maxalton Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 (edited) I've been dating this girl for a few months. I originally messaged her on Plenty of Fish months ago and we had talked on and off until we finally went on a date and we really liked eachother (well, I really liked her.) She's always told me she likes me but that she doesn't know what she wants or when she wants to be in a relationship. But we often hook up when we see eachother and she tells me she likes me. One night we were laying in bed and I saw she had the Okcupid and Tinder app downloaded on her phone. They both had a notification symbol next to it, somebody probably messaged her. Does anybody out there (men or women, preferably women) see an issue with still being on dating sites when you're dating somebody you claim to like? After reading around online, it seems I have an oldschool mentality and a lot of people today do this. Im 23 and she's 26. She's a bit more wilder than me so maybe she just has different standards and code. In my mind, I wouldnt do that. But I guess to others, they would. A friend of mine who is female said she's currently dating a guy who she likes and she felt liked her back, they get along well and have good sex. She said she's still been on two dates with other guys since him because she can do what she wants until she's exclusive with him and until they have that exclustivity talk (me and the girl im dating havent had that talk. She's just told me she doesn't know what she wants yet, even though she likes me.) I also understand the addictive nature of being a pretty girl (like the girl im dating is) and having guys message you everyday. I did a little bit of stalking and came across her Tinder and Okcupid profiles. Her tinder profile says, "Not looking for a hookup, so don't ask. Looking for a possible relationship." I felt slightly relieved that she said she was looking for a "possible" relationship. Seemingly not fully putting herself on the open market. Most girls who are looking for a relationship will openly say "looking for a relationship" not "looking for a POSSIBLE relationship." What do you all think? Obviously it would be better for me if she didnt do this, and I know this means I should date other girls as well (even though I want her), but what do you all make of her behavior? Is it normal? Edited April 20, 2016 by maxalton
Larryville Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Does anybody out there (men or women, preferably women) see an issue with still being on dating sites when you're dating somebody you claim to like? Yes it is an issue, she does not like you as much as you think apparently. Move on, she soon will… 2
smackie9 Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 When you hear "doesn't know what she wants or when she wants to be in a relationship". That's pretty much her saying, it's not going to happen and she is keeping her options open until she does meet someone she really likes. There is a difference between liking someone, and wanting to be with someone.... 3
dumbass2 Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 "I originally messaged her on Plenty of Fish months ago" you met her on a dating site so she knows that there are more guys out there to choose from and you know how dating sites work i hope. "we really liked each other (well, I really liked her.)" Sounds like the feelings aren't exactly the same "She's always told me she likes me but that she doesn't know what she wants or when she wants to be in a relationship." Sounds like she can't see herself in a LTR with you "But we often hook up when we see each other and she tells me she likes me." The underlined. That's how you see it and how she sees it. She likes you or else she wouldn't "hook up", but this does not sound like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, just a good time with each other and that's all. "Her tinder profile says, "Not looking for a hookup, so don't ask. Looking for a possible relationship." Of course she's not looking for one, she already has that "I felt slightly relieved that she said she was looking for a "possible" relationship." Why? She apparently is looking for one with someone else. After "dating" someone you met on a dating site for 2 months, IMO, both of you should not be active on there any more and should be just seeing each other in order to see if their is a future together. It just really sound like she's having a good time until she meets the guy more fit for her. 3
BlueIris Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 ...She's always told me she likes me but that she doesn't know what she wants or when she wants to be in a relationship. But we often hook up when we see each other and she tells me she likes me. ... Does anybody out there (men or women, preferably women) see an issue with still being on dating sites when you're dating somebody you claim to like? After reading around online, it seems I have an old school mentality and a lot of people today do this. ... until they have that exclustivity talk (me and the girl I'm dating haven't had that talk. She's just told me she doesn't know what she wants yet, even though she likes me.) ... What do you all think? Obviously it would be better for me if she didnt do this, and I know this means I should date other girls as well (even though I want her), but what do you all make of her behavior? Is it normal? Yes, I think it’s normal for men and women. Until a couple agrees to be exclusive, you’re both just dating. That’s the way it was where and when I grew up (ie “old school). We dated. The difference is that people didn’t have sex- eh, let me correct that- having sex wasn’t all that common before deciding to be exclusive and there was far less pressure to have sex. Sex wasn't as readily assumed by guys or girls. Agreeing to be exclusive was was called “going steady” and the guy gave a ring or some symbol of the commitment. Also, the guys asked to go steady. I tell ya, being an oldster, the primary difference is that people have sex faster these days. Otherwise, there’s no difference. Well, maybe another difference- people seem to assume a lot more today and seem more timid about speaking up. OP, speak up. Tell her that you want to be exclusive. If she says, no, and you aren’t ok with that, move on.
LoveRefreshed Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Just move on. She's the woman who wants an unavailable man. End it with her and I bet she starts pursuing you more. Either case, you are going to end up heart broken, might as well be the one crushin hearts. 1
Damaged217 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 You're not in a relationship with this girl, so basically she is free to do what she wants. But from my experience, every guy that I was dating (but not exclusive with) and was still active on their dating site turned out to not be that into me. The only guy that met me and then immediately stopped going on the dating sites was the one that was super into me and eventually became my BF. If you're looking for something serious with this girl, you are not going to get it.
Methodical Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 She's always told me she likes me but that she doesn't know what she wants or when she wants to be in a relationship. But we often hook up when we see eachother and she tells me she likes me. One night we were laying in bed and I saw she had the Okcupid and Tinder app downloaded on her phone. They both had a notification symbol next to it, somebody probably messaged her. She has straight up told you she doesn't know what she wants and isn't ready for a committed relationship. Telling you she likes you isn't saying she is being exclusive with you. It's not like she misled you or hid her phone from you either. She is dating you and is free to date others. 1
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