egalew Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Had a second date with someone this past weekend. We met for brunch. We spent four hours -- yes four hours -- talking in the restaurant. Time flew by. We connected on a gazillion levels. If I didn't end the date, I think he would have sat there another 2 hours. No word since. What's that all about? p.s. After the 1st date I sent an e-mail "Enjoyed......" This time I didn't because I felt he should take the initiative. I don't want to be the one all the time.
smudge21 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 He's very busy or has someone else he's dating too, or has lost his phone, fallen off a cliff or been chosen to defend the earth against an badly animated squad of aliens. Basically, there's no real way of knowing when someone does this. I've had times when I thought things were perfect and she felt it too, then nothing. No idea how or why people do that - just seem to have perfect moments and then turn them off as if they never existed or they were just play acting. You could make contact again but I know how low one can feel when they are doing all the chasing. You shouldn't have to. It's your call really - one final phone call/text and then leave it in their court is usually my answer to that. It's early days and there's plenty of fish swimming in that sea - if he's already being distant, then you got to think how's he going to be if you two get serious. 1
smackie9 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Brunch for a second date? He's dating others....saving the Friday/Saturday nights for someone else. I would say he made a difference choice and ghosted on you. But that's just me thinking...... 1
Toodaloo Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I went on a date and I knew about 20 minutes in that I never wanted to see him ever again. He mentioned that he was a bit of a nationalist (his views were along the lines of a Nazi) in not so many words... I just thought no no no. I couldn't politely get away though and in all other respects we got on well so I just changed the subject and carried on regardless safe in the knowledge that soon I would never have to speak to him again. Yes the remaining couple of hours were OK but I had no intention of ever seeing him again. Plain and simple.
Author egalew Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Thanks. I'm tired of sitting through dates that seem "great" and then go to nowhere. It's like I'm their entertainment for the hour. For that matter, I don't want to do the chasing, so electing not to call. 1
Toodaloo Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Sorry but I think this is what you were to that guy. Time to move on and start afresh.
Larryville Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 He's very busy or has someone else he's dating too, if he's already being distant, then you got to think how's he going to be if you two get serious. Exactly… Ladies, please… read and maybe tattoo this somewhere so you don’t forget... If a guy is into you and you are IT for him you will know…. You will absolutely know, without question. No ghosting, no days gone by without contacting you, no mixed signals… I have gone out with a number of women, and I know right away whether or not I want to pursue, but I will always be polite and courteous and make that particular night/date nice and pleasant. Even if the dudes are not into you most will at least be respectful enough to make the best out of the date. But if after the date YOU are unsure, no calls, texts, no follow up trust your guy he’s not that into you. 3
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Brunch for a second date? He's dating others....saving the Friday/Saturday nights for someone else. I would say he made a difference choice and ghosted on you. But that's just me thinking...... Not necessarily. It was Easter weekend he probably already had plans with family and friends. I had plenty of brunch as 1st or 2nd date because it was the only time I had the rest of my weekend being promised to my daughter, or birthdays or stuff. OP, did he pay the brunch? If yes it's up to you to thank him afterwards. Basic politeness. Also it was just a 2nd date, yes he may be dating others, not unseen. Contact him and thank him, at least. 1
Author egalew Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Larry, I agree with you. I myself am always polite and will be engaging, even when I'm not interested. However, would you sit there four hours?! And, yes, I'm moving on .
Larryville Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I myself am always polite and will be engaging, even when I'm not interested. However, would you sit there four hours?! Yes, E, I’ve done it. Two examples one lady I met on a dating site was MUCH larger than her profile pics, but she was funny as heck, we drank, listened to music and then went to play pool. But again was disappointed in her not being anything like her pics, good for someone else but just not me. Met another lady, met for brunch she suggested a place I had never been too. After brunch we went on long dog walk, she was cool enjoyed her company but I fundamentally knew we did not view each other as a long term match. It happens, you meet a nice human being but it does not always have to lead to “romance” Ever heard of the phrase “we meet people for a reason, a season or a lifetime” Sometimes people just have to dial down their expectations and just go with the moment. But glad you are moving on, good luck.
spriggan2 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I caution against the "if a guy is into you you will know" advice. It's not something I would even begin to apply across the board. I'm saying this as a guy who has really liked girls and, after dating for a few weeks, had them confess to me that they thought I didn't like them because of how restrained I played things. I might not be the norm but I assume there are many perfectly good guys out there who are either inexperienced or very busy or have a less forward approach. That being said, in the case of the OP the guy sounds like he's ghosted. Who knows why, but really who cares. You'll find someone better.
DominicWayne Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 There could have been a moment where he realized after all that, he's just not interested. Perhaps he's dating others. Just move on and keep on kicking ass. One guy won't change your life. I realize in your previous posts that you don't want to be someone's entertainment and then have them ghost on you. One way to improve the quality of the guys you meet is by going to events/venues that pertain to your best hobbies and interests. For example, if you love to paint, then you would go to a painting event where people gather to do it. You will most likely meet people you really click with and maybe a guy you click with almost immediately. Just find out what you love to do, check your city's happenings and events and go. Good luck badass.
Author egalew Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 Over the course of three weeks, had 2 dates with a guy. Both dates where nice, the second of which lasted 4 hours. He seems a bit socially awkward. There was no kissing on either date. Since the second date, about once a week or so, he'll shoot an e-mail asking, "How are you?" I'll respond back and not hear anything. For instance, on Saturday, he returned from his vacation. Sent such an e-mail. I responded and then zip. What's that all about? I feel like saying something like, "Don't think you're interested, so don't know why we're bothering."
Author egalew Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 Had 2 dates with a guy over a month period. So, far it's been very casual. Sunday I responded to an e-mail he sent and it took him four days to get back to me. He had the typical excuse he was busy. In today's e-mail he asked me out for Sunday. I hate to play games, but the the fact that he waited so long to respond to my e-mail a giveaway that he was waiting to see what happened with someone else? Should I say yes, given it was last minute? BTW.... In the e-mail he stated, "I know it's last minute, but..." 1
smackie9 Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 When they don't contact you, that's because they don't want to. He's not that into you, move on. 1
Zahara Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Had 2 dates with a guy over a month period. So, far it's been very casual. Sunday I responded to an e-mail he sent and it took him four days to get back to me. He had the typical excuse he was busy. In today's e-mail he asked me out for Sunday. I hate to play games, but the the fact that he waited so long to respond to my e-mail a giveaway that he was waiting to see what happened with someone else? Should I say yes, given it was last minute? BTW.... In the e-mail he stated, "I know it's last minute, but..." Busy is never an excuse. Takes but 5 seconds to send a text. It's Thursday -- he's going through his list of who's available to fill his plans for the weekend. 1
Satu Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 'Busy' is bunk. You can do better and you deserve better. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 What else have you got going on? If you liked him enough to be in contact at all, what harm will it do you to accept a 3rd date? I say go. Who knows? Where ever you end up on the date you might meet somebody. Going is still better then sitting home. You also don't know what he was doing that he was busy -- if he worked a lot of overtime & had a sick family member, yeah that is way too busy to respond to an e-mail.
Author egalew Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 Donn - He is currently unemployed. Starts a new job on Monday. And he doesn't have kids, so wasn't like he was busy with that.
LoveRefreshed Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Some people are genuinely busy. I'd take him up on the offer but keep yourself from getting hopes up or making yourself too emotionally vulnerable. Make him chase you a little. Typically, if I asked a girl to do a few things and I got the sense she was playing games or not that into me, then I'll totally reject an invite last minute. I only do that if they reject an invite from me or cancel on me last minute. Just to let them know that I'm not some sap that will waiting for them to not be indecisive.
Zahara Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 (edited) Some people are genuinely busy. Personally, I can't grasp the "busy" concept. In the span of 4 days -- I'm sure there's always a few seconds when you're sitting on the potty in the morning. When you're eating your lunch. Stopped at a long red light. Browsing the aisles at the grocery store. Laying in bed just before you're about to go to sleep. Watching your eggs turn to omelettes. There's always a few seconds/minutes available somewhere in your day to send a little reach out/response. Edited April 21, 2016 by Zahara 1
LydiaLong Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Well, give the guy a chance. Maybe he WAS busy doing something.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 I'm sure there's always a few seconds when you're sitting on the potty in the morning. When you're eating your lunch. Stopped at a long red light. Browsing the aisles at the grocery store. Laying in bed just before you're about to go to sleep. Watching your eggs turn to omelettes. Lol. Love it. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 Donn - He is currently unemployed. Starts a new job on Monday. And he doesn't have kids, so wasn't like he was busy with that. Do you want to go out with him or not? If you are just looking for excuses to justify saying no thank you, you don't need a reason to decline his invitation. If you want him to try harder to woo you, this isn't the way to go about it.
smackie9 Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 As they say they leave the Friday/Saturday night dates for the one they are truly interested in....Sunday brunch is for friends.
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