Author Zapbasket Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 In all honesty, if the dude had called me, I would have really enjoyed it. Like... You blew him off - men take it poorly, especially when they know them have ****ed up - and on top of it, showed initiative and called. If you lost interest after this, absolutely don't see him. It sucks, but such is life. It would have had the same ending regardless of you two catching a movie or not. That is true. He did call, so if he felt blown off or worried that I had lost interest, he still tried. Sh*t. Why is this so hard? You think you can trust your perceptions...but then....
candie13 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 That's it, too: my instinct about him preceded the planning stuff. It's just...something I can't exactly place my finger on, and the not planning extends from this other thing or things I picked up about him. I do think that if I were really excited about him and didn't feel any niggling from within, I'd have treated the planning thing much differently. As I've said, I do plan in advance a lot of times, but I do also call up friends as I'm driving home from work to say, "Wanna grab a drink?" And when they do the same, I'm happy they called and if I'm free I happily take them up on a drinks / dinner / whatever outing. I'm also afraid that maybe I'm just still not ready to date. I'm looking to make some important changes in my life, and I feel very protective of my time and my energies right now. But what I really feel is that I am ready to date...just...the right person. And I'm hopeful that when he comes along, I'll "know." No? At least I won't have the sense I have about this guy.lot at the bold. Makes perfect sense to me, OP. Sucks. Stay focus on the stuff you want to do for yourself and don't get distracted unless you have very very good ( read "hot" ) reason, hihihi.
candie13 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 That is true. He did call, so if he felt blown off or worried that I had lost interest, he still tried. Sh*t. Why is this so hard? You think you can trust your perceptions...but then.... oh, OP, story of my life. I can tell you what my experience has been: many times, I did not trust my guy instinct and say to myself "but he is so nice, he called, he is obviously interested, what else do I want?". And I went out, even dated to guy for a while, only to have it backfire at me, and blow off. I've had this with men, I've had that with friends, I've had the exact same experience with going out for dinner with friends I was having doubts about. Each and every single time, I ended up regretting it. So now, after having had those experiences, I choose to trust my instinct and not necessarily have facts backing those up. My reasoning is the following: I think there are 2 parts: my instinct and his behavior. I don't want a dude that my instinct says "go for it" but his behavior is yucky, because I'll end up with a broken heart. I don't want a dude with a perfect behavior but for whom I experience mixed feelings, because those mixed feelings will end up revealing the truth to me - he ain't it - and I'll end up feeling bored. As I'm 35, I really don't have that much time to waste. But I am a firm firm believer in the power of experience, before choosing to trust intuition. I did date "nice dudes", I did have friends who looked nice but ended up unreliable (like my intuition said they might), I did end up going to dinner with people and hating myself for not having listened to my intuition. The only thing worse than a boring time with an incompatible date is second thoughts. The "what if"s, the evenings turning a situation round in my head, asking myself if I've made a mistake. Especially if they're linked to a dude who's really really not worth it. I prefer to have that poor date and know for a fact - this is how I have build my "experience" and learnt to trust my intuition. Hope it makes sense to you, OP. Hope I didn't confuse the hell outta you, lol .
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