What game is he playing? New guy, went out once...

[BlackMac]

Hi everyone!

This is my first post ever but I've been ready LS for years whenever I needed help just by reading threads and stuff, so finally I chose to formally join.

My situation is pretty fresh but I need opinions because I'm always great at helping other people but when it comes to myself... Oh boy.

I hope you will be open minded, I'm a guy and I like men.

Been single for a couple years, moved to London from a different country and dated so many guys after a year of healing/moving on from my breakup. I always felt like my ex left me emotionally dry as it felt like I couldn't get crushed for anyone, or interested in the long run.

 

Recently I found out that I actually still have that romantic soul in me. So... Here we go.

Last week I was at work and I saw a group of new people in the back for their induction, and I saw this new guy. Time stopped. Omg so sexy. After the long day of induction, he chose to come to the shop floor and I could feel his eyes on me and we kept looking at each other without being noticed.

Next day: on shift together. He was being friendly but very timid in his body language with everyone. Very genuine and sweet, that was everyone's take on him.

 

I took a leap of faith and nervously walked out the till to reach him and introduced myself while looking for an item for a customer. We were on different shifts, he was to finish before me so I decided to write down my number, went to him and said 'I'm sorry we didn't really have a chance to speak, so please text me'. And he did.

We texted for a couple hours, very cute and flirty and curious about each other. I'm 28, he's 25. Aaaaand he's single, thank God. We kind of introduced ourselves in a detailed way, what we like and all that

 

next day: same shift! The secret flirt was REAL, girl. The looks, the smiles, all very subtle and secretive (since our company doesn't encourage relationships between staff members), and then I asked him out for a drink after work which he agreed to.

 

Went out, got the first round, he got the second, I got the third. We were talking about ourselves, opening up about our interests, what we want in life and in love and basically it felt like we wanted the same things and that it was kind of love at first sight for the both of us, the connection was instant since I saw him that day when he had the induction.

 

'I'm drinking non stop because I don't want this to end' - 'me too. Let's get the last one. What do you want? Same? - 'no, I'll have a glass of wine, thanks'. And he comes with a bottle.

Now, I can resist temptations but honey, wine wins me over any day.

He was staring at my lips and I'm like 'what's wrong with my mouth? Is it dirty?' 'No, I like it' 'well, kiss it then' and then we kissed. Oh my god. This guy knows how to kiss. It was late, we said goodbye and unfortunately the underground was closed (London), and he texted me 'the underground just closed, it's gonna take me 108 minutes to go home'. I said come to the bus station and come to mine, we gonna go to work together tomorrow. he came to mine and obviously we started kissing and started being naughty but I guess we were so tired and drunk, we just stopped and fell asleep.

 

Work was tough, we were tired and pretended we didn't know each other and kept on with the subtle looks and smiles which is kinda hot but still awkward. I said to him 'you're closing today, and opening tomorrow. I love 10minuted from work. You're welcome to stay tonight again if you want' he said he didn't have clothes and stuff I said ok I understand. The next day I was off, so I texted him asking how work was, general chit chat and then said 'I'd like to see you again' he said 'yes defo'. That was last Saturday. He was going out with his friends that night, I stayed home cus I had to work on Sunday while he would've been off. I wake up in the morning and he texted me at 4am 'u ok bbe'. I texted him 'heyy sorry I was sleeping when you texted. Morning x'.

No freaking response. Thank you WhatsApp for telling me he did read it, now it's weird and annoying.

 

We had our last shift together on Monday and I was PLAYING IT COOL~~~ as in said hello and smiled but did my thing. Literally, never looked at him, ignored him, and HE CAME TO ME a couple times asking about products - excuses to start conversation and he even complimented my outfit. Later texted me saying 'I didn't get to speak to you much today ' And I said 'I know... You never text back tho, of course we don't speak'. I ask him if he likes me or what. I'm not English, I know British people hold back their emotions and thoughts and you never know what goes on in their mind but where I come from, if we go out and it's brilliant, it's a case where the texting becomes a necessity and you wanna get in touch and hang out as much as you can because you're excited about this person.

 

He basically said that the first date was really good and he does like me, but he wants to take it slow and he's really shy. Especially because we work together even if we're gonna be split in 2 different counters - in the same building. I was like 'ok, cool. The work thing sounds as an excuse because you knew that from day one, but let's see what happens'.

The texting has been there but not that consistent, he would text back straight away but hardly start conversation.

 

Do I let him show me something (like, he could ask me out this time, since I was leading the whole thing at the beginning, and wait for him to text me etc) or is he clearly not interested/too scared?

He said he's not talking to other guys, I told him I am. But London boys are dangerous (no matter what sexual orientation), especially when they go out a lot and know everyone.

We won't be working together anymore but we're gonna be in the same building, and I just don't know what to do. My friends told me to take it slow and give him a chance cus they see potential, but him being shy do I wait for him to show me something or do I keep on poppin in a text if don't hear from him?

 

Thank you for reading my book, signed copies will be sent out soon lol

[PegNosePete]

'I know... You never text back tho, of course we don't speak'

'ok, cool. The work thing sounds as an excuse because you knew that from day one, but let's see what happens'

My opinion is that you repeatedly chastising him has put him off. When you're saying that kind of stuff it ruins the "fun" that a new relationship is supposed to be. You've only been out once and you're getting way too heavy for him.

 

He said he's not talking to other guys, I told him I am.

This may also have put him off. I'm not sure which country you're from but in the UK it is fairly normal to be exclusive very early on, even from first date (although "multi dating" is slowly becoming more common thanks to the American influence).

 

If you want to see him again then just ask him out again. Keep it light and simple.

[BlackMac]

My opinion is that you repeatedly chastising him has put him off. When you're saying that kind of stuff it ruins the "fun" that a new relationship is supposed to be. You've only been out once and you're getting way too heavy for him.

 

 

This may also have put him off. I'm not sure which country you're from but in the UK it is fairly normal to be exclusive very early on, even from first date (although "multi dating" is slowly becoming more common thanks to the American influence).

 

If you want to see him again then just ask him out again. Keep it light and simple.

 

I reckon I was bit too much too soon but I thought it was mutual. Shame on me for being an open book and naively romantic. I said to him I'm talking to other people, not SEEING, and to be fair I think he is too even if he says he's not.

We text but I feel I always initiate that's where I need advice. Do we give the boy the cookie all the time or do we let him show some initiative as well?

It should be simple and mutual when you feel a sparkle with someone new so I really don't know. My London girlfriends told me to play it cool

[Satu]

You're getting way ahead of yourself.

 

If you just keep barrelling forward the way you are, you're going to push him away.

 

Calm down.

[BlackMac]

You're getting way ahead of yourself.

 

If you just keep barrelling forward the way you are, you're going to push him away.

 

Calm down.

 

You are absolutely right.

I just find myself having a crush for the first time since my ex boyfriend, and it's been years so it feels brand new all over again. And exciting. And scary.

I've been focusing on my career, never thought a guy would make me feel weak again after gaining so much confidence.

[PegNosePete]

Shame on me for being an open book and naively romantic.

I don't think it's naively romantic or being an open book, to tell someone off for not responding or accusing them of making excuses. Especially after only 1 date. I would say it's more like clingy and insecure.

 

I said to him I'm talking to other people, not SEEING

Did he clearly understand the finer nuances of what you said? I certainly didn't, at first. If you say you're talking to others, then it is assumed that you're probably meeting, or at least working towards meeting, with them too. Otherwise what is the point of talking?

 

My London girlfriends told me to play it cool

Yes, I agree with them. Take it easy. Slow down, Just have fun.

[BlackMac]

I don't think it's naively romantic or being an open book, to tell someone off for not responding or accusing them of making excuses. Especially after only 1 date. I would say it's more like clingy and insecure.

 

 

Did he clearly understand the finer nuances of what you said? I certainly didn't, at first. If you say you're talking to others, then it is assumed that you're probably meeting, or at least working towards meeting, with them too. Otherwise what is the point of talking?

 

 

Yes, I agree with them. Take it easy. Slow down, Just have fun.

 

Yeh, I did clarify TALKING as texting... He knows. Maybe he doesn't remember because we were a bit drunk tho lol

Thank you, I appreciate everyone's comment it really opens my eyes. Keep it flowing