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Is it true that nice guys always get ignored? [and consolidated nice guy dating]

SoulSurfer94

By SoulSurfer94
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SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

Posted
Posted
Unfortunately.

 

Keep in mind I live in the 5th largest city in America - a section of which is basically a full-time vacation/resort town now.

 

I feel you.

 

I live in the fourth largest metropolitan area. If you any game at all, it's open season.

Quirkster Member

Quirkster

Posted
Posted
I feel you.

 

I live in the fourth largest metropolitan area. If you any game at all, it's open season.

 

Basically same situation.

 

Out here, as a guy you either have to have all-star level game or you have to be situated financially early on. These guys want the world right away, they don't want to build it with you.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
Unfortunately.

 

Keep in mind I live in the 5th largest city in America - a section of which is basically a full-time vacation/resort town now.

 

But you're talking about women who are up for a holiday fling, yes? Given that flings are what the OP is aiming for, this makes sense. And there's nothing wrong with a good holiday fling.

 

But I don't see any of this game working with a woman who doesn't like drama and seeks a LTR.

loverboy69 Established Member

loverboy69

Posted
Posted (edited)
After many years of dating, observation, and experimentation.. along with making friends with "players" and "womanizers" to see what they do.. I think I finally cracked the code for being a "ladies man".

 

First of all, you need to be either above average in looks or above average in succe$$ to be really good at it. But most average men can pull it off. The golden rule of the ladies man is this:

 

SAY all the right things, but DO all the wrong things.

 

For whatever reason, women are most attracted to men who they cannot figure out. Men who confuse them. Women also love WORDS. Ego boosting language. However, if you combine ego boosting words with ego boosting actions you will end up in the FRIEND ZONE. You can't do both gentlemen! Words are more important with women though.

 

Example:

WORDS: Tell her she is the only one for you.

ACTION: Date multiple women.

 

WORDS: Tell her she is special.

ACTION: Flake on your plans with her.

 

WORDS: Tell her the sound of her voice makes you melt

ACTION: Ignore her attempts at conversation to watch sports

 

Don't hate the player, hate the game. Here is the breakdown of how a woman will classify you based on your approach:

 

1. Positive words and positive actions = Friend zone

2. Positive words and negative actions = Ladies man

3. Negative words and negative actions = Creep

 

Bonus:

 

4. Positive words and positive actions plus MONEY = Husband

5. Positive words and negative actions, plus MONEY = Heart throb / Stud

6. Negative words and positive actions = Bad boy

 

I know not everyone will agree with all points but bravo on the "in your face," honesty. I wish more men would stop being afraid of speaking their mind in fear of rustling a few feathers.

 

It is interesting to hear the female point of view. In the 80's, 90's through the early 2000's TV and the media would often depict men as dumb, over sensitive and weak. They probably polled Cosmo magazine and figured women wanted men like that?

Edited by loverboy69
  • Like 2
RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

Posted
Posted
Honestly, I see this pushing beyond "young" girls now. Values have changed dramatically with women in modern society ESPECIALLY because of social media.

 

Okay.. its a recipe for bagging women, I would say perhaps insecure, not very assertive women.

 

Its its for adding notches to your bed post, and not for finding someone you want as a partner in life.

 

Without RESPECT both ways, a relationship will never have depth.

 

I don't know how you could respect a woman, while actively trying to manipulate and even con her.

  • Like 2
Quirkster Member

Quirkster

Posted
Posted
But you're talking about women who are up for a holiday fling, yes? Given that flings are what the OP is aiming for, this makes sense. And there's nothing wrong with a good holiday fling.

 

But I don't see any of this game working with a woman who doesn't like drama and seeks a LTR.

 

Not talking about holiday flings - just the general nature of dating in this particular pot.

  • Like 1
bradt93 Established Member

bradt93

Posted
Posted
Unfortunately.

 

Keep in mind I live in the 5th largest city in America - a section of which is basically a full-time vacation/resort town now.

Well, it's very hard for men if they live in a small town like me. Their is just nothing to do. Their is a club in the Knoxville area, but it's country music and I hate country music.
Quirkster Member

Quirkster

Posted
Posted
Okay.. its a recipe for bagging women, I would say perhaps insecure, not very assertive women.

 

Its its for adding notches to your bed post, and not for finding someone you want as a partner in life.

 

Without RESPECT both ways, a relationship will never have depth.

 

I don't know how you could respect a woman, while actively trying to manipulate and even con her.

 

Well that's the thing, I don't respect A LOT of them out here. I sense the good ones are starting to give up on their own values and play into some of the scenario I've described.

  • Like 1
Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

Posted
Posted
This sounds like a recipe for bagging young, immature women on a short term basis.

 

You have said yourself you have never successfully had a relationship for a year.

 

That you can't get deep in a relationship because it's "drama".

 

Well picking up women with this sort of technique will get you sex, and drama, but nothing meaningful or fullfilling.

 

I was thinking of something similar. It sounds like a recipe to get women with low self esteem. The ones with options and self esteem wouldn't put up with that crap. I have weeded out so many guys who act like that.

  • Like 2
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted
After many years of dating, observation, and experimentation.. along with making friends with "players" and "womanizers" to see what they do.. I think I finally cracked the code for being a "ladies man".

 

First of all, you need to be either above average in looks or above average in succe$$ to be really good at it. But most average men can pull it off. The golden rule of the ladies man is this:

 

SAY all the right things, but DO all the wrong things.

 

For whatever reason, women are most attracted to men who they cannot figure out. Men who confuse them. Women also love WORDS. Ego boosting language. However, if you combine ego boosting words with ego boosting actions you will end up in the FRIEND ZONE. You can't do both gentlemen! Words are more important with women though.

 

Example:

WORDS: Tell her she is the only one for you.

ACTION: Date multiple women.

 

WORDS: Tell her she is special.

ACTION: Flake on your plans with her.

 

WORDS: Tell her the sound of her voice makes you melt

ACTION: Ignore her attempts at conversation to watch sports

 

Don't hate the player, hate the game. Here is the breakdown of how a woman will classify you based on your approach:

 

1. Positive words and positive actions = Friend zone

2. Positive words and negative actions = Ladies man

3. Negative words and negative actions = Creep

 

Bonus:

 

4. Positive words and positive actions plus MONEY = Husband

5. Positive words and negative actions, plus MONEY = Heart throb / Stud

6. Negative words and positive actions = Bad boy

 

Great. You've got it all figured out. Where is your perfect woman?

  • Like 1
CptInsano Established Member

CptInsano

Posted
Posted
Ladies men don't do "long term relationships". They have too many women to satisfy and too much love to give.

 

I multi-dated once in my life, and two women at the same time were definitely too much. (I've had phases during which even one woman was too much, but that's another question.)

 

I mean, don't you have anything better to do with your time?

The Urbanyst Established Member

The Urbanyst

Posted
Posted
Well that's the thing, I don't respect A LOT of them out here. I sense the good ones are starting to give up on their own values and play into some of the scenario I've described.

 

Yep. Just like a lot of good men get sick of being treated like they are worthless and put in the friend zone with every girl they like. So they start manipulating women and doing the stuff I posted in the OP. In the end, it works.

 

What good is respecting a woman if it only leads you to a sexless life of being in the friend zone and rejected?

 

Everyone gets practical after a while. At least if they are smart.

The Urbanyst Established Member

The Urbanyst

Posted
Posted
I was thinking of something similar. It sounds like a recipe to get women with low self esteem. The ones with options and self esteem wouldn't put up with that crap. I have weeded out so many guys who act like that.

 

How do I benefit from dating or being with a woman with high self-esteem?

 

List five ways.

The Urbanyst Established Member

The Urbanyst

Posted
Posted
I multi-dated once in my life, and two women at the same time were definitely too much. (I've had phases during which even one woman was too much, but that's another question.)

 

I mean, don't you have anything better to do with your time?

 

Apparently not.

bradt93 Established Member

bradt93

Posted
Posted

Women want you to be something you're not, otherwise you get put in the "friend zone" Take me for instance, I'm a calm guy who doesn't talk much, but they think I'm weird, because I'm shy. I'm sorry, I'm just not going to go to clubs and party all the time, that's just nor me.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
Women want you to be something you're not, otherwise you get put in the "friend zone" Take me for instance, I'm a calm guy who doesn't talk much, but they think I'm weird, because I'm shy. I'm sorry, I'm just not going to go to clubs and party all the time, that's just nor me.

 

Being sociable and easy to talk with is a very desirable trait in both genders. It's not a woman vs man thing.

  • Like 2
Bastile Established Member

Bastile

Posted
Posted
How do I benefit from dating or being with a woman with high self-esteem?

 

List five ways.

 

1. Less likely to cheat

 

2. Less likely to have orbiters

 

3. Less needy

 

4. Less sh*t tests

 

5. Less drama/bullsh*t

  • Like 6
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
1. Less likely to cheat

 

2. Less likely to have orbiters

 

3. Less needy

 

4. Less sh*t tests

 

5. Less drama/bullsh*t

 

^ Nailed it

JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

Posted
Posted (edited)
Yep. Just like a lot of good men get sick of being treated like they are worthless and put in the friend zone with every girl they like. So they start manipulating women and doing the stuff I posted in the OP. In the end, it works.

 

What good is respecting a woman if it only leads you to a sexless life of being in the friend zone and rejected?

 

Everyone gets practical after a while. At least if they are smart.

 

There's some definite hyperbole in your post, but there's merit to it.

 

I do think that being a more selfish human being gets you more goods, both in terms of sexual partners, higher rated partners (in society's eyes), more job status, and more salary.

 

However, at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter.

 

You can be [] unscrupulous[], and get 100 women ... or

 

You can be the nice guy you want to be your whole life, and get 2 nice women.

 

You'll be dead either way. Do you want 100 women or do you want to live life on your own terms?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Prohibited language
Wade Lamare Established Member

Wade Lamare

Posted
Posted

I suppose it depends on how you define successful really.

 

I certainly wouldn't define any part of my life as 'successful' if I had to be even marginally abusive to get there.

 

If women, as you seem to think, don't like that then tough, they'll just have to do without me.

 

And in my experience, despite our differences, men and women are similar. All this 'game' and play acting at being a tough guy turns into cotton candy the instant a genuinely drop dead gorgeous man enters the room. You can see all the women (hetero) in the room collectively thinking "dayumm"

 

I was never successful as a youngster with women but stuck to my principles and became quite successful later in life, and I've been very successful with one woman, which is all that counts to me.

  • Like 3
JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

Posted
Posted
I suppose it depends on how you define successful really.

 

I certainly wouldn't define any part of my life as 'successful' if I had to be even marginally abusive to get there.

 

If women, as you seem to think, don't like that then tough, they'll just have to do without me.

 

And in my experience, despite our differences, men and women are similar. All this 'game' and play acting at being a tough guy turns into cotton candy the instant a genuinely drop dead gorgeous man enters the room. You can see all the women (hetero) in the room collectively thinking "dayumm"

 

I was never successful as a youngster with women but stuck to my principles and became quite successful later in life, and I've been very successful with one woman, which is all that counts to me.

 

I think it's worth mentioning that a LOT of women on Loveshack post things like "I'm always attracted to/have gone out with jerks at my own peril". I have seen that probably more often than the opposite.

 

So, it's not like there's no merit to the strategies being presented here.

 

But at the end of the day, we all create our own definition of success and our own terms of life. I wish I had formulated mine sooner and not been such a lemming in the beginning. Certain things (outside of love) would be better for me now.

  • Like 1
Divasu Established Member

Divasu

Posted
Posted

All this really is, is a "tit for tat" mentality in response to mistreatment.

 

Break the chain, you can do it!

Wade Lamare Established Member

Wade Lamare

Posted
Posted (edited)

From

 

The Alpha Male Myth | The Art of Manliness

 

“But wait…don’t some women go for the Bad Boy? I’ve seen it happen!”

While studies show that most women find prestigious men more attractive than dominant men for both short-term affairs and long-term relationships, the research also suggests that, when given the choice, some types of women will still pick the dominant [male] over the upstanding prestigious man. Women with a “fast life” history (meaning they grew up in an insecure and unstable environment with little or no parental support), insecure attachment, and who hold hostile, sexist attitudes about their fellow females typically prefer a short-term mating strategy and engage in frequent, uncommitted sexual activity (Olderbak & Figueredo, 2010; Bohner et al, 2010; Kirkpatrick & Davis 1994). These sorts of women typically prefer the stereotypical dominant and aggressive “alpha” male to the more pro-social, prestigious male (Hall & Canterberry, 2011).

 

While it is possible to pick up some types of women by acting “alpha,” because of the kind of women this seduction method attracts, the flings you successfully land can become messier than you bargained for. It’s for this reason that men who go for the alpha male ideology often fall victim to a selection bias in regards to*their perception of women: because the women who are attracted to them are less stable and more promiscuous, they come to believe that all women are [promiscuous] and “crazy.”

 

At the same time, when these men try their dominant pick-up techniques on more well-adjusted women, their hostility and narcissism creep the women out, and cause them to turn these guys down. This rejection makes these would-be “pick-up artists” more hostile to women, and they figure the problem is that they’re still too much of a “nice guy.” They then try to up their alpha quotient even further, which makes even more women turn away from them. And the cycle continues.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language, paragraphs and add quote coding
  • Like 4
knabe Established Member

knabe

Posted
Posted

When I hear a person who talks about not WANTING to date a woman with high self esteem....

 

Honestly, that speaks to issues that are too big for an internet thread. WANTING a woman with low self esteem so that it's easier to use her and be a jerkl is a sign of some serious character flaws.

  • Like 6
SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

Posted
Posted
When I hear a person who talks about not WANTING to date a woman with high self esteem....

 

Honestly, that speaks to issues that are too big for an internet thread. WANTING a woman with low self esteem so that it's easier to use her and be a jerkl is a sign of some serious character flaws.

 

It's very common though.

 

I've also had interesting conversations with men who claim to prefer dumb women.

 

Dumb and low self-esteem.

 

I don't get it.

 

I'd rather work on myself if that was the only kind of woman I could have a relationship with. But, one of the guys I had that conversation with has been married for 20 or more years with two kids. What do I know?

  • Like 1
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