Silver_star Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 So I am new to the dating scene. I took a time out after my last relationship and got back to myself and am really ready to get out and find a guy that adds to my life in a positive way. I found a great guy online (needle in a haystack these days) and I feel he is interested in me in some way but I just want to know if he wants to be romantic with me, or if he is just biding his time. The slow motion momentum is killing me. Can there be passion? Or are we forcing it now? I met a guy online who is very cute and funny. After some very good banter online we met up after 2 weeks, and we get along great in person too. Date #1 we go for drinks on Monday night. I am attracted to him and I flirt with him (subtle flirting but no touching, subtle innuendo) but he is not giving me much back in terms of body language or flirty banter, although I can tell he is a bit nervous, and the conversation is good almost like good friends that tease each other. Good sign is he asks me out again and is texting in between dates. Date #2 (Sunday brunch). Again no body language interest. We sit across from each other and when I got closer to him he didn't seem to notice or move closer so I would stop trying. I felt like I was making all the moves. At the end of the date we hug goodbye and he quickly kisses me, just a closed mouth quick peck. It was sweet, but not sure how I felt about it. I texted him next day that I had a good time. I do enjoy his company. I really thought that was it and that he was just being polite but not interested, but then he asked when we were going out for Date #3. Date #3 (10 days later because of his schedule). We go for dinner and a live show. I dress up really nice and look my best. I can tell by the look he gave me that he is attracted, but he doesn't pay me any compliment or say anything about my efforts, but he is closer to me this time, holding my hand and being really sweet, offering me his coat, and we kissed at the end of the night with more gusto, but after that I didn't hear a word for him. It would be nice to be assured of his interest in me, or that he is romantically interested or that there is at least a hint of passion...I am not sure where this is going. I know he is a good guy, but the slow-mo style of dating is losing its appeal to me as time goes on with him. Any advice?
smackie9 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 He's a shy guy. Either let him go at his pace with uncertainty or you be more assertive. My experience with the shy, you need to be assertive or nothing will happen. 2
Author Silver_star Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 I guess my other worry and uncertainty is whether or not I should be seeing other guys especially with the week-two week gap between dates? Or if that is not cool? Should it be a conversation with shy guy I have already or would that push him away? I'm not good at dating...
scooby-philly Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 So....I'll admit I'm not the smoothest, most confident guy out there. But I've gotten better as the years have drawn on. Look - perhaps he's just being polite - but you've picked up on some signs that he is interested - the look, the kiss, the messaging. So - give him a chance. But......remember the saying - you can lead a horse to water..... If he doesn't pick up the cues within the next date or two you either need to be clear & take the lead (perhaps even just be blunt with him "I like you, I think you like me, but you're speed and your "ignorance" around dating is killing me" (maybe a little nicer lol) but you get my point. Lots of guys are just nervous b/c of lack of experience and many get confused b/c there so much guy trashing and hating these days. But I agree with with smackie9 (who's usually good with advice) - you're the one who's got to **** or get off the pot. Of course, if you push it back to where it belongs - on him - then he's got to man up or you should move on. 3
smackie9 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 I doubt very highly you will push a man away for being interested. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 He sounds shy. What would you be comfortable doing to up the ante? At a minimum I'd stare deeply into his eyes at an appropriate moment & lick your lips. I'd also lean in & at least give him a peck goodnight. I know exactly how you feel. DH didn't kiss me until our 3rd date. I was about to dump him because he didn't even give me the chance to kiss him. Turns out he was shy. 1
Author Silver_star Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 Yeah...the whole **** or get off the pot thing is kind of jumping the gun at this point. I want to give him a chance if he is shy...he is a nice guy, and I like him. So we just started dating...But I want to know how long this goes on before I get off the pot, and what I can do in the meantime to encourage him to get closer because I think he is attractive and a good guy. I mean, I think it is sweet that he is moving slow, but at the same time it puts me in a position to take the lead which sets a precedent that really doesn't interest me as much in the long run. I am turned on by confidence like most women, and I have given him ample encouragement that I am interested, and have even made several first moves myself texting him after the date next day to say I had a really good time...Kissing was initiated by me on third date and I pulled him closer to me. I guess I just want to feel some spark. I felt like I was offering myself up to him, and I don't want to feel rejected or like I am making all the moves, when it isn't met with advances of his own. I have given him a few cues for him to take the reigns for example after date #2 when he asked me out again I said " I didn't know if you were interested in me or not, I guess I was reading you wrong, but I think you are very cute and I have a lot of fun with you, so I wouldn't say no to a third date ;)". I feel like that was encouragement enough that 1. I am interested 2. He should show me he is interested more because I almost couldn't tell. It's just a bit frustrating... 1
TheWoman Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 My SO would never have made the first move, but luckily for him I am very flirty after a couple of drinks. So after several hours of conversation and fun, I leaned over and asked " are you attracted to me?" complete with batting eyelashes... Moved things along nicely. 2
smackie9 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Rattling their cage is kinda fun....but if you have to shake it, and not much happens, run away. 2
sunshine2 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 I agree with Smackie9, Rattling their cage is kinda fun....but if you have to shake it, and not much happens, run away. I posted a story about this with my last XBF. He didn't even try anything until I asked him if he liked affection because by the 5-6 date he hadn't made one move. He finally kissed me after that conversation, but it never got better, he was just a really unaffectionate man. So give him a few more chances to see if he is just shy, but I would date others anyway, you are not committed to him yet. 1
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