KamaKyzie Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 (edited) Firstly I would like to say hi everyone I am new to this forum. I am 19 years old (going on 20 this year, I'm a guy) and have finally succumbed to letting my feelings out. Maybe this is the best place to do it, maybe it isn't. However, I would like to draw upon some people's life experiences and advice, as most people on here have much more than me. Please note that when describing myself I am not being bigheaded, just relaying what others have told me an using common sense. Let me tell you about my dilemma. I'm a good looking guy with a fit body who is articulate and intelligent. Last year I hit my straps and was pulling girls like nobody's business. I gave off a couldn't care less attitude and it worked wonders. I had many options available, but just didn't care for a relationship. In short, I was feeding my insecure ego by leading girls on and watching my options pile up. Breaking their hearts when I got bored. Life was fantastic, or so I thought it was. Now, I'm a year older and leaving my teens later this year, I'm starting to think about having a proper girlfriend and seeing where that leads. The problem is, I'm actually starting to care about people and not stringing them along to feed my ego. This has resulted in a huge decrease in my success rate, because as hard as I try not to care I do and it shows. I still get the eyes from plenty of girls, but when I try and close the deal I inevitably mess it up. This has hammered my confidence, which has lead to a change in my body language and demeanor, which in my opinion has further harmed my chances I'm getting quite depressed. I'm finding girls I like, getting the eyes from them and failing to close the deal. Before I did it with ease. The other day my close girl friend asked me where my swagger had gone. I just shrugged and hung my head, which caused her to say she's noticed a change in me and she's worried about me. I've also been drinking more than usual, before I hardly drank except for the odd occasion. My question is, is this normal? Am I supposed to care more as I get older? Has anyone else experienced similar feelings/issues? What would your advice be? I'm tempted to consciously be a dickhead and string people along. I feel angry. Can anyone put this in perspective for me please? Sorry for the long winded post, any replies will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for the advice Thanks again Edited April 20, 2016 by KamaKyzie typo
OneLov Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Do you have any substance? Because there are a lot of good looking guys in this world. The ones that really go far with women tend to be able to make them laugh, are intelligent, interesting, and want to listen to what they have to say. Do you see yourself with any of the above characteristics?
Author KamaKyzie Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Do you have any substance? Because there are a lot of good looking guys in this world. The ones that really go far with women tend to be able to make them laugh, are intelligent, interesting, and want to listen to what they have to say. Do you see yourself with any of the above characteristics? I'd say I do. Before my slump/change in attitude I had a load of girls wanting to be my girlfriend, but I strung them along and cut them off at the last minute. In short, I was feeding my ego due to being insecure. I'm articulate, frequently score highly at university and am funny to lots of people (obviously different people have different senses of humour). I've just noticed that since I started caring I'm losing out. I'm tempted to revert back to being a jerk, even if my conscience pricks me. However, I will feel bad stringing people along again and I haven't done that in a while.
neowulf Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 I'd say I do. Before my slump/change in attitude I had a load of girls wanting to be my girlfriend, but I strung them along and cut them off at the last minute. In short, I was feeding my ego due to being insecure. I'm articulate, frequently score highly at university and am funny to lots of people (obviously different people have different senses of humour). I've just noticed that since I started caring I'm losing out. I'm tempted to revert back to being a jerk, even if my conscience pricks me. However, I will feel bad stringing people along again and I haven't done that in a while. Previously, you drew your self worth through external validation. As you say, you fed your ego with the affection and attention of women. However, you've hit the "emotional hang over", realising that using women for your personal amusement weighs hard on you. So.. when you removed that external validation.. what were you left with. I understand you're telling us a lot of positive things about you, but ask yourself, do they feed your sense of confidence the way pulling women used to? In short, you're at the point where you're going to have to find something else to fill you up. Perhaps that's volunteering. Helping others. Becoming a leader in your community? Starting a band. What ever it is, you have to find the thing that resonates with you and makes you feel worth while for yourself. Not from some external validation. 2
Author KamaKyzie Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Previously, you drew your self worth through external validation. As you say, you fed your ego with the affection and attention of women. However, you've hit the "emotional hang over", realising that using women for your personal amusement weighs hard on you. So.. when you removed that external validation.. what were you left with. I understand you're telling us a lot of positive things about you, but ask yourself, do they feed your sense of confidence the way pulling women used to? In short, you're at the point where you're going to have to find something else to fill you up. Perhaps that's volunteering. Helping others. Becoming a leader in your community? Starting a band. What ever it is, you have to find the thing that resonates with you and makes you feel worth while for yourself. Not from some external validation. Never thought of it like this. I guess it's because I'm now looking for a fulfilling relationship, I feel empty due to not having one. I might try and pursue other avenues not dating related as opposed to trying to force something.
Author KamaKyzie Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Losing out on what? Picking up chicks? A meaningful relationship. I've only ever played people before, but grew tired of how empty it was. Even when I was pulling I wasn't truly happy, just cocky and arrogant and it worked wonders.
Toodaloo Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Never thought of it like this. I guess it's because I'm now looking for a fulfilling relationship, I feel empty due to not having one. I might try and pursue other avenues not dating related as opposed to trying to force something. Do this and your confidence will grow again and this time will be true confidence. You will also start to attract women who see you as more than just a warn body for the night... In reality you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Develop strong friendships, keep up the education and sports etc. Challenge yourself to try something new. Go travelling etc. The rest will eventually follow. 1
Gloria25 Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Maybe it's also cuz you're entering into a new league of women.... It's one thing to impress silly tweens, teens, and/or high school chicks....it's another where you're entering college, where you have girls who are a bit more worldly, who are also playing men, and/or ain't gonna give it up without you bringing more substance to what you're offering. Years ago, in my early 20s I went to a bar with some friends. My co-worker, who had on too much make-up and a saggy, flat butt was getting hit on over me. I questioned it and learned that guys see women in our 20s as too much work if they just wanna get laid and figured the older women would be easier to hit up for a good time.
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