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Is it true that nice guys always get ignored? [and consolidated nice guy dating]

SoulSurfer94

By SoulSurfer94
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knabe Established Member

knabe

Posted
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It's very common though.

 

I've also had interesting conversations with men who claim to prefer dumb women.

 

Dumb and low self-esteem.

 

I don't get it.

 

I'd rather work on myself if that was the only kind of woman I could have a relationship with. But, one of the guys I had that conversation with has been married for 20 or more years with two kids. What do I know?

 

I suspect a man with authentically high self esteem would feel as you do. A man who only wants women with low self esteem likely basically wants to date someone like himself.

  • Like 1
central Established Member

central

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You'll be dead either way. Do you want 100 women or do you want to live life on your own terms?

 

Or 100 women on your own terms?

 

 

I don't want to be the guy in the OP's post - and haven't been. Somehow, I've lived with integrity and sincerity, and managed to have good relationships, good sex, and plenty of both.

 

 

Just the same, I've see the tactics that the OP describes work quite often. So, yes, they work - but considering the quality of the people on both sides of that encounter, I'll pass.

  • Like 6
alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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I agree with most of what you say but I have to add that a true "ladies man" does all this stuff by intuition (in other words he doesn't have to think about it)

SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

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I agree with most of what you say but I have to add that a true "ladies man" does all this stuff by intuition (in other words he doesn't have to think about it)

 

It can be learned. Practiced until it becomes second nature. Every successful "player" is not a natural.

 

It can get deeper than this also. Actually, some would consider this to be low level game. There's levels to it. That can taught and learned.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
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Players only "game" dumb, naive and gullible women....There sure are plenty of them out there, so if thats the criteria, then great, you get the prize...

 

Real Alpha's aren't made....They are born...

 

TFY

  • Like 1
SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

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"Real alphas" ... learn. Make mistakes. Get better.

 

Even those "born" with a certain proclivity to it.

  • Like 2
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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When I hear a person who talks about not WANTING to date a woman with high self esteem....

 

Honestly, that speaks to issues that are too big for an internet thread. WANTING a woman with low self esteem so that it's easier to use her and be a jerkl is a sign of some serious character flaws.

 

also a sign of a predator....not a man...a perfect predation is done by a predator who knows how to spot the weakest most vulnerable prey....and that predator will attack that prey..... the flapping injured fish....attracts the sharks...too bad if that fish...is actually not that injured as it appears to be and takes out the sharks eyes........shark loses... i had to add that.....shark cant win em all...deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted (edited)
also a sign of a predator....not a man...a perfect predation is done by a predator who knows how to spot the weakest most vulnerable prey....and that predator will attack that prey..... the flapping injured fish....attracts the sharks...too bad if that fish...is actually not that injured as it appears to be and takes out the sharks eyes........shark loses... i had to add that.....shark cant win em all...deb

 

Thanks to the men and women posting here, this has turned into a very insightful thread. I'd often wondered about how abusive men find women to abuse - and this thread has summed it up perfectly. Treat them badly - and if they stay around, they are ripe for abuse.

 

I'd also like to give a shout out to all the men who have integrity posting here.

Edited by basil67
  • Like 5
JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

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Or 100 women on your own terms?

 

 

I don't want to be the guy in the OP's post - and haven't been. Somehow, I've lived with integrity and sincerity, and managed to have good relationships, good sex, and plenty of both.

 

 

Just the same, I've see the tactics that the OP describes work quite often. So, yes, they work - but considering the quality of the people on both sides of that encounter, I'll pass.

 

Well, that may be true for you.

 

But that is not the case for OP.

 

Otherwise, he wouldn't be posting here with such stuff.

 

Of course it's possible to be a good guy and get women. I'm just saying, in the event that you have a choice as I illustrated, well then, you have a choice to make.

 

That's why I put the numbers at 100 and 2. Extremes.

Wade Lamare Established Member

Wade Lamare

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Notches on bedposts. So mature.

  • Like 3
JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

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Notches on bedposts. So mature.

 

Just an illustration.

 

I don't care if you're 45 years old and have never had a girlfriend. If you're a good dude, you're my friend.

 

In reality, I tend to get along better with guys who do poorly with women.

JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

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Thanks to the men and women posting here, this has turned into a very insightful thread. I'd often wondered about how abusive men find women to abuse - and this thread has summed it up perfectly. Treat them badly - and if they stay around, they are ripe for abuse.

 

I'd also like to give a shout out to all the men who have integrity posting here.

 

I wouldn't take it to that extreme.

 

Think a second about the people who are posting here. Who do you think they are in real life?

 

What kind of guy do you think OP is in real life? Do you think he goes around beating women?

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
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I wouldn't take it to that extreme.

 

Think a second about the people who are posting here. Who do you think they are in real life?

 

What kind of guy do you think OP is in real life? Do you think he goes around beating women?

 

JJS, do you know that abuse isn't only physical? There is also such a thing as emotional abuse.

 

That said, I have not suggested that the OP is "abusive". I simply find interesting parallels between the actions of abusers and the OPs deliberate choice of behaviour. Whether it be an abuser or men like the OP, we still have a man knowingly treating a woman who has low self esteem badly and she accepts it because she doesn't know how to do better.

  • Like 2
SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

Posted
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I wouldn't take it to that extreme.

 

Think a second about the people who are posting here. Who do you think they are in real life?

 

What kind of guy do you think OP is in real life? Do you think he goes around beating women?

 

What do you know about the men who have posted in this thread?

 

I'm really curious. What insights do you have?

  • Like 1
JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

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What do you know about the men who have posted in this thread?

 

I'm really curious. What insights do you have?

 

I only have an insight on OP.

 

He's a joker. Look at his avatar.

 

Probably a relatively normal guy in his 20s.

 

Struggles somewhat with women. Like a lot of us did/do. Vents online a little bit.

Edited by JuneJulySeptember
  • Like 2
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Posted
I only have an insight on OP.

 

He's a joker. Look at his avatar.

 

Probably a relatively normal guy in his 20s.

 

Struggles somewhat with women. Like a lot of us did/do. Vents online a little bit.

 

he states he is dating multiple women...deb

  • Like 1
JustGettingBy Established Member

JustGettingBy

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he states he is dating multiple women...deb

 

Could just be hot air or BS.

  • 3 weeks later...
The Urbanyst Established Member

The Urbanyst

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Could just be hot air or BS.

 

I know you would like it to be, but its not.

 

People have a hard time accepting reality. They want to believe life works like movies or Sesame Street.

 

Its been proven by science and by observation that being "nice" to women is not what turns them on. Its a fact. Women will deny it until the cows come home, but when you look at who attractive women choose to date, its very clear.

 

Take that information to mean whatever you want.

somanymistakes Established Member

somanymistakes

Posted
Posted
I know you would like it to be, but its not.

 

People have a hard time accepting reality. They want to believe life works like movies or Sesame Street.

 

Its been proven by science and by observation that being "nice" to women is not what turns them on. Its a fact. Women will deny it until the cows come home, but when you look at who attractive women choose to date, its very clear.

 

Take that information to mean whatever you want.

 

It's especially 'clear' when a lot of men happily disregard any signs of the men those women are dating actually BEING nice, and invent theories that they're complete [mean people], while believing that their dateless selves are 100% nice, which is equally untrue.

 

I mean, there certainly are women who date jerks. But I've personally been in the position of having a male friend of mine whining about girls dating jerks and including me in that category, which absolutely baffled me, since I was dating a housework-doing vegetarian hippie at the time! (Dude's argument was that my then-boyfriend was a jerk because he was "making" me work while he stayed home. It was nonsense.)

  • Like 3
The Urbanyst Established Member

The Urbanyst

Posted
Posted
It's especially 'clear' when a lot of men happily disregard any signs of the men those women are dating actually BEING nice, and invent theories that they're complete [mean people], while believing that their dateless selves are 100% nice, which is equally untrue.

 

I mean, there certainly are women who date jerks. But I've personally been in the position of having a male friend of mine whining about girls dating jerks and including me in that category, which absolutely baffled me, since I was dating a housework-doing vegetarian hippie at the time! (Dude's argument was that my then-boyfriend was a jerk because he was "making" me work while he stayed home. It was nonsense.)

 

You're trying to make this a conversation about absolutes which is silly. No one is absolutely "bad" or "good".

 

However, many so-called "nice guys" have a harder time getting a date than many criminals and men in jail. Also, science has already proven women are not attracted to "niceness" in men.

 

Don't confuse nice and good.

 

For your reading pleasure:

Smiling men less attractive to women: study - Technology & Science - CBC News

  • Like 1
somanymistakes Established Member

somanymistakes

Posted
Posted

No, I'm more saying that because people AREN'T absolute, it's very easy for someone to say "I'm nice and girls don't like me! That guy the girl likes is a jerk!" when really both of them have qualities that are both good and bad.

 

Men in jail don't get "dates", they get crazy fan mail. They're not exactly allowed to go out :) It's not hard to get a crazy penpal, harder to turn that into an actual date.

 

The study results are interesting though, just looking at the numbers they turned up:

 

In all cases, men rated "happy" women highest — above five on the scale. Proud women were rated on average one to two points lower, and were rated lowest among those shown the online photos.

 

Women consistently rated the proud men highest, with a rating of four to five. They rated happy men about one point lower. Younger women rated happy men lowest, while older women tended to rate happy and ashamed men equally and neutral men lower.

 

This does not prove anything about women "not being attracted to niceness", since a smile is not the same as being nice, and the gut reaction to a photograph is not the same as serious mate-choosing. But it does show that on a first glance they seem to be more drawn to "pride" or confidence than to simple "happiness". Also interesting that the effect changes as people get older. Young women more judgmental? Older women seeking happiness more? Who knows.

 

None of this is gospel for any individual obviously, and as an isolated study may be culturally linked to the area it was done in, but it's food for thought. Might be worth its own thread really.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

Smiling can be a sign of appeasement and can be a sign of submission. So whilst a smile in a man who is known to a person is seen as a sign of happiness saying "Glad to see you again" and is seen as a good thing, a smiling man who is not known to a woman or a man for that matter, can appear weak and he is effectively saying "I am no threat do not beat me up, please...".

Weakness is not generally seen as a good trait in men by anyone really, but for some men weakness and submission is seen as a good trait in women and so many are highly attracted to a smiling woman.

"Here is one I can dominate easily."

  • Like 1
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted
After many years of dating, observation, and experimentation.. along with making friends with "players" and "womanizers" to see what they do.. I think I finally cracked the code for being a "ladies man".

 

First of all, you need to be either above average in looks or above average in succe$$ to be really good at it. But most average men can pull it off. The golden rule of the ladies man is this:

 

SAY all the right things, but DO all the wrong things.

 

For whatever reason, women are most attracted to men who they cannot figure out. Men who confuse them. Women also love WORDS. Ego boosting language. However, if you combine ego boosting words with ego boosting actions you will end up in the FRIEND ZONE. You can't do both gentlemen! Words are more important with women though.

 

Example:

WORDS: Tell her she is the only one for you.

ACTION: Date multiple women.

 

WORDS: Tell her she is special.

ACTION: Flake on your plans with her.

 

WORDS: Tell her the sound of her voice makes you melt

ACTION: Ignore her attempts at conversation to watch sports

 

Don't hate the player, hate the game. Here is the breakdown of how a woman will classify you based on your approach:

 

1. Positive words and positive actions = Friend zone

2. Positive words and negative actions = Ladies man

3. Negative words and negative actions = Creep

 

Bonus:

 

4. Positive words and positive actions plus MONEY = Husband

5. Positive words and negative actions, plus MONEY = Heart throb / Stud

6. Negative words and positive actions = Bad boy

 

 

 

Sorry this is bull . Should have saved time and just stopped at be above average in looks or success

  • Like 1
Wade Lamare Established Member

Wade Lamare

Posted
Posted
You're trying to make this a conversation about absolutes which is silly. No one is absolutely "bad" or "good".

 

However, many so-called "nice guys" have a harder time getting a date than many criminals and men in jail. Also, science has already proven women are not attracted to "niceness" in men.

 

Don't confuse nice and good.

 

For your reading pleasure:

Smiling men less attractive to women: study - Technology & Science - CBC News

 

Well that's me sorted then.

 

I'll just take a picture of me not smiling or maybe of me frowning when I next go on a date as obviously the whole complex 'mating game' has been decided on the basis of showing some (largely) rather young women some photographs.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)
I know you would like it to be, but its not.

 

People have a hard time accepting reality. They want to believe life works like movies or Sesame Street.

 

Its been proven by science and by observation that being "nice" to women is not what turns them on. Its a fact. Women will deny it until the cows come home, but when you look at who attractive women choose to date, its very clear.

 

Take that information to mean whatever you want.

 

 

 

It's not being nice to anyone that turns them off or on. You have not cracked the code to "female attraction". Any girl you catch by treating like dirt whether verbally or with your actions has some serious issues and you ought to feel a bit exploitative. At the very least change the title of your thesis to How To Be Successful With The Very Small Percentage of Emotionally Damaged Women because stable women who are in the majority will not put up with this for a minute. Less so if there is nothing else keeping her VERY attracted.

 

Majority of women don't need to be buttered up by anyone, much less an inconsistent asshat. Women with a particular lack of self esteem do. :( But couple that with being attracted solely because it is matched with bad treatment? You are dealing with a seriously emotionally damaged person, not "women"

 

When are red pillers etc going to learn it's not mimicking attractive, in demand guy's words/actions of apathy towards certain women because of abundance DOESNT make them attractive to women. It makes them creeps. Just because their good looking buddy tells women he loves spending time with them and then flakes on them for another girl does not mean if they do it they instantly become attractive.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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