Is it true that nice guys always get ignored? [and consolidated nice guy dating]

[RecentChange]

Perhaps instead of "how to be successful with women" the title should be "how to manipulate vulnerable women".

 

And you know, leave ideas of respect, morality, and decency behind. This is a recipe for how to have sex with easy women on a short term basis, and has nothing to do with lasting, healthy relationships.

[Woggle]

Perhaps instead of "how to be successful with women" the title should be "how to manipulate vulnerable women".

 

And you know, leave ideas of respect, morality, and decency behind. This is a recipe for how to have sex with easy women on a short term basis, and has nothing to do with lasting, healthy relationships.

 

To be fair there are some people both men and women who are so cynical they have given up on healthy and lasting relationships but I do agree that this is what not to do if you want a quality woman. Quality women are attracted to quality as are quality men so this kind of game playing will backfire. All in all though stuff like this is an example of how badly male/female relationships have deteriorated.

[Miss Spider]

I love how there's a nice guy consolidated thread. What makes it funnier is all the out of all the self proclaimed "nice guys" I've run into, only a few are genuinely nice.

[GemmaUK]

I love how there's a nice guy consolidated thread. What makes it funnier is all the out of all the self proclaimed "nice guys" I've run into, only a few are genuinely nice.

 

You took the words out of my mouth except I haven't yet run into any self proclaimed nice guys who are genuinely nice,

 

The self proclaimed nice guys I've known (who also complain about women dating jerks) have been the biggest jerks.

[smackie9]

You took the words out of my mouth except I haven't yet run into any self proclaimed nice guys who are genuinely nice,

 

The self proclaimed nice guys I've known (who also complain about women dating jerks) have been the biggest jerks.

Ding ding! we have a winna here!

 

They are jerks because they are self entitled. They figure that they should be rewarded for their effort of being nice. And when it doesn't happen, it's the girl that did them wrong and then they get all pissy about it...then they say all women date jerks. In reality they just avoided one.

 

I read the opening post.....sure the date went well or she claims she was looking for a nice guy, but it turned out she didn't feel a connection so she stepped out on having another date. That's it....simple as that. OP you weren't it.

[Miss Spider]

haha yea exactly. A nice Niceguy is impossible.

 

. "I'm a nice guy who respects women and genuinely enjoys spending time with them unlike those jerks who just want sex. All I demand is that they have sex with me dammit" /This thread

[basil67]

Its been proven by science and by observation that being "nice" to women is not what turns them on. Its a fact.

 

First up, science does not deal in proof or facts. Starting an argument with a statement like this does zero to help your credibility. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200811/common-misconceptions-about-science-i-scientific-proof

 

Now, you haven't posted a link, so I would imagine that you're referring to a couple of research articles. People research and publish all kinds of things - but the fact that an article was published does not mean that that articles will pass peer review and earn broad respect. Also bear in mind that in social science, researchers can have their own bias and find data to support that bias.

 

Second, no "nice" is not a turn on. Being nice is simply a basic element of a half decent human. As well as being nice, a guy needs to have a whole lot more to offer. For example: be interesting, have a good sense of humour, be good company, know how to have a good conversation, be respectful, be thoughtful, be loving, be fun, be sociable, be employable....whatever that woman is looking for in a man.

 

You talk about the not so nice men who women are supposedly attracted to. Given that the far majority of men do have/have had women be attracted to them, does this mean that you believe the far majority of men are asshats?

[magnesium]

After many years of dating, observation, and experimentation.. along with making friends with "players" and "womanizers" to see what they do.. I think I finally cracked the code for being a "ladies man".

 

First of all, you need to be either above average in looks or above average in succe$$ to be really good at it. But most average men can pull it off. The golden rule of the ladies man is this:

 

SAY all the right things, but DO all the wrong things.

 

For whatever reason, women are most attracted to men who they cannot figure out. Men who confuse them. Women also love WORDS. Ego boosting language. However, if you combine ego boosting words with ego boosting actions you will end up in the FRIEND ZONE. You can't do both gentlemen! Words are more important with women though.

 

Example:

WORDS: Tell her she is the only one for you.

ACTION: Date multiple women.

 

WORDS: Tell her she is special.

ACTION: Flake on your plans with her.

 

WORDS: Tell her the sound of her voice makes you melt

ACTION: Ignore her attempts at conversation to watch sports

 

Don't hate the player, hate the game. Here is the breakdown of how a woman will classify you based on your approach:

 

1. Positive words and positive actions = Friend zone

2. Positive words and negative actions = Ladies man

3. Negative words and negative actions = Creep

 

Bonus:

 

4. Positive words and positive actions plus MONEY = Husband

5. Positive words and negative actions, plus MONEY = Heart throb / Stud

6. Negative words and positive actions = Bad boy

 

This is the truth.

[basil67]

And lack of proof reading does zero to help my credibility.... Sigh

[elaine567]

5879877775

 

Second, no "nice" is not a turn on. Being nice is simply a basic element of a half decent human.

As well as being nice, a guy needs to have a whole lot more to offer. For example: be interesting, have a good sense of humour, be good company, know how to have a good conversation, be respectful, be thoughtful, be loving, be fun, be sociable, be employable....whatever that woman is looking for in a man.

 

Exactly.

Being "nice" is just the first rung of the ladder.

[CptInsano]

The term "nice" can mean many things, especially as an attribute to describe yourself. In the context of the dating subforum it seems to me that it is mostly used to refer to passive behavior.

[ZA Dater]

haha yea exactly. A nice Niceguy is impossible.

 

. "I'm a nice guy who respects women and genuinely enjoys spending time with them unlike those jerks who just want sex. All I demand is that they have sex with me dammit" /This thread

 

I don't tend to agree. Not every guy is looking only for sex.

 

 

However, guys become that guy through constant rejection. What do I mean here, well take guy A, he goes out with the genuine intention of looking for a gf. He gets rejected every time for reasons he cannot fathom.

 

 

He then has to decide

1: Continue and do all the so called self improvement things which net the same result.

2: Simply look for sex because he cannot find 1, chances are if he sell out his morals, drops his standards he can do this fairly easily.

 

 

I genuinely believe many guys start out looking for 1 but being a nice guy not looking for 2 gets them nowhere at all.

 

 

I think no matter what sphere of life you should try and be nice to those you interact with, BUT not get taken advantage of.

[Redhead14]

Men who confuse them. Women also love WORDS.

 

If a woman chooses a man who confuses them, they, themselves are very confused to start with.

 

And, yes, some women put too much emphasis and read into words without paying attention to actions.

 

However, the guys who choose to be with those women because "they can", aren't getting a prize. What they have is a confused, incomplete woman. If a man is a player, he gets what he wants.

 

If a man wants a real relationship and uses "player" mentality/tactics, he's shooting himself in the foot.

Edited July 19, 2017 by Redhead14

[GoodOnPaper]

If a man wants a real relationship and uses "player" mentality/tactics, he's shooting himself in the foot.

 

The thing is, you can't get to the relationship without making it through the initial attraction stage. If you are not a player yourself, you are still competing against a lot of them. Having at least some degree of short-term sex appeal is exactly what those of us with "nice guy" tendencies lack and from my experience that can negatively affect even a stable, lasting LTR.

[Redhead14]

The thing is, you can't get to the relationship without making it through the initial attraction stage. If you are not a player yourself, you are still competing against a lot of them. Having at least some degree of short-term sex appeal is exactly what those of us with "nice guy" tendencies lack and from my experience that can negatively affect even a stable, lasting LTR.

 

Sex appeal is one thing . . . faking it to make it is another.

[CptInsano]

Even after all these years I feel that this discussion is somewhat of a false choice fallacy. To me the categories or "nice guy" and "player" sound very artificial. In my experience you have no problems getting to know women as long as you are social and fun to be around. If you lack those traits it really doesn't matter if you are nice or not.

[knabe]

haha yea exactly. A nice Niceguy is impossible.

 

. "I'm a nice guy who respects women and genuinely enjoys spending time with them unlike those jerks who just want sex. All I demand is that they have sex with me dammit" /This thread

 

Best. Comment. Ever.

 

I truly nice person is nice without demands or expectations. A "nice guy" plays nice and mannerly to get sex and then gets ugly and hates all women when his strategy fails.

[knabe]

I don't tend to agree. Not every guy is looking only for sex.

 

 

However, guys become that guy through constant rejection. What do I mean here, well take guy A, he goes out with the genuine intention of looking for a gf. He gets rejected every time for reasons he cannot fathom.

 

 

He then has to decide

1: Continue and do all the so called self improvement things which net the same result.

2: Simply look for sex because he cannot find 1, chances are if he sell out his morals, drops his standards he can do this fairly easily.

 

 

I genuinely believe many guys start out looking for 1 but being a nice guy not looking for 2 gets them nowhere at all.

 

 

I think no matter what sphere of life you should try and be nice to those you interact with, BUT not get taken advantage of.

 

 

Guys become that guy because their entitlement, lack of emotional intelligence, and immaturity cause them to CHOOSE to respond to rejection that way.

 

Rejection is part of life. And honestly, most of the time when a person is rejected over and over there is a reason - usually a personality or outlook on life reason.

 

So no, it is not a woman's fault a man chooses to deal with real life by becoming a misogynist.

[Miss Spider]

I don't tend to agree. Not every guy is looking only for sex.

 

 

However, guys become that guy through constant rejection. What do I mean here, well take guy A, he goes out with the genuine intention of looking for a gf. He gets rejected every time for reasons he cannot fathom.

 

 

He then has to decide

1: Continue and do all the so called self improvement things which net the same result.

2: Simply look for sex because he cannot find 1, chances are if he sell out his morals, drops his standards he can do this fairly easily.

 

 

I genuinely believe many guys start out looking for 1 but being a nice guy not looking for 2 gets them nowhere at all.

 

 

I think no matter what sphere of life you should try and be nice to those you interact with, BUT not get taken advantage of.

 

Oh I completely understand! I was just oversimplifing to be humorous. I get they're not ONLY looking for sex a lot of the time, but often when they complain about the relationship women have with "jerks" vs them, the missing component is sex.

 

Niceguys typically to have no trouble getting into 'friend zone' - cuddling, talking about feelings, etc. because people tend to like people who are nice. A guy who drives 200 miles to pick a girl up may get a "you're amazing" and a kiss on the cheek. But unfortunately that has no bearing on whether or not she is attracted to him. This seems to confuse niceguys and the group of anti-niceguys theyve sprouted for some inexplicable reason.

 

 

The problem is niceguys and nicegirls think they are entitled to romance or sex simply because they act nice

[knabe]

Oh I completely understand! I was just oversimplifing to be humorous. I get they're not ONLY looking for sex a lot of the time, but often when they complain about the relationship women have with "jerks" vs them, the missing component is sex.

 

Niceguys typically to have no trouble getting into 'friend zone' - cuddling, talking about feelings, etc. because people tend to like people who are nice. A guy who drives 200 miles to pick a girl up may get a "you're amazing" and a kiss on the cheek. But unfortunately that has no bearing on whether or not she is attracted to him. This seems to confuse niceguys and the group of anti-niceguys theyve sprouted for some inexplicable reason.

 

 

The problem is niceguys and nicegirls think they are entitled to romance or sex simply because they act nice

 

 

The most common type of nice guy is the guy who also has an engineering, mathematical, if/then type brain. They believe that dating and relationships are math equations. If I do a,b, and c in the right quantities the algorithm will result in her being attracted to me.

 

That isn't how any of this works.

[The Urbanyst]

Smiling can be a sign of appeasement and can be a sign of submission. So whilst a smile in a man who is known to a person is seen as a sign of happiness saying "Glad to see you again" and is seen as a good thing, a smiling man who is not known to a woman or a man for that matter, can appear weak and he is effectively saying "I am no threat do not beat me up, please...".

Weakness is not generally seen as a good trait in men by anyone really, but for some men weakness and submission is seen as a good trait in women and so many are highly attracted to a smiling woman.

"Here is one I can dominate easily."

 

That's my whole point. Its more important for a man to be strong than to be NICE.

[The Urbanyst]

Sorry this is bull . Should have saved time and just stopped at be above average in looks or success

 

You wish it was bull. But its not.

[The Urbanyst]

It's not being nice to anyone that turns them off or on. You have not cracked the code to "female attraction". Any girl you catch by treating like dirt whether verbally or with your actions has some serious issues and you ought to feel a bit exploitative. At the very least change the title of your thesis to How To Be Successful With The Very Small Percentage of Emotionally Damaged Women because stable women who are in the majority will not put up with this for a minute. Less so if there is nothing else keeping her VERY attracted.

 

Majority of women don't need to be buttered up by anyone, much less an inconsistent asshat. Women with a particular lack of self esteem do. But couple that with being attracted solely because it is matched with bad treatment? You are dealing with a seriously emotionally damaged person, not "women"

 

When are red pillers etc going to learn it's not mimicking attractive, in demand guy's words/actions of apathy towards certain women because of abundance DOESNT make them attractive to women. It makes them creeps. Just because their good looking buddy tells women he loves spending time with them and then flakes on them for another girl does not mean if they do it they instantly become attractive.

 

Nope. You're wrong.

 

I have dated lots of women along with a lot of my player friends. How many women have you dated?

[The Urbanyst]

To be fair there are some people both men and women who are so cynical they have given up on healthy and lasting relationships but I do agree that this is what not to do if you want a quality woman. Quality women are attracted to quality as are quality men so this kind of game playing will backfire. All in all though stuff like this is an example of how badly male/female relationships have deteriorated.

 

What is your definition of a quality woman?

[Snow_Queen]

The most common type of nice guy is the guy who also has an engineering, mathematical, if/then type brain. They believe that dating and relationships are math equations. If I do a,b, and c in the right quantities the algorithm will result in her being attracted to me.

 

That isn't how any of this works.

 

Just because a guy is analytical doesn't mean he applies that thinking to dating. I know you said most of these types think this way but I've experienced the opposite. In the past, I've dated quite a few engineers and every one of them were actually quite charming, kind, and had a sense of humor.

 

It's the perspective that creates the nice guy. They are typically mimicking what they hear women want from men with a simple black and white perspective. It doesn't occur to them that other factors make up the attraction.