. He blocks his own number when he calls me/ I don't answer but he leaves vms and he's created new a email address to send me emails. I still have not broken contact but he continues to find ways around my blocks. He keeps telling me he needs to apologize. He has. Too many times to count. I don't need to hear it in person or over the phone. I'm fine. But today he sent this email: I'm sorry > > I know we're over I know you never want to hear from me again xxxxxx. I need to apologize to you my soul is crushed and I can't sleep or eat you deserve my apology we have to do this or we'll both regret it. It's breaking my heart knowing I hurt you with all those horrible things I said. I don't even feel like that ! I was drunk and stupid no excuses. I want you to be happy as well as me . As we go our separate ways please know you were the love of my life and I am riddled with guilt and anxiety over what happened that was not who I am,you know I'm not that person. Please please forgive me and if you can't , let me say I'm sorry .this is tearing me up inside I want to know your ok and I know we're done but I can't stop loving you and missing you, time will heal this for us both but we need to say things and hear things to let it go. I will never. Bother you again. I hope you can let me apologize. Even aside from this issue, we had plenty of things we fight about so I don't want to be back in this relationship even tho I still love him as well. This email breaks my heart and makes me want to reach out to him but I don't want to get sucked back in. I can't keep riding this roller coaster of emotion up and down all the time. need advice!!!! Edited April 25, 2016 by witchypoo31 Forgot to add how he's getting around my blocks and I know everyone's going to ask
Zahara Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) If you have blocked him on FB, you can't see his feed even if he makes his post public. So, I'm not sure how you're able to see what he's posting. And tell your friends to STOP feeding you information. If they care about you, they'll stop stirring the pot. As I mentioned before, delete the messages -- do not read them. Everytime a new email address comes in, mark as spam/block. You can make the CHOICE not to read it. This applies to voicemails as well -- do not listen but just delete. Or change your number. I've done it before, it's actually the best thing I did for myself. You have to make an extra effort to protect yourself from getting sucked in. If you want to stop riding the emotional rollercoaster then delete everything that comes in. You don't owe him anything. Don't feel sorry for him because he's spewing sad words now that he's trying to get on your good side. He's still that vile person he was before. Go back to the time when his mouth was insulting your children. Get mad. Edited April 25, 2016 by Zahara 2
Author witchypoo31 Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Zahara... Thank you again... I just need to be reminded and share what I read bc it does affect me. It's hard for me to look the other way when I know he's hurting/ not eating or sleeping. Ik he gets this way when we're not together. It's extremely hard to not read / listen to his msgs but you are right. He's still the same person. I cannot see his fb msgs but I think he's hoping I'll see them somehow if he makes them public which is all I'm saying. He's posting pics to show that he's happy, etc without me and the next is a love song about missing someone and wanting them back. It's so immature and he's 50!!! and yes I told my friend to not tell me anything else. Ok. I will spam/block the new email and soldier on. Just wanted to make sure that email wasn't reason enough to just email back and say "thanks for your apology". But honestly I don't need an apology. Nothing can take away what he said and I don't think I'll ever truly forgive him for it so it's not something "I" need. It's something "he" needs. He needs to hear me say " I forgive you, it's ok". And it's not. I need to go read the whole NC thread. I'd be doing great if he would just go away. Why don't I ever see anyone talking about someone who won't give up?
LD1990 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 If he was truly sorry, he would respect the fact that you don't want to speak with him. All he cares about is himself here. He feels bad so you need to talk to him, despite the fact that he was rude to you and you don't want anything to do with him. Keep doing what you're doing. You've seen how fragile he is emotionally. This is an insecure man who goes from whining about how "sorry" he is one second to telling you how everything is your fault the next. All responding to him would do is pull you into that. He's not going to accept what you tell him and go away, he'll just keep trying to talk to you more if you give in. 3
Author witchypoo31 Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 If he was truly sorry, he would respect the fact that you don't want to speak with him. All he cares about is himself here. He feels bad so you need to talk to him, despite the fact that he was rude to you and you don't want anything to do with him. Keep doing what you're doing. You've seen how fragile he is emotionally. This is an insecure man who goes from whining about how "sorry" he is one second to telling you how everything is your fault the next. All responding to him would do is pull you into that. He's not going to accept what you tell him and go away, he'll just keep trying to talk to you more if you give in. I know! You are so right. Sometimes I just need to hear it from someone else to stay the path and not give in to him. Your whole post is spot on and I know it all to be true but sometimes I start to feel badly for him but why should I? I DON'T want to be pulled back in and I don't trust myself yet to know for ABSOLUTE CERTAIN that he couldn't manuever his way with words back in. UGH. I hate when I am feeling weak!!!! Half breed! Half breed! Half breed! He called my beautiful children half breeds!!!:mad: F**K HIM... Ok I feel better. Just breathe....
Zahara Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Just wanted to make sure that email wasn't reason enough to just email back and say "thanks for your apology". The thing is, there is a chance it will snowball. You will acknowledge. He will then say something that you feel you have to respond to, or justify or defend. Then he'll say something that will make you feel weak or maybe even mad -- you know where I'm going with this. Keep the door closed. He can apologize but he feels he's entitled to a response. It doesn't work that way. If he was truly sorry about this -- he wouldn't be badgering you about it. He'd respect you enough to apologize and leave you alone rather than inundate you with messages. This is him trying to rope you in. I don't think I'll ever truly forgive him for it so it's not something "I" need. It's something "he" needs. He needs to hear me say " I forgive you, it's ok". And it's not. I need to go read the whole NC thread. I'd be doing great if he would just go away. Why don't I ever see anyone talking about someone who won't give up? Yes, this about him. Not you. There are many threads about ex partners that don't give up. Some showing up at front doors. At work. You just have to keep holding that boundary and he'll soon enough get the message. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) there was a similar post not so long ago on here that a woman had slapped her bf because he made fun of her nose..... i dont know your bf at all so i cant really say anything about him.....to racially demean another is wrong.....to make a person feel less than they are..is wrong...but to hit someone or punch someone is more than wrong...its domestic abuse and you can be charged it also shows deep problems with anger on any one person who hits another in a violent and aggressive manner....violence has its place.... violence should be permitted and can be argued for successfully ...mostly..... in a court of law in times of a life threat to you or someone around you ....any other time it occurs...the person needs to take anger classes and relationship counseling..... speaking from experience ...being punched in the face whether by a female or a male....is one of the worst places to be punched...i have been punched by both and they hurt the same......its trauma to the highest...face head ...kicks or punches....can cause death... i know how to kick box......i can if i so choose to ...disable a male.......i never hit first.....i have been with gentlemen,gentlemen whom i have known would never resort to violence emotional or physical against women...and i have been with men who would resort to violence against women ...personal experience....and what i do know is if you come across a guy who would...hitting them is going to get you injured...fighting back will get you injured......dont hit people..not bfs not friends...not even enemies......unless you realize that you are going to get hit.....and you can take it.,....and then realize hitting or be it in self defense you are going to fight to protect yourself or others from harm.....is should be the only ...and i repeat.... only time.....you should use a punch the relationship sounds toxic to you and the way you deal with conflict.....it si best it has ended,,,,,he was wrong..ignorant and emotionally cruel to you...what you did was worse......seek counselling is what i offer ...professional counselling.....which i believe is the course of action that will help you the most... personally and in my opinion i feel you need to concentrate on you...and the inner demons that you allow to build up inside you..till they come out in unnecessary violence and FRUSTRATION ..coupled with your inability to achieve desirable conflict resolution is going to be a learning curve for you hopefully..where you seek to fix these issues....... and then you can have in effect healthy relationships or a healthy relationship that is satisfying to you with necessary and defined boundaries...i wish you well and i wish you peace...deb.... Edited April 25, 2016 by todreaminblue
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