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Is it true that nice guys always get ignored? [and consolidated nice guy dating]

SoulSurfer94

By SoulSurfer94
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SoulSurfer94 Member

SoulSurfer94

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Do you work with her? Or know her from before the date?

 

Her saying she is so "reserved" sounds like she wasn't really into the date at all.

 

She works with a friend of mine but we didn't know each other before the date.

 

Also she told me she was reserved before our date which is why i didn't want to be pushy

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SoulSurfer94 Member

SoulSurfer94

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Repeat after me.

 

 

 

Here's the thing. She doesn't owe you a relationship, just because you're nice to her.

 

This is the classic nice guy problem. They almost see being "nice" as some kind of currency they can exchange for a girlfriend.

 

But i'm not saying she owes me anything, this is what I struggle to get people to understand. It is not the fact that she lost interest in me that upsets me, it's that I was just flat out ignored.

 

Some girls have said to me in the past 'you're a nice guy, but you're just not right for me' and that is absolutely fine by me, at least I've been told, instead of left hanging wondering what happened.

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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It is not the fact that she lost interest in me that upsets me, it's that I was just flat out ignored.

You've had multiple people giving you multiple explanations for why she might've faded rather than told you straight. They don't do it to upset you. They do it because:

 

a) They've told people straight in the past, and been punished for it with abuse, begging, poor treatment, rumours, etc

b) Giving a reason feels like rubbing salt into the wounds and they don't want to hurt you

c) They think that an explanation is unnecessary because you'll get the message

d) They're lazy or inconsiderate

 

Either way, you need to take the advice of Frozen, and let it gooooo....

  • Like 2
giblesp Established Member

giblesp

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Posted (edited)
But i'm not saying she owes me anything, this is what I struggle to get people to understand. It is not the fact that she lost interest in me that upsets me, it's that I was just flat out ignored.

 

Some girls have said to me in the past 'you're a nice guy, but you're just not right for me' and that is absolutely fine by me, at least I've been told, instead of left hanging wondering what happened.

 

She lacks basic communication skills and respect. She's not a nice girl. Better you find out now then later on.

 

Don't take this sort of thing as a rejection, think of it as she's doing you a favor by showing how she treats people. This is clearly not what you're looking for and not worth anymore of your time.

Edited by giblesp
giblesp Established Member

giblesp

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I wonder if it's something about me that attracts them, or just bad luck??

 

Maybe you like bad girls? ;)

Jabron1 Established Member

Jabron1

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Maybe you like bad girls? ;)

 

Maybe he needs a bad girl?

 

There are some guys that are so submissive that they need bad girls.

 

OP needs to understand that most women are submissive. They want to be the worm, yet you treat them like queens - that makes you a peasant:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZSwqRYv0pQ

 

The whole 'I need a nice guy thing' ,is just shame that some girls get off on.

 

If you aren't naturally dominant, then that's absolutely fine. But really question the reason you are acting like you are. That's the takeaway IMO.

  • Like 1
LoveRefreshed Established Member

LoveRefreshed

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After 14 years of dating, I can say my first 2 were spent being not confident and then like another 4 of being too nice.

[]

 

He was lamenting about investing in a girl and being excited about a girl who had a lovely time with him and was interested in a second date but opted for her string of [other suitors] instead.

 

OP, she's not worth your time. Move on. These people get one chance and that's more than they deserve. Ever since I started a no [nonsense] attitude, I've had wild success with women. Like a complete 180 from my early 20s, where I went 3 years without getting laid :(

 

You've gotta have a small amount of [attitude] to prove you're a man to women. Despite the claims....

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Cleanup of language and inflammatory/personalized content
  • Like 1
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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Actually OP if I were in your shoes I would be insulted.

 

Why?

 

Because I LOATHE being called "nice".

 

Hate it with a passion. "Oh you are so nice"... Nice? NICE? Is your imagination that dull and slow that that is all you can think of? Nice?

 

Nice means nothing. Its disposable. Think about it. When you say something is nice its something that is not unpleasant but you are not particularly in awe of... You can live with out it. Its not special, its nothing to write home to mother about or be singing from the roof tops about. Ever heard a pop or rock or love song crooning about how someone is "nice"? No? There is a reason for that!

 

Because nice = nothing.

 

Its like when you here the word "fine".

"Are you OK honey?"

"Fine"

You know sure as heck that a blinding row is coming and your not entirely sure what about or why... "Nice" is the same.

 

"that's nice"

"nice try"

 

Do not ever describe yourself as "nice" (aka nothing), instead describe yourself as an awesome drummer or the man who can make cup cakes that would make your mother swoon. Be SOMETHING. Do not be nothing.

 

Carry on opening doors and being kind, generous, gentlemanly. But be you and be proud of who you are even if you do step on toes in dance lessons or sing like a wallaby in the car to ACDC. That is who you are. Those are the things that make you special.

 

Do NOT ever aspire to being a non entity and just "nice". :sick:

 

Oh and every single guy I have ever dated that has thought of themselves as "nice" or described themselves as "nice" has actually been a complete and utter total jerk with a serious attitude problem lerking under it all.

 

The best guys are the ones who open doors and have manners to burn but who also do not take any crap from women who jerk them about and who stand up for their morals and follow their goals and aspirations... Those guys are not "nice" they are flipping awesome! Give me one of those any day because then when I walk into a room I feel ten feet tall just to be holding his hand. That is the guy I am looking for.

 

Quit the nice, start the awesome and you will grab the girl.

 

By the way you are well on the way because the awesome guy wouldn't have bothered commenting anyway. He would just say to the people that introduced them that it was a shame but she didn't want a second date, shrug and get on with it because, awesome guy doesn't stand for any of that rubbish. Awesome guy knows his worth and knows he is worthy of more!

 

Go get 'em tiger! :D

  • Like 7
preraph Established Member

preraph

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I don't expect anything it's just how I am, but I don't much like being treated this way when I've done nothing but be good to people.

 

And yes I'm chivalrous by nature, I always hold doors open for anybody, sounds like a cliche but I helped an older lady cross the other day because she was struggling. I expect nothing back, but I certainly don't expect to be treated like this by the girls I date

 

How is being whiny because a woman doesn't want you and acting like you know what's good for her better than she does, which is utter disrespect and condescension, make you a "nice guy" who never does anything wrong? You're not perfect and judging by how quick you were to want to do something nasty to her in public, you're not even run-of-the-mill nice. Sounds vengeful to me.

 

Nothing wrong with being chivalrous. That is not the issue at all. Everyone should be courteous. That's a given. Doesn't make you superior. Problem is you think you're superior, and she disagrees.

neowulf Established Member

neowulf

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But i'm not saying she owes me anything, this is what I struggle to get people to understand. It is not the fact that she lost interest in me that upsets me, it's that I was just flat out ignored.

 

Some girls have said to me in the past 'you're a nice guy, but you're just not right for me' and that is absolutely fine by me, at least I've been told, instead of left hanging wondering what happened.

 

See my comment about rejection sucking. It's rough when people just blow you off, but that's just how it goes.

 

Thousands of women around the world have to deal with "ghosting", where men they've been sleeping with suddenly stop answering the phone.

 

People are cruel to each other sometimes. That's got nothing to do with you being a nice guy, or with her claiming she wants one.

  • Like 1
Confused9999 Established Member

Confused9999

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The best guys are the ones who open doors and have manners to burn but who also do not take any crap from women who jerk them about and who stand up for their morals and follow their goals and aspirations... Those guys are not "nice" they are flipping awesome! Give me one of those any day because then when I walk into a room I feel ten feet tall just to be holding his hand. That is the guy I am looking for.

 

 

Now even confirmed by a women...

I wrote earlier:

"Women instinctively want someone who is confident, assertive, and knows what he wants."

 

 

Stop crying over spilled milk and wasting time on thinking of revenge.

Screw her and move on. Think to yourself, you are better then this!

 

But now going forward instead of going on dates and only bringing to the table you are "nice" be someone who is confident, assertive, and knows what he wants.

  • Like 1
JustGettingBy Established Member

JustGettingBy

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I'd say turn it around on her at this point. Since its her fb posts you don't like, and you and her aren't getting together again, remove her from fb, that way you're the one rejecting her. If she reaches out to you after that its all "look who's come crawling back" ;)

  • Like 2
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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there are i believe many good guys out there ....chivalrous...kind....caring...those traits though, do not necessarily make them a match for every nice girl...the choosing of a relationship partner by a :nice girl "is a serious thing" it isnt to be taken lightly nor is it time to lead nice guys on.....nice girls dont do that.......the kindest thing a nice girl can do for a nice guy ...is to let him go if she feels less than all she could for him..the sooner it is known and felt the sooner a nice girl would let go

 

i believe nice guys...deal with rejection with grace and understanding.....nice guys heal then get up...and dust themselves off and dont believe that just because they got one rejection they would get another..nice guys also dont hold onto grudges against females because one nice girl rejected them...truly nice guys dont give up..they believe in love and they respect a woman's capacity to choose in whom they love and want to be with....nice guys ....

 

always win at the end of it all....nice guys.... win......deb

mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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Because there is one part she missed out. She wants a nice guy who treats her right and makes her excited. "Nice guys" generally have low self confidence, or at least act like they have low self confidence. And that is not attractive to women. Now I am not saying you have to be a bad boy to be attractive to women. There is a compromise in there, you can be polite, gentlemanly and confident, without being a douche. You just have to find that balance.

 

I agree. Many so called "nice guys" may be nice, but they are not very aggressive and end up loosing out to the "bad boy" who is more aggressive. That's not to say that all bad boys are one way and all nice guys are that way, but in general that's what it's about. But also be wary of the ones who say that they are nice guys when they are actually not. Now, no one is perfect, to be sure, but I have been with my fair share who may seem nice at first glance but wow do they show their true colors over time.

 

I guess there is no one answer to this situation or any other, you have to keep trying with different people until you find the one who matches fairly well. And this was a no go.

Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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Honestly, "nice" is the adjective I use when I literally can't think of any other redeeming quality in a person.

  • Like 1
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Honestly, "nice" is the adjective I use when I literally can't think of any other redeeming quality in a person.

 

nice

[nahys]

Spell Syllables

Synonyms Examples Word Origin

See more synonyms on Thesaurus.com

adjective, nicer, nicest.

1.

pleasing; agreeable; delightful:

a nice visit.

2.

amiably pleasant; kind:

They are always nice to strangers.

3.

characterized by, showing, or requiring great accuracy, precision, skill, tact, care, or delicacy:

nice workmanship; a nice shot; a nice handling of a crisis.

4.

showing or indicating very small differences; minutely accurate, as instruments:

a job that requires nice measurements.

5.

minute, fine, or subtle:

a nice distinction.

6.

having or showing delicate, accurate perception:

a nice sense of color.

7.

refined in manners, language, etc.:

Nice people wouldn't do such things.

 

sometimes one word is sufficiently apt if you know the meaning of the word and when you say it...you mean it....like love for instance and...nice.....deb

gaius Established Member

gaius

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Guys like you don't do well soul not because you're nice but because you're not flexible. You have this image in your head of what a guy should be (chivalrous, a gentleman, non-aggressive) which you stick to like glue, completely ignoring what the woman whom you want to be your partner wants and needs. You're not paying attention.

 

Hint: If a woman talks about how all guys treat her like garbage then she's not looking for a knight in shining armor. She's pretty clearly telling you outright she wants to be treated like garbage so either give her what she wants or don't even bother, it's just a big waste of time.

 

One of the many reasons I love my girlfriend is because I can be good to her without fear of her getting turned off by it. But she has a history of being treated well by men in relationships. See how that works?

Jabron1 Established Member

Jabron1

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Stop crying over spilled milk and wasting time on thinking of revenge.

 

The best revenge is a life well lived.

 

You can't help how you feel. But you can help what you do with that energy. He should put it into bettering himself, rather than getting back at this woman.

 

Take it out in the gym or something ;)

 

No point jumping on him for feeling like lashing out though. We've probably all been there.

  • Like 4
MsJayne Established Member

MsJayne

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Some women are only attracted to guys who treat them like crap. It's a challenge to be the woman who makes the bad boy change his ways. If they do change him they quickly get bored with him. Avoid these women, they will chew you up and spit you out, behaving, in fact, just like they guys they complain about.

  • Like 3
PrettyEmily77 Established Member

PrettyEmily77

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I expect nothing back, but I certainly don't expect to be treated like this by the girls I date

 

So you expect or you don't expect? :confused:

 

Women don't ignore men they are attracted to - there's no point looking much further than that.

 

It's really got nothing to do with how 'nice' you are - carry on being 'nice' (though hopefully you don't just define it by opening doors and paying for dinner) and fine-tune your girl-picker / selection process, especially if all the girls you date behave that way - that can't really be down to them.

Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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I'd say turn it around on her at this point. Since its her fb posts you don't like, and you and her aren't getting together again, remove her from fb, that way you're the one rejecting her. If she reaches out to you after that its all "look who's come crawling back" ;)

 

See this is awesome guy reaction but nice guy thinking.

 

Nice guy thinking is the "oh look I can hurt you back and I can get the upper hand". Its the superiority complex.

 

Awesome guy thinking is "she wasn't interested and was actually quite rude by leading me on so why do I care what she does or thinks? I don't want that in my life". He is naturally superior with out needing to try or feel as though he is because he simply doesn't accept that crap full stop.

 

See the subtle difference there?

 

Same result but different attitude.

 

First attitude holds resentment, fear and backward thinking.

Second hold self respect, decency and chivalry with out the need to mess about or allow silly girls to harm his emotional stability...

 

I repeat. Do not be "nice" guy. Be "awesome" guy.

 

Awesome guy is so hard to find these days...

  • Like 3
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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Honestly, "nice" is the adjective I use when I literally can't think of any other redeeming quality in a person.

 

See... I am not the only one. It is very common.

 

While the actual word means something pleasant, the common use of the word is when its something not unpleasant but not really rocking any boats or causing any fireworks. It was OK but your not writing home to mother about it or raving about it. Its a non entity. A not displeasing but highly disposable thing.

 

I know when I refer to a person as nice its probably not going to work out...

 

I have not described ANY of the men I have been really into as "nice" despite the fact that they held doors open and did ALL of those things. They have been chivalrous, funny, thoughtful, kind, generous, attentive, active but never just "nice".

 

Like I say I am highly insulted when someone calls me "nice". I would rather be called all the names under the sun other than "nice".

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Posted
See... I am not the only one. It is very common.

 

While the actual word means something pleasant, the common use of the word is when its something not unpleasant but not really rocking any boats or causing any fireworks. It was OK but your not writing home to mother about it or raving about it. Its a non entity. A not displeasing but highly disposable thing.

 

I know when I refer to a person as nice its probably not going to work out...

 

I have not described ANY of the men I have been really into as "nice" despite the fact that they held doors open and did ALL of those things. They have been chivalrous, funny, thoughtful, kind, generous, attentive, active but never just "nice".

 

Like I say I am highly insulted when someone calls me "nice". I would rather be called all the names under the sun other than "nice".

. i would always rather be pleasant to be with...

than the opposite unpleasant

 

i would always rather be a delight...than intolerable

 

i dont mind one bit if people describe me as nice..i seek it..i would rather a guy see me as a nice woman...than a sexy one.deb

LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

Posted
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. i would always rather be pleasant to be with...

than the opposite unpleasant

 

i would always rather be a delight...than intolerable

 

i dont mind one bit if people describe me as nice..i seek it..i would rather a guy see me as a nice woman...than a sexy one.deb

 

Right, it's kind of sad how people have placed negative connotations on positive or even neutral words. Turning positive words into negative ones.

 

People are sadly redefining terminologies to suit their situation. Also the word "date" is seen as a negative by a lot of women these days. I recall one time I was on a "date" with a woman when she said to me, "Oh, you think this is a date?!"

 

I almost felt doing what Biff did to McFly in "Back to the Future" "Hellooo....hellooo....is anybody in theeeeree!" LOL.

 

If you ask a woman out on a date, and she still question that it's a date...then she's not playing with a full deck.

 

Being referred to as "nice" shouldn't make one a social pariah. I've actually had women date me because I was a "nice guy."

 

Therein lied the attraction...for THEM..but..that's them, but unfortunately people are turning positive adjectives into negative ones.

  • Like 3
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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. i would always rather be pleasant to be with...

than the opposite unpleasant

 

i would always rather be a delight...than intolerable

 

i dont mind one bit if people describe me as nice..i seek it..i would rather a guy see me as a nice woman...than a sexy one.deb

 

If that is what works for you then that is all good. For me its a massive insult.

 

I guess I am more flamboyant. I don't mind being thought of as sexy as long as I am not seen as cheap or easy. There is a difference.

 

I had one of the best compliments the other day. I was told that in public I am a "lady", that I have grace and sincerity, but behind closed doors I am a complete and utter pervert. I liked it because it showed that the person giving it understood that I have layers. That I am adaptable. That I am not just normal or nondescript. I am somebody. I am special with all my quirks. I am me and that can not be confused with anyone else. There is no one like me. That I stand out from the crowd.

 

I guess everyone looks for something special in their partners. To me that starts with standing out and not just being like everyone else. Not just being "nice". After all anyone can be "nice"... Not everyone can be the individuals we are.

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