Question for guys who are in love.

[mano]

I need your honest input, if you're seriously in love and involved with your girlfriend , do you still look at other girls? Admire them? Like is it natural and harmless and nothing to be worried about?

Me and my boyfriend have been in a serious long term relationship for years now, I am more than average and always have multiple guys chasing me and all that. But idk i see my boyfriend following these good looking girls on instagram and it really bothers me at times, though I am sure he has no bad intentions of trying his luck with them or anything and has feelings for me.

But what does it mean to look at other girls and being fascinated. All natural?

[PegNosePete]

Who is he following on instagram?

 

Friends, strangers, models, celebrities..?

[mano]

Who is he following on instagram?

 

Friends, strangers, models, celebrities..?

 

I never mind following celebrities and even models but also random girls now, it really annoys me.

[PegNosePete]

I never mind following celebrities and even models but also random girls now, it really annoys me.

And what does he say when you tell him that you think it's inappropriate for someone who is in a relationship to be following random girls on social media?

[mano]

I didn't ask , first it was models and significant figures, I thought it's normal, everyone admires celebrities, but now I notice him following public accounts of random girls and it annoys me.

Never asked him, but is it cheating or something or totally normal? Also yes I do know he is not going to approach those girls or anything

[joseb]

It's normal to look at and notice other girls.

 

I don't think it's appropriate to follow randoms on instagram. But then again, I avoid it and it's like like the plague in any case.

[ad4m]

As a guy in very much in love with my girlfriend, I don't think it is a problem at all.

 

I sometimes look at attractive girls when out and about or if they come up on my timeline etc, but I'm not going to do anything. It works the same for women as well.

 

It is okay to window shop as long as you don't go in and buy.

[PegNosePete]

If my partner were following random people of the opposite sex on social media I would have a very strong words about how that makes me feel. I would not want to continue a relationship with someone who does that.

[mano]

As a guy in very much in love with my girlfriend, I don't think it is a problem at all.

 

I sometimes look at attractive girls when out and about or if they come up on my timeline etc, but I'm not going to do anything. It works the same for women as well.

 

It is okay to window shop as long as you don't go in and buy.

 

Thanks for your input, and yes I do trust him on this matter that he won't be reaching out or hitting on them as he has feelings for me.

Just needed an outside perspective, I look at other guys too but it doesn't change the love I have for my partner

[PegNosePete]

I sometimes look at attractive girls when out and about or if they come up on my timeline etc, but I'm not going to do anything.

But that's not what this guy is doing. He is choosing to follow random other girls. Not just looking when they happen to pop up in his line of sight. He is actively seeking them out.

 

It is okay to window shop as long as you don't go in and buy.

He is not window shopping, he is specifically going to that shop, going in, asking the assistant all about that model and how much it costs, saying he will think about it, and leaving. Hardly window shopping. He is checking out other options.

[mano]

If my partner were following random people of the opposite sex on social media I would have a very strong words about how that makes me feel. I would not want to continue a relationship with someone who does that.

 

I have been quite angry about it and been supressing it because I don't want him to be annoyed with me that I keep checking up on him on his instagram and all. But I think i will talk to him about it now, I don't see the point of following girls like that

[giblesp]

I need your honest input, if you're seriously in love and involved with your girlfriend , do you still look at other girls? Admire them? Like is it natural and harmless and nothing to be worried about?

Me and my boyfriend have been in a serious long term relationship for years now, I am more than average and always have multiple guys chasing me and all that. But idk i see my boyfriend following these good looking girls on instagram and it really bothers me at times, though I am sure he has no bad intentions of trying his luck with them or anything and has feelings for me.

But what does it mean to look at other girls and being fascinated. All natural?

 

 

I look at other girls when Im in seeing someone, admiring their beauty. That doesn't mean I want to be with them. Wouldn't follow Instagram photos as my girlfriend would be taking my full attention.

[Larryville]

I notice him following public accounts of random girls and it annoys me.

Never asked him, but is it cheating or something or totally normal?

 

This is NOT a whether or not he or even she is looking issue this is a communication issue.

 

ALL guys look at attractive women, but this thing of “following” these girls on Instagram is frankly kind of silly. What is the point of that? If dude is “IN LOVE” with you, anyone who loves you won’t under any circumstances to anything to specifically harm or damage that trust.

 

If he is following these hot chicks on Instagram you can pretty much bet he is looking at far more “interesting” things online.

 

You said:

 

if you're seriously in love and involved with your girlfriend…

 

Do you actually think he is “SERIOUSLY” in love with you?

 

Me and my boyfriend have been in a serious long term relationship for years now, I am more than average and always have multiple guys chasing me…

 

That line tells me this relationship is becoming toxic, you guys are clearly losing respect for one another.

 

You need to communicate right away and if you don't or won’t do that you are wasting your time.

[Lady2163]

I know this is just looking on the Internet, but if your partner can SEE you looking/ogling other people, that is wrong. It is disrespectful to your partner. It isn't something "all men do". Only morons do it when they will get caught.

 

It is a matter or love, respect and not taking someone for granted.

 

Now - all that said. One time I was out with a man I was serious about. I looked down at the menu and in that split second the waitress leaned over to get the beer list. When I looked up my boyfriend has this absolutely horrified look on his face. After she left and I asked him why, he said to the effect, "I wasn't sure if she was doing it on purpose, to get an extra tip, but she had a low,cut shirt on and it really wasn't something we needed to see. I also was afraid how you would react if you saw he boobs in my face."

 

I was stunned to learn women do that! Really, while the guy is sitting with his girlfriend you're going to flash some extra cleavage?

 

So, while think it is slimy for people to do it, there are times you have to realize the first look may not be their fault, but any flirting or future glances are in their court!

[mano]

I will talk to him about it. This has really hurt my feelings. I mean everybody keeps telling me how I can get any guy I want yet my bf is following other chicks like this. Its just plain stupid.

[scooby-philly]

Well let's clarify a few things first:

 

 

1. @PegNosePete - she has not said he is "actively seeking" these "random woman" on instagram. It's not like she has seen him searching for them point blank. They could be popping up on pages he sees straight from log-in. I'm not saying she shouldn't talk to him about it, but don't jump straight down a guys throat about it without supporting evidence.

 

2. There's plenty of "petty behavior" that both sexes perform via social media and digital devices. I read a long thread on here the other day about a woman who still talks to several of her ex bf's. For some guys that would be a dealbreaker. For others it would only cause some minor doubt, while other guys wouldn't think twice about it (although they may get burned the worse in the end). The issue for her is to examine the situation in the light of their overall relationship.

 

What I mean - guys looks. Even when I've been in love I still notice hot women. Doesn't mean I go past the fantasy stage. In fact, I know there were several opportunities for me to go past fantasy stage in the two relationships where I was in love. It didn't even cross my mind at the time. Not that I'm perfect - but love does blind you to others to a certain extent.

 

3. OP - you have to decide - WHY is it bothering you. Is he seeking less sex? Is he less affectionate now? Is he more withdrawn? Has he simply been ignoring you? There's something driving your annoyance with his behavior. I wouldn't say don't confront him about it - but I'd either wait till you figured out why you feel that way or I'd be calm and open and tell him it bothers you and you're not sure why yet (if you guys have a pretty open and communicative relationship).

[mano]

Well let's clarify a few things first:

 

 

1. @PegNosePete - she has not said he is "actively seeking" these "random woman" on instagram. It's not like she has seen him searching for them point blank. They could be popping up on pages he sees straight from log-in. I'm not saying she shouldn't talk to him about it, but don't jump straight down a guys throat about it without supporting evidence.

 

2. There's plenty of "petty behavior" that both sexes perform via social media and digital devices. I read a long thread on here the other day about a woman who still talks to several of her ex bf's. For some guys that would be a dealbreaker. For others it would only cause some minor doubt, while other guys wouldn't think twice about it (although they may get burned the worse in the end). The issue for her is to examine the situation in the light of their overall relationship.

 

What I mean - guys looks. Even when I've been in love I still notice hot women. Doesn't mean I go past the fantasy stage. In fact, I know there were several opportunities for me to go past fantasy stage in the two relationships where I was in love. It didn't even cross my mind at the time. Not that I'm perfect - but love does blind you to others to a certain extent.

 

3. OP - you have to decide - WHY is it bothering you. Is he seeking less sex? Is he less affectionate now? Is he more withdrawn? Has he simply been ignoring you? There's something driving your annoyance with his behavior. I wouldn't say don't confront him about it - but I'd either wait till you figured out why you feel that way or I'd be calm and open and tell him it bothers you and you're not sure why yet (if you guys have a pretty open and communicative relationship).

 

This particular behavior just made me think that maybe I am not good enough, maybe deep down i have my own insecurities regarding my appearance, but overall, he is affectionate and he says he never cares about how i look but its all about how he feels about me.

Yet still it kind of bothers me at times when he follows these random girls. though not desperately, I am sure he won't reach out or try to hit it off with someone behind my back, I guess just harmless eyecandy stuff, But I do think I need to talk to him about this matter.

[gaius]

I'm in love and don't spend any time looking. Back when I was single it was different but I'm pretty obsessed with my girlfriend, to the point I really don't give a sht about any other women. Online or off. I have eyes and thoughts for and about her.

 

I know everyone says guys just look, it's who they are, but that hasn't been my experience as a guy.

[len51]

We cannot control our emotions. You cannot think or unthink love and attraction. Those things are hardwired into us since our purpose on earth is to reproduce. We are programmed to find the person who would make the best mate. Sex produces Oxytocin which emotionally bonds the couple together. You cannot not be attracted to others or fall out of love by mere thought.

 

When I got married I had two failed relationships behind me. One was a fiancee who I dated from the time I was 14 until I was 19. After the second breakup, married women seemed to be interested in me for some reason. I saw how easily these married women could cheat on their husbands. They were pros at it and knew the room by the hour motels and excuses to make. Yet, they all loved their husbands but needed more than he could give and the sad truth is that no one can fulfill all of your needs in life so you either meet those needs with another or live a life of resentfulness.

 

My marriage is not monogamous, it is monogamish. We strive to be monogamous and to keep our marriage and each other ahead of all else. The occasional sex with another as a couple or on our own, is not a deal killer as long as the fling is the exception and not the rule. We recognized that we will be attracted to others no matter how much we tried. There will be times when that attraction, a little booze or weed, would turn into sex just for pleasure. To this end we were very successful.

 

Over the course of our 40+ year marriage, the number of outside sex partners my wife and I had, combined, was less than a double digit. During that time we wife swapped and engaged in soft swinging. My wife shared me with her best girlfriend who had her own room in our home. Our girlfriend was a godsend because she fulfilled needs in both my wife and I that we could not fulfill for each other. I do not think we could duplicate this no matter how hard we tried. Our girlfriend had been a long time friend of both of us, and my crush, since our early teens. She was like family before it turned physical.

 

Imagine trying to be monogamous with a bisexual wife who was constantly fantasizing about women but did not want to cheat on me. She had sex with her girlfriend a few thousand times but never unless I was part of it. This is not a traditional marriage but we managed to bring another person into our bed in a way that did not involve cheating or damaging our marriage. It worked out very well for us with never an argument or problem due to our relationship with our girlfriend. No jealousy at all, even when I had sex with each woman individually. My wife said that she knew that I would never leaver her and although many say that, in our case it was the truth. We got engaged 3 weeks after we met. We just knew and to this day we do not know why since we are nothing like each other.

 

It is normal and natural to be attracted to other people. It is what we are built to do. The bad part is how you handle that attraction. Keep it in your mind and do not make your partner feel like they are inferior to people you see. Respect them enough to keep your feelings for others to yourself. In my case my wife and I share the sport of girl watching. What is funny is that after all these years it is so normal to have my wife point out a woman to me or me to do point one out to her. We discuss who has a better shot at the woman we see. To me that is normal. For a guy with a hetero wife, that would be disrespectful. Look but don't touch or talk about it unless it is OK with your partner.