Tomppa Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Well this is my story, I just joined the site to help me get this off my chest. I grew up in a small town with a small high school. We had a graduating class of 15. I Was with this girl ever since I joined the school in the 6th grade. We both went through life changing events together, and always helped each other through it. We had a wonderful 6 years. We had talked about marriage, kids, and settling down once we finish college. She was going to another school a hour away from me, and being under unfortunate circumstances; I couldn't drive there. Not long after my first semester, I noticed something was off. I saw her on the weekends and was with her every minute when she was home. She became a little distant. She said she had conflicting feelings. There was this guy at her school that has the same personality as me and treated her the way I did. She said the feelings were platonic. It's been a month now since I've talked to her, but just one week after the breakup, she started dating the guy that she told me not to worry "It's all platonic" she said. I've tried talking to her family about if she's moving on too fast, and they all rudely said get over it. It's her life. She herself said it all felt natural. Barely a week after the breakup, she is already sleeping with this guy, staying the night at his room on campus. Her and her family act like I never existed. That those 6 years meant nothing to her or anyone related to her. This whole situation has made me feel sick to my stomach for a month now. I'm trying my hardest to sort the situation in my head to make everything better, but it's so difficult. Things were so one sided with the breakup. When she did finally cut things off, she said she needed time away from a relationship to focus on school. She wasn't going to date anyone this semester, just focus on school, but lo and behold a week later in another relationship. Life sucks sometimes :/
elaine567 Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 High school romances rarely last the distance, because as we age, life opens up to reveal more exciting prospects, new places, new experiences, new people... As you have found, your gf had her eyes opened, she met other people and decided that marrying her HS sweetheart was not what she wanted after all. She is NOT the "love of your life", just some girl who accompanied you along the road for a while, there will be many others. 1
Author Tomppa Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Thank you for that. I forgot to mention that we were our first everything. First dates, kiss, etc, and to act like none of that happened sucks.
d0nnivain Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Tomppa Yours is a lovely story . . .well the good parts. In time when the acute pain subsides you will look back fondly on your teenaged romance. I don't call it that to diminish anything about it but merely to put it in perspective. It was life changing -- all the firsts etc. However with the perspective of time and after you have had several other romances you will see that it was a stepping stone to the formulation of who you are as a person. This was the start not the finish. For now, you will be sad. You lost something near & dear to you. You can grieve & you should. Then you should take steps to move forward in your life. For now surround yourself with positive people. 3
LD1990 Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 I've tried talking to her family about if she's moving on too fast, and they all rudely said get over it. Well yeah, I'm not sure what you expected there. They didn't have to be rude but why would her own family side with you, her ex-boyfriend, in questioning her decision making? She and her family are actually doing you a favor by cutting you out of their lives. Staying in contact with any of them would only make it harder to move on. There's big world out there, this probably hurts like hell now but give it time, you'll find a girl that makes you forget all about this one. 1
Author Tomppa Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Well yeah, I'm not sure what you expected there. They didn't have to be rude but why would her own family side with you, her ex-boyfriend, in questioning her decision making? Yeah I wasn't sure what I was expecting there. Maybe just a little comfort from her family that she might come back? It was dumb I know.
basil67 Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Thank you for that. I forgot to mention that we were our first everything. First dates, kiss, etc, and to act like none of that happened sucks. I don't think anyone is expecting you to act like it didn't happen. But they are expecting you to recognise that it doesn't guarantee a future with that person. Take your time in getting over this. Lick your wounds and look after yourself. And when you're ready, get out there and start living again. 1
brothers343 Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 The growing pains of love. Everyone goes through them. This situation is a blessing, you ask why? Becouse this won't be the last time you will this way. This will prepare you for the upcoming future. Life is made of uncertainties that will test your resolve at every corner. And you must keep going. Good luck. 1
Marc878 Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 You're young. This happens. Your best bet. Go dark block her on everything and before long you'll be over it. It's the best thing. Good luck 1
Author Tomppa Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 Thank you all for your replies. I needed someway to express what I've been going through recently. I Found this website and decided why not. I honestly didn't expect any replies being as I am a new member, but I got a few, so thank you all again. 1
DevotedBaker54 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I'm sorry you have to go through this! Break ups are no fun. You must feel hurt that her family were rude to you. It's really hard to do, but sometimes you just need to forgive and move on. If you keep letting her decision eat away at you, then you're not gonna be able to open up to a new person in your life. I'm sorry she treated you this way, and that you feel hurt. Take some time and focus on yourself now! 1
swang Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 It hurts me to read your story, but trust me, it's actually a blessing that your ex and her family were cold towards you. Doesn't matter how supportive her family was, no one will change her mind but herself. My ex's family questioned her decision constantly, took my side, but didn't change anything. You'll move on a lot faster this way. Another good thing about their behavior is that there is no going back. You don't need to hold any hope because even if she came back begging for you, you should never take her back. Anyway, thanks for sharing and good luck in recovery. You're in school, tons of opportunities to meet people. 1
len51 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 The fact that she is not still your girlfriend does not qualify her for the title of the love of your life. More appropriately she would be the woman who you wanted to love the rest of your life. As an old man I have the advantage of time. My first love and fiancee cheated on me when I was in combat for a year and could not do anything about it. I felt like you. We were to be married after I came home from Vietnam. We had out lives all planned out but it was not to be. I was crushed and went to Sydney Australia to forget about her. Nothing is better than getting over a girl than getting under another girl. It worked for me and only once did I call out my exes name during sex. When I was discharged from the Army I had a girlfriend who lived with me. That lasted one year and ended when she walked into our living room while I was watching a football game with my three closest friends and asked us all to gang bang her. That was very unexpected. So I kicked her out after granting her wish. Why not? I was crushed by both of these relationships but if it were not for their failure, I would never have met my wife of 40+ years and have had the wonderful life that I have. My ex fiancee bounced around from man to man, joined a commune where she was shared by both men and woman, then married a guy and 20 years later left him to marry the woman she was cheating on him with. Plus she discovered she is bipolar and thinks that angels talk to her which caused her to change her last name and start a business telling fortunes over the phone. She actually believes that angels help her tall people's future over the phone. Dodged a bullet there. The second girlfriend ended up hooked on crack and turned to prostitution. She went to rehab and kicked her crack habit then became a stripper where she met a man 22 years her elder and married him. When she found me on the internet to tell me her sad tale, she was getting ready to fly to another city to help her daughter kick crack too. Dodged another bullet. My point is that sometime in the future you may find yourself happy with your life and realize that you are where you are because of all the good and bad things in your life. They all had a hand in leading to where you find yourself in the future. Believe me, you want a woman who loves you as much as you love her. My wife and I stay together due to love even though we sometimes have to do yucky things to help each other after illnesses and surgeries. That is the kind of wife you want so count your blessings for finding out now before you are stuck paying her alimony and giving her half of your stuff. 1
mightycpa Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 So I take it you are clear on the path that you must take now? That it doesn't lead to getting back together with her, at least not now? You don't have to be enemies, but don't try to be friends. If you can avoid coming home over the summer to share the streets with her in this little remote outpost you grew up in, then you should. No doubt your college is bigger and has at least a thousand girls there. That should be enough of a field candidates to find a couple of nice girls to go out with. You don't have to get serious, just have fun with them, and take it one day at a time. The only time that you should even attempt a reconciliation is when you are over her. Before that is too soon. After that, you won't care to do it, but you might anyway. 1
Author Tomppa Posted May 11, 2016 Author Posted May 11, 2016 Well here's a update guys. I've recently contacted my ex now, and trying to establish a friendship again. I asked her if she wanted to keep that type of relationship and she agreed. I was wondering if that would be a smart decision? I'm not interested in dating her anymore, that affection is long gone, but I do want the friend aspects back. She's a wonderful person, just I wasn't ready for such a long term commitment that she had in mind. She had planned on marrying me from day 1 of our relationship which was weird being as we were so young. I did think about it some, but I focused more on school, and my military career afterwards, so she said the main reason of everything was she never saw us marrying anymore and moved on.
LD1990 Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 Trying to be friends is a terrible idea, and you're lying to yourself if you say that your affection for her is gone or you're over her. Three weeks ago you were heartbroken and saying she was the love of your life. Now all that's gone? You're just going to make it more difficult for yourself and waste your time if you try to be friends with her. 2
Author Tomppa Posted May 27, 2016 Author Posted May 27, 2016 Thank you for being straightforward. I hate it when people hold back. I'm sorry for being a stupid kid. That's my own fault, but yes I am heartbroken in a sense, but not over losing the personal close intimate relationship we had. The feelings i had regarding intimacy are gone. I have just been wanting my old friend back, the friend I grew up with. Yes, we dated from when we were very young, but we were just really close friends till we turned 18 together. For years, we were each other's go to person. She relied on me, wanted my Input on everything and loved being able to talk to me. It was all the same for me. I guess I'm just trying to find someone I can rely on like I did her. At the moment it's hard since I'm home and out of school till next fall, but for now I'll listen to everyone who's helped me this far. I am really glad I found this site.
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