Is it true that nice guys always get ignored? [and consolidated nice guy dating]

[4x4storm]

I wish I remember what the quote was but it is seriously the best thing I have ever read it was something like

 

"Take note of a womans actions not her words"

 

I was a mummys boy growing up and my mother always told me to treat a woman right we would spend most of our weekends watching romantic movies. I first started dating at the fresh age of 19 i'm now 20 what I learnt in my first year of dating has amazed me so I hope you take this advice.

 

Women in their late Teens and early 20s are completely different to women in their early 30's/40s. But the one thing I noticed they all have in common is "The Thrill of Adventure"

 

I so far have been in two short term relationships and the biggest downfall I realized afterwards was I got comftable to quickly and we never did anything exciting together.

 

I remember one night with my first girlfriend we were going into a empty cinema and she suggested we do a few dirty things in there. I suggested agaisnt it so we watched the movie like normal. After the movie she walks me outside and sits me down and just stares into my eyes smiling you could see the excitement in her the night was young! she just wanted to do anything!

 

I look back now and that was my test and I failed you should have see the disappointment on her face when I suggested we get some KFC and eat it at home.

 

I did a little better with the next relationship but quickly fell into the same pattern we would eat fast food on the couch while watching a movie have sex then go to bed rinse and repeat. To put it simply I was boring and made the relationship stale fast...

Edited April 6, 2017 by 4x4storm

[elpatron]

Agreed, I met a girl a few years ago, she is my friends cousin, who lives on the other coast. At the time she was single as was I, and we all spent time together and went out as a group. Ultimately she mentioned to my friend later on that I was just too nice....I realized then that it was true, and it's not a bad thing, it just seems unnatural and trying to hard. It's boring...predictable...her and I still chat but as friends obviously

[The Urbanyst]

After many years of dating, observation, and experimentation.. along with making friends with "players" and "womanizers" to see what they do.. I think I finally cracked the code for being a "ladies man".

 

First of all, you need to be either above average in looks or above average in succe$$ to be really good at it. But most average men can pull it off. The golden rule of the ladies man is this:

 

SAY all the right things, but DO all the wrong things.

 

For whatever reason, women are most attracted to men who they cannot figure out. Men who confuse them. Women also love WORDS. Ego boosting language. However, if you combine ego boosting words with ego boosting actions you will end up in the FRIEND ZONE. You can't do both gentlemen! Words are more important with women though.

 

Example:

WORDS: Tell her she is the only one for you.

ACTION: Date multiple women.

 

WORDS: Tell her she is special.

ACTION: Flake on your plans with her.

 

WORDS: Tell her the sound of her voice makes you melt

ACTION: Ignore her attempts at conversation to watch sports

 

Don't hate the player, hate the game. Here is the breakdown of how a woman will classify you based on your approach:

 

1. Positive words and positive actions = Friend zone

2. Positive words and negative actions = Ladies man

3. Negative words and negative actions = Creep

 

Bonus:

 

4. Positive words and positive actions plus MONEY = Husband

5. Positive words and negative actions, plus MONEY = Heart throb / Stud

6. Negative words and positive actions = Bad boy

Edited June 27, 2017 by The Urbanyst

[MidwestUSA]

How's that working out for ya?

[The Urbanyst]

How's that working out for ya?

 

I'm dating multiple women

[SammySammy]

How's that working out for ya?

 

And ... does this work for initial attraction or long term relationships?

 

Please advise.

[The Urbanyst]

And ... does this work for initial attraction or long term relationships?

 

Please advise.

 

Ladies men don't do "long term relationships". They have too many women to satisfy and too much love to give.

[D-Lish]

If a guy's words don't match his actions- I turn tail and run because I recognize I'm dealing with a Sociopath.

[Haydn]

WORDS: Tell her the sound of her voice makes you melt

ACTION: Ignore her attempts at conversation to watch sports

 

 

Can`t agree with this one.

 

My better half is usually screaming at the TV, telling `John Terry` he`s a donkey. `John Terry` of Chelsea FC fame.

 

Plus things get broken.

 

Good luck.

[carhill]

As an old guy with a lot of trial and error under belt, I can see some traction to the OP but it generally turns on attraction. Establishing and maintaining attraction and being attractive to women in general is critical to reproductive success. Guys who are attractive to women can play the emotions thing but only as long as they're attractive. Once feeling departs and thinking ensues, heh, game over. The most skilled know how to play that fine balance. Seen, and marveled, at it many times over the decades, especially with men who abused and cheated on their wives. They knew how to walk and talk that fine line to maintain attraction and attachment in an otherwise negative and unhealthy situation. Keep 'em guessing. It works. I've no interest in games in general so, after the marriage thing, moved on. Women like me like a brother now

[The Urbanyst]

If a guy's words don't match his actions- I turn tail and run because I recognize I'm dealing with a Sociopath.

 

Sure you do. But a lot of other women don't. And you are just one woman out of 6 billion or whatever. So it doesn't really matter.

 

By the way, sociopaths get laid more than nice guys.

 

Not a lot of Axe murders in the friend zone lol. Guys in the Mafia have women.

[SammySammy]

I can see some value in what you say. I just think your theory needs some work.

 

Not sure most women want or need "negative actions" to be attracted. I think what they are actually attracted to is something else.

 

Positive words can come across as BSing and become a turnoff. Insincerity.

 

And, at some point, most guys will want a LTR. You need an effective way to go from simply churning women to having something more substantial. Just in case he finds one worth settling down with.

[basil67]

Hate to disillusion you, but there are far more categories than just FriendZone, Ladies Man and Creep

[HotPepper]

I think that in short, it's both interesting and unpredictable men that women like preferring them over (boring?) nice guys.

[CptInsano]

I think that in short, it's both interesting and unpredictable men that women like preferring them over (boring?) nice guys.

 

In my experience it doesn't even have to be unpredictable, interesting is often enough. It helps a lot if you are enthusiastic about something, have interests beyond your immediate needs, or are just very social.

[HotPepper]

In my experience it doesn't even have to be unpredictable, interesting is often enough.

 

Unpredictable in a good way. In adventure way... I guess.

Remember movie "True Lies" when main actor's wife started with someone else because she wanted adventure?

 

It helps a lot if you are enthusiastic about something, have interests beyond your immediate needs, or are just very social.

 

Bingo! Personal development, right? Become better version of yourself. Being long-sighted person than boring short-sighted. Starting to work on yourself, getting fit, taking care of health, becoming proficient in other areas, taking charge of your life etc. being a dynamic and alive person. In other words being a person with growth mindset, versus a person with fixed mindset.

[CptInsano]

Unpredictable in a good way. In adventure way... I guess.

Remember movie "True Lies" when main actor's wife started with someone else because she wanted adventure?

 

Yes, but it is hard to be unpredictable all the time, plus it is counterproductive when you are in a relationship. Some things just need to function.

 

 

Bingo! Personal development, right? Become better version of yourself. Being long-sighted person than boring short-sighted. Starting to work on yourself, getting fit, taking care of health, becoming proficient in other areas, taking charge of your life etc. being a dynamic and alive person. In other words being a person with growth mindset, versus a person with fixed mindset.

 

That's one possibility. Maybe you are into animal welfare, maybe you are part of a sports team, or you are part of a church group that builds hospitals in South America. Something that you are passionate about.

[tetrahedral]

Funny because my experience has been very different. Specifically, that there's two kinds of men who are successful with women.

 

The ones who treat everyone else as well as they treat their girl, and ones who treat their girl as badly as they treat everyone else. There's great guys and sh*tty ones but the common denominator is usually consistency.

[JuneL]

OP: I don't get the bad boy bit. Don't they say girls (the immature and insecure types anyway) are attracted by bad boys? How are they bad with women? Actually I know of guys who would act snappy and stuff, but they have a kind heart and have integrity deep inside, judging from their actions. If that's what you meant by a bad boy, then yeah, it's much more attractive than the type you're portraying.

[RecentChange]

This sounds like a recipe for bagging young, immature women on a short term basis.

 

You have said yourself you have never successfully had a relationship for a year.

 

That you can't get deep in a relationship because it's "drama".

 

Well picking up women with this sort of technique will get you sex, and drama, but nothing meaningful or fullfilling.

[knabe]

I think you should change the title from how to attract "women" to how to attract girls with no self esteem (if you're a man who doesn't have any either).

 

You may be "pulling tail," but you're not good with "women," and you have very little character.

 

But hey, maybe character isn't important to you.

[Quirkster]

I'm 38 with about 20 years or so observing/experiencing the terrain of the dating wilderness. The prevailing thought is you have to capture a woman's mind, but I don't think it's quite in the way men might interpret it. I'd say that women want action/intrigue right away - all of the other stuff is irrelevant.

 

Only when there is a connection on a physical level and the man has shown that he isn't a pushover do they care whether or not you notice the little intricacies about them or things they're interested in. Some guys think they're being proactive by learning those things from the start, but it's pointless. The opposite happens and they get turned off.

 

Remember, women are also the centerpiece of procreation. It's in their DNA. If they don't find you suitable or a protector (even at the subconscious level) you're not going to find much success.

Edited June 27, 2017 by Quirkster

[Quirkster]

This sounds like a recipe for bagging young, immature women on a short term basis.

 

Honestly, I see this pushing beyond "young" girls now. Values have changed dramatically with women in modern society ESPECIALLY because of social media.

[SammySammy]

Honestly, I see this pushing beyond "young" girls now. Values have changed dramatically with women in modern society ESPECIALLY because of social media.

 

Are you saying it works for on women your age?

[Quirkster]

Are you saying it works for on women your age?

 

Unfortunately.

 

Keep in mind I live in the 5th largest city in America - a section of which is basically a full-time vacation/resort town now.