ffrwdwin Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 I will keep this as short as possible..I am a 25 year old female and my ex-girlfriend is the same age. We have been in a hidden same sex relationship since we were 19 (hidden due to family issues...). I would say I am gay (I have slept with men, been on dates - the spark is never tgere) and she used to say she was gay also for the same reasons. Until last summer things were great, I was very much in love with her and the feelings mutual. Until ... she went away for 3 months to a summer camp. She came home a changed person - uninterested in our relationship and kind of cocky (she said she received a lot of attention at camp for her looks - she is very beautiful). I guess that changed her and being aw\y from home and me made her realise that there is more to life, more people to date, more fun to have! Moving on, after a few months of being home, for the first time in 6 years she told me she had been finding men more attractive. which was strange for me to hear as she had always told me that I was the one for her. I asked if she had met someone in summer and she denied it and said that she had offers from guys but she turned them down because she loved me. A few months into her being home, we argued often because she was not showing me the care and attention she used to show me. She was different and always on her phone texting her friends she met during the summer (who were 3,500 miles away in America). She made so much effort to sit on her phone all day - but none for me! One day she came and told me that she had seen a guy she used to date in a club, I asked if anything happened - she said no. Anyway, she went away to camp again during New Year when I found out that she had actually kissed him. She denied it for a while and then came clean but didn't appologise or call me. She said she did it becaue she was unhappy at the time. She eventually apologised by which time I told her that it was over. She came home a few weeks later and did not call to apologise even though I gave her the opportunity. She text eventually and said she needed space. I was confused ?? She needed space? A few weeks went by... we usually spoke every day, so it was odd for her to be so quiet. To shorten the story, she admitted that she had cheated on me for a 2nd time (but sex this time) with a girl she had met at camp during the new year. I was devestated, my heart broke into a million pieces. She came round to my house and said that she really liked this girl (even though she is 3,500 miles away) and would not stop texting her - she said she liked her too much. Things were terrible for me, I lost a stone in weight, wasn't sleeping, couldn't think about anything else. Heartbreak is THE WORST THING EVER! A week went by and she asked to meet up, which I decided was a good idea so we could speak face to face. She told me that she would stop texting this other girl, and that it was a mistake. But she still didn't want to be with me. She wanted to 'explore and see what else is out there.' I asked her a thousand times, 'you would rather have meaningless fun than have me in your life?' and she would always respond with, 'i feel like its something I HAVE to do.' She stated that she wanted to see what this fascination with men was about. I asked if she was sexually confused? She said she was and it was eating her up not understanding these feelings. Since then (4 months ago) we have spoken quite often. She apologises every day for causing me so much pain and says that she is still in love with me. She wishes that she could take away everything she has done and that she wants to be together in the future but could not commit while she has these feelings. She asked to see me last week and she came over and burst into tears. I asked her what was so wrong? And she came out with 'I've never had sex with a guy...'!!! I was so shocked. HOW? She had had boyfriends in the past and had told me and everyone else that she had slept with them. She explained that at camp during the summer, that everyone was sexually free and kind of slept around and the fact that she hasn't slept with a guy ate her up on the inside and she came home and it was all she could think of. Like not knowing if she is gay or straight?? I asked her, 'so why cheat on me with another woman?? does that not tell you that you are gay?'. her answer was, no, and that she slept with that other girl because she knew what she was doing and she is scared to do it with a guy. She is going to camp again this summer for 4 months and says that she wants to 'lose it' there... But 'knows in her heart' that she is gay. Even her mum said that when she was little, that she knew that she was different... But hey, I'm here wiriting this post because my head does not know what to do? I know that she has treated me badly, but she has also shown 4 months worth of remorse for her actions. I undertsand what it is like to be sexually confused, and would probably be VERY sexually confused if I had not slept with a guy already... What should I do guys? Should I wait and see? or should i move on before I find out she is straight? or find someone who is able to show me the love and care that I deserve? Please help!!
stillafool Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 I'm not a lesbian but it seems this happens a lot with women who are supposed to be gay. Next thing you know they seem to want to have sex with men. Why is that? Has she said she is sexually attracted to them? Did one hit on her that she's interested in? Where did this come from?
mightycpa Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 I'm not sure what being gay has to do with this. She wants to bang other people. So you either enjoy that, or get rid of her. There's not a lot of in between.
Author ffrwdwin Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 (edited) I'm not a lesbian but it seems this happens a lot with women who are supposed to be gay. Next thing you know they seem to want to have sex with men. Why is that? Has she said she is sexually attracted to them? Did one hit on her that she's interested in? Where did this come from? She said it started last summer. she was at camp with lots of promiscuous girls talking about sex and she said it made her realise that she is 25 and still a virgin and that is something that she (is stupidly) ashamed about. she hasn't said that she is sexually attracted to men - she says its something she feels she has to do to try and understand her feelings more before she can commit to coming out as in a lesbian relationship. she wants to be 100% sure as our families are very small minded and wants to be 100% confident about it when she comes out to them. i know it sounds from what i have written above that she is promiscuous - but I don't know if that is what this is all about. But maybe i'm being naiive. Edited April 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
stillafool Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 (edited) She said it started last summer. she was at camp with lots of promiscuous girls talking about sex and she said it made her realise that she is 25 and still a virgin and that is something that she (is stupidly) ashamed about. she hasn't said that she is sexually attracted to men - she says its something she feels she has to do to try and understand her feelings more before she can commit to coming out as in a lesbian relationship. she wants to be 100% sure as our families are very small minded and wants to be 100% confident about it when she comes out to them. i know it sounds from what i have written above that she is promiscuous - but I don't know if that is what this is all about. But maybe i'm being naiive. I don't understand it either because sex with a man is painful when you are a virgin and without the sexual desire for a penis I can't imagine her wanting it. I certainly wouldn't call her promiscuous but she is confusing. Let her go do it but don't promise you'll be there when and if she returns. Edited April 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language~T
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