AnUphillRace Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 The girl I lost. I’ve even been in another relationship(5months) that ended due to distance/unable to stay in contact(Mormon Missionary - I’m Atheist) Even while I was with this other girl, all I could do is think about my ex while I was with this other girl, even though I liked her a lot. I’ve even been with four - five other girls since, purely sex, but she is still in the back of my mind, actually scrap that she’s no where near the back. She engulfs it. I dream about her constantly, it was 4+ days a week, now not so much.. Maybe 1 - 2 days. She’s constantly on my mind all day every day. There’s never a day I have without thinking of her. We have been split up for 16 months. It feels like an eternity though, even though she has never left my mind. We was together for a very long time. I was 15 when we got together and I was 22 when we split. It was my fault we split, I didn’t show her how I felt when I was with her. I just brought her down all the time, I had so many chances to fix it. Eh, what’s the saying? You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. I regret our final months together, I COULD have “fixed” it, or at least tried more. She’s now seeing another guy and we don’t speak. Which is for the best. Every time we have seen each other she breaks down and cannot contain her tears. The last time I saw her was 4 months ago. I cannot bear to see her like that, it kills me. I’m not as bad as I was, I have got better. When we first split I was drinking a lot. I was crying a lot. It was the first time I remember crying in my life. I’ve never cried for anything before. Close relatives deaths, friends leaving… nothing. I even thought about ended my life back then, BUT I want to live. I’m not sure if this was my idea of “recovery” but I spent over £5000 on booze last year going out and £2000 on MDMA/XTC/Cocaine. That’s a big chunk for me as I just work a min wage job. I was on £13,000 a year… I have stopped now, but feel like going back because…. ….I saw her today in town… and a lot of my old feelings came rushing back… all those ones from the first days… months, of our breakup.. That’s why I’m posting this… Does it ever get better? I’m sure it does.. I’m just finding it hard to believe it. My thoughts for her never left, as you can probably tell from this wall of text. I've always thought to myself I will fight to get this girl back one day.... Even if she ends up with 10 kids from 10 guy, I do not care. I love her. I'd still kill or die for her right now, even though she kind of left me for another guy. I do not blame her... I see how I treated her. I was never "evil" to her. I never hurt her physically.. I did worse.. I broke her heart. I didn't show her how I felt. I didn't show her I loved her. I have no hard feelings towards her. NC is still killing me.... but I know it's best... gargh.
mightycpa Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 I'm impressed that you know how much you spent on drugs and alcohol. Most people don't. Maybe you should be an accountant or bookkeeper or something other than a minimum wage slave. 1
Author AnUphillRace Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Haha, It's really not hard when you go out every weekend and spend the same nearly every weekend. I had an important job within the company I was with. I was just very underpaid in that position, but it was good training.
YWGMan Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 I'm impressed that you know how much you spent on drugs and alcohol. Most people don't. Maybe you should be an accountant or bookkeeper or something other than a minimum wage slave. This is funny! She doesn't deserve you thats it! you took her for granted and she gave you the chance to make it right but people will never ever change. I agree with mightycpa you should consider changing careers. Take care of yourself and no more drugs palleeeeease!
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