katiegrl Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) Exactly. Now this is strictly a Devils Advocate mindset. However, what if he was worried that you might get back to being heavy again OP? There are women who battle weight problems their whole life and yo-yo from slim to heavy. That may be part of it, but honestly? I think although intellectually he might know they are old, emotionally this is how he sees/perceives her (overweight, etc.), he has nothing else to go on! Even if there are one or two flattering ones, he is going to focus on the unflattering/negative image of her.... even if old. It's human nature, we all do! Even with respect to actions. Notice how people post on here about how great their SO's are.... BUT with one minor (or not so minor) negative flaw that ends up getting blown up to all sorts of monumental proportions. When everything else is awesome. Again, OP take the unflattering photos down and replace with new recent flattering ones. IMO he got turned off when he saw them. Edited April 19, 2016 by katiegrl
kendahke Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 He seemed really cool with the texting and suggested that we meet up for lunch sometime which I agreed to. IMO, he showed low interest from the start. To me, interest would be calling and setting up a first meeting, not getting into a protracted texting adventure. Also, he was wishy-washy about meeting up for lunch. Sometime? How about a day and a time to show you're interested? And not 3 weeks from today--by the end of the week so that neither of you has time to begin building and investing in an artificial construct of who the other is. Then after that, if it seems you two have hit it off, add him to your facebook friends. For him, this was something to do to wile away the time, not necessarily any indication of real interest in you or getting to know you. 2
truth_seeker Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 IMO, he showed low interest from the start. To me, interest would be calling and setting up a first meeting, not getting into a protracted texting adventure. Also, he was wishy-washy about meeting up for lunch. Sometime? How about a day and a time to show you're interested? And not 3 weeks from today--by the end of the week so that neither of you has time to begin building and investing in an artificial construct of who the other is. Then after that, if it seems you two have hit it off, add him to your facebook friends. For him, this was something to do to wile away the time, not necessarily any indication of real interest in you or getting to know you. I agree. I think when he looked at her FB that was the clincher. If he saw her in hot bikini photos, probably would have been blowing up her phone to meet ASAP.
Author Jc396 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 Like I said, why should the photos matter if he has already seen me? We have already FaceTime twice both times he has seen my body. 1
katiegrl Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Like I said, why should the photos matter if he has already seen me? We have already FaceTime twice both times he has seen my body. Human nature and how we perceive negative images. He doesn't know you! He doesn't need to see old unflattering photos of you showing you overweight. Why do you even have them on there? What's the point? That's NOT you anymore. Frankly I don't get it. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Like I said, why should the photos matter if he has already seen me? We have already FaceTime twice both times he has seen my body. I pointed this out before, but what if he saw old pictures of you when you were heavy and worried that you might get back there again? Some women battle weight issues where they switch off between being slimmer and a lot more heavyset. Let me tell you, it SUCKS when someone you were attracted to gains a lot of weight during the relationship and that changes. It's actually what I am dealing with right now with my current GF. I'm deeply in love with her emotionally, but the physical attraction I once had is waning because she's put on over 60lbs in the last year. She's battled weight issues her whole life switching off between being slim and obese.
katiegrl Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 I pointed this out before, but what if he saw old pictures of you when you were heavy and worried that you might get back there again? Some women battle weight issues where they switch off between being slimmer and a lot more heavyset. Let me tell you, it SUCKS when someone you were attracted to gains a lot of weight during the relationship and that changes. It's actually what I am dealing with right now with my current GF. I'm deeply in love with her emotionally, but the physical attraction I once had is waning because she's put on over 60lbs in the last year. She's battled weight issues her whole life switching off between being slim and obese. Hell some men run if a woman's mother is overweight ..... afraid she may become overweight herself like her mom. Some men really place a lot of weight (pun intended!) on a woman's weight. More than women do about men IMO. That is just how they are wired. It's like a phobia (no offense to you FF, sorry to hear about what you are going through with your gf...
Author Jc396 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 Human nature and how we perceive negative images. He doesn't know you! He doesn't need to see old unflattering photos of you showing you overweight. Why do you even have them on there? What's the point? That's NOT you anymore. Frankly I don't get it. I still have them up because they are photos I was tagged in with my friends doing stuff that I enjoy like hiking, etc. In these photos since they are group tagged, I don't look my best. I don't usually put on nice clothes and makeup to pose for photos when I go hiking and stuff. So the photos show me bigger, my hair is up, and no makeup on but at the same time they show me doing something I enjoy with friends which is why I kept them on fb. I am still in the process of losing weight and I have so far lost 50 lbs which puts me at halfway to my goal. I have explained this to him already from the start. Since I am still working towards this, every photo I post I will be thinner in than the last making the last photo less flattering. When we facetimed he saw what I look like now minus 50lbs and he still seemed interested in meeting up. He said he wanted to see what I looked like before cause he likes hearing peoples success stories and seeing the differences. The kicker is that the dude is overweight himself . So I told him I would add him on Facebook thinking the photos shouldn't matter since he has seen me now through video and is interested. Other than the photos Idk what else it could of been since I don't post anything really incriminating I just share quotes and photos. I also don't have 500+ guys commenting on my stuff or an abundance of selfies.
hippychick3 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 I still have them up because they are photos I was tagged in with my friends doing stuff that I enjoy like hiking, etc. In these photos since they are group tagged, I don't look my best. I don't usually put on nice clothes and makeup to pose for photos when I go hiking and stuff. So the photos show me bigger, my hair is up, and no makeup on but at the same time they show me doing something I enjoy with friends which is why I kept them on fb. I am still in the process of losing weight and I have so far lost 50 lbs which puts me at halfway to my goal. I have explained this to him already from the start. Since I am still working towards this, every photo I post I will be thinner in than the last making the last photo less flattering. When we facetimed he saw what I look like now minus 50lbs and he still seemed interested in meeting up. He said he wanted to see what I looked like before cause he likes hearing peoples success stories and seeing the differences. The kicker is that the dude is overweight himself . So I told him I would add him on Facebook thinking the photos shouldn't matter since he has seen me now through video and is interested. Other than the photos Idk what else it could of been since I don't post anything really incriminating I just share quotes and photos. I also don't have 500+ guys commenting on my stuff or an abundance of selfies. This is why you shouldn't add guys you don't know to your Facebook. Get to know them first, let them get to know you and become more interested in you. Over time as they become more invested, those old pictures won't matter as much. But, now at the beginning stages it may be a turn off. Therefore, instead of deleting those photos, avoid friending men who you are not already actively dating or in a relationship with. I didn't let my current bf on my Facebook until well over a month of dating. And, btw, congrats on the weight loss!
katiegrl Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 I still have them up because they are photos I was tagged in with my friends doing stuff that I enjoy like hiking, etc. In these photos since they are group tagged, I don't look my best. I don't usually put on nice clothes and makeup to pose for photos when I go hiking and stuff. So the photos show me bigger, my hair is up, and no makeup on but at the same time they show me doing something I enjoy with friends which is why I kept them on fb. I am still in the process of losing weight and I have so far lost 50 lbs which puts me at halfway to my goal. I have explained this to him already from the start. Since I am still working towards this, every photo I post I will be thinner in than the last making the last photo less flattering. When we facetimed he saw what I look like now minus 50lbs and he still seemed interested in meeting up. He said he wanted to see what I looked like before cause he likes hearing peoples success stories and seeing the differences. The kicker is that the dude is overweight himself . So I told him I would add him on Facebook thinking the photos shouldn't matter since he has seen me now through video and is interested. Other than the photos Idk what else it could of been since I don't post anything really incriminating I just share quotes and photos. I also don't have 500+ guys commenting on my stuff or an abundance of selfies. Okay fair enough.... thanks for sharing more info and clarifying. And congrats on your weight loss! That's awesome. And how ironic that HE is overweight himself.... go figure. I dunno then. I have never used Tinder, nor did I ever do much OLD. Personally I don't like it, I prefer meeting men in real life. That is what works best for me. But from what I read here, fading, ghosting etc is very typical. People have so many options.... it sucks but all you can do is chalk it up and keep going. Maybe he will contact you again one of these days.
Author Jc396 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 Okay fair enough.... thanks for sharing more info and clarifying. And congrats on your weight loss! That's awesome. And how ironic that HE is overweight himself.... go figure. I dunno then. I have never used Tinder, nor did I ever do much OLD. Personally I don't like it, I prefer meeting men in real life. That is what works best for me. But from what I read here, fading, ghosting etc is very typical. People have so many options.... it sucks but all you can do is chalk it up and keep going. Maybe he will contact you again one of these days. Yeah he is like 5'6-5'7 and 200 lbs yet he is in the military... thats how we even got on the topic about our weight. I have also seen his ex on his fb and she isn't a stick either. Maybe there is another reason for the fading. I wish dating wasn't so hard
kendahke Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Like I said, why should the photos matter if he has already seen me? We have already FaceTime twice both times he has seen my body. Because your photos say a whole lot more about your life and who's in it than 20 minutes on FaceTime. It may not have been about how you look then as compared to now. It may have been some other variable that you haven't taken into consideration. Or... He decided after a couple of FaceTimes with you that he just wasn't that interested. As I said, he didn't sound that interested from the jump.
kendahke Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 The kicker is that the dude is overweight himself . Then there is your answer right here. He may not be in a place where he wants to address his weigh problem and sees that with you being focused on losing weight and succeeding (well done), you may judge him or put pressure on him to change his lifestyle and he's not in that head space yet, so the easiest thing to do is to bail.
selinaluv Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Or it could be something else totally unrelated to the weight in the photos. Maybe he saw something in an image, a hobby, whatever that turned him off. I don't use Instagram that much and this one man I was talking to asked me for my user name. I said sure. When we connected he had photos of him hunting. I am not a big fan of hunting and it turned me off.
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 First, I never add anyone to FB unless we have a long standing friendship/relationship and even then I still remain extremely picky. Second, you FaceTimed, more than once which means he's seen you as you are currently. Anyone who freaks the f*ck out over past photos is just beyond immature and even shallow. Consider yourself lucky. Third, it's Tinder for heaven's sake. You couldn't have picked a dating app that is more notorious for blatant hookups than Tinder so to encounter someone with ADD when it comes to prospects, who may have been turned off by your old pics on FB or just found someone hotter to trot is par for the course. NEXT! If the only take away from this whole experience is that you refrain from adding strangers to your social media pages then I think it was a huge success
Author Jc396 Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Because your photos say a whole lot more about your life and who's in it than 20 minutes on FaceTime. It may not have been about how you look then as compared to now. It may have been some other variable that you haven't taken into consideration. Or... He decided after a couple of FaceTimes with you that he just wasn't that interested. As I said, he didn't sound that interested from the jump. Yeah that makes sense, I guess the conversation didn't go as well on his end as I thought it did. Oh well.
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