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Is it true that nice guys always get ignored? [and consolidated nice guy dating]

SoulSurfer94

By SoulSurfer94
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Blanco Established Member

Blanco

Posted
Posted

Being nice isn't a BAD quality. What I think most of us are saying is that niceness alone isn't enough to want to build a relationship with someone.

 

Sure, be kind. But also be interesting. If you're nice, but excruciatingly boring, damn right I won't want to date you. LTR can get a bit ho-hum at times even with someone who's got a great personality. I can't imagine a LTR with someone who's nice, but has the personality of balsa wood.

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GoodOnPaper Established Member

GoodOnPaper

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Right, it's kind of sad how people have placed negative connotations on positive or even neutral words. Turning positive words into negative ones.

 

For me, this is very frustrating. There are so many qualities of analytical and cooperative natures that are generally viewed as positives but turn out to be utter disasters in the realm of romantic attraction. It can make you feel like you have to be a totally different person just to get a date; make you question whether any little kindness or consideration you show is being seen as weakness or asexuality.

 

People talk like you can cut out the "nice" part of your personality and leave intact the actual positive parts. At least for me, that doesn't seem possible -- it would be like trying to cut out all the fat from a thoroughly marbled steak.

  • Like 1
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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Which goes straight back to my point about nice being the word used when someone is not offensive but equally nothing so special that you want to write home to mother...

 

As I said before every man who called me nice has finished with me and every man I thought was nice but couldn't find more to say about I finished with them.

 

So when it comes to dating "nice" is not positive. Its only positive when applied to food.

 

People very rarely describe me as nice. Lovely, gregarious and mad seem to be the three most popular. But not nice.

 

I still stand that if all anyone can say about me is that I am "nice" then its an insult to my integrity. Urgh. I am still insulted by it. I would rather be anything but "nice".

 

There should be no cutting out the "nice" but what makes a person "nice" should be their personality which in turn should be more than just a cup of cocoa of an evening. Horlicks is "nice" it doesn't exactly scream I can't live with out you though does it? There are other attributes that are far more appealing honesty, integrity, manners, confidence... just to name a few. A person can still be "nice" with out any of those... I however think they are far more important than just being nice...

 

Be something. Be yourselves - don't just be "nice".

  • Like 2
LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

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After all anyone can be "nice".

 

Sure, they can be, but there are sure a lot of real pr**ks out there. You could be called much worse.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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If that is what works for you then that is all good. For me its a massive insult.

 

I guess I am more flamboyant. I don't mind being thought of as sexy as long as I am not seen as cheap or easy. There is a difference.

 

I had one of the best compliments the other day. I was told that in public I am a "lady", that I have grace and sincerity, but behind closed doors I am a complete and utter pervert. I liked it because it showed that the person giving it understood that I have layers. That I am adaptable. That I am not just normal or nondescript. I am somebody. I am special with all my quirks. I am me and that can not be confused with anyone else. There is no one like me. That I stand out from the crowd.

 

I guess everyone looks for something special in their partners. To me that starts with standing out and not just being like everyone else. Not just being "nice". After all anyone can be "nice"... Not everyone can be the individuals we are.

 

I am sorry that you see "nice" as a massive insult......it really isnt meant to be if when you say nice it comes from the heart with the true meaning of the word...i feel people see nice as boring or pushovers or of having no personality maybe you do too.....and i have to disagree that everyone can be nice.....it actually takes a lot of effort sometimes to be nice...not when everything is hunky dory i mean but when it really sucks you face adversity and its hard and a struggle thats when not everyone can be nice..

 

as far as boring or having no persona or being thought of as a person non grata or even passion....to me nice is being passionate about truth and the right thing being nice is when life is hard and the world is against you, you are down and out yourself, yet you smile at someone in the street who looks a little sad just because...its nice to do that.....its the right thing to do

 

its about being passionate...with someone special..making love all night long to someone who only sees you...and making love with a nice guy in my opinion is an experience where they care about your desires as well as their own....not borng or staid or lack lustre.....in fact quite the opposite.....and never turning your head for another...because thats nice too.....

 

you can be freaky nice.......a freak in the sheets.imaginative and passionate.....i feel its quite delightful to be freaky...nice even..for delightful is another description of nice..and none can be the wiser other than the one you are with......and yourself of course....

 

i am glad for you( i mean that sincerely) that someone paid you a beautiful compliment and called you a lady....what a thoughtful and delightful way to make you feel special...would it have been any less special or thoughtful compliment if they had called you a nice lady..would it really have been a massive insult if that compliment was said from the heart of another in the first place......

 

i wish you well toodles......deb

Edited by todreaminblue
  • Like 1
Empyrea Established Member

Empyrea

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No, nice guys definitely don't always get ignored. You get ignored if you're insecure and choose to orbit around her doing all her bidding and being her asexual best friend instead of making a move. If you don't make a move, the girl will assume you're not interested and friendzone you. After you've already been friendzoned, it's difficult to recover.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I am sorry that you see "nice" as a massive insult......it really isnt meant to be if when you say nice it comes from the heart with the true meaning of the word...i feel people see nice as boring or pushovers or of having no personality maybe you do too.....and i have to disagree that everyone can be nice.....it actually takes a lot of effort sometimes to be nice...not when everything is hunky dory i mean but when it really sucks you face adversity and its hard and a struggle thats when not everyone can be nice..

 

as far as boring or having no persona or being thought of as a person non grata or even passion....to me nice is being passionate about truth and the right thing being nice is when life is hard and the world is against you, you are down and out yourself, yet you smile at someone in the street who looks a little sad just because...its nice to do that.....its the right thing to do

 

its about being passionate...with someone special..making love all night long to someone who only sees you...and making love with a nice guy in my opinion is an experience where they care about your desires as well as their own....not borng or staid or lack lustre.....in fact quite the opposite.....and never turning your head for another...because thats nice too.....

 

you can be freaky nice.......a freak in the sheets.imaginative and passionate.....i feel its quite delightful to be freaky...nice even..for delightful is another description of nice..and none can be the wiser other than the one you are with......and yourself of course....

 

i am glad for you( i mean that sincerely) that someone paid you a beautiful compliment and called you a lady....what a thoughtful and delightful way to make you feel special...would it have been any less special or thoughtful compliment if they had called you a nice lady..would it really have been a massive insult if that compliment was said from the heart of another in the first place......

 

i wish you well toodles......deb

 

 

I very much understand where Toodaloo is coming from. If the best adjective someone can come up with for me is 'nice' then it's a total fail on my part. Frankly, I'd prefer to be described as blunt or unusual or sexy than just nice. Granted, I'd probably take 'nice' over PIA

 

The last paragraph especially made me blanch. If I was called a 'nice lady' I'd just about die. But that's probably because most people who use the term 'lady' buy into old fashioned ideals about women behaving in a certain manner. And I'm very much NOT one of those women. And for the record, I don't seek a gentleman either. I want a good bloke.

  • Like 2
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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I very much understand where Toodaloo is coming from. If the best adjective someone can come up with for me is 'nice' then it's a total fail on my part. Frankly, I'd prefer to be described as blunt or unusual or sexy than just nice. Granted, I'd probably take 'nice' over PIA

 

The last paragraph especially made me blanch. If I was called a 'nice lady' I'd just about die. But that's probably because most people who use the term 'lady' buy into old fashioned ideals about women behaving in a certain manner. And I'm very much NOT one of those women. And for the record, I don't seek a gentleman either. I want a good bloke.

 

 

fair enough basil..i tend to take words for their dictionary meaning ..in fact i love my dictionary...i love words.......i find it unsettling someone would find nice sickening enough to blanch......but then ..it takes all types...and for sure i want a gentleman.....but for me it goes beyond want...its a necessity...for me a gentleman is what floats my boat..but in my mind...a gentleman is a good bloke.....takes all types to make the world go round.....and nice guys, good blokes and gentlemen all have people who appreciate them they might even use the word nice to describe a lady...down under they might even say NOICE...deb

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
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It's probably a UK thing and most likely an Australian thing too.

I am with Toodaloo, "nice" is not seen as a great adjective to use when used to describe people you are dating.

She is a "nice lady" is something you say about the pensioner who invites you in for a cup of tea, or the coworker who covers for you when you are late - he is such a "nice man".

 

"Nice" is a good word, I agree with todreaminblue it describes lots of good things and good people, but its meaning has been degraded and in common parlance in the UK anyway, few want to be described as just "nice".

  • Like 1
Taramere Established Member

Taramere

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Yeah. Sometimes "nice" can mean "very sexy/attractive", if it's said in a slightly lascivious way. "He/she is really niiiiiiice."

 

Otherwise it's more or an assurance, really, that the nice person can be included in social functions without fear that they're going to suddenly start breaking up furniture, assaulting other guests or trying to hump the family dog.

 

If you know somebody well, generally you're going to find something a bit more informative to say about them (on a positive note) than just "nice".

  • Like 1
LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

Posted
Posted

Well, obviously a lot of women are looking for "nice guys" on these dating sites.

 

"Where are all the nice guys?"

 

"Looking for a nice guy"

 

"Nice girl seeks nice guy"

 

And so on...I see it all the time. :laugh:

  • Like 1
LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

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Anyhow, ever notice how ANY dating/relationship message board you go to, when a topic is about "nice guys"...the pages of threads go into the double digits with long winded dissertation posts?

 

Ever noticed that?

 

It's like the conversation on these types of topics are never ending. Including it's "sister" topic, "Why are women attracted to jerks?"

 

I sometimes just skip over those. lol.

 

This means that there is no right or wrong answer for this situation. It's like asking "the meaning of life." :laugh:

RedPurpleOrange Established Member

RedPurpleOrange

Posted
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I think it's working out the difference between a 'good man' and a 'nice guy'.

 

 

I know I've fallen into the 'white knight' category at times...but luckily I have enough sexiness ability and the ability to be a proper arse at times (not nasty, just an arse, it's necessary). The bad thing is when you compromise the bits of yourself that feel a bit negative and become the total white knight. They get bored. And you lose, then. It's an ironic punishment.

 

 

They want a nice guy who seems sexy and might leave them (even if he's not going to).

 

 

Otherwise, you're getting punished for being 'too nice'.

 

 

But in all honesty, you just have to look for the right woman. Some women want a nice stability, too. It's pot luck.

 

 

But...yeah...you gotta ask yourself how nice you TRULY are. Even Jesus got a bit lairy at times. Become a composite of all your traits, rather than a distillation of ones you find 'preferable'.

 

 

Rambling, I know. But the only friend in life you truly NEED is yourself.

Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
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`Nice guys go to heaven`

 

`bad guys go everywhere`

 

But seriously, being described as nice can mean different things depending how it is said as Taramere said.

 

`Your well nice` Positive`

 

`Your such a nice guy` `hmmm`

 

`Your nice` is usually followed by a `But...`(Not always)

  • Like 1
RedPurpleOrange Established Member

RedPurpleOrange

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'Lovely' is another one. A more godly form of 'nice'.

 

 

You tend to see gods on their own on clouds.

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SoulSurfer94 Member

SoulSurfer94

Posted
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Hint: If a woman talks about how all guys treat her like garbage then she's not looking for a knight in shining armor. She's pretty clearly telling you outright she wants to be treated like garbage so either give her what she wants or don't even bother, it's just a big waste of time.

 

...What!? If someone tells me they want to be treated right, I treat them right because I've just met them and I have no reason to doubt what they say, is this really how women think!?

Jabron1 Established Member

Jabron1

Posted
Posted
...What!? If someone tells me they want to be treated right, I treat them right because I've just met them and I have no reason to doubt what they say, is this really how women think!?

 

This goes to the very heart of your problem.

 

You listen to what each woman says she wants, and then placate/simp accordingly.

 

I would redirect you back to the first message I made in this thread, way back on the first page.

 

You need to figure out exactly who you are, and what you're about. Don't let women (or anyone) define this for you.

  • Like 1
Crushedjustcrushed Member

Crushedjustcrushed

Posted
Posted
That's it in a nutshell. All the good treatment in the world won't do a thing if she doesn't feel some instinctive attraction first. It's highly frustrating.

 

 

 

Aren't you tempted to comment on that post and call her out on it in sort of a good-luck-with-your-life way? I'd think that would wipe out the "nice guy" impression . . .

 

Tempting, but I think the better play is 100% ignore her. Go find someone else.

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)
...What!? If someone tells me they want to be treated right, I treat them right because I've just met them and I have no reason to doubt what they say, is this really how women think!?

 

You'd be better off looking at someone's ACTIONS instead of their words. That is the moral of the story. This woman you went on a date w may consider herself to be a victim of circumstance but I don't think that's true at all. I mean, why do YOU think she kept ending up w jerks. Chances are the woman you went on a date has had plenty of nice guys attracted to her that would have treated her right. She didn't go for them though, due to something happening on her end .

 

Meanwhile I'm gonna turn the tables around on you. There are plenty of girls out there who actually would appreciate a good guy. Not as in they just say they would, but they actually would. Instead of getting hung up on this flakey chick you went out with, why aren't you trying to meet these women?

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 2
Handsome Librarian Member

Handsome Librarian

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In my experience there is a reason those guys treated her that way. You've already gotten a bit fed up with her nonsense imagine if you had a motorcycle and a bunch of other women you'd put up with even less of her crap. Girls like that can get a lot of attention and everybody feels bad for them but they are just as if not more responsible for their own life than anyone is. Just because people have drama does not meAn you have to believe it.

  • Like 2
Jabron1 Established Member

Jabron1

Posted
Posted
In my experience there is a reason those guys treated her that way. You've already gotten a bit fed up with her nonsense imagine if you had a motorcycle and a bunch of other women you'd put up with even less of her crap. Girls like that can get a lot of attention and everybody feels bad for them but they are just as if not more responsible for their own life than anyone is. Just because people have drama does not meAn you have to believe it.

 

Very good post.

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SoulSurfer94 Member

SoulSurfer94

Posted
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In my experience there is a reason those guys treated her that way. You've already gotten a bit fed up with her nonsense imagine if you had a motorcycle and a bunch of other women you'd put up with even less of her crap. Girls like that can get a lot of attention and everybody feels bad for them but they are just as if not more responsible for their own life than anyone is. Just because people have drama does not meAn you have to believe it.

 

I actually have a motorcycle but most girls are scared of it ;)

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SoulSurfer94 Member

SoulSurfer94

Posted
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This goes to the very heart of your problem.

 

You listen to what each woman says she wants, and then placate/simp accordingly.

 

I would redirect you back to the first message I made in this thread, way back on the first page.

 

You need to figure out exactly who you are, and what you're about. Don't let women (or anyone) define this for you.

 

So do whatever I want and see if she deals with it? sounds much simpler to what I've been doing ;)

  • 11 months later...
William Established Member

William

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Posted

Moderator bump to open for consolidated 'nice guy' dating issues and discussion.

 

Keep it nice! :D

Mkn1010 Established Member

Mkn1010

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I'm a woman and I really hope I find a nice guy and can recognize what he has to give!

 

 

I also struggle with this situation as I'm often told I'm "too innocent" or "marriage material" and so it's not just guys that get overlooked for being 'too nice'. I think being the type of woman that men describe this way seems to be the very thing that makes them fear me on some level, like a relationship with me would have to be very serious (which is probably true).

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